Dr Ernst van der Merwe - Clinical Psychologist

Crazy Hat Day in support of Hospice. Medicross Rustenburg

Almost anything can be a trigger for worry and anxiety, but common triggers for most are situations that are: ambiguous – open to different interpretations; novel or new – so we don’t have any experience to fall back on; and unpredictable – an uncertainty or being unclear on how things will turn out. Does any of this sound vaguely familiar? It is because the current worldwide pandemic ticks all of these boxes, and cause excessive worry.

Tips for Stress Management:

Understand your stress - By understanding what stress looks like for you, you can be better prepared, and act sooner.
Identify sources of stress - What causes you to be stressed? (Family, deadlines).
Learn to recognise stress signals - What are your internal alarm bells? (Neck, head and shoulder tension).
Recognise your stress strategies - What is your go to tactic to calm down? (Aren’t always healthy).
Implement healthy stress management strategies - Overeating versus meditation or phoning a friend.
Make self-care a priority – Sometimes you need to put yourself before others.
Ask for support when needed - Speak to family, friends, or a professional.

Strategies for Personal Stress Management:
Set realistic deadlines
Take a lunch break
Go home on time
Take your holiday leave
Leave your work at work
Participate in work functions
Respect other employees by establishing open and professional communication
The warning signs are out there – not only the statistics listed here, but also in those internal alarm bells – the headaches, stomach knots, and racing thoughts. They are all signalling us to take action. The good news is we can. The resources are here. All we have to do is listen and respond using a realistic stress management plan.

“It is not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it” – Hans Selye

How will you manage your stress?

Yours in good mental health – Dr. Ernst

Wearing my socks in support of to raise awareness of the mental health of doctors and mental health care practitioners.

10 Most Common Mistakes that People Make following a Failed Relationship:

1. To keep in contact: The initial pain of a clean break today, is an investment in your emotional health for tomorrow. As soon as you have talked everything out and you both know where you stand, you have to distance yourself from the situation.

2. To cause unnecessary drama: It is unavoidable that you will have to give back his/her belongings. This process does not need to be a dramatic experience. Ask a friend to help pack everything and don’t deepen your memories with each article.

3. To cling to mutual friends: It is inevitable that some of your mutual friendships will suffer from your shipwrecked relationship. Some friendships that you shared will also end due to the relationship with your ex that is ending.

4. To break contact with the outside world: Family and friends are great support networks when you have to process a breakup. Spend time with them and provide them with the opportunity to support you, rather than to withdraw from the outside world. Besides having people around you that care for you, it will also remind you that you were once happy before you met your ex.

5. To only think of the good memories: When a relationship ends, one is inclined to only remember the good things about it. Stop yourself from constantly remembering only the positive. Try to keep your perspective – every relationship has its happy and unhappy moments. There was a reason why one of you, or both, decided to end the relationship. That is enough proof that not everything was always that great.

6. To hold on to everything that you shared: Avoid it at all costs to listen to music, watch movies, or visit places that you enjoyed together. You will only get caught up in the past even more.

7. To blame yourself: A story always has two sides, and although you probably also have a share in the situation, it won’t help to blame yourself. Treat yourself as you would your best friend who finds them in the same situation and avoid thinking about what you could have done differently.

8. To focus on his/her feelings: It is not your responsibility anymore to focus on your ex-partner’s feelings and worry about their well-being. Don’t waste your precious energy, focus on yourself, your feelings and needs. Do the things that will make you feel better.

9. To turn to alcohol: Give yourself enough time to process your loss without trying to numb yourself. Alcohol may provide temporary relief and dull the pain, but when the effect wears off, you will feel even more depressed than before.

10. To make emotional decisions: It may feel as if you want to run away, but now is not the right time to quit your job, give up your house or find another retreat. Currently you need the security of a routine, as well as familiar things and friends around you. Do not make any important decisions while you are still very emotional. Rather wait until you are no longer so emotional, and reconsider your decisions then.

Yours in good mental health - Dr. Ernst van der Merwe

Dealing with a Traumatic Incident

Grief is the response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something that has passed away, to whom a bond or affection was formed.
Bereavement is the period following a loss during which grief is experienced. Even though the traumatic event might be over, you may now or later experience strong emotional or physical reactions. It is furthermore quite common and normal for people to experience aftershocks when they have passed through a traumatic event.

Common signs and symptoms (Amongst others):
Fatigue, insomnia, headaches, chest pain, confusion, forgetfulness, disbelief, depression, irritability, and social withdrawal.

