Knitted in the Womb

I’m going to end this pride month with an LGBTQ story that focuses on a topic near & dear to me, maternal & infant health. It was written by a friend of mine.

“Happy Pride!
Dr. Sara Josephine Baker was an American physician working in New York City in the early 1900s. .My own grandmother, born in 1918, was still a year away from being born when Baker discovered that infants were dying at alarming rates — higher mortalities than World War 1 soldiers! Her own family had balked when she wanted to become a doctor, but that didn't stop Baker from not only becoming a physician, but even starting the first-ever department related to infant/mother health in NYC.

Typically dressing in men’s tailored suits, Baker encountered many male colleagues who didn’t realize she was a woman and would disparage women physicians to her in conversation. From accounts I’ve read, she seemed to laugh this off and just go on her way with her work, probably realizing she was better off if they thought she was a man anyway.
After changing careers in mid-life and going from newsrooms to hospital delivery rooms more than 100 years after Baker's career, I had a first-hand look at the hierarchal medical system that makes accomplishments like Baker's even more impressive.
One of my first nursing preceptors warned me of which doctors to watch out for; which ones were rude to nurses; which ones would ask the most questions about the patient and expect all the answers; who would gripe if called at night etc. One in particular was a doddering old man who apparently would accost new nurses and quiz them on the spot, making them feel stupid if they couldn’t answer his off-the-wall questions about medical topics while standing in the hallway. He’d been known to bring new nurse graduates to tears apparently. I honestly think he thought he was doing a great service by making sure the squeaky-new graduates were on their toes, but his delivery scared the wits out of some. My age protected me from some of this sort of harassing behavior I'm sure, since my age would point to many years of nursing experience, not just the actual 15 minutes I'd done it.

But Baker didn't let intimidating encounters, society, family pressure or the outright negative talk from male doctors stop her. She became one of our nation’s first leaders in public health, leading departments in education about basic hygiene, midwife training, smallpox eradication, parenting classes, and she helped in identifying the patient known as “Typhoid Mary,” all leading to life-saving changes in how things were done By the time Baker retired in 1933, NYC had the lowest infant mortality rate of all U.S. cities, thanks in large part to her work. Basic hand-washing was a cornerstone and as we all know, it's something we are still trying to teach in the Post-Covid age.
Baker lived with her life partner writer Ida Wylie on a farm, from 1920 until her death in 1945, which sounds like an idyllic ending to me. (Wylie’s book, the 1942’s “Keeper of the Flame,” was also turned into a film and starred Katherine Hepburn, but that's another story.)
Meanwhile, Baker and Wylie participated in the Heterodoxy Club, women’s “radical discussion group,” in which about 25 percent of the 100 women were le***an or bisexual. They bantered ideas of feminism and other topics and if that's not a great example of women supporting each other, I don't know what is. I would LOVE a group like that!
Baker taught us not only tenacity, support for other women, but also showed the way of how to be yourself and just ignore the haters. Sometimes, that's just the best thing to do. Hats off to all those working in women and infant health!

Happy Pride!”

“I'm now 29 and have 3 kids with my wife, Franziska, who carried and birthed them all like a pro. Here's what I would tell my childless 24-year-old self about how to be a supportive partner during the ‘becoming parents’ phase:
1. Wifey carried baby IN her belly for 9 months. So, you carry baby ON your belly for 9 months every chance you get. Not only does it help her recover but it bonds you to your kid more than imaginable.
2. Wifey is breastfeeding and--while beautiful and fulfilling for her--it's exhausting. So, you change EVERY diaper you can. From diaper #1 onward. You will get over the grossness fast. And you will prevent imbalances and resentment in the relationship; in fact, when all your wife's friends are complaining about how absent and unsupportive their husbands are, your wife will be bragging about you.
3. Make her the decaf coffee every morning. Even if she leaves it cold and forgets to drink it most mornings because she falls back asleep while you're working or (later) taking the kids to school. She was up all night feeding the baby so help start her day in a way that helps her reset.
4. Tell her she is beautiful and help her see that in the moments when she is feeling most self-critical and hopeless about her body. Remind her of times when she achieved goals in the past. Remind her she is a superhero. She literally just moved all her organs around and gained 20 + pounds to give you a child that will be a gift to you for the rest of your life. Help her see past her body image issues and stay focused on a positive goal, one day at a time.
5. Take the heat. Hormones are crazy, both pre and post birth. She won't seem like herself every day and sometimes she will say things she wouldn't say if she didn't feel like she was hungover, caffeinated, and on steroids every day. Remember your job is to be her rock through all of this, so toughen up and keep perspective when her tongue is sharper than you know her best self intends. Normal will return soon and you want her to be grateful that you kept it together when she wasn't, not resentful and disappointed that you hijacked her emotions by making her problems yours.”

