Christy Lopez Law

Family Law Tip of the Day: Communication is the key to every relationship... and that includes your parenting relationship after the love between you is gone.

I know it didn't work out and that was likely because the two of you speak different languages, but if you are going to raise a child together, you will need to figure out how to make it work now.

If you learn to effectively tell each other what you want, what you need, and why... and most importantly start listening to what the other is saying and possibly caring a little bit (because caring about your child's other parent is indirectly caring about your child), then you can develop a great co-parenting relationship... and stay out of court 😉

And if by chance you are reading this and still married, then COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY! Learn how to talk to each other before it's too late. You can work almost anything out when you do it together.

Is equal best?

I am typically not one to get on a soapbox and if that offends you, stop reading this post. I promise, I won't do it again.

As most people have heard, the law changed last year and judges now presume that children should spend an equal amount of time with each parent when creating a parenting plan.

For as long as I have been a lawyer (and before that in law school), I have been taught (to the point where most of my sentences start with:) "best interests of the child." The laws have given us about 20 factors to judge parents by in order to determine whose interests are "best." Now all that goes out the window and we just say equal, unless it's extraordinarily detrimental???

After all these years, I have met so many families and there is one thing I am certain of: every family and every child is unique. I don't understand how the system can put in a cookie cutter plan and expect it to work for everyone.

Please realize that I firmly believe that it is in the best interests of children to have a relationship with all their parents (yes, I said all... because I know that sometimes step parents get an upgrade in the kids' hearts). I also often believe that equal is best, but I like to end there, not start there. If you have a unique situation or unique child, sometimes you can't get to equal and that is not through the fault of either parent. I have seen two terrific, loving parents who understand that their child cannot handle the back and forth make hard decisions which would be inappropriate under the new law as best interests has become less important.

I wonder now if "best interests," this heartbeat of family law that i have worked to learn and protect for my entire career, has been flushed down the drain and replaced with equity and expediency. I hope your families and your children don't suffer from this change.

Family Law Tip of the Day (Tax Season Edition): With the opening of tax season, if you aren't filing together and don't have a court order telling you who claims the child, it's time to figure that out.

First and foremost, you both need to be in agreement because if the IRS only has one person try to claim a specific child, it is highly unlikely they will question it.

Second, if you are claiming, it needs to be YOU. When the IRS has a parent vs. a nonparent, the parent wins every time.

Lastly, if you are both working with a competent tax professional, it is often possible to split some of the credits, so a parent entitled to earned income credit can take that, while the other takes the child tax credit and everyone gets a little extra towards a potential refund.

As for the IRS rules: for a parent to claim the child, the child had to live with that parent more than half the year (183 nights) and if two parents can prove this, it is the one who earns the most money.

FYI, the IRS doesn't care about your state court order.... but the judge who signed it cares very much, so always follow your court orders!

Family Law Tip of the Day: It's a new year, time for a new attitude toward co-parenting. Remember that it isn't a war or a competition on who the better parent is. Even though you chose not to be together, you are still a family. The winner should always be the kids!

Make a resolution this year to put the kids first and put the pettiness between the two of you aside and maybe you won't have to see the inside of a courtroom ;-)

Happy New Year from my family to yours. I hope 2024 is a great year for all!!!

Family Law Tip of the Day: You should take the time to talk about death with your children and parents.

It amazes me how often people tell me they don't know what their parents want or wanted. Of course we have a multitude of papers we can help you fill out saying who gets what, whether you want to stay on life support, and who makes those decisions... but do you really want that to be a surprise when someone reads those papers?

Death shouldn't be scary and it shouldn't be hard to discuss, it's an inevitable part of life. Of course, keep the conversations age appropriate, but tell your family what you want and find out what they want. Taking the time to have these conversations over the years will make end of life decisions easier for whoever has to make them.

Family Law Tip of the Day: Social Media is not friend! (hopefully saying that doesn't get me banned from FB lol)

We so often turn to these pages to air our grievences, but you know that once you put something on the internet, it is there FOREVER and if you are sharing a child with someone and the two of you end up in court one day, the grievances that you aired yesterday could become tomorrow's evidence of why you are a terrible parent.

Remember to never disparage your co-parent on social media (or anywhere really), never post pictures that show any quesionable morals (by a judge's standard's, not mine or yours or your co-parent's, many of them are quite prudish), and even be careful of the pictures you post of your children because sometimes the other parent does not want certain (or any) pictures posted (are the kids fully clothed? who or where have you tagged? is the post public?).

