The Healing Space

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Great thing to reflect on: if an adult can’t communicate, express their anger, or cope with frustration— why would a 7 year old be able to? Children’s nervous system capacity is shaped by the interactions they watch and receive. When overstimulated, children intuitively look to the adults around them. What they’re saying is “help me make sense of this” and “am I safe?” A regulated adult can see the child’s capacity as different from their own. They don’t see their children’s tears or tantrums as a personal insult or disrespect. Or something to dismiss. They don’t expect children to be robots or stoic. Their emotional stability manifests as consistent behavior. The child learns: “this adult I can trust. I know how they’ll react”

Instead of punishing or shaming, they can help the child through big emotions. And at the end of the interaction, there’s a deeper connection. A chronically dysregulated adult cannot cope with frustration or tantrums. They see their child’s emotions as a burden and use punishment in an attempt to quickly get them out of that emotion. This works— temporarily. Usually because the child is filled with fear. But after the interaction there is a loss of trust and connection for that child.

We need to as a society take a look in the mirror and see where our level of regulation is currently at. Then, we need to develop patience for children who are still learning to cope with boredom, confusion, rejection, and the daily disappointments in life.

By being the calm stable presence we change the future generation

Emotional skills aren’t “soft skills.”

Our emotions are the essence of what makes us human. They are at the heart of mental health, wellbeing, culture, learning, innovation, relationships—everything that matters to healthy people, organizations, and communities.

Can we stop calling them "soft" skills already? They are essential human capacities.

Gabor Maté

Online group registration opens Wednesday. Check linktr.ee/natepost to see if it’s a good fit for you. 👍🏻

I’m glad you’re here! 🫶💞✨

Watching this cutie rabbit, how does this make you feel in the body?

The little rabbit fell asleep while eating vegetables🥬🥬 小兔子吃着菜睡着了🥬🥬🐰🐰

~ Henk 💜

You find resistance in the "shoulds," and in the shame you feel about wherever it is that you are.
In the guilt you feel about stepping toward what actually feels right for you.

You find it in the tension you hold in your body, in feeling small, and in the resentment you have toward others doing the thing you wish you could.

These are some of the clues that lead us to the place where we're feeling stuck.
To the place we need to soften and meet with acceptance.
Where we need to examine and question a story.

When you accept where you are,
when you can feel whatever it is you need to feel,
then you can start approaching the existing story with curiosity & begin to shift the tension.
You can feel the feelings, and....then space opens up.
And you free yourself up to move forward.

But to do this you have to begin to develop a relationship with this part of yourself.
To soften your judgment.
To develop a different pattern.
To become more skilled at noticing what’s happening within you.
At any moment you can begin this practice.

And if you'd like some help getting in touch with you, the Self Awareness Workshop begins March 28.

Begin practicing connecting with your physical body, your intuition, you values, and gain insight into how some of your patterns came to be (and why they're not "bad"). Small group instruction, lead by me, and we'll meet weekly for 6 weeks.

https://theeqschool.co/self-awareness-sign-up

Ever wonder why the emotions feel so intense??

***My online group is deep into “A year of compassionate growth.” Registration opens next month for new friends to join (this includes sliding scale spots). Grab a spot on the waitlist @ linktr.ee/natepost

I’m glad you’re here (unless you’re a spam, bot, or scam account messaging people pretending to be me—y’all be on the lookout and always report and block). 😉🫶💞✨

This has been shared with me by someone who feels that continuing to be present with all the unpleasant and unwanted felt sensations and emotions is the crocodile in this short movie.

As much as she would like to shake off her dysregulations, it's the crocodile that couldn't be shaken off.

The 'crocodile' in her makes her frustrated, exasperated, and sometimes makes her give up her healing journey.

Until she realized, befriending her 'crocodile' actually makes a lot of sense rather than shaking it off.

In Between - Animation Short Film 2012 - GOBELINS Abonnez-vous à la chaîne ici : http://bit.ly/YTgobelinsUne jeune femme se fait suivre par un crocodile qui représente sa timidité. Comme il lui empoisonne sa...

