Adoption Author, Sherrie Eldridge

Has anyone from Church, who once went to Israel kept in touch with our tour guide named Tito?

This devotional for adoptive parents has all 5 stars in amazon, yet sales are low. Check out this review:
Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish holds a gem on each page. Sherrie Eldridge uses artistic metaphors such as colorful braids and soaring butterflies. With those she beautifully explains the application of God's word to everyday situations and feelings. The book is designed for birth parents and adoptive parents, but is inspiring and practical for others also. With a single scripture verse and just one paragraph a day, Sherrie gives encouragement for handling the hurts, hurdles, hopes, and hallelujahs of life. Be sure to note the final sentence in each paragraph. Those last words carry important guidance, comfort, assurance, or challenge.

A podcast especially for adopted and fostered kids!
https://20thingsadoptionpodcastwithsherrieeldridge.buzzsprout.com/

A podcast especially for adopted and fostered kids!

Will Adopted and Foster Kids Get Triggered On Mother’s Day?

Hallmark reminds us of the upcoming Mothers Day with romanticized cards and sentimental gift offerings.

Mothers Day is ideally a day for remembering the mothering we received and the incredible character of the mom who poured herself into us minute-by-minute, time after time, day after day, and year after year.

It’s a time that’s often celebrated in church and synagogue services by receiving a red or white carnation in her honor (or memory).

Mom was/is the apple tree and we the little apple than falls close to her.

Author and pastor, Charles Stanely says: “Motherhood is a great honor and privilege, yet it is also synonymous with servanthood. Every day women are called upon to selflessly meet the needs of their families. Whether they are awake at night nursing a baby, spending their time and money on less-than-grateful teenagers, or preparing meals, moms continuously put others before themselves.” https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/charles_stanley_451704?src=t_motherhood

Mother’s Day may be special for some, but it can easily become a trigger day for adopted and foster kids.

They may be experiencing mixed feelings–both happy and sad at the same time.

If that is the case, I have a family activity you can use to help them process those feelings that I’ll share at the end of this post.

Receiving “mom love” is what all humans need.

A Mom’s Love Is Like Vitamins

I love this paragraph by Bowlby and the importance of a certain type of mother:

“For our purposes, its importance lies in the way in which, more than any other document of the time, it sealed the case that a specific kind of maternal love—nurturing, attentive, and available to the child on demand—was the emotional bedrock necessary to ensure a child’s mental health and normal development.20 What is believed to be essential for mental health is that the infant and young child should experience a warm, intimate and continuous relationship with his mother (or permanent mother-substitute) in which both find satisfaction and enjoyment. … Prolonged deprivation of a young child of maternal care may have grave and far reaching effects on his character … similar in form … to the deprivation of vitamins in infancy.21

Don’t you just love that?

Mothers are like vitamins to an infant.

Can’t moms be vitamins to us throughout a lifetime?

A 2012 research finding says that moms who speak daily with their adult kids….they live longer. (JAMA Internal Medicine)

How Adopted and Foster Kids May Process Mother’s Day

Most adopted and foster kids are at risk, for our relationships with the mom figures in our lives are complicated.

“First mom gave me away because she loved me. If that’s what love is, I don’t want anything to do with it.”

“Adoptive Mom isn’t real. There’s an uneasiness about our relationship.”

Just lately, I’ve had a thought that never ended my brain until now–that I have lived all of my life as a motherless person.

My birth mother abandoned me at birth and my adoptive mom never processed her “stuff,” so was basically emotionally gone.

I wanted to love my first mom. Searched and found her, but she couldn’t handle her own emotions and kicked me out of her life…again.

Prior to the reunion with my birth mother, I fantasized about her enveloping me in the warm arms and staying with her in her spare room.

That really was my adoptee fantasy!

I wanted to love my adoptive mom, but she was so nervous and got mad at me all the time.

I hold nothing against either, however.

Forgiveness made that possible.

The late Lewis Smedes states in his book: Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Didn’t Deserve: “You feel forgiven at the ground floor of your being, where everything else rests. It is a feeling of total acceptance, a feeling lodged in your deepest self, a feeling that no bad thing you can do can take away. You feel totally affirmed, totally loved, totally received. Your entire being is rested because you feel that nothing can separate you from the source of love, even though you cannot do enough good things to earn your right to be there. You know that nothing can hurt you now.” https://tinyurl.com/y3adgazb

I forgave so that I could be free.

My Dream to Be the Best Mom

As a teen, I dreamed of being a mom. It was my ultimate life goal.

Maybe I could experience what it’s like to be a mom by stepping into the mom role.

I could be the mom to my daughters that I never had.

And, by golly, that happened in an unplanned but good way.

But basically, I lived my life as a mom without a guiding principle, radar screen, template, or pedal-to-the medal real life role model.

And, so, I mothered on empty.

Fifty-three years later, I feel totally loved by them as a mom. And, I must include my sons-in-law and six grands.

