Dr. Sally Chung

Forget touching grass. Touching sand is where it’s at.

As we come to an end of another AANHPI Heritage Month and Mental Health Awareness month, I thought I’d post updated resources. Whether for yourself or others, it’s a good post to bookmark for future purposes.

I love the conversations I’ve had this month about therapy, AAPI mental health, exploring the self, strengthening connections, and improving emotional functioning. From moderating and participating in panels to sharing gems with first time therapy seekers, sharing knowledge and inspiring people to heal and grow is always exciting and always fulfilling.

Let’s keep the conversation about mental health in AAPI communities going beyond May. Let’s find creative ways to take care of ourselves and each other. Let’s reach for help when we hit a wall.

Taking care of your mental health can feel daunting. Taking an hour a week (or every couple of weeks) to sit with someone to… look at yourself?…. talk about yourself?… share things you don’t even like thinking about?

In the world where we rush to check things off a to-do list or do things for others because it is the right and good thing to do, we forget about ourselves. Sometimes, slowly and unintentionally. Other times, sharply and painfully.

You can talk about that in therapy.

You can be all about you in therapy.

It may be the first time in a long time that you can be all about you, in a space held for you, at a pace of your liking, in whatever way you feel comfortable.

It can feel like you too much of you.

And that’s okay. In therapy, you can take your time and slowly become more comfortable with sitting with yourself and learning who you are again. And figuring out who you want to be next.

You deserve it.

STILL so thrilled by our awesome panel on Sunday! 🤩 It was so much fun and I can’t wait to do it again!

What should we talk about next? Comment below or DM me!

Thank you to our awesome panelists for giving their time and expertise to our AAPI community.

Thank you to for welcoming us into their space, which was so cozy and gorgeous.

Eating Bitterness comes from my heart in fighting mental health stigma in our AAPI community, demystifying the whole therapy thing, and showing AAPI representation in mental health. Come see what we’re about on Sunday. 💛 Register ➡️ https://lu.ma/8usa8qy6?


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Let's talk about mental health the way we do it best- in community and with treats!

AAPI Heritage Month x Mental Health Awareness Month means it’s time to rethink whether we need to swallow bitterness for the greater good. We are part of that larger community and we deserve wellness, healing, and connection.

Join me and a few local Asian American providers on Sunday May 5/5 for a conversation about AAPI mental health, the stigma in our communities, treating those in our community, and AAPI representation in the mental health space.

It's a FREE event, so come and bring your favorites.

Many of us learn that “being good” equals our worth as people. As a child of immigrants, “being good” means obedience, following rules, getting good grades, anticipating others’ needs, and, usually, minimizing your own needs.

Anticipating others’ needs and minimizing your own needs often go hand in hand. If your parent was tired, you were expected to respect their need for rest and not ask for help, comfort, or connection. If your parent worked long hours, you were expected to not be upset that they couldn’t be home for dinner, attend your piano recital, or take you to a friend’s birthday party. You were small in the grand scheme of the family.

As an adult, that manifests in some pretty unhealthy patterns. At work, you might overextend yourself for your colleagues and manager. In your friendships, you take the role of caregiver and you’re always the person people go to but you don’t think they can or will help you in return so you don’t ask. In your romantic relationships, you cater to your partner’s needs and try your best to not need anything from them.

This works until it doesn’t. And for many of us, we barrel on at full speed and hit the “doesn’t” really hard. Where we are left wondering, what now? What do I have to offer to make myself lovable and acceptable? Who am I now?

This is where the hard work of unlearning begins. Our worth and value are more than what we bring to the table. What we can do will change with time. Who we are remains.

You are good enough.
You are worthy.
You are loved.

Let’s talk AAPI mental health the best way we know how → in community and with treats!

AAPI Heritage Month x Mental Health Awareness Month means it’s time to rethink whether we need to swallow bitterness for the greater good. We are part of that larger community and we deserve wellness, healing, and connection.

Join me and a few Asian American therapists/providers on Sunday May 5/5 for a conversation about AAPI mental health, the stigma in our communities, treating those in our community, and AAPI representation in the mental health space.

