Harry's Butterfly: Ectopic & Pregnancy Loss Awareness

With a heavy heart 💔

💜🦋

Thinking of you all today

💜🦋



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If you would like to join a dedicated Facebook support group that offers a safe space to talk and share one another's experiences the link is in my bio (on Instagram) or you can click the "join group" button at the top of the page (Facebook) xx

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If you would like to join a dedicated Facebook support group that offers a safe space to talk and share one another's experiences the link is in my bio (on Instagram) or you can click the "join group" button at the top of the page (Facebook) xx

Today marks which is an opportunity to start a conversation about mental health. Sadly, as many as 1 in 5 women who experience ectopic pregnancy display symptoms of post-traumatic stress at least nine months after the trauma. We believe that women should be able to access the care that they need and healthcare professionals be equipped with the resources needed to screen, diagnose, and provide treatment to those affected. We have information on our website about seeking counselling services including the importance of finding trained and qualified therapists and counsellors. If you are thinking about seeking professional therapy and would like to talk it through, our peer-to-peer support services are available as a friendly space. ectopic.org.uk/patients/emotional-impact/

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If you would like to join a dedicated Facebook support group that offers a safe space to talk and share one another's experiences the link is in my bio (on Instagram) or you can click the "join group" button at the top of the page (Facebook) xx

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More detailed information available at ectopic.org.uk/patients/what-is-an-ectopic-pregnancy/



********************************** If you would like to join a dedicated Facebook support group that offers a safe space to talk and share one another's experiences the link is in my bio (on Instagram) or you can click the "join group" button at the top of the page (Facebook) xx

The Big Secret Surrounding Pregnancy Loss.
In society there is an unwritten 'rule' of sorts that when you discover you are pregnant, you are to keep it quiet until you pass the milestone of around 12 weeks. Sure it's not written in stone, but when you announce earlier you recognise the confused looks and the 'they are a little quick out of the gate' glances between others.

Once a pregnancy hits between 10-12 weeks the risk of a loss reduces quite drastically. So inadvertently this archaic protocol just tells the woman coming home from hospital with a broken heart and an empty womb that she should remain quiet. That it shouldn't be spoken about, that no one really want's to hear about it.

Announcing a loss to those around you is one of the hardest things that you can do. You feel vulnerable and scared, you are opening wounds and laying them out for others to see.
If you have not announced you were expecting you are left with two choices.

You announce your pregnancy and your loss at the same time. This leaves you stumbling on your words as you try to get to the loss part before someone breaks into a smile and congratulates you, leaving you feel guilty. You never got to celebrate the life that you were carrying, instead it was shrouded in secrecy.

The other choice is to say nothing. You suffer in silence and lead a double life, you tell people that you were unwell or away for a while. You daren't show your true feelings so you go through the motions with a fake smile on your face.

The one time that we are in need of support is the one time we feel abandoned by society. This needs to change, this unwritten rule of when and how women are allowed to announce a pregnancy has to be vetoed.

So when a friend or family member announce they are a few weeks pregnant, please celebrate with them. Because you don't know if that might be the only time that person gets the opportunity. And if they end up going through a loss then they will need you, they will need the support of someone who spent that first moment celebrating with them.

💜🦋

It's Okay to feel many things at the same time.

If you are thinking of making 2021 the year you make a difference then do consider the challenge.
I took part in 2017 and haven’t looked back since, and there’s a fantastic team already waiting to welcome you 💜

Whether your thoughts are turning to a New Year’s Resolution or are simply looking to be more active in 2021, we have just the inspiration for you! The EPT1000 Challenge is your goal, your way, covering either 1000 miles or kms over the year. You can choose to walk, run, cycle, swim, or any other way you can think of, and select a start date that suits you. Our Fundraising Coordinator, Jill, and our dedicated Facebook group are ready to welcome you. Sign up today: ectopic.org.uk/get-involved/fundraising/be-active/ept1000/

It can be easy to feel your grief is a little lost in everything that is going on in the world.
Your grief matters, your pain matters. Your baby matters. YOU matter.

💜🦋

#2020 #2021

********************************** If you would like to join a dedicated Facebook support group that offers a safe space to talk and share one another's experiences the link is in my bio (on Instagram) or you can click the "join group" button at the top of the page (Facebook) xx

If Christmas is hard,
If you’ve lost someone dear.
Just look in your heart,
And you’ll know they’re still here.

The star in the sky,
The light falling snow.
The robin outside,
It seems like they know.

If this is a time,
When you’re struggling through.
Just do what you can,
For what matters, is you.

There’s no need to be merry,
There’s no need to be bright.
Just do what you can,
It will all be alright.

