Lux Psychology

I just finished a multi-session training program from Western University: Working with Fathers Who Cause Harm to their Families. This program was excellent.

One of the many challenges in working with this population is engaging and creating safety without colluding with abusive narratives. It can be tricky. It is not always easy to lead with empathy when working with someone who has created fear and suffering and fails (or refuses) to recognize it. A court order for treatment might keep them in the room, but it takes the ability to create genuine engagement if you want to get them on the couch.

In this work, there is a place for patience and a place to roll with resistance, but at all times, there must be the ability to recognize levels of risk, deescalate aggressiveness, and respond when risk persists or increases.

While the goal for treatment is a decrease in abusive behavior, at the center of this work is the safety and well-being of children and their primary caregivers, even if dad doesn’t change. For me, that makes all the difference.

April marks Child Abuse Prevention Month. I’ve turned my thoughts to the important yet often unrecognized link between IPV and child abuse and its relevance within family law. I invite you to read my blog here.

https://www.luxpsychology.ca/post/child-abuse-and-intimate-partner-violence-understanding-the-connection-in-family-law-matters

I'm excited to share my new publication, co-authored with Jon Amundson. Our paper presents a novel approach to integrating mental health professionals into the family law system, by leveraging their expertise in a structured, judicial context.

A big thank you to Jon for the collaboration, and to the thoughtful feedback from Barbara J. Widdowson, K.C. (retired), Krysta Ostwald, KC H. Ostwald K.C. (Jones Divorce and Family Law), and Jessica MacDonald A. Macdonald (WK Family Lawyers) in Calgary, AB. This work was recently published in March 2024 in the Juvenile and Family Court Journal.

My new blog "Family Law and Domestic Violence: Scary Parenting and Informed Parenting Plans," explores how 'scary parenting' behaviors, underpinned by domestic violence, necessitate a reevaluation of how we approach parenting plans. It's not just about creating a schedule; it's about understanding the psychological and emotional needs of children who have lived or currently live in fear.

Family Law and Domestic Violence: Scary Parenting and Informed Parenting Plans Domestic violence (DV) extends its reach far beyond physical harm, affecting families in deeply profound ways. Understanding the importance of fear is crucial for family lawyers because it matters deeply when developing parenting plans. Fear, instilled by the 'scary' behaviors that define DV, create...

Family lawyers know that legal disputes aren't just law; they're about people, with all their complex emotional backgrounds. Trauma, when lurking beneath the surface, can deeply affect how clients experience dispute resolution processes.

A trauma-dispute resolution plan is a strategic tool designed to navigate the psychological minefields that can impede resolution. This blog will offer practical insights into the why and how of these plans and how they can support clients more effectively.

Read the blog here:

https://www.luxpsychology.ca/post/is-it-time-to-obtain-a-trauma-informed-mediation-plan-for-your-family-law-client

Child and Mother Sabotage’ (CAMS) is a newly coined term that brings to light the manipulative strategies endangering a mother's bond with her children in family law cases impacted by domestic violence. My latest blog highlights the importance of understanding CAMS in these scenarios, providing insight to better navigate these challenging situations. Discover the significance of CAMS and its influence by reading the full post. Link in comments.

Child and Mother Sabotage’ (CAMS) is a newly coined term that brings to light the manipulative strategies endangering a mother's bond with her children in family law cases impacted by domestic violence. My latest blog highlights the importance of understanding CAMS in these scenarios, providing insight to better navigate these challenging situations. Discover the significance of CAMS and its influence by reading the full post.

Introducing 'CAMS': A New Framework for Tackling Manipulation in Domestic Violence Family Law Cases Introduction: In an important article released October 22, 2023, ‘From ‘Parental Alienation’ to [Abusers’] Child and Mother Sabotage (CAMS) as a preferable term for how perpetrator fathers intentionally sabotage the child-mother connection,’ researchers Dalgarno, E., Meier, J., Ayeb-Karlss...

Navigating family law cases is complex enough, but the stakes are even higher when domestic violence is involved. Too often, a parent's natural anxiety is mislabeled as the 'problem,' obscuring the real issue and putting the child and the safer parent at risk.

Why a Parent's Anxiety is a Red Herring in Family Law Matters Involving Domestic Violence. In family law cases involving allegations of domestic violence, there's a real risk that domestic violence can be obscured or minimized by focusing on the emotional state of the victim parent—often labelled as 'anxiety.' It is vital to be aware of this potential trap, as it can perpetuate victim-b...

I was excited to see this and am happy to share the key findings from the 2023 Justice Canada publication, 'Making Appropriate Parenting Arrangements in Family Violence Cases.'

This paper offers updated guidance for Canadian family law professionals. For an in-depth understanding, find a link to the full paper in the comments.