There will also be time for Q&A for all the questions you’ve had about therapy or assessment and didn’t know where to go for answers. If you’re feeling shy or want to make sure your question gets locked in, send me a DM or email when you sign up.

Sign up link in bio.

Lunar New Year celebrations can become a blur of red and gold, traditions and rituals, and gatherings and feasts. It is the party of the year for many cultures as we observe winter giving way to spring.

Much of Chinese traditions focus on welcoming luck and abundance, removing bad luck, and communing with family. Though we celebrate in community, I encourage you to reflect on how those principles can apply to your growth and healing this year. Take those principles and make them your own!

Let 2024 be your year to hold yourself gently, listen to yourself, and move according to your needs and values.

I’m reminded by Virginia Wolfe’s 1931 NY resolution: “To have none. Not to be tied. To be free and kindly with myself, not goading it to parties: to sit rather privately reading in the studio. To stop irritation by the assurance that nothing is worth irritation. To go out, yes- but stay at home in spite of being asked. As for clothes, buy good ones.”

2024 is about choosing what’s right for you based on your on values, goals, and hopes. That starts with sitting with yourself and dreaming.

There is a sense of shame when you cannot speak the language of your ancestors.

You’re disconnected to a part of your heritage, you lose access to ways of learning and experiencing your culture.

People ask you why and maybe the decision wasn’t up to you. Maybe you weren’t taught so you could assimilate and survive in the US. Maybe there was no where to learn.

There is a sense of fear for the future when your language is not your parents’ first language.

Will you lose the ability to communicate with aging family members, including your parents?

Will your children feel connected to their cultural heritage?

There is a sense of lesser than when you cannot speak the language you’re supposed to know fluently.

But you are not lesser.

Your language ability is just one part of your cultural identity.

You are still whole. You are still you.

To everyone who yearns for something different from their family members, I see you. To everyone with broken hearts from getting tripped up *again* and ended up safe, but alone, I feel you. To everyone who wants better for themselves and their relationships, I am you.

Dysfunctional, even toxic, relationship patterns are passed from parent to child, generation after generation. Our hearts are heavy from the pain and loneliness of those before us- that created barriers that we could not break through. We watch ourselves repeating the same patterns- sometimes in disbelief, sometimes in horror.

Because we want more.
Because we deserve more.

The hardest thing is to be the one to break the cycle, change the pattern. To promise yourself that you will have stronger, closer, and more loving relationships. That your loved ones will know they are cherished by your word and your deeds. That you will not let those toxic patterns be the reason you struggle in relationships.

To everyone who is working to own their triggers and change those patterns, I promise you it is worth it. You might be rejected for doing something different, something necessary. It might take longer than you anticipate. It might break more than you thought.

It might heal more than you knew was broken. You might be the reason something new, something beautiful begins in those relationships. You might inspire others to change, to grow.

*Like if this resonates.

*Share with your friends.

*Bookmark for later.

If you ready to work with me, click the link in my bio.

Our parents did their best- and, often, it wasn't enough. Why we can't just give them credit and move on.👇🏼

Sally Chung, PsyD, ABPP on Instagram: "It is a heavy feeling to realize that the way your parents nurtured you wasn’t what you needed as a child. Maybe you needed more or differently, but couldn’t get those needs met. As a child of immigrants,... 7 likes, 0 comments - Sally Chung, PsyD, ABPP () on Instagram: "It is a heavy feeling to realize that the way your parents nurtured you wasn’t what you needed ..."

Ahh…another way Asian children learn to eat their feelings: the plate of perfectly peeled and cut fruit quietly delivered or set out for us in lieu of an apology or explanation.

Plates of juicy oranges, apples, mangoes, pineapples, peaches, grapes that say “I love you,” “I’m sorry,” “it will be okay,” “I wish I could understand,” or “I’m here for you.”

Sometimes, I want more than a plate of fruit.

I want an apology.
I want to be validated.
I want a hug.

What do you want instead of a plate of fruit?

*Like if this resonates.

*Share with your friends.

*Bookmark for later.

If you ready to work with me, click the link in my bio.