I know by this point social media isn't a new thing and most of us have been exposed to it long enough to know better... but sometimes we still need a little reminder, especially of the repricussions that come when you end up in court.

Family Law Tip of the Day: Staying together for the sake of the children is admirable, but....

The children understand way more than you give them credit for. If you are going to stick around in a less than perfect situation for their sake, you better be a really great actor as well. You need to fool yourself in order to be able to fool them into believing that you are happy.

Remember that you are your children's number one role model and the first thing you teach them in life is how to love. If you are married, one of the next things you will teach them is how to be a spouse.

When I am in a situation and have to make a tough decuision about what I should do, I often think about what would I want my child to do in the same situation... then I remember that the only way I can teach that is to model the behavior. Sometimes it makes a tough decision easier... sometimes infinately harder.

I am a firm believer that children are more successful in a two parent household, but the caveat is that the two parents need to be happy together and the household needs to be a healthy and/or loving one. So while you should absolutely think about your children when making your big life decisions, don't just think about the superficial (there is a reason they are tough decisions).

Family Law Tip of the Day: With the weather starting to change and the holiday season approaching, it's time to start making plans with the other parent, especially if you don't have a written agreement. (Even if you do have something in writing, it's OK to tweak it if you BOTH agree to.)

Do you want to both have a piece of each of the holidays? Can you be civil enough to spend time together? Who typically has plans with extended family on what days or times? What do the kids like to do? These are all things to consider.

Remember as you fight over the "holiday" that there is a lot of fun you can have with the kids on other days. There are pumpkin patches, corn mazes, fall festivals, Santa drops, Christmas festivals, and a slew of other things that families do together which feel as good as or better than a holiday. I also have known families that start new traditions to avoid fighting in a divorce and make a new holiday on December 27 or some day that the kids are always there in the spirit of "there's a festivus for the rest of us."

Family Law Tip of the Day: You are the parent, not their friend! It is great to have a good relationship with your kids and you should teach them to be open with you and tell you everything, but it isn't a two-way street. Don't spill all your personal business to the children, especially as it relates to their other parent.

This goes beyond questionable parenting, the courts frown on talking about the court case to your kids. You could find yourself on the losing side of court because you ran your mouth to (or in front of) the kids. So, as a general rule, when it comes to your co-parent or anything court related, remember what your mother taught you: if you don't have something nice to say, SAY NOTHING AT ALL 😀

Family Law Tip of the Day: Summer is the time to make plans for the year ahead. Most Parenting Plans require you to pull a school calendar before the new year starts, that is so you can look at all the days off and compare the days each of you think you have the kids and work out your differences.

This is also your opportunity to make trades for the year to come. Maybe you really want to take a special trip or a holiday that wasn't yours. Though you can't get that from court, small changes are always welcome when they are agreed on. If your co-parent is not typically agreeable, you can take this opportunity to see what he or she may want in the coming year and offer that in exchange for the special time you want with your kids.

Taking the time to plan helps to prevent future conflicts and you will be able to do it without hiring a lawyer!

Wishing you and your family a happy and prosperous 2023!

Family Law Tip of the Day: The holidays should be all about your kids and the truth is they probably want to spend it with BOTH of their parents, yet somehow for so many people it seems the hostility level is at the maximum this time of year.

Maybe you should dig deep and make a resolution to put those kids first for 2023 and find a way to SHARE all the holidays to come: whether it is sending a cute pic in the Halloween costume, setting up a Zoom call during the Happy Birthday song, or actually sending a full blown invitation to spend some of the holidays together, your children will love that you are trying to get along and that they aren't in the middle.

No matter what little step you take towards getting along and sharing the special moments with your children, you will be better off and paving the way towards a healthy co-parenting relationship.

Happy Halloween from our "family" to yours...

Family Law Tip of the Day: I have been told I don't say this enough, but somehow I feel like I say this all the time: STAY OFF SOCIAL MEDIA. Whether it is Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or something I can't think of right now, someone is watching (that is the point right?) and that someone may just know your ex or be found by the other lawyer.

What appears to be harmless fun today can be spun into all kinds of child endangerment and neglect tomorrow. Keep your crazy good times between you and your crazy good friends and make sure that what happens in Vegas really does stay there 😜

Family Law Tip of the Day: You can catch more flies with honey. If you are trying to build a better relationship with a coparent, why not do something nice today out of the blue. If you have the kids, take a picture and text it over to say hi, or have them make a fun craft and send it in the mail (old school).

