Gabriela Encina - Online Psychologist for Expats & Internationals

How to deal with feeling dependent on our partner as expats?🤔

✅ Talk openly with your partner.

Be honest and open about how you feel. Remember that what you think is yours, not your partner's. Then, when you talk to him/her, do it from your perspective. From what you observe, you want, you need.

At this stage of your expat life, honesty, openness, and sincerity with your partner will be the key to begin your path to self-confidence, strengthen your self-esteem and trust in your abilities.

✅ Establish daily exposure goals.

Getting out of "our cave" can be emotionally stressful and tiring. For this reason, it doesn't have to be a one-time event. Set small daily goals regarding what will make you feel independent.

Little by little, but consistently. Don't try everything at once; that causes frustration and that, in a vulnerable state, can be even more counterproductive.

✅Build a Network as fast as you can.

The magic formula for getting us out of expat dependency is to meet people. We establish support networks both emotionally, in the workplace, and socially.

Don't underestimate the power of networking! I found my dream job in Vienna because of it.

✅Seek help from someone who has been through the same thing.

It is helpful that you follow and/or contact people who have migrated, like you, and who have already traveled a longer path than you, who can serve you as a guide (be careful not to compare yourself! only as a guide) and can answer your doubts. I always recommend that you talk to a mental health professional who can accompany you in this process.

I share my own experience dealing with dependency😊!

Have you ever experienced something similar? Share it with me in the comments or in a dm!

By your side,
Gabriela

𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗯𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂.

If you are ready for sustainable and profound transformation in your life abroad, coming back home after living overseas, or wherever you are, counseling with me can lead you to the expat life YOU want.

Take the reins of your international life now! Reclaim your confidence, improve your relationship to yourself and to the ones you love, and kick-ass abroad! Book your 30- Minute free consultation (link in bio), and let's see if we are a match!

I'm here, by your side,
Gabriela

Do you recognize this?

Life abroad affects the way we see ourselves directly.

It can lead to positive changes, like flexibility, the ability to solve problems in new contexts, and creativity.

If that’s the case, our confidence solidifies and impacts the way we perceive ourselves and how we relate to others.

In my practice, clients who come to me for support usually experience the other side of the coin:

When our new environment makes us feel lost, it is easy to feel misplaced within ourselves, and our self-confidence becomes fragile and even goes down significantly.

In the photo, you can see the three most common effects of expat life on our self-esteem.

1.- We self-isolate out of fear of misunderstandings or perceived poor communication skills in a different language and environment.

2.- Feeling like we should be living somewhere else or doing something else makes it impossible to enjoy and be fully immersed in the experience.

3.- We have to learn so much that it’s hard to list all the ways until we are right there in the middle of it all – feeling completely and utterly lost.

If you recognize yourself in these lines, don’t forget you are not alone! This is a common phenomenon for those who dared to leave the comfort of the known…

…yes, I’m talking to you, badass expat!

Well… what can you do about this? How can you rebuild your self-esteem and apply in your life all the advantages and perks of living abroad?

One thing I can tell you right now: I can help you reclaim your confidence!

Want to know how? Visit my website (link in bio) and dare to invest in you.

How is expat life affecting your self-esteem? Please share it with me in the comments!

By your side,
Gabriela

ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE...NOT!😲

Most of my clients are love expats. Today one of them told me: "do you know this song: "All you need is love...love... love is all you need"? That's a lie! I'm happy I have love in my life; I love myself and I know I'm loved, but I need more! I need to go back to my career; I need to feel independent and I need to have a social life!", she said in tears.

She's right 😳
When I moved abroad, I wanted to apply to a PhD. I was sure I was going to speak German fluently in 6 months. Convinced that as soon as I could do that, I could find a job. In the meantime, I had the love of my life right beside me...what else could I need?

Guess what?

