Montessori Moments

Happy Purim! I was thinking about happiness and this came up on my feed. Thank you to the person who shared it!

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough, and we'll be more content when they are.

After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our partner gets his or her act together when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice holiday, when we retire.

The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when?

Your life will always be filled with challenges.

It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

A quote comes from Alfred D. Souza. He said,

"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.

So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time...and remember that time waits for no one.

So, stop waiting until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until winter, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink.... there is no better time than right now to be happy.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

Work like you don't need money,

Love like you've never been hurt,

And dance like no one's watching.

Today I ran the 10 k w my girls from Orot Hatorah. I am so proud of them!!!!

Who do I blame? Is it my fault?!
Like many moms, I take a lot a pleasure in my children, particularly the nachas of watching them grow! And I know you’ve felt it, too, that feeling inside…that excited feeling inside like maybe – be’ezras Hashem! - something I did or a part of me encouraged or inspired this child’s success. So the pride is intertwined with a pride in myself for having such great kids.
Unfortunately, the flip side is devastatingly true, too: when one of them made a mistake or got into trouble I might find myself being angry or upset or disappointed, but there was also a twinge of (guilty?) pain for myself inside of me! That questioning voice: what could I have done to prevent this...could I have given them better tools..? I guess it’s the way I see life – a bit of me in them and a bit of them in me. And I could always live with it, always get over it. That is, until I had a child who simply did not fit the mold….
I found myself in a state of absolute panic. What happened, how could this happen?! Did I do this, did my husband, did the school..? Worse – although it was the thing that made me reassess my whole point of view – was that I could hear (sense?) family members and neighbors and friends asking the same questions!
My self-conscious chesbon hanesfesh reached new heights (OK, lows!) and I became hyper-sensitive to the world around me and how that world looked at and saw my family and me. Not that I didn’t care beforehand – I assure you I did – but suddenly I found myself standing alone, knowing that there were others looking at me, worried that if my child was like this maybe he could and would lead others astray (like maybe it’s contagious...) And I’m not saying that it isn’t a possibility – kids do do what they see their friends doing – but the feeling was so difficult, so isolating. This was 25 years ago, and no one was talking about “off the derech” (G-d, I still hate that expression!) I didn’t know where or who to turn to, what I could do to “make things better.” It seemed like everyone I did talk to had different advice about how to handle this. But no shoe fit the foot: I wanted a solution to figure this out, but knew the problem was not black and white; so my heart told me that the solution wouldn’t be black or white either.
Looking back, I’m struck by how much blame I took – especially from myself – for what happened. I felt so certain that I (or something around me) messed up and I was suffering because of it. So I davened, I cried, I sent for segulos and more…I felt like the world of this child and my own rested on the outcome. And this was WRONG.
I am sure that I have my own tikkunim to do – many, for sure –but I learned a lesson that I wish I knew before this came up. And this is why I’m writing (maybe the sharing is part of that tikkun): I’ve learned more about acceptance, about shame and especially about blame. I have gained a deeper depth of perspective.
In a nutshell: every person must go on their own journey, and we do not control that journey...only Hashem does. We can contribute to another’s expedition, but it isn’t ours: we can watch it, but we can’t own it.
Each of my children has his and her own journey and I cannot take that away from them. Each child is on their derech; and while I can (and MUST) support and love and care and try to give them the tools they need to be their best, I’m not in the driver’s seat. Not only that, but if they choose to ignore the GPS (I hope I’m not riding the metaphor too far) I can’t control that, either! It was painful to not be in control – like watching the toddler pull the vase off the table and not being able to get to it before it hits the tiled floor – but I needed to learn it. A major turning point came when a good friend – one who did not leave me during this time – said, “You know, Rivkah, you loved your kids, you cared for them, you gave them your all...” Up to that point I was so sure it was my fault.
It still didn’t come easily, I had to think about what she said. I pulled out pictures of that child: did they look happy? did I hug them enough? did they get what the other children got? did I give them what they needed?! Coming to a place of acceptance was a long time coming for me.
I had to learn to put that negativity and self-blaming into a box; a box I would only open when I was davening or in therapy (oh, yes I did therapy. I desperately wanted – still WANT – to better understand what happened and how to deal with it.) I had to learn to accept that my child’s journey is his; and as much as I wanted to change it, I need to accept that there are things I just could not have foreseen or done anything about. Being a good parent doesn’t guarantee anything. Having a challenged child doesn’t automatically imply anything, either...
The payoff? It has helped me change my relationship with my children today. I still want to be that “perfect parent person” for them, but I understand that even if I could be it, it wouldn’t guarantee me results: I’ve stopped judging myself based on RESULTS. I daven with a fuller – but lighter, less burdened-by-guilt – heart and soul. I have accepted as ratzon Hashem that each journey has plenty of things we know and (probably twice as many) things that we don’t. Only Hashem has that ability to see and know ALL, and so He yisborach, makes the judgment calls.
I am grateful for this because I think that I have become a more accepting and kinder person to others. (Strange how not judging myself so harshly has changed how I judge others, right?) I try to look at these children like I look at my own: my children may not be on the path I would have chosen, but Hashem has given them to me on this journey and I will show up for them every day, with all that I am, because that’s what He, yisborach, wants of me.
And I do not blame the people and mosdos around me as well: there is good in them, and they work hard to find and help each and every child as best they can. My child is on his journey; only Hashem can judge his steps and those of all of us around him.

