Lincoln's leukemia journey

3 years. How has it been 3 frickin years?

A mother is thrown in different directions constantly, and I’ve learned to be prepared for anything! However I think that having a child with cancer is what has truly challenged my strength and ability to be a mother. My son is my life, but now more than ever I know how important it is to be his comfort. What’s amazing about having a child with cancer is that you learn not only the strength that you possess, but also how strong your child is, and that you unknowingly borrow some of their strength to keep you strong. It is amazing to see how strong Lincoln has already become in his short time earthside.

Having a child with cancer is terrifying. You feel powerless and you know your child is in the middle of a battle for their life at any given time. Even if they are at early stage, or in remission, you know the cancer can metastasize or come back. It’s a constant worry, a constant fear, a constant anxiety. Every mishap, misstep, sickness, fever, rash, sends you spiraling and you cannot physically stop until you see the hard physical proof that your child is OK and the cancer hasn’t returned.

Having a child with cancer is filled with anxiety. I worry about Lincoln a lot, so much it has become a mechanism of psychological survival in a way. If he is doing well physically, I worry about his mental health, does he feel isolated? Different? Lonely? Afraid? When he is happy, I focus more on his physical health. He’s been happy everyday lately, but is he in pain? Should we change our medication schedule? The cycle continues and it never ends. Just when you start to feel consoled by some milestone, another bone marrow aspiration or lumbar puncture to worry about. Will the cancer have spread? Has it returned? A million questions - and in the end there’s only one answer.

Having a child with cancer fills you with so much anxiety it’s almost debilitating. Sometimes talking with other parents can even cause anxiety, even though I want nothing more than to have someone else to talk to that understands what you are going through and find different ways to to help each other. But then, each family you meet becomes bittersweet, and you sometimes hesitate to introduce yourself to others in the waiting room because there’s always an unsettling underlying thought that you may never see them in that same waiting room again. The fear of building connections is so intense because the truth is - we never know how long that other parent in the waiting room is going to continue to visit that same waiting room.

Having a child with cancer is filled with strength. This is just a hugely broad summary as any parent can imagine, every moment, every hour is filled with thoughts of our children and the intricate details of their lives. And it affects each parent differently. I couldn’t imagine any worse pain than losing a child, or the threat thereof- I feel stronger 75% of the time since the beginning of this experience. Axe wielding, iron fist, take no prisoners, don’t mess with my kid- stronger. However there are times I want to collapse and crawl into a hole and never see the light of day again. Others I know have reacted differently and feel overall down most of the time. Either way, you move forward, there is no other choice.

Lastly, having a child with cancer is also a life filled with unimaginable love. There is a special spark in a child who has to face this type of severe illness at a young age, something so fierce, so resilient, so powerful. Each one I have met is unique, strong, brave, and will not let you forget who they are, and how full of life they are. My son is no exception. They are a constant reminder of the joy in the smaller things in life. I’ve taken time with my son in the past 3 years to eat waffles under a bubble machine in our dining room, sit outside in our pajamas at night waiting for the moon to come up, sit by the railroad tracks and eat takeout waiting for trains to go by. You take the time to stop and listen, enjoy, hold your child as long as they will let you and fulfill their “silly” dreams and wishes. I am so humbled with the beauty he sees in everything. And the goodness he brings out in others. When your child gets cancer, people want to help you, do good things for you and your child, any way they can. It makes you realize, there are so many good people, your friends, family, neighbors, colleagues, acquaintances; they are everywhere, everyone. They are always around you, you just may have never needed them. I think you realize the potential for all that surrounds you, and everyday people, through your child. They give you amazing perspective.
The entire experience, while I wouldn't’ wish it on anyone, gives you amazing knowledge, strength, perspective and appreciation for the things so many of us, myself included - take for granted everyday.

I’ve learned more in the last 3 years than I have in the past 30, and I have my son, and both of his diagnosis to thank for that. Sometimes the greatest hero’s in life come in the smallest forms, and if you’re really lucky - sometimes they refer to you as mom 🧡

The first of many cancer free summers ☀️💙

Another trip around the sun for my little guy.
Happy 6th birthday baby.
We love you to the moon and back ❤️

My beautiful boy..