When we cite stats like “1 in 4 girls will be sexually abused before age 18, and 1 in 6 boys”; we often fail to consider what that means about abusers in the adult population. But this is why women choose the bear.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/article/2024/may/27/more-than-300m-children-victims-of-online-sexual-abuse-every-year

Playing Phase 10 with my kids, and we managed—quite unintentionally—to play cards that ONLY “8” can be played on…

Today is primary Election Day in PA! The Attorney General race is contested on the Democratic ticket, and in my district the House of Representatives is contested for the Republicans. Please vote!

So many things on this list make our lives better. I encourage you to Google a couple to learn more.

Babies wake up at night a lot more than people want to acknowledge. That’s okay!

I asked if your little one wakes and/or feeds at night and their age bracket.
This was an informal poll and is most definitely not scientific in any way! But did have nearly 10 thousand responses so will hopefully reassure you that you're not alone.

A fabric womb made by Angélique du Coudray, a French midwife who was commissioned by King Louis XV to reduce infant mortality. From 1760 to 1783, she traveled all over France, visiting poor rural women and sharing her extensive knowledge with them. It is estimated that she trained some 10,000 women.
Du Coudray also invented the first lifesize obstetrical mannequin, for practicing mock births, and published a well-received midwifery textbook

Support:
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/artifactsmuseum

https://www.facebook.com/becomesupporter/museum.of.artifacts/

I’m a childbirth educator, and I’ve never seen one either! This is beautiful.

Perspective.

Lol. How many do you identify with? I identify with all of them.

Everyone knows someone who is experiencing domestic violence.

Someone you care about is likely experiencing domestic violence, whether you can see it or not. Domestic violence doesn’t always leave visible bruises. It can also bruise your credit, financial well-being, and your mental and emotional state.

Learn about more ways to help during Domestic Violence Awareness Month: www.turningpointlv.org/dvam/

Call 610-437-3369 to reach our 24/7 Helpline. www.turningpointlv.org

Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence

Check out this free Domestic Violence Awareness Month course!

Brand new and totally FREE! Updated, revised, and expanded chart on the red flags of abuse + video crash course — IS THIS ABUSE?

Get it here: http://ideservetoknow.com/isthisabuse

So much truth.

Parenting Tip: If you’re going to send your child to school with straight Domino’s, cut it up so it looks like some kind of focaccia or sumthin.

It’s not day old pizza, it’s a rustic Italian side dish or whatnot. Straight out of nonna’s kitchen.

This will throw the lunch supervisor off. Add some produce to make yourself look on top of things. As always, whether they eat it or not is none of your business. You did your part. The rest is above you.

It’s best to empty lunch boxes with your eyes closed so your feelings don’t get hurt. Uncut fruit can go back and forth many, many times. Maybe even all year, aim for the stars.

Also, this is not a lunch of random leftovers, it’s called a tasting menu.

I will pair with a granola bar and a REUSABLE water bottle full of my city’s finest hydration.

I feel like with the amount of real actual money I spend on Robux, they should send my kids lunch sometimes. Like chip in, scammers. Selling my baby jpgs smh.

Anyway, free to pin.

You’re doing great, I promise.