It doesn’t take much effort to extend an olive branch and brighten someone’s day (you can go back to secretly hating them tomorrow)

Family Law Tip of the Day: Mediation is a better solution than the Courtroom.

Every family case has to go to mediation to give you the opportunity to resolve it on your terms. No, you probably won't get EVERYTHING you want, but you should get a lot of the important things. And what you give up, you do so on your terms, so it stings a little less.

Many people get angry with each other and often yell "let the judge decide" and I often see people stuck with the "I will do whatever a judge tells me." Somehow that rarely works out for either side.

Judges have a special kind of magic to make a decision that neither party is happy with.... while still being good for the kids. And that is how we know they made the right call -- when both sides get mad.

To sum up, when the options are 1. Mediation (both sides leave a little happy) or 2. Court (both sides leave a little mad); I always encourage people to try their best to be fair at mediation.

Family Law Tip of the Day: communication is the key to keeping out of court.

I know it’s a little late for that because if you spoke the same language you would still be together. But if you try to learn how to speak to each other and even listen to the other on occasion, you may build a new co-parenting relationship that will help make these 18 years slightly more tolerable.

…. And if you can’t communicate , hope you know a good lawyer 😉

It's now easier to call Christy Lopez Law.

Family Law Tip of the Day: with the summer in full swing, we are all spending time with our family and hopefully getting great pictures of the kids.

Now is the time to think about internet safety and rules for everyone— the kids and for you. After you have the talk with the kids about what they can and can’t post and to where, start thinking about what you are posting and who you are tagging.

This advice is twofold, first and foremost careful with the pictures of your children where predators may see them; but secondly, if you are involved in a conflict with the other parent, don’t tag your new significant other like it’s that person’s child. Don’t start badmouthing the parent in posts and comments. All those things will come back to bite you in court.

Think before you post. The internet is forever….

Family Law Tip of the Day: watching the news this morning with a broken heart and heard the story of a mother who saw her son for the last time when she went to school to watch him accept an award. I feel so thankful that she went as I cannot imagine the guilt if it went the other way.

So many of us get busy with our lives and forget to take the time for the moments, the games, the plays, the awards. Thankfully, those moments are not our last opportunity to see our children, but showing up at those times does form the people they become. Seeing you there makes it all mean something, even if they are bad at the sport, have a tiny part in the play, or it is the lamest award known to man.

No, you won’t be perfect and you won’t make it every time, but do your best, make it almost every time someone shines a light on your baby, work with your coparent (even if you don’t get along) to make sure that you BOTH go as that means even more, and if neither of you can make it, turn to your village for someone to take your place.

If you don’t believe me, think back to your own childhood. Can you remember when one of your parents didn’t show up to one of your moments…. Or a time you smiled because you were surprised to see one or both there? I know I do.

Family Law Tip of the Day (Pre-Tax Season Edition):
As I mentioned, I did not opt out of the advanced child tax credits, in order to see some of the fun hiccups first hand. I just logged into my IRS account (which is my biggest tax tip to everyone, GET AN IRS ACCOUNT) and found the following statement that is giving a glimpse at one of the biggest unanswered questions I have for my divorcing clients-- what if you filed jointly in 2020, are receiving tax credits, and will not file jointly in 2021?

My biggest advice in this situation to date has been file jointly, even if that means putting off your divorce until January 4. But if that is not an option, I now can start telling people to LOG INTO THE IRS and make sure you have TWO SEPARATE BANK ACCOUNTS to receive the funds. As I did not file a joint return, I do not know how exactly to do that, but it is clearly a thing. Please note, this does not give me any clear answers, but it is starting to form a theme from which I can make better guesses.

The following is the message posted from the IRS.....

Important Message from the IRS:
In married filing jointly situations, if you and/or your spouse submitted different bank information for your advance payments, the taxpayer listed as the spouse on the 2019 or 2020 tax return will get their portion of the payments separately in September. Until then, joint payments will be sent to the taxpayer listed first on the 2019 or 2020 tax return.

Family Law Tip of the Day: So many people think that if they plan for bad things to happen that means it will happen -- I just think it's good judgment. Plan for the worst, expect the best! This is why many people refuse to write wills and the vast majority of couples don't bother with a prenuptial agreement.

