Adams Hypnosis

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Vitally important. If you have someone that never triggers you, you have created a space full of eggshells that must be trod with care.

I truly believe this. When you’re ready to #heal and #dothework a great #partner enables your #healingjourney

https://youtu.be/c-gC5gHFGaI?si=T9pgJy4q-fqI29Xd

Pockets and Purses A simple analogy to understand a basic difference between the average male and female brain.

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We are offering group workshops on various topics. If you have a venue and a group of 10 or more, send a message and let's discuss how we can help.

AdamsHypnosis.com Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy in Tyler, TX. Hypnosis is a natural process that each of us experience multiple times a day. Hypnosis is a state of learning, of having your mind open to new ideas and...

Trauma creates change you don't choose.
Healing is about creating change you do choose.
-Michelle Rosenthal

You don't need to bother with knowing who you are. Just know who you aren't. That's what boundaries are for. They bound your own behavior within parameters you find acceptable. They define what you will tolerate within your environment and how you will respond to things that cross that line. They do not define other's behaviors.

This necessarily outlines who you are. You can not be everything you know you are not and you don't have to be all of that all the time.

Putting oneself first:
Many people struggle with the idea of being the most important person in the world to themselves. They see it as selfish and immoral.

The perspective you should have, is: Why are you giving so much of yourself to others? Is it because you care about them, or is it because if you put them first, they might reciprocate and finally someone would put you first? Really consider the answer to those questions. In both cases, could you not offer even more if you first built yourself up to be as valuable as you can?

It just so happens, that taking that route will grow your ability to recognize just how valuable you are, and not in that entitled way that so many do. Only being willing to give someone your time and not much else of substance while they work their hardest to put you up on a pedestal is not value. It is cost... for someone else to pay. Work on yourself like you're trying to earn a raise from yourself and you just might get it.

You can't feed your children if you die of starvation. You can't support your family if you can't make your bills. You can't earn a higher pay if you give your time away for free. You can't have a deep and meaningful love and respect, if you don't accept it even from yourself. Nobody else can do the job of putting you first as well as you are able to. And nobody will ever do it if you won't. Their best efforts will fall short, because you won't feel you have earned it and you will self-sabotage with ingratitude, invalidation, and non-communication. Then you will resent not getting enough of what you don't even give yourself...

Stoicism seems to me the most useful framework for psychological peace.

Be a Loser if Need Be | The Philosophy of Epictetus Stoicism for Inner Peace (book): https://einzelganger.co/innerpeaceWe’re so afraid to be seen as losers that we're willing to suffer in exchange for other pe...

Grief
Getting over loss.
Different models pose from 5-12 stages. I use the 5 stage model. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

This is a tough one. What I see most often in my practice is people have gotten stuck on one stage. Most often the stage that is hardest to get past seems to be anger. Especially in the event of a lost loved one, it feels like a betrayal to be angry. If you would like to refer to my post on anger, you can see that anger is recognizing an unfairness, which is legitimate. It is unfair that death or distance must happen, often suddenly and without warning.

The hardest thing to hear is that there isn't a quick fix. The only way out of grief is through. I don't pretend to know the chemistry involved, but I have only ever seen grief progress in order. Like there is a chemical reaction taking place that must convert one mental hormone into another.

Denial is easy to get past. Reality is pretty consistent.

Anger- Allow yourself to be fully angry. Recognize the unfairness and embrace the suck, leading to...

Bargaining- Sometimes bargaining to reality itself. Sometimes bargaining with yourself to just stop feeling or whatever it takes to feel good again. It is the most likely stage to take you backward to anger again.

Depression- Surprisingly this is a stage of trying to suppress or depress another emotion. And the way out is to avoid trying not to feel it. Drown in the suck and swim to the other side. If you are holding back, this stage can last for decades since you are actively doing what this stage does. I'm not talking about drowning in the depression. I'm talking about drowning in what you are trying not to feel. That is the point of depression, holding back something that seems worse.

Acceptance- The quiet sobs as you come to internalize that the missing piece will stay missing and you must go on without. There are some times when this is a hugely beneficial thing, such as when grieving a past you who you have worked to grow beyond.

Hypnosis can accelerate this whole process, but it just compresses the time. The emotions are vastly stronger because of that.

Respect- to hold in high regard.

Often people seem to not understand the definition of this word. They use it cheaply. Like saying everyone deserves respect. That isn't true. You can't put the majority above the average, that's not how averages work. It wouldn't be high regard if everyone could earn it just by burning oxygen.

What those people are talking about is being considerate, not respectful. Being considerate is an aspect to behaving respectfully, but they are not synonymous.

Really think about this one. Self-respect/self-esteem is to hold yourself in high regard. Do you commonly behave in a way worthy of your own high regard? Do you let other people get away with behaving in disrespectful ways with you? Is that behavior earned?