3 Ways You're Not Being True To Yourself.. and how they keep you from living the life that you dream of.

Sally Chung, PsyD, ABPP on Instagram: "3 ways you’re not being true to yourself Growing up in a family that prioritizes the whole of the family over individual members can make it hard to know what you want and reach for it. 1. You stay in jobs... 5 Likes, 0 Comments - Sally Chung, PsyD, ABPP () on Instagram: "3 ways you’re not being true to yourself Growing up in a family that prioritizes the whole of ..."

So much of what we learn of filial piety focuses on the duty a child has towards their parents. The depth of obligation or duty can also interfere with your love life!

Sally Chung, PsyD, ABPP on Instagram: "Filial piety is the Confucius concept that advocates a set of norms and values around the obligations parents and children have toward each other- the part that is usually emphasized is the child’s duty of... 26 Likes, 1 Comments - Sally Chung, PsyD, ABPP () on Instagram: "Filial piety is the Confucius concept that advocates a set of norms and values around the obligat..."

When parents reach for an emotional connection that isn’t there, it can be hard for adult children. You feel irritated or frustrated, then incredibly guilty for those feelings.

Your parents took care of your material needs, but were always too busy or pooh-poohed your emotional and social needs. You had a home, clothes, and food, but no one who read bedtime stories, played pretend, or came to your games and concerts.

In your adulthood, your parents have more free time and want to see you, hear about your life, and spend time with you. It is really hard to lean into that when there is no foundation for emotional connection with your parents. You might feel hesitant, guilty, or annoyed. You might prefer to give them money, fix their wifi, or take them to their appointments. All of this is absolutely normal.

You’ll need time to identify what your parents want from you and what you can offer them at this point in your relationship. You may need to accept that there might be tension because you can’t give them what they want.

*Like if this resonates.

*Share with your friends.

*Bookmark for later.

If you ready to work with me, click the link in my bio.

Barbie has had over 200 jobs/careers but never as a psychologist or anything in mental health. Maybe she’ll be the most fashionable therapist next year!

So… me because representation counts and Sammie because I couldn’t help myself 💖 And it’s fun!

When you learned to deprioritize your needs or that your needs aren't important, you have trouble both knowing and owning your needs. See how they show up in different areas of life.

Sally Chung, PsyD, ABPP on Instagram: "Growing up an immigrant family, you might have learned to prioritize the greater good of the family, give grace or allowances when your feelings are hurt or ignored, and suppress your needs because they... 0 Likes, 0 Comments - Sally Chung, PsyD, ABPP () on Instagram: "Growing up an immigrant family, you might have learned to prioritize the greater good of the fami..."

Sharing a little behind-the-scenes of a typical work-from-home therapy day!

Sally Chung, PsyD, ABPP on Instagram: "Behind the scenes: peek behind computer screen! Here’s a quick little compilation of what my typical therapy days look like. It’s mostly caffeine, sitting in front of a laptop with a zoom light, and... 6 Likes, 0 Comments - Sally Chung, PsyD, ABPP () on Instagram: "Behind the scenes: peek behind computer screen! Here’s a quick little compilation of what my t..."

Lunar New Year 2023 started off with a bang- and not the good kind. The music of celebration has been covered by a miasma of fear.⁠
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We are not okay today.⁠
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We are struggling with the grief of senseless loss and the dawning of a year that was supposed to bring good fortune, peace, and prosperity. It is hard to wear red.⁠
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We are not okay today.⁠
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Please be easy with yourselves and your loved ones. Check on your friends. Check in with yourself. Take what you need and the rest can wait.⁠
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It's okay to not be okay today.⁠
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Today, my heart breaks with you and my tears flow with you. I wish more than ever for peace, safety, healing, and community for us all.💔❤️‍🩹❤️⁠
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Maybe it's January, maybe it's the upcoming Lunar New Year, but this proverb really resonated with me. I love that it centers the idea of starting now. Or now.⁠
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Or now.⁠
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It's all too easy to let past regrets stop us from starting or starting over or starting again. We get caught in spirals of lost time, mistakes, or regrettable decisions. We doubt our ability to make a change. We doubt ourselves.⁠
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And maybe starting something twenty years ago was the best time. But you know what? Future You will always be glad that you started wherever you started.⁠
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So, go. Play the piano. Train for that marathon. Write that screenplay. Fall in love. Learn a new language. Start therapy. Set a boundary. Go to bed earlier. Read those books. Plant that tree.⁠
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The end result will be the end result, whether you reach that goal or not. The most important thing finding joy and finding yourself on the journey.⁠
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The second best time to start something is now.

