HBTQ Psychologist Porto

THURSDAY 17:00 CET
THIS WEEK I AM GOING LIVE WITH A TRAINING ON CONNECTING WITH OUR BODY FOR DEALING WITH HARD EMOTIONS. WHO WOULD LIKE TO JOIN ME?

I just created un introspective worksheet on how our early attachment affects our self worth.
WHO WANTS IT?

IF YOU COULD CHOOSE TO GET RID OF ONE FEELING FOR GOOD,
which one would it be?

❤️THE MOMENT I CHOSE LIFE❤️

I was 18 years old 👧
My mom just hit me, spitted on my face and called me a selfish bitch 💔

Background: We just ecaped war and were living in Sweden as refugees waiting to either stay where it’s safe or be deported back to the war 💣 🔥. She was the only caregiver, with other kids still in the war. She was super stressed, afraid, felt not enough for her kids 😱 😰 ❤️‍🩹

As I smashed the door of my room I took a big mirror and smashed it against the wall 🪞💥⚡️

⏰ Than I was sitting next to the broken glass with a broken heart for 2 hours 💔 😞

Angry 😤 Sad😭 Frustrated 😩 Lonely 😔 Humiliated 😶

💔I WANTED TO END MY LIFE💔 LIKE MY FATHER DID 💔 WHEN I WAS 8 💔

❤️‍🩹 Then I remembered how much I hated him for abandoning me. For choosing death instead of me ❤️‍🩹 How much I judged his inability to deal with life 😤

⚡️⚡️⚡️ Suddenly It hit me that by ending my life would be going in my father’s footsteps ❌

That I would be the one who abandoned my self ❌ My life ❌

🌟Right there and than I chose life🌟

🌟 Right there and than I chose to take full responsibility for my life and make it the most joyful experience possible 🌟

🌟 I chose to heal myself and transform my traumas into strengths 🌟

🌟I chose to give myself everything I feel I deserve and took the responsibility to make my life lovable 🌟 Money 💰 Pleasure 🌹Traveling 🏖️ 🏙️ 🌇 🗺️

❤️Chose to fall in love and trust in love despite my abandonment trauma❤️

🌟 I educated myself to become psychologist and to use my experiences to help other people who struggle with trauma, stress and life challenges 🌟

🚀 I started my own business, where I can help people to heal wherever I am in the world 🚀

🦹‍♀️ I show up for myself and my dreams in honor to the life I have been given and I have chosen to live

❤️‍🩹 I forgave my mother, my father, war and even myself ⭐️

❤️ I chose to love life despite difficulties that I can encounter in life by applying radical acceptance to everything my life has been, is and is about to become ❤️

❓Why am I choosing to share something this vulnerable with the whole world 🌎?

You see, many people loose trust in life and in their own ability to move forward when life has been or is difficult. It’s normal 🫶. Who does not wish for a life without difficulties ✋🙏🤚🙏?

Has my life been always smooth, nice and a walk on roses since the day I chose life? 🌹

❌ NO ❌

🥲I had my heart broken more than once!
🥲 I was sick and my body started to give up on me
🥲 I had business crises

‼️And whenever I want to give up I remember my own commitments to my self ‼️

🫶🫶🫶Trough my 17 years of practice I have met and helped many people trough the darkness of trauma, torture, loss, crises, stress, anxiety and suicidal thoughts 🫶🫶🫶

🌟That, together with my own examples has proven that we are able to deal with our past and present traumatic experiences and still experience the beauty of life on the other side of the coin 🪙

So I invite you to
❤️ Chose life and commit to your desires that goes beyond trauma and stress and apply committed acts towards them
❤️‍🩹 Invest in help so you move forward faster and don’t feel alone on your journey
🙏 Practice gratitude and forgiveness
🌟 Accept radically your past and that it from time to time will be triggered in the present and future
❤️ Trust, that you are whole even if you feel broken
❤️ Trust that you are capable of taking control over your life here and now
❤️Trust that you can become resilient by investing in yourself

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How to move on with your life despite your discouraging thoughts and emotions by controlling your TEBB?

Thoughts-Emotions-Body-Behaviour

The human is programmed to avoid danger so we can 🧠 . Awesome!

The only thing is that the modern confuse “real” danger from “imagined” danger ⚠️. And if you have a negative experience around a certain theme your bran automatically takes it as a proof that it CAN and WILL happen again. Not so awesome 😏

Every single can be perceived as danger and give the same response as if we were meeting a real threat ‼️ Then it leads to unpleasant 😨. Danger ⚠️😱 🚨 Automatically our mode activates and we unconsciously want to avoid the threat. It’s our that takes charge.

🤗Let me break it down for you .

You have a or : change your job, open your own business or find a partner. Then this happens !!!

🧠Thoughts:
“What if I fail?”
“What will my friends and family think?”
“What if I am not good enough?”
“What if no one will want me”
“I an not lovable”
“I am not ready”
“It didn’t work out well last time I tried it, it will not work now either”
“Better to not even try”

😨 Emotions:
Anxiety
Worry
Fear
Sadness

🧍‍♀️🧍Body:
Shallow breathing
Muscle tension
Heavy chest
Tiredness

🚶‍♀️‍➡️🚶🏻‍♂️Behaviour
Keep myself busy to avoid thinking and feeling
I postpone actions that can help me reach my goals
Drinking to get the instant stress relief
Withdrawal from social activities

🤔 Following the philosophy of how close are you to your dreams? And how do you feel about your self?