🥒🍕 Bunmi

When my first was a newborn I got SOOO engorged! When I was visiting family it had been a while since she’d eaten because she’d been passed around so much. My grandma looked at me and said “it looks like it’s time for the boss to eat!” 🤣

🤣

Today at my son’ U10 baseball game, a player for the other team slid into home plate when he didn’t “need” to. I thought he did it for fun. 🤷🏼‍♀️

His coach immediately started yelling at him. And continued even after another player was up to bat. And just. Wouldn’t. Stop. I was sitting even with 3rd base, about 20 feet away, they were at their team benches on the first base side, and I could clearly hear everything.

I finally got up and walked over, and told the coach to stop, that he was being verbally abusive. He told me to mind my own business. I told him he’d made it everyone there’s business by being so loud. He told me it was his son, so he could yell if he wanted. At that point I addressed the boy and said “this is verbal abuse. No one should treat you like this.” At that point the ump came over and told the coach to cool it.

He kept yelling at the ump. The ump later told me that this coach has been WORSE before.

Folks, this IS your business if you see it. I assure you, whatever is going on behind closed doors is worse. Kids in this kind of situation need to know that it’s NOT normal, and they deserve better.

8 Serious Negative Effects Of Verbal Abuse On Children Words of abuse can hurt and have lasting effects on children's minds and hearts. The effects of verbal abuse can seriously impact, even years later.

I learned about this 30 years ago in college. So interesting to see that it’s still being studied.

Scholars confirm what itsy bitsy babies around the world already know Studies have long shown that Western parents speak a singsongy high-pitched language to babies. Now researchers have gone to the Amazon, to the Hadza people and more to see if it's a global thing.

I am re-posting the words of one of my friends because she said it so well. Please hug your babies a little tighter today.

He was wandering around in the aftermath of the mass murder yesterday. Now we know it's because both his parents were shot dead at what should have been a joyful 4th of July parade. Shot by a 22 year old with an AR-15. Car rental companies restrict vehicle rentals when you're that age.

It is hard for me to fathom how this child will process what happened.

Go make memories with your family....and vote in legislators who will restrict these weapons of war.

This is important to understand…multitasking is stressful.

Moms aren’t naturally better at multitasking—they just have no choice A new study found that women–and mothers–aren't naturally better at multitasking. They just have no choice but to multitask.

This has long been heavy on my heart. It’s why I added postpartum doula services to my business.

But not all moms can afford it. If you can visit a new mom for even 2-3 to offer some light housekeeping and someone to talk to, you will be doing more for her than sending a flower arrangement.

I recently went to visit a new mama with a two-week-old baby. This mama wasn't a client of mine but rather the daughter of a friend whom I offered to look in on. When I arrived with a pot of soup and some lactation slice in my bag, I found her trying to make a snack for her boisterous three-year-old whilst juggling a fussy newborn in her arms. Her husband was at work and would be till late, there was washing piled up waiting to be folded, she hadn't eaten breakfast or had a shower even though it was nearly midday.

As I took over the snack making duties and put the soup on to warm, I asked how she was getting on even though I had a fair idea just by the look in her eyes. She forced a smile as she spoke about how she was 'ok' and 'a bit tired' but I could see the tears gathering in the corner of her eyes and it broke my heart to see her try to put on a brave face, trying to cover up a situation that was far from ideal. This was a new mother who was alone, isolated, lonely, exhausted and overwhelmed and despite all of this, was still trying to pretend as though she was coping and even enjoying this time.

I also noticed that the house was full of cards and bunches of flowers ...... dead ones ......

When I mentioned all of the gifts, cards and bouquets she said 'yes, people have been so kind'.

Hmmmmmm I thought. They might have been kind, but they've also been completely thoughtless.

This new mother didn't need cards and bunches of flowers to slowly wilt and die on the mantelpiece. She needed support, she needed love, she needed another pair of hands to take the weight off her shoulders. She needed healthy food, she needed a caring touch, she needed a listening ear and she needed practical help.

I'm sorry but dead flowers don't cut it ....