They are quick to share their lives…the squeezed-in phone calls on their way to work, their surprise visits to just “hang,” and sharing my love for boxing by boxing with me.

I am very blessed.

However, being loved by one’s children doesn’t fill the need of a motherless heart.

Where to Turn When Motherlessness

Looking back, however I know my desire to be a mom was distorted–what I really wanted was a mom…not to be a mom.

At this point in life, I have wondered: What would it feel like to be mothered in a nurturing, connected, and life-giving way?

And, so what could I do?

Nothing!

My faith reminds me here that God is my Need-Meeter. There isn’t one need that He isn’t able and willing to fill.

And, so I turn to the Scriptures often to find how this might happen.

How could He meet my need for a mother?

After all, God is a he, not a female.

Whoah…wait a minute.

One of the names for God is El-Shaddai, which means he is all-powerful but also “many breasted.”

“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may, I will never forget you.” Isaiah 49:15

This knowledge meets my need for mothering.

A Real Mom Experience

But then, in his incredible love for me through daughter Lisa.

When I was seriously ill a year ago, my daughter, she came to take care of me…she laid beside me in bed, took me to the doc and urgent care, and made homemade chicken soup.

The reversal of roles felt awkward at first.

Remember, I have no knowledge of what it means to be nurtured.

I thought i had to thank her every time she did something.

But, within a day, I relaxed and dropped the thank you’s.

We had a precious time together for four days.

Recently, I shared these thoughts with her, and she said, “Mom, you were at a place in your journey where you could receive ‘mom love.'”

Now, let’s talk about processing adoptee mixed feelings.

Practical Tool for Processing Mixed Feelings on Mother’s Day

Supplies you’ll need:

Gallon of vanilla ice cream
5 different kinds of candy bars
A hammer
Cutting Board
How to pull of the activity:

Invite fam to come to table at a certain time to discuss something important.
When seated, bring out the five candy bars.
Ask each person to pick their fav and give to them.
Then, ask them to give bars back.
Then, you unwrap the bars, pull out a previously-hidden hammer from beneath the table and begin pounding them to smithereens.
When they ask why you’re doing that, explain that sometimes, on days like today, I feel happy and sad at the same time. The happy is there–the bars. But, then the sad comes and wrecks the happy.”
“There is something we can do to grow from these mixed feelings.”
What if whenever one of us has them, we tell the whole family about it.
Pull out ice-cream and begin mixing the candy into it.
What was upsetting can turn out good.
Give every one a helping.
Whatever your experience on Mother’s Day, I wish you all my best.

Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve (Plus) Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve (Plus)

The Holy Spirit helps us both to hear/recognize the lies of the enemy, and also to replace them with what is more true.

What it's like to age-out of foster care. Inspiring interview with Karrie.

Foster Care--Realities of Aging Out System, Surviving AND Thriving Interview with Karrie, a former foster-child who aged-out-of the system.

I am writing my 3rd children's book. It hasn't been bought yet, but the publisher I submitted it to loves it. The photo here will give you a clue. Can you guess what it might be about?

Friends through adoption, this is such a cool podcast. Ron Nydam has current wisdom for every person of the adoption triad regarding relinquishment. Worth the listen!

Ron Nydam Ph.D. Recommends Revisiting Adoption and Relinquishment - 20 THINGS ADOPTION PODCAST with Sherrie Eldridge and Bronwen Smith Ron Nydam, Ph.D., is a highly respected and beloved pastor, speaker, author, counselor, and teacher in the field of adoption. For the last two decades, he educated international audiences about relinquishment and adoption. These two topics are h...

Thrilled to welcome internationally-known adoptee, author, and motivational speaker to the next podcast. Derek’s life us one of rrsilience and redemption. As a child he suffered unthinkable child abuse, abandonment, and emotional distress before being turned over to a psychiatric hospital at age 5. His 13 years in the San Francisco bay area foster care system resulti humiliation, aggression, overwhelming anxiety, and being wrongfully labeled.
Finally, he was cares for by loving foster parents.
Derek is the author of 7 books including DISABLE THE LABEL, NEVER LIMIT YOUR LIFE, and IWILL NEVER GIVE UP.
Rapping Dad

Adoptee anger isn't talked about much in the world of adoption? Why is that and what will help adoptees and parents work through overwhelming adoptee anger?

The Hot Potato of Adoptee Anger - 20 THINGS ADOPTION PODCAST with Sherrie Eldridge and Bronwen Smith Bronwen interviews Sherrie on a rare topic--adoptee anger. They discuss the two kinds of anger and emphasize the fact that anger itself is good--its a God-given emotion that warns us if something is wrong, like the red light on a dashboard. Anger ...

Can come adoptees find a way to calm their uncontrollable anger? Sherrie and Bronwen has an answer you might not be aware of. Find out what opens an adoptee's heart to such a change.

