Outer Circle Inner Stillness

Happy Return to School!
If you're stressed, or finding your compulsive stress responses are still going, then we've got your back!
New Pattern Counseling is accepting new clients for individual and group work. We love to be with you in all your distress, and the victories that come afterwards!

New Pattern Counseling Individual and Group Therapy for Compulsive Behavior and Addiction

Birthday to birthday, 40-41.
Another year of story, lesson, wisdom(which implies mistakes), and growth...hopefully moire than just a beard.
I am what I by the grace of God and the love of my people.
On this my natal day(thanks again, Mom!) if YOU there in my network would like to do something nice to commemorate me and my work, do this.....Please visit my podcast homepage at patreon.com/outercircle and consider supporting my work for as little as $5/month.

The Outer Circle Inner Stillness is an Orthodox Recovery Podcast exploring the intersections of spirituality and sobriety, providing resources for living the sober life. It's good and meaningful work, but not something I can sustain all by myself. If you find you have a few extra dollars a month to spare, I will give you a shoutout in a future episode and a big hug next time we meet. :)

Until then, may the peace of the Lord be with you!

All of us had sperm-donors; some of us also had fathers. How blessed and fortunate the child with a true father!
But to those whose father was absent, or critical, angry and volatile, or rigid and distant, or emotionally illiterate, or abusive, or scary, or defensive, or couldn't apologize worth a damn, or for whom you were part of his trophy collection...
...and who are now father's yourselves, and striving to be present, to be calm, to treat the mothers as beautiful humans they are, to see and be with your children in their inner and outer lives, and who teach, and play, and apologize, and work persistently to provide and to learn and grow, and in every way redeem your inheritance and far exceed the example you were given...
(and for those who pray, who daily bring your kids before God...)
...I salute you!
Don't give up. They may not make million dollar movies about us, but when we are consistently present with our families, this is how we change the world.

How will you talk to your kids about p**n?
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Saying, "It's bad, don't do it," won't actually protect them from anything.
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Better to present them with a right way of seeing people, as divinely beautiful and whole people.

I will be hosting a book study through the 2023 book by Andrew Williams, From Object to Icon: The Struggle for Spiritual Vision in a Pornographic World.

My name is Moses-Rhys Pasimio. I read this text both as an Orthodox Christian, and as a clinical counselor specializing in s*x and p**n addiction.
Andrew Williams is an Orthodox Christian, and a graduate of Holy Cross Greek Orthodox School of Theology, and Oxford University, and the host of the podcast "Finding the Freedom to Live in the Image of God."

Williams says, "The icon is central in our relationship with God; it is a source of healing and sanctification, and through it we can transcend the 'Things and facts of an objectivized and naturalized world.'" He also points out that veneration of an icon is a way of actively participating in the divine graces of God. Icons are not limited to just the wood and paint, but include each of us made in the image of God. Veneration, therefore, is not just kissing a painting, but is a way of seeing(really a way of living in) all of creation. As Christians, we ought to see all creation, especially its people, iconographically.
The counterpart is to see the world p**nographically. This certainly includes s*xual p**nography, but is also in fact its own way of living, that being a way that fails both to see others and to allow ones self to be seen in the healing and transformative way that each of us need.

So then, in our study, we will explore the following big ideas:
What are the spiritual realities present in the icon, and in the incredibly powerful spiritual encounter that takes place every time we practice veneration?
What is p**nography and what does it mean to see the world through this lens?
How ought we to see people?
How ought we allow ourselves to be seen, and why?
What is a proper response to p**nography(s*xual imagery, internet p**nography, etc)?
For us in the care of children, how ought we to speak to our children about s*x, p**nography, the unforgiving risks of the internet, and the proper way to see themselves and others?

William's writing is beautiful and compelling, just as the icons which have so captivated his vision, and sustained our faith. I encourage you to join me in reading through his work, and through our conversations, hopefully connect more deeply with each other.
This group is open to both Men and Women, especially Singles, Couples, and Parents. Teens who have been given the s*x talk and show themselves able to engage in the content in a mature manner may be welcome at their parents' discretion.

Meetings will begin Monday evening, May 13, after Vespers, approximately 7:00 pm. We'll meet in person at the Eastern Orthodox Church of the Annunciation, but will include a virtual participation option.
For in-person signups, please message me here, to let me know you'll be coming.
For virtual signups, please go to patreon.com/outercircle and sign up for the "Book Club." Links and study materials, as well as recordings of the sessions will be posted here.
Many thanks, and I look forward to seeing you soon!