Guide for feeling better:
Find someone you trust and talk with them about your experience. Don’t try to carry this burden alone!
Give yourself permission to feel what you are feeling – Express and experience your feelings as they occur.
Get enough rest
Allow ample time for a task
Seek professional help

How you can help friends and a loved one following a traumatic event:
Tell them how you feel and that you are sorry they have been hurt. Avoid statements like “I know how you feel” or “Everything will be alright”. These statements make some people think their feelings are not understood.

Yours in good mental health - Dr. Ernst van der Merwe

Is your Teenager Coping with the Covid Pandemic?

In crisis situations teenagers can experience anxiety which can cause them to feel stressed. Depending on their age, their response may vary. Some may become overly attached, while others may withdraw, some may become anxious, angry, or agitated.

Signs that your teenager needs support and is not coping:

- Changes in mood that are unusual (ongoing irritability, feelings of hopelessness, and conflicts with friends and family)
- Changes in behaviour (withdrawing from personal relationships, and a lack of interest in activities or hobbies previously enjoyed)
- Difficulties in falling or staying asleep and/or sleeping too much
- Changes in eating patterns, weight fluctuations
- Memory and concentration problems
- Changes in appearance or in basic personal hygiene practices
- Increased risky or reckless behaviours (drugs or alcohol)
- Thoughts about death and su***de

Remember, it is normal for teenagers to feel sad during this time, or to even cry sometimes because they miss their friends, or because their sports or musical productions were cancelled.

Try to stay positive, a brighter future lies ahead. Keep lines of communication open between you and your teen, and don't hesitate to talk with your Clinical Psychologist about ways to help maintain your family's mental health during this difficult time.

Yours in good mental health - Dr Ernst van der Merwe

Fostering a Positive Self-Image in Children

Childhood is a very fragile period because of the emotional development that unfolds during this time. Children are constantly comparing themselves with their family and peers and moulding their identities to match. For this reason it is very important for parents to work with children to develop a positive self-image that will stay with them throughout childhood, adolescence and into their adulthood.

What is a Self-Image?

Self-image, also known as self-esteem is the personal view we have of ourselves. It is our mental image or self-portrait. In short, self-image is how we feel about ourselves, and our behaviour clearly reflects those feelings.

A child with high self-esteem will be able to act independently, assume responsibility, take pride in his accomplishments, tolerate frustration, attempt new tasks and challenges, handle positive and negative emotions and offer assistance to others. On the other hand, a child with low self-esteem will avoid trying new things, feel unloved and unwanted, blame others for his/her shortcomings, feel or pretend to feel emotionally indifferent, be unable to tolerate a normal level of frustration, put down his own talents and abilities and be easily influenced.

Some ways you can help your child develop a Positive Self-Image:
- Listen with interest to what your child has to say, even when it is something silly or boring for you.
- Help your child to discover their strengths and talents by focusing on it.
- Give space to your kids. Let them make simple decisions or guide them through it. By giving them the freedom to make decisions they will develop confidence in themselves.
- Give credit to their efforts, for this will encourage them to pursue even higher dreams.
- Be generous with praise.
- Encourage your children to develop hobbies and interests which give them pleasure and which they can pursue independently.
- Help your children develop “tease tolerance” by pointing out that teasing can only hurt if you let it.
- Laugh with your children and encourage them to laugh at themselves. A good sense of humour and the ability to make light of life are important ingredients for increasing one’s overall enjoyment.

Yours in good mental health - Dr Ernst van der Merwe

Dear patients, in an effort to improve our service to you and avoid unnecessary travel for consultations, we offer telephonic and video consultations at the Psychologist's discretion. Kindly contact our office at 014 594 0187 for an appointment.

As a Clinical Psychologist who has been practicing in the Mental Health Field for the past sixteen years, I can assure you that Anxiety Disorders, specifically Panic Disorder, are more common than one might think. It is a truly debilitating psychological disorder, but in actual fact it is a normal bodily response to a perceived threat. Adrenalin, a well-known hormone within our bodies, sets in motion a cascading response of fear until you find yourself experiencing a full blown panic attack. The 6 strategies as explained by Dr. Hendriksen is a surefire way of overcoming Panic Attacks. Should you find yourself still struggling with frequent Panic Attacks, it is recommended that you contact a Clinical Psychologist experienced in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.
Yours in good mental health - Dr Ernst van der Merwe

Overcoming Panic Attacks: 6 Strategies that Work Your body is short-circuiting. Is this the end? Nope, it's a panic attack.