The Hot Potato of Adoptee Anger - 20 THINGS ADOPTION PODCAST with Sherrie Eldridge Bronwen interviews Sherrie on a rare topic--adoptee anger. They discuss the two kinds of anger and emphasize the fact that anger itself is good--its a God-given emotion that warns us if something is wrong, like the red light on a dashboard. Anger ...

Nancy Verrier's THE PRIMAL WOUND is valuable--it validates the adoptee wound. But the thing is--there's so much more. More choices to be made, more forgiveness to experience, and more steps toward freedom.
Many adoptees are stuck in the Verrier's wound. Join me on my blog this year and learn about a secret path that leads to freedom?
Check out my newly designed site at: https://sherrieeldridgeadoption.blog. Sign up at the bottom to get notifications of new blogs.

Sherrie Eldridge, adoptee, adoption author, and adoption whisperer, 20 Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew – Adoption Through the Eyes of Adopted Children, Teens, Adults Sherrie Eldridge has offered her voice in the adoption community for more than two decades. Her best seller--Twenty Things Adopted Kids wish their adoptive parents knew, is required reading by most adoption agencies in the US and her material is used for the training of "adoption competent" therapis...

Story: an adopted child misses her birth mom. What can a parent do? Tell her about how her fingerprints were formed while she was in her mother's womb...and that she can touch her fingerprints, which are unique, to feel close to birth mom.
Book: FOREVER FINGERPRINTS https://amazon.com.author.sherrieeldridge

Adoptive Parents! Did you know that you can create a lasting memory for your child by reading FOREVER FINGERPRINTS?
Not only can you read the story of Lucy, a seven year old adopted internationally, and how she missed her birth mom. Her Dad then tells her the story of her forever fingerprints that bring comfort and healing. If you order the book, be sure and get an ink pad and paper that will commemorate adoption day.

If adoptive and foster parents only knew that they could find inspiration for the challenging journey, plus family devotions ideas to teach young children about God.

Everybody needs a BFF!

Of course adoptive and foster parents don't have a spare moment to read a book...that's why Random House Publishers made my book into audio. https:amazon.com/author/sherrieeldridge

One days worth

Blaise Pascal (one of Lisa's all-time favorite theologians) wrote, "What else does this craving, and this helplessness, proclaim but that there was once in a man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words by God Himself." [Pascal, Pensees # 425]

There is a divine hole in our souls created by God Himself. The only thing that fills that relational hole is Jesus. 💗 - Team Lisa

Any self-worth I had prior to adoption bottomed out. When my mother left me in the delivery room, she's not the only one that left. So did my self-worth. How many adoptees out there identify?

This podcast is now live! Share with a mom you love.

The Wound of Adoptive and Foster Moms - 20 THINGS ADOPTION PODCAST with Sherrie Eldridge Not only must adoptive and foster moms understand the depth of their child’s pre-adoption pain, but also their own trauma wound. “What wound?” they may say. “My child is the one with the deep wound, not me. Don’t be ridiculous.” Adoptive moms may ...

I'll be interviewing teen adoptees-Jaala and Eli Berry--for The Virtual Insight Conference 2022. Date of conference: March 23-24. Speaking time: 4:00 pm EST, Wednesday, 23rd. You can register at: www.insightconference.org
Rebecca Swan Vahle, Foster the Family, Adoptees Connect Derry NH,

https://www.amazon.com/Twenty-Things-Adopted-Kids-Wish/dp/B09NDMNJZW/ref=sr_1_8?keywords=Jim+Bratton&qid=1642704480&s=audible&sr=1-8

ATTENTION BUSY ADOPTIVE PARENTS! My devotional is now available, thanks to Iron Stream Publishing!! You can listen to a sample here! I'm thrilled about this development because busy parents don't have time to sit down and read.

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish: A Daily Devotional for Adoptive and Birth Parents Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish: A Daily Devotional for Adoptive and Birth Parents

New Podcast--The Dance of Adoption. For parents whose kids step on their toes while dancing, like Sherrie Eldridge. Also, for fellow adoptees....to validate wounds and repercussions of trauma. https://www.buzzsprout.com/1758160/9879739-the-dance-of-adoption.mp3?download=true
https://www.buzzsprout.com/1758160/9879739-the-dance-of-adoption.mp3?download=true
https://www.buzzsprout.com/1758160/9879739-the-dance-of-adoption.mp3?download=truehttps://www.buzzsprout.com/1758160/9879739-the-dance-of-adoption.mp3?download=true

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1758160/9879739-the-dance-of-adoption.mp3?download=true

audio.buzzsprout.com

I’m honored to be a speaker at the Tapestry Conference next week.

I’m honored to be a speaker at the Tapestry Conference on Thursday, Oct 20th. Check it out here! It will be virtual. Hoping to see you there💕. bit.ly/tapestry2021

Tapestry Conference – 2021 Virtual & In-Person Conference So often in the hard places of parenting and trauma, we forget to delight in our children. We forget the joys of being a parent and focus only on the challenge. Even in times when delight seems far from our reach, Jesus delights in us and our children. This year’s Tapestry Conference is centered a...