Here is a question, when you get married, will you have a joint account or separate accounts? Do you think your partner will give the same answer? How will you pay for living expenses? You could split equally or based on the percentage of income or how long you each spend in the shower, or any other arbitrary number. The only way to know is to talk about it.

There are other quirky conversations about kids and in-laws and jobs, that you may not have thought to ask BEFORE you got married, but if you go through the motions of writing a pre-nup, all these things will come up.

I have always been a fan of taking the time of coming up with a good agreement before the marriage, and that has nothing to do with a divorce, it is more about how you will live together as husband and wife. The beauty is that it teaches you to open up the lines of communication that build a strong marriage. Doing it right means that you won't be one of the 50% of couples whose marriages end in divorce.

Of course the downside is that if you do it right, you might find out before you say "I do" that you are marrying the wrong person -- this will save you the cost of that divorce and most of the cost of the wedding, so is it really a downside?

Family Law Tip of the Day: I am finding that so often people put off divorce because they feel it is not necessary and don't see the benefits. While in many instances I agree, sometimes you can get yourself into a pickle.

If you choose to separate from your spouse, there are some downsides to staying married. You need to be aware of these before you decide, what the heck, I will deal with it later:

1. Florida has no legal separation, so for tax purposes, you are MARRIED. if you do not file jointly or have a qualifying dependent, you must file MFS.

2. If you are of child bearing age and the Wife has a baby, it is legally the Husband's and technically he could be on the hook for 18 years of support.

3. If you have a retirement plan (or of more concern a pension), the money that is going in there is still technically marital and in the absence of a pre/post-nup if your spouse is not agreeable you will be splitting what goes in there.

4. The longer you stay married, the better the odds someone could pay alimony.

5. If you are older and one of you needs nursing home care, the second income could be an issue that causes you both to declare poverty.

6. If you don't like each other and don't have children, you may lose touch and not be able to find your spouse when you are ready.

7. Your spouse may incur debts and leave you holding the bag.

Obviously, with a lawyer (or 2.. or 3), there is a way around everything except for #1, but ask yourself if that is something you want to deal with?

Family Law Tip of the Day: Social media is forever and hopefully your bad feelings towards your co-parent are not. Do NOT post things on the internet that you may regret later... and definitely don't post things that your lawyer will regret later (even if it makes us laugh).

Your best bet when going through a child custody case is to stay off social media all together, and if you just can't help yourself, stick to pictures of rainbows, sunsets, and your dinner plate, and if you must share memes or posts, don't tag people or make sarcastic comments, just share MY stuff and remember that your lawyer will thank you for not airing out your grievances for your ex to screenshot and bring to the judge!

Family Law Tip of the Day: "It is all about the kids"... so many people stay in bad marriages for the sake of their children, but is that what is best for them?

People find it strange that I am a huge fan of marriage and also I have never argued that the best situation for a child is an intact 2 parent home, but is a bad marriage really intact?

Most of us have just spent a very short summer with our kids and some of us a very long pandemic summer/school/summer with our kids. Are they happy? Are you???

I meet so many people that find breaking the bonds of a bad marriage gives them a renewed confidence and joy in life which spreads to a better life for their kids who now have two happy houses to live at instead of one sad one.

(and if your marriage is only heading that way, but hasn't hit the abyss of bad or sad or something you need to be saved from, start talking to your spouse and get counseling before you hit the point of no return -- your kids are worth the effort!)

Family Law Tip of the Day: I know I have said this before, but I will continue to say it until the end of days: Communication is Key! Even if you couldn't do it when you were together, you need to figure it out now for the sake of the children.

When you have the children, the other parent is left in the dark. He or she has to trust that you are doing right by your baby. You need to prove it by picking up the phone and making that call when something goes awry. Even if it is just a little sniffle, you let the other parent know out of courtesy because you too would want to know that something could be starting to go wrong with your child.

By the same token, take a pic and send a text when a great report card or certificate of achievement comes in. You don't even need words, just a little something to put a smile on the other parent's face in hopes that one day you will get the same respect.

Family Law Tip of the Day: So often people ask me how much it costs to get a divorce.... that all depends on so many things, the biggest one being whether you and your spouse can agree on things.

I know that there are typically bad feelings in a divorce, after all you are choosing not to stay married, but that doesn't mean that you cannot also be sensible adults.

Nearly every lawyer charges by the hour and since there are two of you, that is twice as many hours (I imagine it is some version of marital funds paying each lawyer). A trial to divide your assets is far more costly than reasonable people working out a fair deal. Remember that when you are sitting in a mediation or settlement negotiation and your bottom line numbers are essentially only a couple hours of legal fees apart.