After 6 months, I neither got into the PhD nor had a job because my german was not even close to fluent😢. I felt so lonely and hopeless. My partner was doing his best effort to make my life easier. Extra attention, lovely details, hours and hours of listening. But that wasn't enough!

I took me a long time, more than 5 years, to really LOVE my expat life. Looking back, I now know what else I needed: patience, confidence, acceptance. Trust more in my decision and taking responsibility. Not believing I could handle everything by myself.

All you need is love? No, of course not. But I'm damn sure that loving my partner and moving because of him was a good decision. Did I regret it? Sometimes in the past, briefly. Do I love him always, every day, every second? Hahaha, no! Did his love make my life better? 🌻A B S O L U T E L Y!🌻.It was worth the pain, tears, moments of desperation, loneliness, and wanting to throw the towel.

Love expats: in your darkest and saddest moments never forget that even if love is not all we need, it's wonderful to have it. The love from your partner, but especially and above all, the love for yourself and your decisions🧡.

What else do you need besides love? Comment below, I'd love to read you!🤓

By your side,
Gabriela

𝗖𝗮𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗳𝘆 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗴𝗮𝘀𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂?

It can be in the words that are said:

👎"That never happened."

👎"You don't understand my language."

👎"You're too sensitive."

👎"That's how we do things here."

👎"I'm sorry you think that I hurt you."

👎"You're making too big a deal of this."

𝘎𝘢𝘴𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗴𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘁'𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴.

Not to mention language is an additional barrier to our grasp on reality.

Even more important is to learn how to identify the signs.

Let me help you see a different, better way to stop gaslighting and say things better:

👎"That never happened." → "It can be confusing when our memories differ."
👎"You don't understand my language." → "Communication can be tricky, especially across languages."
👎"You're too sensitive." → "Your feelings are valid and deserve to be heard."
👎"That's how we do things here." → "Cultural differences can make things seem unclear."
👎"I'm sorry you think that I hurt you." → "I want to understand how you're feeling."
👎"You're making too big a deal of this." → "It's important to address concerns, no matter their size."

𝗜𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗮𝗻 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗮𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗴𝗮𝘀𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂, 𝗶𝘁'𝘀 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗸 𝗴𝘂𝗶𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝘂𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁.

As an Expat psychologist, I can help you with a practical, solution-oriented, and focused on the present approach.

💫Go to my bio link and apply for a free call with me.

By your side,
Gabriela

Farewells are a big fat part of expat life.

One client complained about having rejected potential friendships because she couldn't handle goodbyes.

In the end, she realized that "protecting herself" was also taking away a massive chunk of her expat experience.

As Anaïs said, "𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘢 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘶𝘴, 𝘢 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘯 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘯."

𝗘𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗿𝗲𝗳𝘂𝘀𝗮𝗹 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗮 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱 𝗹𝗲𝘀𝘀.

In a few months of working on her trust issues, she was able to open a little window to the possibility of making new, meaningful friendships.

She did.

𝗦𝗵𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱𝗯𝘆𝗲𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝘀 𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗳𝘂𝗹 𝗮𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲, 𝘀𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗮𝗶𝗱 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗲.

It is an opportunity to have friends worldwide and meet them again and again.

𝘼 𝙣𝙚𝙬 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙙.

A world we have never discovered if it wasn't for them.

I encourage you to open to the possibility of friends abroad.

For your mental health and to improve your expat experience🤩 🤩 !

Do you have a "goodbye" strategy or an experience you want to share? Tell me in the comments!

By your side,

Gabriela

PS: YouTube video alert about this topic! Subscribe to my channel! (link in the comments!)

Are you feeling off balance in your expat relationship?

In an unbalanced relationship, language and cultural differences can make one person feel more in control. This can lead to situations where someone might manipulate or confuse the other person, a behavior known as gaslighting.

What if one of you feels like they're struggling more than the other?

How do you or your partner handle feeling like you don't fully understand or fit into your life abroad?

The person who feels isolated may try to regain control by blaming the other for their own mistakes, making the other person feel like they're the problem or confusing them.