The words I’m about to say feel almost surreal. They’ve been so far out of reach for so long - and now they’re so close I can almost taste them.

After a long 787 days - you my boy are in your final countdown.

Only 63 days left until you GET TO RING THE BELL. The bell to signify your LAST AND FINAL chemotherapy treatment. The bell to wake us up from this nightmare - hopefully for good. The bell to give you your freedom back, the bell to finally allow you to be a little boy again. The bell to change our lives for the better.
And 10 days after you ring that bell you turn 6.

3. You are just 3 years old when the disgusting words “ I’m so sorry.. but he has leukemia” slapped me in the face, when the world went black and cold, and the light in your eyes faded to a dull glow. The doctors said you might not see 5, and although you’ve defied odds your whole life and accomplished everything everyone said you wouldn’t - defying THESE ODDS … now that’s a miracle in itself.

We’d like to personally invite everyone to celebrate Lincoln’s last chemotherapy treatment and his 6th birthday with us on MAY 27 2023 @ our house in Lethbridge at 1:00PM! There will be an Astro jump and games for littles with a late lunch / early supper and cake to follow - depending on where the night leads and how cold it still it there is a fire and drinks to stick around for as well!

PLEASE do not feel obligated to purchase Lincoln anything - if you feel the need to we insist that you make a donation in yours and Lincoln’s name ( Lincoln Pavan-Munro ) to the ”helping families handle cancer foundation” located in Calgary. I cannot speak enough amazing things about this foundation as they have helped our family tremendously throughout Lincoln’s journey and we cannot thank them enough. They’re such an amazing support for families like us and can use all the donation they can possibly get! Please ensure to DM me if you’ve made a donation so I can include your name in our letter to the foundation.

We couldn’t have made it though out worst days without each and every one of you. So it doesn’t feel right to celebrate the best ones without you too!

Please DM me if you would like to join so I can keep an accurate head count for food etc.

we will never be able to repay you all for all you have done for us throughout this journey.

We hope to see you all there
Much love
from our family to all of you.
❤️

https://helpingfamilieshandlecancer.com/about-us/

Lincoln’s new ”big boy” room. He’s so excited about it - and can’t wait to share it with his big bro Kaden when he comes for sleepovers ❤️

2 years.
370 days.
17,368hours.
To many procedures to count.
To many rounds of chemo to even remember.
A lot of hard days, and alot of really great days -— and here we are.

It feels like forever ago, but then it also feels like just yesterday, that our lives were changed forever with this riveting diagnosis that you are fighting. It’s a punch in the gut and comes completely unexpected.

To feel helpless as a mother is the absolute worst feeling in the world. I have never been so emotionally drained.
My little boy, lay connected to wires and monitors; and if those monitors made the slightest beep, i would jump out of my skin frightened to death. I remember it like it was yesterday; the image and shrill cries are imbedded in my brain and something I will never be able to forget. I was weak, alone, drained, scared and tired. Dog tired. It felt like the walls were caving in on me. My baby was obviously in pain and nothing that I did could ease anything for the little life I was responsible for.

It was pure torture to say the least. I was forced into a situation that I had no control over, but instinctively as a mother knew I needed to find a way to fix it. However, nothing I tried was working and I was frustrated, hurting and in just as much emotional pain as Lincoln was in physical. Yet as lost as I was, as many tears that fell, swears that got yelled and doctors that probably thought about changing careers after dealing with me .. every time I looked at my baby he managed to make it all go away with one simple smile.

I am so proud of you Lincoln - You are STRONG, you are BRAVE, you are LOVED and you are our INSPIRATION. Keep fighting, keep smiling – we've got your back ❤️

