City of Wood River

Mr Beast at the Wood River Walmart who was likely visiting the store due to his line of products which are now available at our local store.

Mr. Beast has built a massive following of over 100 million subscribers across his various YouTube channels. His videos often feature lavish stunts, such as giving away millions of dollars or creating elaborate challenges.

Starting today, when citizens are pulled over by our officers, you will be presented with an optional tipping screen.

If you’ve enjoyed the service you received during your traffic stop, you’ll have the option of using a credit card to tip that officer up to 25 percent of the cost of your traffic citation.

Just what this town needs! Let’s go big win!

Congratulations to the new Lala’s Gaming Lounge at the corner of Madison & 6th Street. Welcome to Wood River!

We will NOT be salting the roads. Only plowing your mothers.

Notice: there has been a lot of hate towards republic service regarding today's route, Thursday, October 13th. Todays route was delayed. There is no need to be upset just because you are garbage. Remember it’s called garbage can. Not garbage can not.

If anyone needs gas:

Due to a glitch in the system Casey’s pump 3 is pumping gallons at $3.12 a gallon, however, it will go quick. The pump will not shut down until the UST (Underground Storage Tank) is emptied.

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City of Wood River updated their business hours.

The fugitive task force is looking for Ronnie Williams Jr. of Wood River for fraud. He has convinced 3 local churches that he is Ed Sheeran & even went as far as performing The Shape Of You in front of Christ Community Church last Sunday.

When the pastor was asked why he believed the real Ed Sheeran would perform for 35 dollars and a sandwich, he said he just assumed he had fell on tough times. If you have any information as to Ronnie’s whereabouts, message us immediately.

Have you guys seen the new sign we didn’t need? It’s pretty nice. We just need to work on getting some empty buildings in the area up & running & we’ll be in there like swimwear.

I understand you are all very concerned about if your trash pick up is coming or not due to the snow storm. You need to be more concerned about picking yourself up physically & emotionally because you are a trash human.

Thank You.

Due to the snow storm please remember the side streets always get plowed last. However, your mom will continue to get plowed first. That will never change.