Psychological Associates of Cheshire

Registration is now OPEN for our Aetna 27th Annual Run for The Cove & Memorial Walk events! We will be holding these events in Farmington on September 15, Groton on October 6, and Madison on October 20! Join us at a location convenient to you and support our mission to offer hope & healing to grieving children. Click to learn more or to register: https://www.covect.org/race.

People with different social identities have different experiences, leading each of us to create a unique view of how things work. Dr. Robert Sellers says these perspectives shape how we view and address challenges, and explain why diversity enhances problem-solving in many settings.

Learn more about the benefits of diversity for organizations, communities, and society: https://at.apa.org/qno

Caregivers play a crucial role in helping children navigate loss, and it’s essential to prioritize self-care along the way, psychologists say: https://at.apa.org/k9q

https://www.apa.org/topics/stress/uncertainty

The great unknown: 10 tips for dealing with the stress of uncertainty Findings from the APA Stress in America Survey highlight common ways that uncertainty stresses us out.

Good morning. Buenos días. Today is Friday, October 30th in the year 2020 where I live.

We haven’t had a heart to heart chat in a while and we need to talk:

A lot of you (like me) are grieving things. Perhaps it is not a child. Perhaps it is a marriage. A parent. A school year. A business opportunity. A friendship. A person a thing an opportunity it doesn’t matter you are grieving it. And somewhere along the line someone told you “you should be better”. You believed them... and you did a really great job pulling yourself up by those imaginary boot straps people LOVE to talk about. You put on “big person” underwear. And then.... the pandemic hit. And the grief is worse or back the same but you’re stuck because you believed what they told you. You believed the books and sermons with the “appropriate grief timeline”.

I don’t care if it’s your 2nd, 6th, 10th or 30th year of grief. Let’s clear up a few things:

1). It’s YOUR timeline.
2). The grief process is NOT LINEAR.
3). It is EVERYONE’S FIRST year of grieving during a pandemic.
4). Everyone grieves differently.

It means we have started from scratch. It’s everyone’s year one because we have never experienced grief during a life threatening pandemic. We are inundated with so much grief in media, grief in society, grief in our daily walk. This is year one of grieving Ana. In a new house. During Covid. The first Christmas in a house she never physically lived. The first year we have to grieve and spend holidays alone. The firsts matter.

Grief and loss are everywhere. Grief that we’re losing people. Grief that we are losing our things. Our routines and our rituals. And this compounds the other grief in our souls.

Do you feel better this year? Amazing! Do you feel worse, or the same? Be gentle with yourself. Meet this pandemic time with pandemic mercy. Feel free to blame me! If someone is getting on you for grieving- tell them one of them moms who lost a baby at newtown said “back off”! But also, a licensed clinical therapist. Because that’s me too. This is year one again. And that’s fact. Throw the book that tells you that you get 6 months to grieve in the nearest trash bin.

That we do not seem to have an end date makes this all that more insidious. Political unrest and racial injustice feel overwhelming and scary. But we must meet these pandemic times with pandemic faith and we know that no matter what happens we will get up. Do not base your “getting up” on outcome. But base your getting up on knowing it is what you deserve: A life of joy in the face of everything. The work of your hands matters. Strengthen the work of our hands.

It’s been a while since we have talked heart to heart like this. So grateful for the opportunity. I did a lecture about this the other day and I’ll put the link in the comments. And come back Monday for how love wins in teaching with Shakira Pérez and Bob Buckley from HPHS on CCSU: Central to You at 7 pm.

With great care and love and lifting on this first snowy day in CT. Be selfish with your health. Be rabidly protective of your well being. There is so much help out there should you need it. Ok? Sometimes help is seeking care. There is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes help is trusting what you always knew was right. ❤

Love still wins somehow,

Nelba Márquez-Greene

* adding a post script here for those who have experienced loss during this pandemic and have not been able to hold their loved ones as they pass on or have funerals and gather with people like we would usually do when someone dies. For you especially, we grieve. For the medical staff caring for loved ones in last moments, we grieve. For people going to work or school in unsafe conditions- we grieve. For hurting people, everywhere. We grieve.
For people making tough choices.