I spoke to parents last night in Ashdod! A new initiative from Shuvu school system are opening Montessori inspired ganim! How awesome is that! Changing these children lifes one Montessori Moments at a time!

How true is this!

MOTHER (of 4 Soliders)

I wonder I worry
What is the army feeding you?
Is it enough & the right type

I wonder I worry
As you sleep in sleeping bags on the ground
with noise all around

I wonder I worry
Through the long training and walking (and such heavy boots)
do your feet get enough air or will you get a fungus

I wonder I worry
Will you be ready: will you be fast enough
if something happens

I wonder I worry
Can you fire your gun and take another’s life
when your own’s in danger

I daven with tears
That’s my job
to take all that feeling, the wild emotions and
fight for you UP THERE while you are fighting down here.
Except when I can’t
numb & blocked
so tired of wondering and worrying

Until I remind myself Who wonders and worries for
the mother of 4 soldiers.

One of my many “roles and goals” is to share with teachers and parents how to be more Montessori focused. Sometimes this takes a more abstract form, sharing Montessori philosophy and outlook with them and showing them how this can affect and improve our lives, while other times it’s much more concrete. This week I was working with a group of teachers to better understand the Montessori math materials. The starting point is to understand that basic math is one of the fundamental skills, and it impacts so many things we do. A deep, clear understanding of math principles and concepts helps us not only maneuver our world and its elements more comfortably and effectively, but helps us understand and appreciate the world. And the roots for these concepts are best acquired at an early age!
I have four boys serving in the army: on the one hand I feel so proud of them for protecting our nation, while on the other I’m scared out of my mind. (I do have emunah - faith - but I am their mother!) Sometimes another feeling comes up, too, a feeling I’m not particularly proud of: unfairness. Why should I have 4 boys - sooooo many! - serving? This negative thought plagued my mind for weeks until this week, as I was teaching math and how it impacts our life, an answer came to me. I need to look at the universal math equation.
Math teaches perspective. The first concepts of math, such as more/less/equal, larger/smaller, the basics of numeracy, leading to addition, subtraction, multiplication and division all point us to understanding the relative place of numbers. I took a step back to think of my four boys in relation to all the Jews in the world. We have so many people - thousands and tens of thousands - who are each doing what they can to support and improve the world, the Jewish Nation, and Israel.
There are people who are serving, there are people who are learning, there are people who are raising money. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t added Tehillim or tefilos, or isn’t spending more time in their prayers… Some people are articulate and have a platform, so they raise their voices or put their points into articles in support of the Jewish People and Israel publicly. Artists are creating beautiful songs and moving videos to inspire and encourage our souls and raise morale. Other people pitch in simply by proudly displaying their Jewish faith. If I see my sons as my “ones and onlies” (and of course I do in many circumstances) I feel the pain, the fear, the negativity. But if I see them as part of this beautiful mathematical equation, a tiny part of an awesome whole, then my perspective changes. They are doing their part of the equation, equally with so many who are also doing their parts; and if any of these parts were missing, the result - our shelaymus, the National Whole - would not be the same!
I was able to take comfort from this thought in many ways. For one thing, it’s not up to me to choose how anyone else shows up and gives: the facts are the facts. I can control only my own self and my own thoughts, and that gives me the ability to make my understanding and awe of how Hashem runs the world grow daily. Another comforting element that strikes me is when I see that the equation really should not work…yet it does! We have heard story after story about personal and general miracles (we know there are no coincidences!).

