Habits of Discourse

Every year around the Fourth of July, I read Frederick Douglass's colloquially named "What To the Slave Is the Fourth of July?" and each time it provokes something different for me. How are we to be the wind, steam, and lightening chartering forward a better country and better world? Where does discourse fit in to linking nations together, whether across oceans or nations within our country's borders? What does the hypocrisy of the Fourth of July that Douglass points out teach us about engaging with one another?

As I've mentioned before, to some, this piece will be familiar and affirming, and reading it may be reminder of the greater work ahead. For others, this piece may be new, unsettling or even angering. I find there is something to learn each time I read it.

Text in the post: "Walled cities and empires have become unfashionable. The arm of commerce has borne away the gates of the strong city. Intelligence is penetrating the darkest corners of the globe. It makes its pathway over and under the sea, as well as on the earth. Wind, steam, and lightning are its chartered agents. Oceans no longer divide, but link nations together." - Frederick Douglass

"No more apologies for a bleeding heart when the opposite is no heart at all. Danger of losing our humanity must be met with more humanity."

Another post about humanization and dehumanization. I first encountered this Toni Morrison quote from the amazing Cole Arthur Riley Black Liturgies project. As we move forward in this election year, we must remember to preserve our own humanity, not just that of the other.

"Dialogue assumes prior recognition of our parity as human beings."

As a first post for this U.S. election year, I pause to wonder are we seeing each other as human, and if really are, how might that shape our approach to these elections? From GMU grad school, I recall this quote from Professor Patricia Maulden in her resource, “Can We Still Be Friends? How to preserve relationships before, during and after elections.”

This year, I hope that Habits of Discourse wherever possible can help us to humanize others so that we may unlock the power of better dialogue.

https://www.habitsofdiscourse.com/

Had such a wonderful time at meeting new peers and mentors, exploring new techniques in dialogue and deliberation, and sharing my quirky approach to civil discourse drawing on monks! Again, huge shout out to how .westpark has formed me the past 10 years of my life. It's an honor to share just a snippet of your wisdom. And thanks to the Rev. Jane Weston for joining me and sharing her experience of how faith groups can impact the dialogue space .

Thank you for the work you put in to make this conference what it was.



for the branding win too--got lots of compliments!

Headed to the National Coalition for Dialogue & Deliberation conference in Atlanta, looking forward to meeting new friends and colleagues, and thrilled to be a session presenter with The Carter Center! Join movers and shakers to explore new innovations and collaborate together.

Learn more about my session "Dialogue for Daily Use: How Monastic Rules of Life Can Inform Approaches to Civil Discourse" at https://www.ncdd.org/2023workshops.html

Shout out to Holy Cross Monastery for their inspiration, community, and love!

Grateful to Red Letter Christians for this feature today!

A short anecdote from a podcast I was listening to recently keeps replaying in my mind: a man was walking with his friend and his friend said, “I’m hungry. I’d like to get a salad.” And the man immediately responded, “that should be easy to find, it’s a fairly liberal area.” Laughing, he reflected on the fact that both knew exactly what he meant. Yet, since when is lettuce partisan?

"Everything is political, oh my! Why churches should build better capacity for political dialogue" by Alan Yarborough, founder of Habits of Discourse, is on the blog now.

Have you ever conversed through social media on a difficult topic and come away feeling positive about it? Why or why not?

Where do you find conversation most difficult?
Work, immediate family, extended family, friends, other?

How well do you distinguish between these two words?

Political: of or relating to government, a government, or the conduct of government… can even be local governance of an organization

Partisan: a firm adherent to a party, faction, cause, or person – sometimes even with militant or military backing.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary

"A central source of endless conflict and misery between enemies… is the emotional, cognitive, and ethical failure to be self-examined." – Marc Gopin, Bridges Across an Impossible Divide

Excited to be headed to to present "Dialogue for Daily Use: How Monastic Rules of Life Can Inform Approaches to Civil Discourse." Interested in learning from practitioners in dialogue and deliberation? Consider joining us at the conference.

National Coalition for Dialogue & Deliberation

Exciting Announcement - The NCDD2023 workshop schedule is now live! The workshops are a core part of the National Conference on Dialogue and Deliberation happening October 13-15 in Atlanta. We have two blocks of concurrent sessions daily, and this year will have over 60 sessions in total. Below you can find a quick overview of the workshop schedule, with a few additional sessions to still be announced in the coming days.

Friendly reminder to book your hotel lodging while the discounted room block is still available - learn more on the Travel & Lodging page. Check out the workshop schedule at: https://www.ncdd.org/news/ncdd2023-workshop-schedule-now-announced

Just wrapped up a wonderful training at Kansas Wesleyan University as a part of their new Community Resilience Hub effort. I'm grateful for the attendees from Salina, nearby towns, and parts of Nebraska for being so vulnerable, authentic, and curious as we learned how to build for conversation together. Grateful for the book store and coffee shop recs too, where I picked up this book to explore!
Ad Astra Books & Coffee House Red Fern Booksellers

Excited to be heading to Kansas Wesleyan University next week for another Habits of Discourse training!