On the flip side, if someone has trouble communicating well, they might be more easily influenced or manipulated.

One partner might criticize the other's language skills, which can make both feel more alone and misunderstood.

This is especially tough if expats are often blamed for not understanding their partner's intentions when discussing relationship problems.

In these situations, it's crucial to build a healthier relationship by talking openly and working together to improve how you communicate and handle issues.

Have you ever felt imbalance in your relationship? Share your experience in the comments or message me directly! Remember, you're not alone.

By your side,
Gabriela

You decide what brings you joy🙋🏻‍♀️!

Living abroad, you’ll notice that you get targeted with a special kind of “positivity.” ⁠

I remember hearing ALL THE TIME those phrases that, in theory, made a lot of sense.

And they were coming from people I love, so of course, they mean well and want to see me happy.

That’s the thing.

They want TO SEE ME happy.

So when I’m not, that is a conflict to them.

After I realized that It had a lot to do with me hiding my struggles and told them that those sentences actually put more pressure on me, I felt liberated.

But still, those other family members, neighbors, or even random people in social media asked me...

Why can’t you just be happy...

That still affected me. I started to ask myself why.

It took me a while to put some boundaries and accept that I feel whatever the hell I want!

Toxic positivity😵 is expressing happiness or optimism in all situations. It’s a way to cover up or ignore complicated feelings and experiences.

How to deal with it?

1.- You don’t HAVE to do anything💪🏼!

If you hear from others (or yourself):

“you have to be happy.”

or

“you have to seize the experience.”

try this answer (for you or out loud😅): “I don’t have to do anything.”

You will, at your time and pace.

2.- What makes YOU happy🙂?

Put a shield to all the “shoulds.”

You decide what brings you joy.

Something that “normally” will make others happy may not be the right trigger for you.

And there is NOTHING wrong with that!

You will know what enhances your joy. Nobody can do that for you.

3.- ACCEPT and don’t run away 🏃🏻‍♀️

You can’t hide from complicated feelings.

Being honest with yourself about them doesn’t make you a negative person.

Accepting ALL your emotions will lead you to self-acceptance and genuine .

Instead of dismissing your feelings, choose to disregard toxic positivity🙅🏻‍♀️. life is challenging enough without it!

Have you been a target of toxic positivity? Tell me in the comments!

By your side,

Gabriela

PS: I can help you set boundaries and experience and feel whatever you want! Link in my the comments!

🗺Roadmap Session with Gabriela! (yes, that's me!😎)🗺

😎Are you moving abroad and want to prioritize your next steps and objectives before the big move, so that you know exactly what you want for your life abroad, leave stress behind and enjoy your new adventure?

😎Do you live abroad and need to gain back the sense of control over your life, of independence and self-confidence; so that you can find meaningful friendships and your purpose abroad?

😎Coming back home and want to adapt your new identity to the changes that occurred while you were abroad, so that you can reconnect with your old friends, family, and your new life in your home country?

It doesn't matter where you are or where you are going to. My Roadmap Session will help you!

🙄 Do you feel unsettled and worried about something regarding relocation, life abroad itself, or repatriation?

🙄Are you struggling with confusion and limiting beliefs about your life abroad?

🙄Do you want to organize and manage your thoughts and actions?

Would you like to gain motivation, confidence, and a sense of achievement RIGHT NOW?

Let's get you an ACTION PLAN that gives you:

🌿clarity

🌿peace of mind,

🌿and motivation,

so that you can stop worrying and move forward, seize the little free time you have, and enjoy the journey to the international life YOU want!

My Roadmap Session addresses a specific issue related to where you are in your international life: Moving Abroad, Already Living Abroad, or Coming Back Home.

DM ME or go to the link in the comments! (all the info, price, what includes is there!)

Start your journey and take action now!