Montessori Moments! Creating Moments that change the,world!

Brand new!! I am so happy to share with you!!!
Check out my new blog! Let me know what you think!

Resources and Tips | Montessori Moments

My daughter told me an amazing story.
There,was a man who recently got into a taxi and said to the driver shalom achi, hello my brother . The taxi driver looked at him and said don't say that to me. The man looked at the taxi driver and replied but we are, to which the taxi driver Said loudly don't say that!! The man looked at the taxi driver and said you know that's what my Rebbe taught me. The taxi driver looked at the man and said ha who was ur Rebbe. The man looked at him and said Hilter. He taught us that religious non religious where ever on the spectrum you are it does matter,..... you are all JEWS
Hamas too does not care where on the spectrum we fall...we are all JEWS. Need I say more!

One day, a child wrote on the blackboard:
9x1 = 9
9 x2 = 18
9 x 3 = 27
9 x 4 = 36
9 x 5 = 45
9 x 6 = 54
9 x 7 = 63
9 x 8 = 72
9 x 9 = 81
9x10 = 91

In class, students mocked him and made fun of him because he had made a mistake, as the correct answer for 9 x 10 is 90.
The child waited for everyone to be quiet and said: ′′Despite me answering the first 9 questions correctly, no one congratulated me. Instead, when I got one wrong, everyone started laughing. This means that despite being very successful, society will only notice the smallest mistake and make fun of it. Don't let simple criticism destroy your dreams."

Only those who do nothing don't make mistakes...

On Rosh Hashana, we daven for the coming year. We daven for ourselves, we daven for our families, for those that we are close to. May Hashem listen to all our prayers. May they be heard and granted for our good.