Source: ***s Design

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If you would like to join a dedicated Facebook support group that offers a safe space to talk and share one another's experiences the link is in my bio (on Instagram) or you can click the "join group" button at the top of the page (Facebook) xx

Sending you all Christmas wishes and love. No matter if or how you celebrate, I hope that the festive season treats you kindly.

From my home to yours, Merry Christmas 🎄

💜🦋



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If you would like to join a dedicated Facebook support group that offers a safe space to talk and share one another's experiences the link is in my bio (on Instagram) or you can click the "join group" button at the top of the page (Facebook) xx

Usually on our anniversary I write about the positives that have come my since we lost Harry, and there are many. But five years on, today I don't feel much like being positive.
Today I feel an emotion that I haven't felt for a while when I think of our experience, today I feel angry and I feel a little lost, I am looking for answers that I know that I won't ever receive.

Honestly, I think the pandemic has intensified so many emotions for so many people this year and looking for positives has become quite draining. Our tradition around Harry's anniversary is to have a Santa visit because the only photo I have of me pregnant with Harry was on such a visit, this year we can't because we decided that it was safest not to, and that was the first thing I cried about this morning.

My thoughts have quickly turned to those who are having to go through the same ordeal completely alone, the isolation I felt was so overwhelming and to think that is far worse for women right now is simply unfair.

Anniversaries can knock you sideways, they aren't the same year in year out. They may change focus, they may bring new emotions or resurface old ones. But no matter how you get through, how much it might feel like you are alone, you aren't. There is so much support and love within the community that we all wish we didn't have membership to.

Take care of yourselves during the festive season,

Kerri xx

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If you would like to join a dedicated Facebook support group that offers a safe space to talk and share one another's experiences the link is in my bio (on Instagram) or you can click the "join group" button at the top of the page (Facebook) xx

December! Definitely one of my favourite times of the year, full of magic and all things that twinkle.

But also a difficult month for so many people, including myself, that will face anniversaries and milestones after baby loss.

So today I send my love and strength to anyone that needs it during the festive season. You are not alone.

💜🦋


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If you would like to join a dedicated Facebook support group that offers a safe space to talk and share one another's experiences the link is in my bio (on Instagram) or you can click the "join group" button at the top of the page (Facebook) xx

💜🦋


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If you would like to join a dedicated Facebook support group that offers a safe space to talk and share one another's experiences the link is in my bio (on Instagram) or you can click the "join group" button at the top of the page (Facebook) xx

Today marks 5 whole years since we found out you were a part of our lives.

The moment a mother finds out, there is nothing but love. The most intense love that does not waver...and excitement for the future.
It doesn't matter how long we know for, minutes, hours, days or weeks...because once that love is ignited it is all consuming and magical.

So today, Harry, that is the feeling I am hanging on to. That all consuming love that I have felt for you now for five years. That love that made me walk in the clouds, that love that will always be there.

For you are a piece of my heart that dances among the stars.

I came across this beautiful book of poems and quotes by by chance. So many relatable pages

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If you would like to join a dedicated Facebook support group that offers a safe space to talk and share one another's experiences the link is in my bio (on Instagram) or you can click the "join group" button at the top of the page (Facebook) xx

Our babies tiptoe into our world so quietly and then leave silently.

Our hearts break in such a way that it isn't audible to anyone but us.

Our minds scream for help yet our lips remain still.

From the very start we are shrouded in silence, encased in this big secret. We stay quiet to keep others from feeling uncomfortable, all the while the screams in our head become deafening.

Silence does not stop pregnancy and infant loss. Us remaining quiet will not prevent any more parents from feeling that heart break, that pain.

But us talking, sharing and being honest....that's powerful. We cannot stop hearts from breaking but removing the silence means those broken hearts have people around them to catch them before they shatter on the floor.

💜🦋



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If you would like to join a dedicated Facebook support group that offers a safe space to talk and share one another's experiences the link is in my bio (on Instagram) or you can click the "join group" button at the top of the page (Facebook) xx

🕯Wave Of Light 2020🕯

My candles are lighting in memory of all of our babies, the flowers represent those that did not get the chance to bloom.
Sending each of you peace and love this evening as our candles burn brightly in unison creating a wave of light across the globe.

Together, we remember.

Please feel free to share your own photos in the comments section 🦋💜

So here we are, another October 15th. A day that is aimed at breaking the silence around pregnancy and infant loss, a day for opening and starting conversations.

Most importantly, a day for us to@come together and pay tribute to our own experiences and stand shoulder to shoulder with those who have been through the trauma of loss.