Only a few more months baby. You got this ❤️❤️

Mom,
I don't even know where to begin. It's been seven days since you were diagnosed with cervical cancer and it feels like a nightmare I can’t wake up from. it doesn't seem real. I know you’re scared, even if you don’t want to show it. I know you’re in pain even tho you try to remain strong. I know you’re devastated, angry, resentful - and so I am. Im so glad I can still see your warm smile, your laugh is still contagious and lights up an entire room, and you’re still cracking jokes. The most important thing that I know hasn't changed is how much you love me and I you. We haven’t always had the best relationship, there’s been so many ups and downs - trials and tribulations but I need to thankyou. Thankyou for raising me the only way you knew how. Thankyou for always doing what you thought was best even when the only options were bad or worse. Thankyou for your selfless heart and your constant understanding and your always open door. I’ll never forget the day I called to tell you Lincoln had down syndrome. After I told you you sighed such a deep sigh of relief and said “ for f**k sakes Kaley I thought something was wrong “ I was floored. I said “ mom what do you mean? Something is wrong and I’m scared “ and your next words to me I’ll never forget - you said “ Kaley pick yourself up and wipe those tears. There nothing wrong. Everything is just as it should be and if that kid has anyone for a mom I’m glad it’s you. Everything is right. And there’s so much more to love “ and you have loved him every day since. Wether it be in person. Over FaceTime or through the glass or the hospital. You are always there. You’re super mom and super duper gramma. You try so hard and we all love you so much.
How did my supermom end up getting cervical cancer then? Why is it that you have to go through this? I am upset with you for not going to the doctor sooner, not because I blame you but because I am so scared. And because there's still so much for us to experience. You need to be there when I get married, you need to hold your grandchildren more and shower them with all the love you have to give. We need more time. Even when you aren't feeling well, you still help me, and always manage to make me laugh. You're still supermom trying to teach me your ways, and it makes me love you more than you will ever know. Even when you aren't feeling well, you still help me, you always answer the phone even for the stupidest questions. Because you’re my mom and I will never not need that. You will always be super mom and I love you more than you will ever know.
I want you to know how grateful I am to have such a selfless, caring person in my life. I’m greatful every day for being blessed with you for a mom. Thank you for being my cheerleader all these years even when it was silent and I didn’t think you were cheering. Thank you for never forgetting to remind me that your kids are the best thing that ever happened to you. I hate that you have to go through all this; it's so unfair. You deserve so much better, and I’m so angry at the world for this. I wish I could take all of your pain and make it mine, but I can't, so I want to be there for you as much as I can. I want you to know that I love you so much. We'll get through this together, just like we started everything else in life. We gotchu.

Debbie’s cervical cancer battle., organized by Kaley Pavan Hi guys. for those of you that don’t know, Cora, Tayler, Emma and I’s mom was diagn… Kaley Pavan needs your support for Debbie’s cervical cancer battle.

Lincoln ..
my baby ❤️
it has been 694 days since we sat in that hospital room and heard the most disgusting words I’ve ever known for the very first time.
694 days since our worst nightmare came true. 694 days since our lives changed forever.
694 days.

I can’t believe the words are about to come out of my mouth but Lincoln is in his final stretch of chemo, 5! more in hospital treatment days until this big man gets to officially ring the im done chemo bell - it leaves me completely speechles to think that one day soon we don’t have to get up at 5 am and drive to Calgary so they can poke him in every direction known to man. It’s enough to bring me to tears knowing we won’t ever ( hopefully ) have long stays in the hospital again. no more meds. no more cords.
Just a kid.

Lincoln it’s been one hell of a 2 years. So much as happened with you and within the world. Nothing is as it was when you started. You have celebrated so much. Your 4th and 5th birthday soon to be 6th as well as your first day of school and so SO many personal milestones.

You did it Lincoln. YOU did this. YOURE in the final stretch - and I know I speak for everyone when I say we love you so much. We’re so proud of you and excited for you and cannot wait to have everyone together to celebrate all that is you ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Merry Christmas ❤️❤️❤️

The cutest little captain underpants I ever did see 👀❤️ happy halloween 🎃 👻

My mom made me go for a walk yesterday in the worst wind ever she said i needed fresh air and to “burn some energy” - jokes on her other then these few pics I made her carry me the whole time, so who really burned the energy? ❤️

This little chunky chicken has been SO sick the last month my momma heart cannot handle it. Thankfully he hasn’t spiked a fever which means he gets to be in the comfort of his own bed while fighting off whatever bug decided to attack his poor little body. His neutrophils are non existent meaning his body is in overdrive X4 trying to fight this off. The doctor called for lots of sleep, yummy foods, momma cuddles and warm baths so that’s exactly what this little man has been doin. Yesterday he slept 18 hours!!!! It’s amazing what his little body can endure. Here’s to hoping he’s finally on the mend ❤️