Guiding your kids through a separation or divorce isn't easy, but our new blog by respected psychologist and founder of the Co-Parenting College, Glenda Lux, offers 5 golden rules to help.

From open, honest communication and creating safe emotional spaces to maintain healthy relationships with both parents, Glenda outlines expert strategies to help you support and guide your children through these challenging times. Read the full blog today, link in the comments.

If you or someone you know is navigating through separation or divorce and in need of professional support, reach out to us at Crossroads Law for a complimentary consultation. We're committed to helping families find their way.

Coercive control within intimate relationships is often invisible until it has ensnared its victims. In this blog, I share insights into the covert strategies used by abusers to pave the path to entrapment. Understanding the inner workings of this insidious form of abuse better equips family lawyers to provide support and legal advocacy for individuals and children trapped in these destructive relationships.

the Path to Entrapment: Insights for Family Lawyers on The Stealthy Nature of Coercive Control Introduction Coercive control is a pervasive form of abuse that operates in the shadows, generally undetectable to those outside the relationship. Moreover, it is an insidious form of abuse that often takes years to develop and recognize. The path to entrapment is paved with deceptive tactics by the...

Are you dreading every email from your difficult ex? Feeling frustrated and overwhelmed by the challenges of co-parenting? You're not alone.
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Legal scholars from Australia recently tackled the question of what makes for 'good' domestic violence lawyering. Their study, published in the International Journal of Law, Policy and The Family, surveyed specialist legal services in Australia to gain valuable insights on how lawyers can better support clients who have experienced domestic violence.

In my latest blog post, I summarized the key takeaways from this study. You can read it here.

https://www.luxpsychology.ca/post/what-is-good-domestic-violence-lawyering-insights-from-australian-legal-experts

The severity of physical violence in family law matters does not give the whole picture. Domestic violence is often rooted in insidious patterns of control that are overlooked when viewed as isolated physical incidents. Even the absence of physical violence does not signify that the abuser is any less dangerous to the victim and children. Read more in my latest blog.

https://www.luxpsychology.ca/post/why-physical-abuse-severity-is-a-poor-measure-of-domestic-violence-in-family-law

Clients may disclose more than what meets the eye when they tell their family lawyer that their ex-partner is a "narcissist". It is essential to understand beyond the surface-level label of "narcissist" what clients might mean by this and what they are experiencing.

Reactive abuse is a common tactic used by abusers in family law contexts. It is necessary to understand the dynamics of reactive abuse and how it manifests in family law files.

What is reactive abuse and why do family lawyers need to know about it? Introduction Reactive abuse is a form of manipulation used by abusers to shift blame onto their victims when they defend themselves or fight back. In family law files, it is essential to understand the concept of reactive abuse and its impact on parenting disputes. The Nuanced and Twisted Nature of....

You do not have to like or trust your co-parent to be effective. Co-parenting requires that you to prioritize your kids, not change how you feel. They are two separate things.

If your kid lies, sneaks around, or is afraid of your criticism, you may be an authoritarian parent Authoritarian parents see themselves as "the boss" and offer little warmth — which can hurt kids' self-esteem, mental health, and quality of life.

The co-parenting journey can be hilly. Things go reasonably well for a bit then it shifts. It may be a communication issue, an upcoming decision, or a request to adjust the schedule that doesn't work for one parent or the other. Who knows? It could be anything.

My experience has taught me that ups and downs are par for the course in co-parenting and, let's face it, life in general.

When co-parenting heads toward the hills, it often helps to return to the basics, and my new blog post is all about the basics.

Read it here: https://coparentingcollege.com/2023/01/31/what-is-co-parenting-and-7-of-the-smartest-ways-to-be-successful/

The focus on precise division of parenting time is a co-parenting trap. This focus only exists after the split.

visit: www.coparentingcollege.com

You can't control the timing or substance of your co-parent's communications, but you can control when and how you'll respond.

Could not love this more. ❤️

This is your Tuesday reminder that managing your triggers, your reactions, your behavior, and your heart is your responsibility! Your child won't learn self-control by being controlled by someone else, they'll learn self-control by watching it in action - by observing you modeling self-control and self-regulation.

Download your free guide here:
https://coparentingcollege.com/3-fierce-ways/

Co-parents often have different perspectives. Telling someone their views are wrong is a stellar way to fast-track unproductive and hostile conversations. Instead, respectful curiosity can give rise to insight and a greater chance of finding a solution.

Invite your kids to call offside co-parenting behaviour out. While it is not a child's job to manage their parents' co-parenting behaviour, it can be helpful to empower them. Listen. Thank them. Apologize and adjust accordingly.

Keep the big picture in mind.
Focus on what is important.

Thank you Positive Minds Australia for sharing this important reminder.

📸 🤍 MNP

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