Do you know the feeling of trying so hard to get to a specific goal and not reaching it, not necessarily because of something you did or did not do but because of something out of your control? This happened to me recently at a workshop I was giving – I completely blanked and forgot what I was saying. I had totally prepared, I had rehearsed and I had visuals…but NOTHING CAME OUT! I was so frustrated. This happens to us as parents as well as teachers! My son Shalom Zalman recently shared a beautiful work that help me so much in understanding and actually accepting when things like this happen!
Our Sages say that when Adam haRishon, the first human, ate from the “eitz hada’as”, the Tree of Knowledge, his intention was really to get closer to Hashem. He said to himself, “Right now the yetzer hara, the inclination to do evil, is outside myself and not really part of me. But if I eat from the Tree it will enter into and become a part of me. Once I know Good and Evil I will have to fight harder to do Hashem’s Will, and by succeeding in this struggle will come closer to Hashem. It was not a bad thought process – getting close to Hashem is, of course, a worthy ideal - but the Hashem did not ask him to analyze what his best course of action would be! He was commanded to not eat from the tree; and even with the best of intentions he should not have done it, because Hashem told him not to.
Now think of Avraham Avinu; think about his test of sacrificing his son, Yitzchok. Every “rational” fiber of his being must have wanted to scream “NO WAY!” Avraham had a deep understanding of and relationship with Hashem, particularly relating to the quality of Mercy: Avraham is called the “Pillar of Chessed (Kindness).” Avraham is the Father of Nations (what kind of example would this set?!), and Hashem had promised that “through Yitzchak will your children be called.” Yet, when Hashem told him to go and sacrifice his son, although he really could have come up with many ideas to avoid this act (one that comes to mind is “you didn’t understand what Hashem was asking, He can’t be suggesting human sacrifice! Hashem must be asking something else of you…) he accepted that this is what Hashem wants and this is what I need to do. And by taking this approach – the opposite of Adam’s! – by swallowing his “logic” and following what he was commanded to do, Avraham rectified Adam’s mistake. The tikkun olam, the correction of the world, begins with Avraham.
This is a deep and powerful lesson for us. So much of our everyday lives are about controlling what we do. Yet very often this obsession with control just adds more pressure and stress to our lives, making our lives harder, crazier, and in no way better. Often, we need to accept that the world is too big for us to see the big picture. For example, I needed to see and accept that I did not have final control to give over a workshop and guarantee that it will come out exactly the way I planned it to be or wanted it to be. Many, many things are not within our control. So…
What IS within my control? My ability to try my best to achieve what Hashem wants, and my ability to believe and have faith in Hashem. We must do whatever we can to the best of our abilities and remember that everything Hashem does is really for the best. “Rabbos machshavos b’lev ish, atzas Hashem hi sakum” There are many thoughts in a person’s heart, but Hashem’s Will will come about. When the unexpected, unwanted, undesired happens in the middle of what we are doing then Hashem has given us a task of accepting it with love and faith…and that is within my power to do.
This is an extremely powerful and valuable message to ourselves as parents as teachers and as people. It can save us from anger, frustration, and depression; and imagine what a powerful role model we will be for our children when they see that we are able to do this “superhuman” feat. May we be blessed with the merit of achieving this quality and sharing these moments with our children!
Montessori Moments!
Creating Moments that Matter!

בדיוק חזרתי מסדנה אחת וישר קפצתי לסדנה אחרת! כמה כיף!! לחזור מבילוי של יומיים מלאים עם גן "חי טוטס'' מבאר שבע! מסדנאות להקמת כיתה ועד לסדנאות ערב הורים בבית הספר, הכנת כיתות, ואימון פרטי עם צוותי המורים,לא הייתה עצירה לרגע! לצוות הזה יש אנרגיה כל כך גדולה! כזו פתיחות ללמידה!

היה לי הכבוד והזכות להתחבר לצוות ולהורים ולצוות

האדמיניסטרטיבי בגן "חי טוטס" !!!!

I love the people I work with !!!!

I just came back from spending 2 full days with Chai Tots of Beer Sheva! From workshops to classroom set up to back to school night and private coaching with teacher teams, it was not stop action! This staff has such great energy! Such an openess to learning!
It was an honor and a privilege to connect to the staff and to the parents and to administrative team at Chai Tots!!!!!
Montessori Moments !!!

Usually I don't like to hike myself. But its a good activity for me to stretch out of my comfort zone.. Being in nature allowing my hearing to try to reach far, listening to nature, remembering that in reality I am here walking and that i may not feel it but i am always walking with Hashem. He never leaves me even when I feel like no one else is around . If I am honest, it scares me to be alone in nature's wonder. It's feels like there is an awesome power surrounding me. I am such a little part of this world. For today I sit here listening to the music of the leaves in the trees , I practice breathing and quietness. Greatful for these moments to learn more about who I am and strength to keep growing, and learning my truth.. Montessori Moments: making each moment matter!