Sending Isaiah to school means no hugs until thanksgiving. It takes discipline to do this. I imagine the lives we are saving- to help get me through. 💜

Anger Management for an Angry Time Anger can be useful—but it’s important to channel it strategically rather than let it consume you. Here’s how.

https://www.apa.org/topics/covid-19/parenting-chronic-disease

Parenting children with chronic disease during COVID People with chronic diseases are especially vulnerable because they are at a higher risk for severe illness from COVID-19.

APA Lauds Supreme Court DACA Ruling

Stress and the Coronavirus What is the long-term impact?

We are currently offering teletherapy and taking new clients

https://www.consumerreports.org/mental-health/how-to-find-affordable-mental-teletherapy/?fbclid=IwAR3Tc68RfX5bvUbnmguCzlHQZk5cFTZGSE57DN-rVc2MgfHXSa8t43Wd-94

How to Find Affordable Mental Teletherapy Now Consumer Reports offers advice on getting affordable mental teletherapy, at a time when the coronavirus pandemic and protests have to prompted many to seek mental health support.

How to make good decisions when you're paralyzed by the stress of protests and the pandemic Stress is impacting our ability to make wise decisions at a critical time during the protests and pandemic. Here's how to overcome "analysis paralysis" and get your brain back on track.

Psychological Associates of Cheshire updated their business hours.

Psychological Associates of Cheshire updated their phone number.

https://www.bustle.com/p/what-happens-to-your-brain-when-you-marathon-watch-tv-19351485

What Happens To Your Brain When You Marathon-Watch TV We've all been there: on the couch, surrounded by snacks, heading into hour five of a TV-watching marathon. It can happen when you're totally absorbed in a show, or when glazing over after a long week at work. But whatever the reason, it can also…

https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a29552694/men-have-friends-not-lonely/

Men Don’t Need More Friends. They Might Just Need Therapy. There’s no one right way to make or keep or be a friend—and it’s probably something that most of us could get a little better at.

Myths About Dying Knowing what to expect when someone is dying.

5 Reasons Why It's So Hard to Get Over Grief 3. Time goes really, really slowly when you’re hurting.

The Urgent Case for Boredom Boredom is a relatively new human feeling — and it’s endangered

Interesting perspective written by friend and colleague Mike Langlois!

Why Kids With Autism Should Stream Like many therapists who work with adolescents with autism, I frequently get asked for guidance on improving peer relationships as they get older. Contrary to the stereotype, autistic kids do often…

When Kids Ask (Really) Tough Questions: A Quick Guide Is Santa real? Will you ever die? Children ask questions that can induce knee-buckling panic in adults. NPR's Life Kit and Sesame Workshop have research-tested strategies to help you with the answers.

How to Help Teens Weather Their Emotional Storms A D.I.Y. snow globe full of glitter is an apt metaphor for the emotional chaos of the adolescent brain.

https://www.inc.com/minda-zetlin/parenting-children-failure-research-jessica-lahey-wendy-grolnick.html

The Smartest Parents Let Their Children Fail It's hard now, but it will pay off, according to bestselling author Jessica Lahey.

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/10/science/apa-traditional-masculinity-harmful.html

The American Psychological Association has approved its first set of official guidelines for working with boys and men.

Traditional Masculinity Can Hurt Boys, Say New A.P.A. Guidelines Men die earlier than women and commit more acts of violence. But the American Psychological Association did not have a guide for working with males, in part because they were historically considered the norm.

https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/serious-mental-illness.aspx?utm_content=1539197140&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook

How to Cope When a Loved One Has a Serious Mental Illness How mental illnesses such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder and major depressive disorder can affect family and friends.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/fda-declares-youth-va**ng-an-epidemic-announces-investigation-new-enforcement/ar-BBNe0AR?srcref=rss

FDA declares youth va**ng an epidemic, announces investigation, new enforcement The FDA is giving manufacturers of Juul, Vuse, MarkTen XL, Blu and Logic 60 days to submit “robust” plans to prevent youth va**ng.