ℹ️🌿 SOMATIC AWARENESS: LEARNING HOW TO READ YOUR BODY’S STORY |

Throughout my practice as a somatic trauma therapist, I see patients whose painful experiences muted their connection to the body. For trauma survivors, focusing on their body sensations - even if only for a brief second - can become extremely overwhelming because it brings them back to their experiences of being neglected, abandoned, or abused.

Somatic awareness helps individuals engage in open, non-judgmental attention to the experience of the body as it unfolds. Somatic awareness involves paying attention to the sensations and signals our bodies send us. It's an intuitive process that enables us to connect with our emotions, thoughts, and experiences on a deeper level.

I’m writing this piece to explore the concept of somatic awareness and to help trauma survivors understand why this practice holds the key to understanding emotions, traumas, and overall well-being.

Read the Full Article: https://woventraumatherapy.com/blog/somatic-awareness-reading-bodys-story



📷: lifebydesigntherapy.com, Pinterest, (Quote: Bessel van der Kolk)

****Online community registration begins next month (including sliding scale spots) 🎉🎉 Details @ linktr.ee/natepost

I’m so glad you’re here! 🫶💞✨

Surviving Trauma: Without Forgiveness, Can We Still Heal? | Tara Walker Lyons | TEDxHieronymusPark Tara shares personal details of her own experience of childhood sexual abuse, reflects on her own ability to forgive, and shares action steps she has taken t...

https://youtu.be/ZdIQRxwT1I0?si=rFKH6RjdPXD4d_xb

Trauma and the Nervous System: A Polyvagal Perspective This video was developed to give a basic introduction and overview of how trauma and chronic stress affects our nervous system and how those effects impact o...

https://youtu.be/9tgo4sTGEVk?si=lxHV8HsILpRVFi2x

Building Inner Safety for Deep Healing | Dr Peter Levine | Trauma Super Conference 2023 Dr Peter Levine, creator of Somatic Experiencing, explores the importance of self-regulation for building inner safety and supporting deep emotional healing....

Someone recently shared how surprised they were to learn (after an exercise around checking in with their body) that they get energy from spending time with two very young family members (under the age of 4). Their guess was that they'd find it took energy, but the participant found those experiences had the opposite impact.

Upon reflection, they shared how refreshing it is because of how present the children are, and how present this person is able to be when with them.

With little children, there is no pretense; no social rules or norms standing in between us and them. Just pure joy, sadness, noticing, playing, exploring, and an unfiltered desire to connect.
What you see is what you get.

That is, until we get socialized out of being present.
Little kids will point out obvious discrepancies, "You said no candy before noon, but you're eating chocolate?" and they will often be met with messages that discourage them from trusting what they're seeing or experiencing.
"Mommy's an adult, don't ask questions like that."

Child, "Why is that person's [body different than mine]?"
"Don't be rude! Stop staring!"

They feel sad, begin to cry, and are met with exasperation.
They feel angry, express it as it comes up, and are met with shame.
They push back on something that truly doesn't make sense (so many social rules make zero sense), and are punished bc the adult doesn't know how to handle it.

So as little people, we learn to abandon these curious, feeling, knowing, parts of ourselves. We slowly learn to tune them out so that we can be "good."
We put on happy faces when we feel anything but happy because that's what we've learned we need to do to be liked, to be good, to make money, to feel safe, to stay connected.

It's no wonder we are so disconnected from our instincts, intuition, feelings, and bodies.
It's no wonder our bodies respond to their abandonment with depression, anxiety, sickness, and burn out.

We have to learn how to come back to ourselves, and to hold space for the people around us to do the same; this is how we heal, and how we can see and connect with each other more authentically.

*a metaphor often used by Dr. Jane Peterson, of the Human Systems Institute

THE TEENAGER'S BRAIN, MENTAL WELL-BEING AND THE COVID PANDEMIC

Studies as to how the Covid Pandemic affected the brain of teenagers have been picked by mainstream media.

In studies done post-pandemic. brain scans showed structural changes in the brain usually associated with chronic stress, appearing as premature thinning of the outer layer of the brain,

Another study pointed out that those teenagers who had weaker brain circuits pre-pandemic were more vulnerable to the negative effects of the pandemic and its stressors.

Lockdown introduced to help mitigate the spread of the virus, highlighted the importance of schools in supporting teenagers and children.