By your side,

Gabriela

✨ Want to feel more confident? ✨

That’s the number one request I hear from my clients, especially at the beginning of our journey together. When people ask me this, I always ask them:

🌟 What does "more confident" mean to you? 🌟

Often, their answer is a bit abstract—some dreamy state of mind filled with calmness and ease. Unless you’re a Tibetan monk, that's a tough state to achieve... but you could always book a one-way ticket to the monastery! 😜

But joking aside, here's what really worries me: "If I don't FEEL confident, I CAN'T do ____ (fill in the blank with your unachieved goals)."

The truth? Confidence is a skill, not a feeling or a trait. It's built through action, making tough decisions, and pushing through self-doubt. Waiting to feel confident before taking charge is a paradox.

Real self-confidence is proven by doing what matters to you, despite self-doubt, anxiety, fear, shame, guilt, loneliness, or sadness. It's not about never feeling these things but about moving forward anyway.

The annoying news? Confidence needs practice, habit-forming, and learning to manage sabotaging thoughts and unpleasant feelings. Reciting affirmations and manifesting to the universe won’t change anything unless you take action.

When you reclaim your confidence, everything else falls into place. Here’s how:

Identify the problems you want/need to solve. Understand what's holding you back.
Connect with your emotions, strengths, and inner resources. Discover your values and what matters to you.
Move forward. Define how you want to engage with the world for yourself and those you love.

What happens when you reclaim your confidence?

You focus on what’s important to you, making others' opinions secondary.
You tackle present challenges head-on.
You give attention to your loved ones without neglecting yourself.
You connect authentically, showing both vulnerability and strength.
You feel at home wherever you are.
You achieve whatever the heck you want!

Let me help you gain back your confidence, manage your emotions, overcome anxiety, and improve your relationships—anywhere in the world!

Check out my program, "Your Journey to Resilience." You'll learn powerful strategies to boost your self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-care. Trust yourself and start your path to a confident, joyful life abroad! 🌍✨

I'm here with you every step of the way.

By your side,
Gabriela

DO YOU WANT TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT YOUR EXPAT LIFE?

That is one of the first things my clients want when we start working together.

Words like insecurity, isolation, uncertainty, and even stagnation are common among expats.

This state of persistent fear, feeling restless and stuck are signs of anxiety.

During my first year as an expat, I had a rough time. I always felt "on edge." Irritable, demotivated, and incredibly lonely.

My relationship - and the reason I relocated in the first place - was being affected. I isolated myself because I was ashamed of not enjoying the wonderful and shiny life abroad.

Of course, I thought everything was my fault. I wasn't good enough. I couldn't focus. It was getting worse until I put a name on it. Anxiety.

I'm aware of the stigma of that word😩. You start to think about panic attacks, medicaments, and doctors if you read it.

No, it is not only that.

It can be in extreme (and unnoticed) form, but anxiety is a problem that can be handled most of the time!

Awareness is the first step, and after that, there are plenty of practical and easy apply tools that can help you cope with those feelings I named.

As expats, we are especially vulnerable to anxiety. We continuously deal with adaptation stress, which demands many mental and emotional resources.

Sometimes, these demands are engaging, exciting, and motivating😍.

Yet, this is quite often a source of fear, insecurity, and overwhelm😟.

If you are experiencing one or more of the feelings I described, please download my free guide, "9 Strategies to Overcome Expat Anxiety" (link in my bio)👈🏼.

It is specially designed for expat women like you, simple actions steps, and easy to apply wherever you are!