Today, and everyday, I stand with you. I see you. I am you.

💜🦋



**********************************

If you would like to join a dedicated Facebook support group that offers a safe space to talk and share one another's experiences the link is in my bio (on Instagram) or you can click the "join group" button at the top of the page (Facebook) xx

The Big Secret Surrounding Pregnancy Loss.
In society there is an unwritten 'rule' of sorts that when you discover you are pregnant, you are to keep it quiet until you pass the milestone of around 12 weeks. Sure it's not written in stone, but when you announce earlier you recognise the confused looks and the 'they are a little quick out of the gate' glances between others.

Once a pregnancy hits between 10-12 weeks the risk of a loss reduces quite drastically. So inadvertently this archaic protocol just tells the woman coming home from hospital with a broken heart and an empty womb that she should remain quiet. That it shouldn't be spoken about, that no one really want's to hear about it.

Announcing a loss to those around you is one of the hardest things that you can do. You feel vulnerable and scared, you are opening wounds and laying them out for others to see.
If you have not announced you were expecting you are left with two choices.

You announce your pregnancy and your loss at the same time. This leaves you stumbling on your words as you try to get to the loss part before someone breaks into a smile and congratulates you, leaving you feel guilty. You never got to celebrate the life that you were carrying, instead it was shrouded in secrecy.

The other choice is to say nothing. You suffer in silence and lead a double life, you tell people that you were unwell or away for a while. You daren't show your true feelings so you go through the motions with a fake smile on your face.

The one time that we are in need of support is the one time we feel abandoned by society. This needs to change, this unwritten rule of when and how women are allowed to announce a pregnancy has to be vetoed.
So when a friend or family member announce they are a few weeks pregnant, please celebrate with them. Because you don't know if that might be the only time that person gets the opportunity. And if they end up going through a loss then they will need you, they will need the support of someone who spent that first moment celebrating with them. 💜🦋

I will be lighting candles for us and for anyone else affected by pregnancy and baby loss. Please join, at 7pm on Thursday a post will go up on the ectopic pregnancy trust page where you can share your candles and come together virtually to remember 💜💜

Baby Loss Awareness Week presents the opportunity for people affected by pregnancy and baby loss to unite to commemorate their losses. The week will culminate on Thursday 15th October at 7pm with the poignant global Wave of Light. During this Wave of Light, we will remember the babies that have died during pregnancy, at during or after birth, by lighting a candle at 7pm and leaving it to burn for at least one hour.

Today marks the beginning of Baby Loss Awareness Week 2020, a week that’s emotional yet a chance to empower and be empowered.

This is a chance for the community to come together as one, share experiences and raise much needed awareness.

Please pop over and follow this week to keep discussions open. Today they have a suite of graphics that you can also share 💜

💜🦋


**********************************

If you would like to join a dedicated Facebook support group that offers a safe space to talk and share one another's experiences the link is in my bio (on Instagram) or you can click the "join group" button at the top of the page (Facebook) xx

To my pregnant friend,

When you announced your wonderful news I hope my discomfort didn’t offend you. I hope you didn’t get distracted by the tear that escaped from the corner of my eye. I’m sorry that I momentarily let my mask fall.

You see, and this is hard to explain, but I am so very happy for you...and yet so incredibly sad for me.

I don’t mean to sound selfish nor do I wish to take away from your joy, I want you to enjoy every second of your miracle and relish every milestone ahead of you. I am rooting for you and cheering you on.

Somedays when I feel strong I will log on to your social media so I can see how you are doing, so I can smile at that ‘glow’ every pregnant woman has. But on my weak days I will avoid you, I will not make eye contact because I am terrified you will see the jealousy that lies beneath the surface. I wish it was me. And I feel guilty for feeling that.

The truly crazy thing is that this won’t change if or when I do fall pregnant again. For I know that the moment you got that positive test you were filled with hope and joy, I remember how amazing that feel s...I felt that, right before i was brought crashing back down to earth and the hope was snatched cruelly from me. Now when I get that positive test I will feel anxiety and fear. I will not walk into a scan with a smile.

You are pregnant and preparing for a baby, I will be preparing for a loss.

So please, please know that I want you to be happy. I want you to be able to complain about the symptoms you are experiencing and your aching back, I don’t want you to stop seeing me completely. I just want you to understand I may distance myself at times...but no matter how distant I am, know I want more than anything for you to be blissfully happy.

From your friend that’s been through a pregnancy loss xx

🦋💜 ********************************** If you would like to join a dedicated Facebook support group that offers a safe space to talk and share one another's experiences the link is in my bio (on Instagram) or you can click the "join group" button (fb)