Family Law Tip of the Day: Don't put your child in the middle... As easy as it is to have your kid relay messages for you, especially as they get older, and as much as you do not want to talk to your ex, you need to be a grown up. Pick up the phone or type out the text/email yourself. Make plans for child exchanges, ask for extra/less days yourself, decide on Christmas/Birthday gifts from the two of you, notify of important events and life changes.

Your little baby does not need to grow up so fast and become an intricate part of your dysfunctional relationship. Your kids will have a much happier and healthier childhood if they don't know what goes on between the two of you -- and especially if you never ever talk about the Court proceedings to them or even around them.

Family Law Tip of the Day (Advanced Child Tax Credit, part 2): I expected many questions on the credit, so I decided not to opt out so that I could get some first hand knowledge to help figure out whatever crazy stuff happens….

July 15 (the day the first payments were scheduled to be deposited), a client mentioned to me that the payment received was significantly less than expected. I decided to check my own bank and there was nothing. This leaves me wondering if everyone out there who claimed a child on taxes received money?????

If you did not receive money or did not receive the amount you expected (assuming you did not opt out), you need to find out if you were scheduled to get a payment. ***If the IRS thinks you got the money and you didn’t, you will be penalized, so make sure it wasn’t stolen.*** I logged into my IRS account— if you do not have one of these, I highly recommend you get one (it isn’t as easy as it sounds). In the account, it states your eligibility, whether you were paid, and HOW. It turns out, I was mailed a check (even though it said I was supposed to have it direct deposited).

Note that if the IRS mails you a check, it gets stolen, and someone cashes it, they will assume it was you. This why it is important to find out where your money is now so that you can notify them if it was stolen, file a police report, and do whatever is necessary to prove it wasn’t you that cashed your check and take necessary steps so that they are not ALL stolen. (In case you are wondering, I found my check in the mailbox.)

The most important thing I have told everyone this year is that if you move, make sure you change your address with the IRS. Even if you are set up for direct deposit, they may accidentally mail you money and ***at the end of the year, they will be mailing out some kind of required tax form with all the amounts paid.***

If you want to opt out of payments, you can opt out of future payments by the end of the month.

Family Law Tip of the Day (Belated Tax Edition): 2020 was all about stimulus... and I just can't answer those questions anymore, but the big buzz for 2021 is going to be the Advanced Child Tax Credits.......

Here is what you need to know and hopefully you won't mess this up too badly, but before I start, I will give you the biggest tip of all if you are not on the same tax return with the other parent, DO NOT SHARE THE FUNDS:

1. This is not a stimulus, it is not "FREE" money, it is an advance on YOUR taxes.

2. From what I have seen, the money is not tied to a specific child, so don't think Johnny get's me this $250 and Janey gets you that $250, all the money is tied to YOUR return and the credit YOU will receive for 2021.

3. In January, you should receive something like a tax form telling you how much money YOU received and that amount goes on YOUR tax return to be DEDUCTED from your refund. (or added to what you owe)

4. If they overpay you (i.e. give you money for a child you no longer claim), you MAY have to PAY IT BACK -- whether you do and how much depends on your income and filing status.

5. If you do not receive the advances, you will receive the full credit on your return.

6. The IRS is supposed to have a website up and running where you can add or delete children or opt out of receiving payments. DOING NOTHING means you will receive HALF of the total CHILD TAX CREDIT the IRS expects you will be receiving on your 2021 return BASED ON THE CHILDREN CLAIMED IN 2020 in SIX EQUAL PAYMENTS, expected to begin July 15.

7. The child tax credit in 2020 was $2,000 ($1400 refundable) for people earning up to $200,000 and couples earning up to $400,000. In 2021, the credit will be $3,600 for children under 6 and $3,000 for the older ones, but the income threshold is lower (if you make too much you revert to the $2,000) and in 2021, it is FULLY refundable.

I hope this answered some questions and I hope this makes you understand that the money is just an advance on the taxes you would receive later, so sharing is not a great idea, especially if you will not be claiming the child and will have to pay the money back.

The most important thing of them all is that if you have moved since you filed your taxes, CHANGE YOUR ADDRESS WITH THE IRS. If you do not get the form with amount of credits received, I strongly believe you will not be seeing your refund for a VERY long time (but that is just a guess based on years of experience)