My baby is SO HUGE 😭❤️

Thanks to Make-A-Wish Canada this little dude got to enjoy some sun, beach, and trailer time the last few days! I can’t tell you how thankful I am to our friends Kristen Hunter and her husband Mike ( who I can’t seem to tag ) for making sure Lincoln’s story got out there and got noticed! Also a huge thankyou to Chelsea Savage from make a wish who worked so closely with us to help us find our perfect trailer to forever make some memories in! Lincoln absolutely loves camping and had SO much fun! He did so good with staying close and not running away I’m just so proud of him. His words are really coming along and his ears are finally starting to work - just in time for kindergarten that starts in a week!

I’m so excited to see his growth this next year and camp all we can the next bit until we can’t anymore ( which we could all year cause it’s a 4 season trailer but winter camping? I’m unsure Lincoln would be ok with that!! )

Thankyou so much again to everyone who made this possible! We are so blessed and so thankful as purchasing a trailer was something we wanted but that was also very unrealistic for us at any point in the foreseeable future!

❤️❤️

Also - his tongue is out in every picture and he wears his hat backwards, gets mad when you put it on forwards cause he’s “ too cool for that ” throwing rocks down the slide was the highlight of his camping trip and fires are absolutely phenomenal. He says it’s hot screams like a little girl claps and tries to blow it out continuously 😂❤️

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

☀️SUMMER IS HERE☀️
( **** ‼️TO ADD - THESE ARE BBGUNS THEY ARE NOT REAL GUNS ‼️ *****)

Lincoln has been ENJOYING himself to the MAX this summer so far! With me back at work full time he’s been able to spend so much time with the boys and he just loves it! He’s growing so much and working so hard on his words that we almost have verbal communication! He’s got a few words down and is working so hard. Fingers crossed we’ll have a full time talker come time to start kindergarten! There’s definitely no lack of getting into trouble with this one either weather it be sneaking away from the yard. Throwing stuff out the window while driving or emptying his brothers rooms it’s never a dull moment - you literally cannot take your eyes off of him. He got a swing set for his birthday and he absolutely loves it - he’d live in if I let him in shed. He is HEALTHY very happy and very dirty.. all the damn time no matter what we do 🤦🏽‍♀️ he got to drive the truck 😉😉 dude wouldn’t keep his eyes on the road so it’s a good thing he’s not of age yet, got to shoot some targets with the BB guns in the backyard, and celebrate his brothers 14th birthday! He’s developed a new found love for painting - absolutely everything including himself I might add and cannot get enough of the trampoline ( I’m talking 6am and he wants to go jump 😴😴 )

HE ALSO GOT HIS WISH!
Some of our amazing friends ( pretty much family ) sent Lincoln’s story in when he was first diagnosed - we originally wanted to go on a trip but because of covid we couldn’t so .. the trip realistically came to us and we got a TRAILER! It’s perfect for all our needs and wants and we can’t wait to go spend some weekends by the lake. Lincoln absolutely loves camping but with a tent it’s near impossible because he .. runs away whenever he wants too - Including in the middle of the night and this momma couldn’t handle the heart attack any more!! His treatments are still running smoothly and everything’s still on track to ring the end of treatment bell on may 26th of next year! 3 days before his 6th birthday .. what a present that’ll be !! We can’t wait - only 11 more trips to the hospital and we’re done!!

All in all the first couple weeks of summer have been nothing short of spectacular and I’m so glad Lincoln’s on this side of the hospital this year 🧡🧡

Well it has been hectic around here!!
First - we welcomed a new member into our family! Lincoln was super excited at first, then got extremely jealous, and then fell completely in love with her. I wouldn’t say they’re best friends yet as Kona blinks and Lincoln get scared but he likes to love her from a distance!
Then we celebrated 5 WHOLE TRIPS AROUND THE SUN ☀️ with our smallest baby! Lincoln had the best time celebrating 5 with all of our family - toy story themed of course! Then Lincoln got a room makeover!! We used all his old furniture, sanded it down and painted it ( again toy story of course ) and gave him a big boy room!
Other than that we’ve been hanging out at home spending lots of time together and outside as we prepare for me to head back to work starting tomorrow! I’m gonna miss my days with my baby but I know this will be good for my mental health and personal well being!!