The last 2 days I worked with a group of teachers who inspired me with their dedication to growth and change. When I think about Montessori Moments our logo that says creating Moments that Matter! These teachers took it to a totally new level. Thank you to the Chabad of Jacksonville! It was a privilege and an honor and I can't wait to meet up again on zoom!!!
I also need to say their director is one of the most awesome ladies around! Dream beyond and dream big!

The last 2 days I worked with a group of teachers who inspired me with their dedication to growth and change. When I think about Montessori Moments our logo that says creating Moments that Matter! These teachers took it to a totally new level. Thank you to the Chabad of Jacksonville! It was a privilege and an honor and I can't wait to meet up again on zoom!!!

I spoke to a group of Educational Directors of Early Childhood. I introduced the importance of getting to know each and every child and how that can make a significant impact of each child's success: academically, emotionally and social in our classrooms. I created a small questionary to help us understand the concept of how we learn differently- take it and let me know if its true for you! Learning Modalities, We all receive and process information—that is, we learn—in different ways, based partly on out environments but mostly on our genetic profiles. Experts have identified different learning styles (modalities) and, even at a very early age, your child’s probable learning style is likely indicated through clues that you can observe. This is valuable, because once you identify your child’s main learning style – whether your child learns by looking, listening, or doing – you can help shape their educational experience by emphasizing this primary learning style (of course, at the same time you don’t ignore the other modalities.) Let’s have some fun: find YOUR Learning Modality (Adapted from Kids Learning Style Survey (ltkcdn.net) )

Circle the answer that best describes you:
1. You are most likely to remember information that you get from a… a. Podcast b. Video c. Book d. From Doing

2. Which of these is most true? “When I learn, I pay attention most when the speaker…” a. Shows pictures or writes on a whiteboard b. Gives me a worksheet to fill out c. Teaches a rhyme or a song to remember key information d. Shares a song with hand or body movements in it

3. When a speaker is talking I most notice: a. That his/her outfit looks different today b. The changes in the way his/her voice sounds c. Each fact he/she say d. The doodles on my notebook page

4. Generally, for me, the easiest test questions are ones that: a. Include graphs or diagrams b. Are read out loud to me c. Are word problems d. Ask me to use a tool like a ruler or calculator

5. My favorite kind of project is: a. An art project b. A music project c. A book report d. A hands-on activity

6. In my home, the job I like most is: a. Decorating the rooms b. Reading the instructions for how to do things c. Taking notes or making lists for my family and for responsibilities d. Walking around making sure everyone has what they need and keeping them on task

7. Which job would you choose, as a fun way to make money? a. Graphic Designer/ Cartographer b. Doing the voices for animated shows c. Author - writing books d. Park Ranger

8. I learned to ride a bike by: a. Watching a sibling or friend do it b. Listening to my parent tell me how c. Reading about how to ride d. Getting on a bike and trying it

9. In group projects I prefer to be the person who: a. Draws the pictures or charts b. Takes on speaking roles c. Takes the notes d. Builds props or objects for a presentation

10. When I studied for the written drivers’ test, I (pick the MAIN one): a. Made a chart and/or illustrations of the information b. Had someone ask me quiz me or ask questions c. Took written practice tests d. Used models or blocks to practice and review

HERE ARE YOUR RESULTS: Count the number of times you circled each letter and write those numbers on the corresponding lines below. Circle the letter you answered most. If you tied on any letters, your learning style is a combination of those answers. A = _________ B = _________ C = __________ D = __________ If you answered with...

Mostly A: You are a Visual Learner. This means you understand and remember information better when it is something you can see such as a picture, graph, or chart.

Mostly B: You are an Aural or Auditory Learner. This means you learn best from hearing information, especially when it has a rhythm to it.

Mostly C: You are a Verbal Learner. This means you understand and remember information better when you read or write it yourself.

Mostly D: You are a Kinesthetic or Physical Learner. This means you learn best from hands-on experiences, or when you are moving as you read/listen.