By your side,
Gabriela

What does Gabriela do, and how could she help me🤔?⁠
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You might be wondering who I am and what I do.⁠
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That's on me, of course😅!⁠
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So I figured I could give you a summary of what I do in this caption.⁠
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🍁I'm a licensed psychologist (Chile) and certified coach (Austria).⁠
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🍁For the last 8+ years, I've offered psychological support to more than 400 expats. They come to me because they need help:⁠
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🧡 to regain self-confidence⁠
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🧡 rebuilding self-esteem⁠
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🧡 overcoming relationship conflicts⁠
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🧡 preventing burn-out⁠
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🧡 managing anxiety⁠
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🧡 beating stagnation.⁠
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Among other expat challenges.⁠
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🍁 I'm an expat myself, lived 3 big moves, speak 3 languages and understand the challenges of multiculturality.⁠
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That means, if you are going through something similar, I can support you.⁠
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Do you want to take the next step and invest in your mental health?⁠
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Book a 30 Minute Free Consultation with me! ⁠
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⁠Are you considering counseling and have doubts/questions? Let's chat in the comments!

By your side,⁠
Gabriela⁠
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PS: this free consultation can be the first step for a sustainable and wonderful transformation! Read the testimonials in my website 😍

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗲 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘀𝗮𝘆?😜

I remember we used to joke about it all the time while we learned this at the Uni (yes, psychologists humor!😅 ) and asked each other:

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨? 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘢-𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨?

Paul Watzlawick was an Austrian psychologist and communication theorist. His axioms (communication rules) are relevant back then and now. They are very appropriate for us expats too. For my next posts and my blog article (link in bio), I chose 2 of them:

𝟭.- 𝗢𝗻𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲:
Everything we do and all our behaviors are forms of communication. There is no such thing as non-communication.

𝟮.- 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗮 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹 (𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁) 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹 (𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗵𝗼𝘄, 𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗮-𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻):
We communicate with words, our body, and the relationship's context. Also, our communication will variate depending on the interaction and how the receiver reacts to our message.

The problem arises when we think we don't actively communicate, but it might mean something different and sometimes the complete opposite of what we want (or do not want) to express.

𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀, 𝗼𝗳 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲, 𝘃𝗮𝗹𝗶𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗯𝗿𝗼𝗮𝗱.

Different social codes, maybe another language (s), cultural differences.

But what about "universal" communication? If we associate it with the challenges of life abroad, 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗯𝗲 𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗮𝗴𝗲.

Let me ask you... 𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝘁𝗿𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲? 𝗢𝗿 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝗶𝘁?

Let me know in the comments; I'd love to read your experiences/opinion on this😍 !

By your side,
Gabriela

𝗪𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝗺𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝗶𝗳 𝘄𝗲 𝗱𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴.🤯

Many of my clients think they avoid or extinguish conflict by not doing/saying/expressing something to others (potential new friends, family, partner).

Uhmmm... Nope🥴 .

It doesn't work like this. It is usually counterproductive, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝘁 𝗺𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗲𝘅𝗮𝗰𝘁 𝗼𝗽𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲!

Let me share a part of my latest blog article (link in the comments!) where I show you three ways we can sabotage areas of our lives by "not communicating."

𝟭.- 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗻𝗲𝘄 𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀.

For most of us, the older we get, the more challenging this task can become. This is especially true for expats who might feel alone, shy, and out of social practice.

But when you have the opportunity to be around another person or group of people, doing nothing might convey something more off-putting than any awkward statement or mispronounced word ever could.

𝟮.- 𝗞𝗲𝗲𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗼𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗳𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗹𝘆.

You might be going through a lonely and emotionally distressing time, where all you want to do is talk to someone who understands you. Then again, you don't want them to worry about you, so maybe you decide not to say anything.

When you do this, you communicate to your family that you don't need anything.

𝟯.- 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻 𝗿𝗼𝗺𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽𝘀.

Making things work as an expat couple includes everything from a willingness to have tough conversations to making compromises. If you don't say what you mean and mean what you say to your partner, things can get complicated and confusing.

Your communication, verbal or non-verbal, can cause your relationship to collapse gradually because your communication backbone wasn't supportive enough to withstand these significant changes together.

Can you think of more examples where you are communicating, even when you think you don't🤔 ? 𝗟𝗲𝘁 𝗺𝗲 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀😍 !

By your side,
𝗚𝗮𝗯𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗹𝗮

𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗶𝘀𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗯𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗽𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴!