Also he only has 11 FRIGGEN treatment dates left and then we’re D. O. N. E!!!!!!!

❤️❤️

Things in life happen fast but you growing up has by far been the fastest.

You’re more full of life than ever, and truly LIVE every single second of every single day. You’re always going, always moving, perpetual motion. When you’re not in the hospital you’re running, jumping, wrestling, or playing soccer. You need outlets to your energy, and totally shine when you have them, and have a hard time when you don’t. I wish I could have just a piece of your innocence. You’re still very sensitive, my little empath. You get frustrated when you’re not the best at something, your feelings get so hurt if you feel excluded, and you totally crumble when you get corrected by Mike or me. You need approval, the need to be reminded how loved you are, and to feel a sense of security. Words of affirmation and physical touch are your love languages and are so very important to you. You’re always nervous to try new things and there’s nothing you love more than being home, but we’ve found that when we push you, it really does wonders for you.
This year has taken my you, my little boy, and turned you into such a big kid. Hanging out with you feels more and more like hanging out with my best friend, which has to be the best part about watching you grow. Yet this last year has been anything but kind to you.
Lincoln my little bug you have climbed mountains no human should ever have too and yet you’ve made it to the other side. You’ve walked with one foot infront of the other ever so gracefully without missing a beat and we couldn’t be more proud of the little boy that stands before us today.
When I think back to the day that you were born, I had no idea what you had in store for us. How much you’d challenge my sanity, my patience, and push me to my breaking point, over and over again. But I also couldn’t have possibly known how it feels to have your heart walking outside of your body, how we would give anything, everything, to have you be happy and healthy. Those same blue eyes that looked straight into my soul 5 years ago are still the most beautiful eyes I’ve seen. And when they laugh, our whole world lights up. Happy 5th birthday, my baby boy. May all your dreams come true.

I love you so much ❤️❤️

Unfortunately Lincoln spent this last year fighting cancer instead of making friends .. SO
If you’re in the area and freeeee feel free to stop on by and give this little guy a fist bump and a happy birthday! He’d love to see everyone ❤️

Just let me know if you think you might stop in!

May 19th 2023
372 days
53 weeks
And this dude will complete treatment.
There’s an end.
We’re almost there baby ❤️❤️❤️

From before till now.
You’re transformation is unrecognizable.
How did you never lose your spunky little self?
My god I love you.
❤️❤️❤️

Ps how are you 5 in 3 weeks. this momma cannot handle it 🥲🥲

Lincoln finally made his way into treatment today after being off for 3 weeks because he had stupid croup. Being able to make it to treatment meant we got all the results back we’ve been anxiously awaiting …

This dude ..

Is a miracle child for real.

100,000 cells and not 1 leukemic blast.

He’s been moved from labeled high risk - to low risk, meaning his chance of relapse is now very small.

I have no words. I’m gonna snuggle the hell outta my baby, probably cry, and check in later.

Thank you. Thanks to all of you ❤️

Well, Lincoln decided we needed to arrive 7 1/2 hours early to the childrens hospital VIA ambulance - leaving with a croup diagnosis and canceled treatment for tomorrow more than likely. He got to meet fire fighters, paramedics, and police men tonight as well as see police cars fire trucks and ambulances! He got 2 shots in the bum and rocked using an oxygen mask for the first time ever.

He was scared and overwhelmed as was I. But we made it through and are now going home to sleep. Finally.

There’s always usually a bit of day before the hospital anxiety but today it’s a little extra. We’ll get Lincoln’s results back tomorrow afternoon to find out wether this pesky stuff is still gone away or if it’s making a return.

I ever I ask for anything please keep Lincoln in your thoughts and prayers tonight, send all the good vibes his way! My hope is it’ll be enough to create a force field to protect him no matter what happens ❤️

Will be updating everyone tomorrow afternoon as soon as we know!

All our love ❤️

Lincoln’s feeling so much better these days, he has more energy and is back to eating everything in sight, playing with his bros and hanging out outside sometimes when it’s warm enough out! He’s been full of p**s and vinegar the last few days which has been truly amazing to see ❤️❤️ we missed this smile over the last couple of weeks!