The thing is, we don't get the privilege of forgetting our own actions. If we do not carry ourselves in a way we can respect, there will be no self-respect. Without self-respect you are far more likely to be self destructive. Living for momentary pleasure and calling it happiness. Lying to yourself to pretend you think more of you than you do.

There was a big push in the late 90s-early 00s to teach kids self esteem. But they did it by making respect cheap. Everyone got the "respect" of winning just for showing up, regardless of effort put in. The idea that the external validation would substitute for self-esteem was formed in the minds of people who never knew what respect meant. And the well-intentioned motivation to leave no child left out, even if they did nothing to earn any of it, was detrimental to the development of those children.

The mind knows if your behavior was that which you could respect. If you did the bare minimum and nothing more yet still got called a winner and earned a trophy, you knew you didn't earn a damn thing. And you came away from that experience with a discounted knock-off definition of respect.

Moral of this story: If you don't have self-respect/self-esteem, maybe you haven't earned it yet. Work for it. Put in real effort that leaves you proud of yourself. It doesn't matter what it is or if anyone else appreciates it so long as you think it worthy of holding in high regard. What efforts would you proudly display a trophy for in the accomplishments corner of your mind?

Anger/Guilt:
Its purpose is to bring your attention to conditions of unfairness. Unfairness perpetrated on you or others by a third party, in the case of anger. Unfairness perpetrated by yourself against yourself or others in the case of guilt.

Often we find ourselves feeling guilt or anger that won't go away. That can happen for a number of reasons. Find any that might fit your specific circumstances.

1. The feeling has no target. Either there is no specific person you can put a finger on as the responsible party, or there is no actual unfairness in question. Example: Feeling guilty for having a thought. No one knew the thought and no action was taken on the thought. There can be no unfairness, but we feel the guilt and can't let it go, because we can't ever see the unfairness clearly. It doesn't exist.

2. Trying to let go of the feeling feels like a betrayal. Maybe something has happened that can't be undone. We feel that the memory requires the suffering in ourselves from either anger or guilt in order to be valid. So we suffer. Example: You have been hurt badly. If you suffer forever, then that validates how wrong the action that hurt you was. The problem is that you are, at this point, choosing to continue to hurt, but it isn't making anyone else feel more punished except yourself.

3. Having the feeling feels like a betrayal. This is the first stage of grief that many people get hung up on. The unfairness is that we have lost something or someone important without our consent. Anger is the natural response, but feeling angry at the loss feels wrong. It feels like we shouldn't get to feel that way, so often a person will shut it down and refuse to feel that anger to completion.

There is more, but this post is running long. A solution to all of this is to recognize the unfairness, if it exists. Recognize where the responsibility lay. And then give yourself permission to stop suffering. Sometimes that will be by experiencing the feeling to completion. I promise, you won't forget the memory just because it stops hurting.

Anxiety:
It is that feeling of missing one of your core survival needs.

Most often that need is control. Things feel out of control, chaotic, or unacceptable. It can result in trying to change the behavior of the people around you, screaming at your kids or spouse, or asking for the manager at some business establishment, passive aggressiveness, emotional outbursts, the list goes on...

What you have usually failed to control is yourself, because control of the self is a lot harder chore than compulsion of others. Guess what... that is all you really ever had control over. If you don't exercise it, nobody else can. Focus on understanding yourself, your reactions to the events that happen to you, your behavior, your responsibility, your power, your physical reach. That's all any of us get. The rest, at best, is influence. This is no substitute for control, but anxiety tells you to keep trying that anyway.

This is one example only. I will follow up in a future post about some of the less common core needs that anxiety can manifest from for those folks who suffer but never try to make the world change first.

Failure:
Failure is the best thing you can do for yourself sometimes. If you don't fail, you haven't even tried.

We often want comfort to come easy. We protect ourselves and others from discomfort. We avoid the vulnerability that might result in failure. You can take a test, bomb it, and still be way ahead of the person who never made the attempt.

There are surprisingly few things where failure is absolute. Usually even an incompetent attempt can make some progress. Yet, for some people even one instance of failure somehow defines themselves as "a failure". This is a Sorites paradox. Where there is no clear distinction between something being and not being. Does one lie in your whole life make you a liar? Does one truth in your whole life make you honest?

Go out there and be vulnerable just once today. You might fail. It might hurt. You also might grow from it.

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Sorites paradox - Wikipedia The sorites paradox (/soʊˈraɪtiːz/;[1] sometimes known as the paradox of the heap) is a paradox that results from vague predicates.[2] A typical formulation involves a heap of sand, from which grains are removed individually. With the assumption that removing a single grain does not cause a heap...