Different researches show that comparing ourselves to (from us perceived as) more accomplished and talented people motivates and encourages us to put more effort to achieve a goal.

In our particular case, "successful" expats.

But, if we are experiencing insecurity and lack of confidence, 𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘥𝘶𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦.

How?

💥 It may affect our self-esteem and self-confidence, triggering self-doubt, lack of motivation and disappointment.

💥 This guilt and self-punishment can lead to anxiety and depression.

💥 It can lead to impostor syndrome and procrastination.

💥 Potentially it can create a vicious cycle. The more we feed this dissatisfaction, the more insecure and frustrated and unhappy we feel about ourselves and our life.

𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘄𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝘄𝗲 𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝘂𝗽 𝘁𝗼, 𝗶𝗻 𝘀𝗼𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝗺𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗮, 𝗶𝗻 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗰𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗶𝗰 𝗲𝗻𝘃𝗶𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁, 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝗺𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗱𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀?

Granted, probably we will never stop doing that. Comparison helps us evaluate our situation, our role in the world and our identity within ourselves and among our peers and society.

Want to know how to deal with comparison, accept it and move forward?

🌈 In this quote, there is a preview. Focus on your goals, your learnings, your achievements.

Please share with me what do you do when comparison affects you negatively?

By your side,
Gabriela

🌍💖 We expats have a special advantage:

😍 We know how to stay connected despite the distance.

💯Connection without sharing the same space.
🍀Connection without physical contact.
🍀Connection without being in the same country or city.

For many who never planned to be away from their family and friends, coping with the distance has been particularly challenging. I've seen it firsthand with my friends in Chile. Often, I'm the one taking the initiative to set up regular video calls.

In a way, I feel closer to them than ever before. The key? Consistency. We see each other regularly, we plan it, and we look forward to it.

Yes, nothing can truly replace the power and endorphin rush of a hug. But you can still feel deeply connected with the ones you love. It's more than just physical presence; it means being there, no matter the barriers.

Next time you think of someone, don't hesitate. Call them. They might be waiting for the same but holding back for various reasons. Take the initiative.

Stay connected, you need it, and they need it. ❤️

By your side,
Gabriela

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗺𝗲😔 ?

My clients often ask me this. Can you guess what triggers it?

👉 They tend to compare themselves to other expats achieving something or solving problems that my clients perceive themselves as incapable of achieving or solving.

Some real examples:

🤔 "How can she make friends so quickly? I've been trying for so long, and nothing has happened!"

🤔"Did he really learn this difficult language so fast? For me is like mount Everest!"

🤔"How did she manage to navigate the cultural differences successfully?"

🤔"Am I (fill the blank with a self-deprecative adjective) than they are?"

Those questions are common in our expat life. 𝗪𝗲 𝗼𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝘃𝘂𝗹𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲, 𝗳𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗳𝘂𝗹 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗲𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗲, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗳 "𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗲𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵" 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱𝘀 𝘂𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗮𝘁𝘀.

Comparison can also be positive. Different researches show that comparing ourselves to (from us perceived as) more accomplished and talented people can be motivating and drive us to put more effort to achieve a goal.

Nevertheless, if we are experiencing insecurity and lack of confidence, this comparison can and probably will be counterproductive.

My next posts will address this matter of comparison, focusing on life abroad, and I wanted to ask you:

𝗜𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗰𝗵 𝘀𝗶𝘁𝘂𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳? 𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗲𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝗶𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂? Let me know in the comments; I'd love to know your experience🏵️ !

By your side,
Gabriela

PS: you can read the full article (English and Spanish) in my blog! (Link in the comments!)

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗲 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘀𝗮𝘆?😜

I remember we used to joke about it all the time while we learned this at the Uni (yes, psychologists humor!😅 ) and asked each other:

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨? 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘢-𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨?

