Heart Connection

This Powerful Emotion is Hard to Express:

Anger is often called the "no trespass" emotion because it feels so overpowering. We get so mad, we're "boiling;" so enraged, we "lose it."

As a result, admitting that we're angry - even to ourselves - can feel unsafe.

To top it off, at an early age many of us were taught that anger is a "bad" emotion, and we were punished for expressing anger, especially at parents and authority figures.

As we got older, we were told that anger is immature, and "doesn't solve anything." As a result, when we do feel anger, we often push it away - until finally, we unleash it in ways that wreak havoc on our lives.

Glancing at Buddha's quote above, it's easy to get the impression that anger is "bad," even unspiritual, but Buddha never says not to FEEL anger. He's talking about what happens inside us when we HOLD ON TO it.

There's a HUGE difference between not holding on to anger and not allowing ourselves to feel and express it! As humans, we're meant to experience a wide range of emotions; one of them is anger. Anger serves an important purpose, showing us where we need to turn our attention, and set healthier boundaries.

When we don't let ourselves feel anger, we can't let it go. That's when it turns against us, showing up as chronic physical pain, illness, low self-esteem, relationship issues, career and financial difficulties, and more.

So how can we repair our relationship with anger? And more importantly, how can we express and release the anger we do feel in a healthy and productive way?

As most of us have experienced, repressing it until we finally "let it all out" doesn't work. In addition to risking hurting important people in our lives, after an angry outburst we're often still angry. That just creates more problems!

One day while on stage, I was reminded of how little we're taught about expressing anger in a healthy, constructive way. I was tapping with a woman who was telling her story.

As she shared the details of several painful events in her life, her voice grew louder and tighter. A few minutes into her story, I interrupted her to ask her how she was feeling. "Really, really angry," she replied.

I then turned to the audience and asked who had heard the anger in her voice before she'd acknowledged it. Most of the audience raised their hands.

And that's really the key - to let yourself feel AND express the FULL extent of your anger, but in a way that doesn't hurt or harm anyone.

Toward that end, I wanted to share this powerful 4-step exercise for releasing anger:

1. Think of something, or someone, or some situation, towards which you feel angry, and give your anger a number from 0 - 10, with 10 being the angriest you could possibly feel. This doesn't have to be a major issue - it could be the driver who cut you off in traffic this morning. The important thing here is to hone in on a person or event that sparked your anger.

2. Next, give yourself permission to really feel your anger. Don't worry about whether your anger is "justified" or "acceptable." Just let yourself feel its full force.

3. As you're feeling your anger, begin tapping through the points, beginning at the Eyebrow point. (You can skip the Karate Chop point and setup statement for this exercise.)

Note: If there's a story you want to tell or a memory that's running through your head, speak it out loud as you tap through the points.

Also, if you want to say something to someone or imagine punching, kicking or even throwing something at someone, imagine yourself doing that as you keep tapping. This is your time to let the floodgates of your anger open, so really go for it. Just make sure you have plenty of space around you, so no one, including you, gets hurt. :)

4. Keep tapping until the intensity of your anger is significantly lower, no higher than a 3, even when you think about the situation or person who made you so angry in the first place. It's important that you fully release your anger, so you can become familiar with that experience. That also helps to train your brain that it's safe to feel anger.

(If you're new to tapping, go here to watch a quick video on how to tap here: https://www.facebook.com/nortner/videos)

If you can't think of anyone or anything about which you're angry, begin tapping through the points while asking yourself, "What am I angry about?" and see where that takes you. Often people discover that they have a belief that it's not safe or acceptable to feel anger.

These exercises are part of a larger journey toward forgiveness and compassion, but the first step is allowing yourself to feel and release anger in a productive way. Once you learn to do that, a whole new world of possibilities for healing, health and wellness opens up.

Until next time, keep tapping!

- Nick

Can a get an Amen, Dap, or High Five On This?

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JUST - HAVE - FAITH!

Words of Wisdom

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything."

Remember to put the glass down.

(Courtesy of Jimmy Harmon)

"You are not your mind, your emotions or the circumstances of your life. You are the peaceful observer of your mind and emotions that allows life circumstances to pass through and around you for your evolution to finally come to a place of total acceptance of all that is."

- Jackson Kiddard

“Once you realize that the road is the goal and that you are always on the road, not to reach a goal, but to enjoy its beauty and its wisdom, life ceases to be a task and becomes natural and simple, in itself an ecstasy.”

-Nisargadatta Maharaj

✨🌟💫