All of these may have been huge contributors to the surge in mental health issues among adolescents this pandemic.

From science to governance, we would like to see how these scientific findings guide our government in establishing policy and programs in mental health.

Brain scans reveal how COVID pandemic affected teenagers At a time when mental health among teenagers was already declining, scientists have recorded how the pandemic may have made things even worse.

A sad story of trauma and addiction.

FENTANYL KILLS: Kate Fowler's Story A mother, Nancy Fowler, shares her story of losing her 18-year-old daughter to fentanyl poisoning in this warning about the dangers of illicit fentanyl. To u...

Shame is nothing but a space where compassion and understanding is missing. And from what I’ve noticed, growth can’t happen in spaces of shame. But when we invite understanding and compassion into these spaces of shame, growth begins immediately. And when it does, we can nurture this growth with more and more of our understanding and compassion. So that when we listen to our inner voices, we hear more of what lifts us up instead of what brings us down.

-JLK

This can apply to love, money, comfort, community, support - whatever you didn't have enough of when you needed it, when you were developing and learning how to exist in the world.

If you consistently didn't get or have enough, you figured out how to get by on what you did have (because you're still here). If you were missing what you actually needed, you also developed some deep inner story about why you can't have that thing that other people seem to have.

And if those things do actually show up in your life, they go against that story, the story that kept you going and kept you alive when you were developing.

Expanding to receive more than we're used to is so much more complicated that it seems. It often feels deeply unsafe or uncomfortable on a deeper level that isn't conscious - it goes against what we know and what our bodies and brains are used to, and there can be internal forces that are actively stopping us from growing in that direction.

So if we want healthier relationships, to make more money, to live in connected community - we have to learn how to sit with discomfort it takes to stretch into that space. We have to learn how to regulate our emotions and allow ourselves to sit in the discomfort of being seen, of owning our gifts, of holding space for our needs, and being held accountable for our behavior in healthier ways.

When we can sit with the feelings and shift the old story, then we can start to make room for this level of operating in the world.

Are you working to move into a new level? The Self Awareness Workshop begins January 24. Come learn how to put space between who you really are, and all of the stuff that gets in the way.

https://theeqschool.co/self-awareness-sign-up

...and we need to go deep into our hearts to be our authentic selves.

Self-awareness starts with physical awareness.

When we are embodied, only then we become aware of how we respond to events, people, things, etc.

I say this with love, but spending a lot of time in your head and knowing everything that's "wrong" with you isn't self awareness.

Self awareness is beginning to become aware of the Self that lives beneath your spinning thoughts, emotions, reactions, and behaviors. It's recognizing the part that's always there when you're in the best of moods, and in the worst.

It's learning to put some space between who you are and how you think/feel/behave, so that when you have a reaction you can begin to get curious, "whoa, I feel SUPER SNAPPY right now, what might I be needing?"
"Mmm that made me feel SO loved, what part of me needed that today? How can I bring more of that into my life?"

It's beginning to see these ephemeral parts of self as signals - my feelings, thoughts, and behaviors are always giving me information about my needs. I can get snappy when I haven't eaten, and I can be resentful when I've given more than I feel comfortable giving. I have a wound around not being seen or understood, so when I feel those things with someone, I feel safe and connected, and when I don't feel them with other people, a wounded part of me can have a BIG reaction.

It's what helps us begin to see our patterns with more curiosity and compassion, so that we can meet more of ourselves and shift the external behaviors.

Self awareness is inherently neutral (though I tend to say neutral positive in my workshops :). When shame starts to show up, it's not an inherent part of the Self - it's more information. It's often trying to keep me safe by not showing a part of myself to the world that I've learned to deny.

Healing shame involves bringing these sneaky, critical parts of Self to light - which is exactly what self awareness allows us to do; get curious about those self-judgments, feelings, thoughts, and reactions and what actually lives *beneath* them.

Everyone wants to believe they're self aware, but self awareness is an on-going process that takes work and developing a relationship with these various parts, and allowing ourselves to be present to our feelings.

The Self Awareness Workshop begins Jan 24. Let's learn how to pause and put some space between YOU and your patterns.

https://theeqschool.co/self-awareness-sign-up