Paul Watzlawick was an Austrian psychologist and communication theorist. His axioms (communication rules) are relevant back then and now. They are very appropriate for us expats too. For my next posts and my blog article (link in bio), I chose 2 of them:

𝟭.- 𝗢𝗻𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲:
Everything we do and all our behaviors are forms of communication. There is no such thing as non-communication.

𝟮.- 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗮 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹 (𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁) 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹 (𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗵𝗼𝘄, 𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗮-𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻):
We communicate with words, our body, and the relationship's context. Also, our communication will variate depending on the interaction and how the receiver reacts to our message.

The problem arises when we think we don't actively communicate, but it might mean something different and sometimes the complete opposite of what we want (or do not want) to express.

𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀, 𝗼𝗳 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲, 𝘃𝗮𝗹𝗶𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗯𝗿𝗼𝗮𝗱.

Different social codes, maybe another language (s), cultural differences.

But what about "universal" communication? If we associate it with the challenges of life abroad, 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗯𝗲 𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗮𝗴𝗲.

In the next post, I'll give you three concrete examples where this premise reflects directly in our expat life.

In the meantime, let me ask you... 𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝘁𝗿𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲? 𝗢𝗿 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝗶𝘁?

Let me know in the comments; I'd love to read your experiences/opinion on this😍 !

By your side,
Gabriela

🌍✨ Are you a high achiever?

As an Expat, it probably means:

✔️ You've skillfully integrated yourself into your new community
✔️ You refuse to let anything stand in the way of your goals
✔️ You maintain a consistently positive mindset

But let’s be real – being an Expat is tough enough without the extra pressure we put on ourselves. Continuing to push through unrealistic expectations and dealing with the stress of taking on too much can lead to high achiever's burnout.

It’s incredibly challenging to be an Expat who isn’t striving for excellence. However, this drive can become overwhelming when mixed with the unique hurdles of Expat life.

Stop! Take a step back and think about what you truly need.

Have you been neglecting your own well-being in pursuit of your ambitions? Let’s start a conversation. Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!

By your side,
Gabriela

P.S. I dive deeper into the life of a high-achieving Expat on my blog. Check it out – link in the comments! 🌐✨

𝗙𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗲𝗽𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗼𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗯𝗿𝗼𝗮𝗱?🤔

In my last posts, I covered this topic exhaustively, including my own history and the different types of expat dependency. Now, in Gabriela's style🤩, I give you four strategies to overcome those feelings of insecurity and self-doubt!

✅ 𝗧𝗮𝗹𝗸 𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗻𝗲𝗿.

Be honest about how you feel. Remember, what you think is yours, not your partner's. Then, when you talk to them, do it from your perspective. From what you observe, want, and need.

At this stage of your expat life, openness and sincerity with your partner will be necessary to begin your path to self-confidence, strengthen your self-esteem and trust in your abilities.

✅ 𝗘𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗶𝘀𝗵 𝗱𝗮𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹𝘀.

Getting out of "our cave" can be emotionally stressful and tiring. For this reason, it doesn't have to be a one-time event. Set small daily goals regarding what will make you feel independent.

Little by little, but consistently. Don't try everything at once; that causes frustration and is counterproductive in a vulnerable state.

✅𝗕𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗮 𝗻𝗲𝘁𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝗮𝘀 𝗳𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝗮𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻.

The magic formula for getting us out of expat dependency is to meet people. In that way, we establish support networks emotionally, socially and professionally.

Don't underestimate the power of networking! I found my dream job in Vienna because of it.

✅𝗦𝗲𝗲𝗸 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝘄𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝗮 𝘀𝗶𝗺𝗶𝗹𝗮𝗿 𝗷𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘆.

Follow and/or contact expats who have walked a longer path than yours, who can serve you as a guide (be careful not to compare yourself!) and answer your doubts.

I always recommend that you talk to a mental health professional who can accompany you in this process.

𝘍𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘭𝘦 (𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘱𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘱𝘴), 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘨𝘰 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨 :-)

What do you think of the tips? What has worked for you to cope with expat dependency? 𝗣𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗺𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀!

By your side,
Gabriela