New Year's resolutions always felt... complicated... to me. On one hand, I understand the desire to start fresh and try to improve myself. On the other hand, new years comes a third of the way through academic years and after busy holiday seasons. I hated the thought of making a resolution but not having the motivation or stamina to see it through. Giving up felt like failure and I hate failure. So, I remedied it by not making any resolutions.⁠
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This year, however, I would like to make an aspirational resolution. Something to move towards, always, because it is good for me and important for a balanced and fulfilling life.⁠
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My wish for myself- for all of us- is rest.⁠
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Not merely sleep, but rest in a multitude of areas. Dr. Saundra Dalton wrote about different kinds of rest and the importance of having all of them in life. Physical rest. Mental rest. Emotional rest. Social rest. Spiritual rest. Creative rest.⁠
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I wish for us to rest from hustling, proving ourselves, and pleasing other people. To shut out buzzy distractions and attune to ourselves, our needs, and our values. To choose sleep over scrolling. To turn our faces to the sun and the feel the breeze in our hair. To draw from a deep creative well and marvel at beauty. To hold fast those we love and risk being our authentic selves.⁠
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I wish for for us deep, restorative rest and the courage to continue to prioritize it in the face of the world's push for busyness and productivity.

Immigrant kids are often told about our parents' sacrifices so we can have richer lives with greater social and financial security. Many of us strive for the dreams that can lead to those lives- those old jokes about having career options limited to medicine, law, engineering, and (maybe) business don't keep making the rounds cuz they're funny. We might even get married, have children, and buy a house (or two!). We are living the dream. Checked all the boxes. We want our parents to be proud of us. We made their sacrifices worth it.⁠
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But as Galinda from Wicked realizes "... getting your dreams/it's strange but it seems/a little, well, complicated...⁠
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there's a kind of a sort of cost/there's a couple of things get lost/ there are bridges you cross you didn't know you crossed until you crossed."⁠
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Living the dream is amazing when it is your dream. Living someone else's dream is temporarily amazing. Until the hollowness sets in. Our parents' dreams for us are not always our dreams for ourselves.⁠
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It can be incredibly hard to sit with that realization and find you're a thousand miles from where you want to be. It is just as hard to decide whether you keep going or change direction. How do you honor your parents and be true to yourself? How do you live a life that is meaningful to you and not lose traction or let anyone down?⁠
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The first step is to sit with that thought and let the discomfort wash through you. You're not ungrateful or wrong or a failure for having different dreams. Our parents' sacrifices were also about giving us choice- the choice to dream, the choice to create, the choice to rest. You deserve the fullness of that choice.

Holidays can be a complicated time of year, complete with mixed and conflicting feelings.⁠
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You may feel multiple feelings throughout the season or even throughout a single day! People can have many feelings about the same thing, even at at the same time. All are valid. There isn't a "supposed to feel this way," even though it may feel like it.⁠
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Make space for the painful feelings that come, like grief, loneliness, and disappointment. Take care of yourself in times of weariness, burnout, and fear. Relax into moments of joy, peace, or rest.⁠
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Find a few ways to care for yourself when hard feelings arise, like processing with your therapist, connecting with empathetic friends or family, or taking solo time as needed.⁠
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We'll get through the season together.

One of the hardest things to do is break out of painful, dysfunctional family patterns. If you're the first to do it, you're often labeled as the problem- you're selfish, disrespectful, intolerant, or cruel. You're pressured to be the bigger person, relent to make others feel better, respect tradition or harmony, or accept "you know they're not going to change."⁠
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You're asked to bear the brunt of the pain. To swallow bitterness. To wonder if you're crazy for wanting differently.⁠
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I wish those doing the asking, doing the hurting, could care about you needed to feel safe and whole. To wonder how they expect the next generation to be different (cuz often they've already given up on the current one) when no one is changing.⁠
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I see your brave. I see your hurt. I see that journey that you're doing on your own and that firm belief that change is necessary.⁠
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You're not alone.