The care of new mothers and parents is so woefully underappreciated and overlooked that cards and flowers rather than support and practical help have become the norm in our culture. However, as I explained to this new mama as I folded her washing and cuddled her baby so she could eat her lunch, if she had lived in India or China it would have been totally different. Historically in these cultures (and in most other indigenous cultures worldwide), there would be no snack making for the toddler or washing to fold. Instead, she would be snuggled in bed resting with her baby as others took care of her every need. She would be having a daily massage and have her belly bound for comfort. There would be delicious and nutritious meals served to her and her toddler would be amused and cared for by others giving her time to rest and recover from her birth and to fall in love and breastfeed her newborn.

The difficult truth is that the leading cause of death for new mothers after birth in most Western countries is now su***de. Let that sink in for a moment.

It is my opinion that this devastating statistic is a direct correlation to our 'bounce back' culture that doesn't honour a 'slow postpartum' but instead insists new mothers rush back into their old lives, their old jobs, their old jeans. Insta perfect. But to what cost?

How have we got it so wrong? And what can we do to reverse this damaging trajectory?

I believe that education is the key. Education about the importance of the postpartum weeks. Education about the fact that a newborn baby cannot be optimally nourished and nurtured by a mother or parent who is exhausted and depleted and whose cup is empty. Education about the value we should place on the care of new mothers and parents so that they thrive rather than just survive the weeks following birth, setting them up for a positive start to their parenting journey.

I'm determined to make this happen. I would love for you to join my Slow Postpartum revolution. Let's make the world a better place, one mother, baby and family at a time ...

With love Jojo # # #

PS: You can find out how to join my Slow Postpartum movement in the comments

My youngest client was 14. Impregnated at 13 by incestuous r**e. She was 26 weeks pregnant when the pregnancy was discovered.

“Just give the baby up for adoption!” people say. But how does a 14 year old give up the baby she carried and birthed without being scarred?

I will fight for the right to abortion—including late term abortions—for people like her.

That moment when one of my child's classmates asks me if I am his grandmother…and then realizing my grandma had 6 grandkids by the time she was my age... 🤣

The incidence of postpartum depression and anxiety—perinatal mood disorders—has increased sharply with the pandemic to at least 70%. Don’t be afraid to talk to your care provider about your concerns. Expectant parents might consider starting to see a therapist proactively, and certainly hiring a postpartum doula can be helpful.

Why Is Every Mom I Know On Antidepressants? Is mothering harder than ever before, or is mental health just being better treated?

Please take this survey! I think she will have some interesting results to share.

I'm surveying people about the state of the typical marriage, especially for mothers and cis women. It only takes three minutes to complete, and I will release the data on or before May 1.

You can find the survey here: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/RSNQCW2

Please like or comment to increase visibility. Please share widely to ensure as broad of an audience as possible!

This is SO TRUE!

And for folks reading this who have a pregnant friend…a gift certificate for postpartum doula services can really make the difference for a family with a new baby.

What if we saw children sleeping on us as a positive? What if we viewed the babies who refuse to go down to nap as a sign that we need to slow down?

What if we changed our perceptions on contact naps, and instead viewed them as an opportunity to relax?

Baby has just fallen asleep on me. I spend a few minutes browsing Facebook and then, my mind wonders towards the dishes piling up in the sink. The pile of laundry stacked up in the bathroom. The dust that has settled on the tv. I start to feel guilty. I start thinking about work that could be done. Or food that needs to be cooked. I try to put baby down, but no way. Baby is having NONE of it.

But what if, just say, WHAT IF this is how it is SUPPOSED to be? Alright yes, we know that evolutionary babies are designed to want to be close to their mothers, but what if that is also meant to work out for the mother to rest too. It’s meant to be for OUR benefit.
To sit back for just a moment, and forget about everything else going on in life.
To take in the beauty of our children, and REST.

Rest our minds.
And rest our bodies.

Childbirth has put our bodies under some serious stress. And there are always a million things that need to be done before the day is over. Perhaps our babies and children needing us to be still with them is natures way of telling us to slow down for just a moment.

Rest mama.
Take the opportunity ❤️