Guessed so!

🌀So, how to break the spiral?

🐒 🐒🐒 Accept your and the noise it is making with discouraging thoughts. But DO NOT jump with monkey ❌🐒🚫

🧘🏻‍♀️ Accept your but DO NOT act on them ❌ They are temporary and if you allow them to unfold they will pass on their own 🥳 💪

🌟 Accept that you can’t control thinking but you can control your actions 🔝

🚀 ACT on your dreams! Make a plan and take a small step every day. Despite thoughts and feelings. Look at them as a background noise and take your on a dream-trip 🔈 ✨

❤️✨ Enjoy your dreams coming true and your self esteem take a leap ✨❤️

Comment “monkeymind” if you have ever jumped with the monkey🐒😂

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‼️One of the biggest neglect that exists is SELFNEGLECT ‼️

If you have experienced any kind of neglect or violence in your childhood or as a grown up, either verbal, physical, direct or semi direct (by witnessing abuse) you struggle with some of these or all of them:

* Your body responds physically on stressors and even small triggers, usually unexpected, like text of a song, smell, sound or a picture, can cause dysregulation of our nervous system (shaking, weakness, short breath, tensions, flashbacks, rage, dissociation, etc) 😨
* You experience hormonal dystregulation and dysfunction of thyroid gland which can cause (for women) and 😥🤯
* You feel pain in your body and doctors are not finding any reasons😩
* you put others needs before yours
* you are acting “Superman/woman” wanting to save everyone else but yourself 🦸‍♂️🦹‍♀️
* you have difficulties in expressing your needs and asking for and receiving help 🙅‍♀️
* Setting boundaries feels risky why you are not clear with where the line is🤐
* you often feel longing to be taken care of but forgetting to attend to your own needs ❤️‍🩹
* you hide your feelings from others which results in feeling lonely❤️‍🩹
* when you finally express your needs and they are not met you feel frustrated and your believes “others can not be trusted “ becomes affirmed and you become discouraged 😥
* you worry about being loved and try to fit in in what you think others want you to be🤯
* you are suspicious about others intentions🧐
* relationships are complicated and you struggle with letting people in but at the same time crave closeness 🙅‍♀️❤️‍🩹
* Difficulties in getting emotionally and physically intimate with other people, reinforce feelings of loneliness ❤️‍🩹

📝📝📝The list can go on and on when it comes to how our early experiences and traumatic experiences in any age form us and our relationships later in life. 📝📝📝

📣 I invite you to take a moment to to take these things in consideration and see where you recognize yourself

Reminder, next steps and some quick tips:

‼️You are not responsible for what other people did to you BUT you are responsible for your own healing

❤️‍🩹 healing of wounds of neglect starts with you staying truthful and attending to your own needs one step at the time starting with giving yourself space for your basic needs such as sleep, food, movment and relaxation

❤️ Feed yourself with loving thoughts about yourself

🫱 Reach out for help and suport but accept if other people can’t or won’t meet your needs. It’s ok ❤️

😢 When you feel sad, stressed, fearful, triggered treat yourself like a loving parent would treat its beloved child. Ask yourself “what would feel soothing for me now?” and go for it 💪

ℹ️ Learn how to soothe yourself and be compassionate 🫶🧸. Where and when you experience pleasure? Go for it! 💪

🧘🏻‍♀️ Take time daily, even if it’s just for 10 minutes or less to do some body- based therapies such as movement, breathwork, mindfulness, trauma informed yoga

🧐 When you find yourself triggered or in distrust ask yourself if your reaction is a trauma response to a situation that is not the cause of your reaction or is the situation itself traumatic (it can be both)

🫂 If it is a trauma response, remove yourself to a place where you can connect with the feelings/memories and regulate yourself. You can do it! 💪

⚡️During flasbacks stay present in your body, connect with your breath, remind yourself that you are safe now, name emotions, sound out them in whatewer way it feels right for you and let your body move according to impulses your body gives. It can be shaking, jumping or physically moving, contract and release your muscles 💪

☁️ If you start to “fade away” and loose connection with the present moment connect with the material things around you trough touch, sounds, vision and smell on a very strong smell

📝 Take time journal your thoughts, feelings, experiences

💎 Invest in professional help. You are responsible for your healing but you don’t need to do it on your own 🫂

👇🏼Join my group and start your healing journey ❤️‍🩹

Link in comments 🔗

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Welcome 🙏
You are exactly where you are supposed to be if you are:
✨In a process of coming out as HBTQ
✨In process of transformation
✨In a process of figuring out who you are
✨Living in a heterosexual relationship but you are bisexual and need guidance alone or with your partner
✨You are a partner or family member to someone in HBTQ process and need suport in how to best suport the one you love
✨Your partner just came out for you and you need support to process the information and your feelings

I am licensed psychologist and trough my work have supported many who needed help with some of areas listed above in a range of 14-60 years.

You are more than welcome to reach out for details✨🧚🏻‍♀️

I offer services in Portugal (Porto), Sweden (Malmö) and remotely cross countries.

My languages are English, Swedish and Bosnian.

Love and light 💗✨🧚🏻‍♀️
Marijana