Of course, you may would need to adapt this test for your child, but I wouldn’t even recommend asking him or her the questions:

OBSERVE THEM
As a parent, now that you know what you’re looking for, you’ll know how to understand what you see, and what to do about it. This will give you insight for yourself and for your child’s teachers (if they’re not familiar with this concept educate them!)

I spoke to a group of Educational Directors of Early Childhood. I introduced the importance of getting to know each and every child and how that can make a significant impact of each child's success: academically, emotionally and social in our classrooms. I created a small questionary to help us understand the concept of how we learn differently- take it and let me know if its true for you! Learning Modalities, We all receive and process information—that is, we learn—in different ways, based partly on out environments but mostly on our genetic profiles. Experts have identified different learning styles (modalities) and, even at a very early age, your child’s probable learning style is likely indicated through clues that you can observe. This is valuable, because once you identify your child’s main learning style – whether your child learns by looking, listening, or doing – you can help shape their educational experience by emphasizing this primary learning style (of course, at the same time you don’t ignore the other modalities.) Let’s have some fun: find YOUR Learning Modality (Adapted from Kids Learning Style Survey (ltkcdn.net) )

Circle the answer that best describes you:
1. You are most likely to remember information that you get from a… a. Podcast b. Video c. Book d. From Doing

2. Which of these is most true? “When I learn, I pay attention most when the speaker…” a. Shows pictures or writes on a whiteboard b. Gives me a worksheet to fill out c. Teaches a rhyme or a song to remember key information d. Shares a song with hand or body movements in it

3. When a speaker is talking I most notice: a. That his/her outfit looks different today b. The changes in the way his/her voice sounds c. Each fact he/she say d. The doodles on my notebook page

4. Generally, for me, the easiest test questions are ones that: a. Include graphs or diagrams b. Are read out loud to me c. Are word problems d. Ask me to use a tool like a ruler or calculator

5. My favorite kind of project is: a. An art project b. A music project c. A book report d. A hands-on activity

6. In my home, the job I like most is: a. Decorating the rooms b. Reading the instructions for how to do things c. Taking notes or making lists for my family and for responsibilities d. Walking around making sure everyone has what they need and keeping them on task

7. Which job would you choose, as a fun way to make money? a. Graphic Designer/ Cartographer b. Doing the voices for animated shows c. Author - writing books d. Park Ranger

8. I learned to ride a bike by: a. Watching a sibling or friend do it b. Listening to my parent tell me how c. Reading about how to ride d. Getting on a bike and trying it

9. In group projects I prefer to be the person who: a. Draws the pictures or charts b. Takes on speaking roles c. Takes the notes d. Builds props or objects for a presentation

10. When I studied for the written drivers’ test, I (pick the MAIN one): a. Made a chart and/or illustrations of the information b. Had someone ask me quiz me or ask questions c. Took written practice tests d. Used models or blocks to practice and review

HERE ARE YOUR RESULTS: Count the number of times you circled each letter and write those numbers on the corresponding lines below. Circle the letter you answered most. If you tied on any letters, your learning style is a combination of those answers. A = _________ B = _________ C = __________ D = __________ If you answered with...

Mostly A: You are a Visual Learner. This means you understand and remember information better when it is something you can see such as a picture, graph, or chart.

Mostly B: You are an Aural or Auditory Learner. This means you learn best from hearing information, especially when it has a rhythm to it.

Mostly C: You are a Verbal Learner. This means you understand and remember information better when you read or write it yourself.

Mostly D: You are a Kinesthetic or Physical Learner. This means you learn best from hands-on experiences, or when you are moving as you read/listen.

Of course, you may would need to adapt this test for your child, but I wouldn’t even recommend asking him or her the questions:

OBSERVE THEM
As a parent, now that you know what you’re looking for, you’ll know how to understand what you see, and what to do about it. This will give you insight for yourself and for your child’s teachers (if they’re not familiar with this concept educate them!)

ltkcdn.net