"The Neutrality Trap"
Helpful review of the relationship between conversation and social change; hopefully a good reminder for trustworthy activists out there seeking to improve the world. Embodying the lessons they are preaching, the authors are honest about their own perspectives on politics and social issues, enhancing what readers can learn from the examples they highlight.

Recommend reading this book by Bernard Mayer and Jacqueline N. Font-Guzmán.
https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-neutrality-trap-disrupting-and-connecting-for-social-change-bernard-s-mayer/17179178?ean=9781119793243

One of the key lessons explored in this book echoes Martin Luther King, Jr. on disagreements around the Vietnam War: "Here is the true meaning and value of compassion and nonviolence, when it helps us to see the enemy’s point of view, to hear his questions, to know his assessment of ourselves. For from his view we may indeed see the basic weaknesses of our own condition, and if we are mature, we may learn and grow and profit from the wisdom of the brothers who are called the opposition.”

Reading: "The Neutrality Trap" by Bernard Mayer and Jacqueline N Font-Gozmán
https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-neutrality-trap-disrupting-and-connecting-for-social-change-bernard-s-mayer/17179178?ean=9781119793243

Elevate the medium

If you find yourself preoccupied with how others may perceive your public response to someone, that may be a sign you should not reply on that post or thread.
Change your habits and move the conversation “offline” in a direct, more private communications channel.

Has anyone experience this before?

"Activists must choose whether to focus on disrupting systems, engaging with those whose beliefs and behaviors they oppose, or looking for potential areas of agreement that may be steps, even small ones, on the road to change. Over time... all three approaches are necessary elements to the change process."

What we're reading: "The Neutrality Trap" by Bernard Mayer and Jacqueline N. Font-Guzmán

Habits of Discourse encourages putting civil discourse in the context of other tools for political engagement--like any tool, it is only suitable for certain situations, but is still a necessary part of change making and one we can get better at the more we practice.

This book is a great read particularly for those experiencing disagreement over how to go about creating change. Note: authors do disclose their more left-of-center politics in the book, and use examples most likely familiar and appealing to left leaning people.

"When and how to connect across our differences is an ongoing challenge because the energy and tactics necessary to disrupt systems can be at odds with the requirements for effective dialogue."

What we're reading: "The Neutrality Trap" by Bernard Mayer and Jacqueline N. Font-Guzmán

Really solid read so far. As I think about navigating this ongoing challenge, I think about how people are equipped with different skills and interests. How are we, seeking to improve our communities, openly discussing those different skillsets and making use of them in different ways rather than spending energy calling someone out because they're not approaching something the way we would?

"We are more willing and able to understand others when we feel understood ourselves." - Jack Himmelstein and Gary J. Friedman in "Challenging Conflict: Mediation Through Understanding"

What are the implications of this for your conversations? In short, it may be the key to being heard and understood is to first seek to hear and understand the other.

What we're reading: "The Neutrality Trap" by Bernard Mayer and Jacqueline N. Font-Guzmán

Excited to be exploring this great piece about navigating the need to both disrupt and connect in our pursuit of building better communities.

"Dialogue for the sake of dialogue and collaboration for the sake of collaboration, disconnected from a commitment to social change, is likely to reinforce the status quo. This is the neutrality trap."

Training and consulting available!

While many focus on the extreme margins of political disagreement, our programs focus first on equipping us for engagement where the vast majority of us live: in the middle area where we have more in common than we realize.

Reach out for a free consultation: https://www.habitsofdiscourse.com/

Few speeches capture, respond to, and challenge the essence of the United States than Frederick Douglass's, “What To the Slave Is the Fourth of July?” Two elements of habits of discourse are at play here. First, that words, concepts, and even holidays can hold different meaning for different people, and we must remember that when engaging in conversation. Second, all learning does not have to come from speaking with others; it is also important to read and educate ourselves from other sources.

This Fourth of July, join me certainly in celebration while eating classic American food with friends and family, but also in my annual habit of reading in full "What To the Slave Is the Fourth of July?" For some, this piece will be familiar and reading may be reminder of the greater work ahead. For others, this piece may be new, unsettling or even angering. I find there is always something to learn each time I reread this piece.

Text in the post: "The eye of the reformer is met with angry flashes, portending disastrous times; but his heart may well beat lighter at the thought that America is young, and that she is still in the impressible stage of her existence. May he not hope that high lessons of wisdom, of justice and of truth, will yet give direction to her destiny?" - Frederick Douglass

Full text: https://edsitement.neh.gov/student-activities/frederick-douglasss-what-slave-fourth-july #:~:text=What%2C%20to%20the%20American%20slave,he%20is%20the%20constant%20victim.

The 4th of July is tomorrow! What do you find exciting about this day? What do you find difficult?

Religion has been (mis)used to inflict violence and induce conflict, but it is also a source of guidance for peacebuilding.

Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honour. Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints; extend hospitality to strangers.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly; do not claim to be wiser than you are.
Romans 12:9-16

What is your favorite (or least favorite!) place to have a conversation?

Good habits of discourse can serve you well no matter where you engage.

What is your favorite (or least favorite!) place to have a conversation?

Good habits of discourse can serve you well no matter where you engage.