I will be hosting a book study through the 2023 book by Andrew Williams, From Object to Icon: The Struggle for Spiritual Vision in a Pornographic World.

My name is Moses-Rhys Pasimio. I read this text both as an Orthodox Christian, and as a clinical counselor specializing in s*x and p**n addiction.
Andrew Williams is an Orthodox Christian, and a graduate of Holy Cross Greek Orthodox School of Theology, and Oxford University, and the host of the podcast "Finding the Freedom to Live in the Image of God."

Williams says, "The icon is central in our relationship with God; it is a source of healing and sanctification, and through it we can transcend the 'Things and facts of an objectivized and naturalized world.'" He also points out that veneration of an icon is a way of actively participating in the divine graces of God. Icons are not limited to just the wood and paint, but include each of us made in the image of God. Veneration, therefore, is not just kissing a painting, but is a way of seeing(really a way of living in) all of creation. As Christians, we ought to see all creation, especially its people, iconographically.
The counterpart is to see the world p**nographically. This certainly includes s*xual p**nography, but is also in fact its own way of living, that being a way that fails both to see others and to allow ones self to be seen in the healing and transformative way that each of us need.

So then, in our study, we will explore the following big ideas:
What are the spiritual realities present in the icon, and in the incredibly powerful spiritual encounter that takes place every time we practice veneration?
What is p**nography and what does it mean to see the world through this lens?
How ought we to see people?
How ought we allow ourselves to be seen, and why?
What is a proper response to p**nography(s*xual imagery, internet p**nography, etc)?
For us in the care of children, how ought we to speak to our children about s*x, p**nography, the unforgiving risks of the internet, and the proper way to see themselves and others?

William's writing is beautiful and compelling, just as the icons which have so captivated his vision, and sustained our faith. I encourage you to join me in reading through his work, and through our conversations, hopefully connect more deeply with each other.
Meetings will begin Monday evening, May 13. Please sign up at patreon.com/outercircle for details!

Quick poll:
Scenario - there's a group forming to read and discuss a book that interests you.
Which sounds more appealing to you -
A book "Study"....or...a book "Club"
?

Seasons of Spiritual Practice in the Desert, with Sister Lisa | Outer Circle, Inner Stillness Get more from Outer Circle, Inner Stillness on Patreon

New Pattern Counseling is now able to accept CareOregon and its partners!
NPC is a treatment center with a mindfulness, body-based, and trauma informed approach to addiction, trauma, s*xuality, and relationships. Our clinicians incorporate modalities such as IFS. DBT, ACT, EMDR, Polyvagal Theory, and mindfulness.

We are located in Gresham, OR, and accepting new clients in-person and virtually.

Please do reach out! We'd love to meet you!

New Pattern Counseling Individual and Group Therapy for Compulsive Behavior and Addiction

Life hack - don't compare how you feel on the inside to how people look on the outside.
Either you'll always feel bad, or you'll become a judgmental monster.

Have you been curious today?

One of the primary differences between a counseling alliance and a typical friendship is prioritizing curiosity over solutions.
Someone says, "I'm depressed," and our first instinct can be to say, "Here try this!," or "This helped me!" or "Have you thought about this?"(which is a solutions question).
The advice may be good...thought not always.
And the intent is...usually good.
But most of the time these responses fall flat, and are not felt as helpful. The depressed person goes away feeling unhelped, unheard, misunderstood, and most importantly, still alone in their experience.

Curiosity(or wondering) is that which allows us to move toward and consider.
The person says, "I'm depressed." Our deeper instinct is probably to be afraid to also feel depressed, or to feel overwhelmed, or to feel like a failure for not being able to help the person. If we let these fears guide us, they take us away from the person. We both end up alone.
But if I can bravely bring my focus to the other person and the reality of their experience, then I am bringing my presence to them. If I can ask a curious questions, (What is that like for you? How long have you felt this way? What does this make you do? Tell me more about that?) this allows the other person to be seen, to be heard, to be understood, and most importantly, to be connected.

It's in the connections that we find strength.
It's in the relationships that we find healing.
It's in togetherness that we find our true selves.

So then, next time someone mentions one of their problems to you, instead of trying to fix the problem, try just asking another question about what they just said. Then listen without critique. Trust me, this won't actually kill you, and you may find yourself connected in a really beautiful way.

Discussion(read: I'd like to see you more).
This year, a number of people I know have had a family member or good friend die in the midst of the holiday season, dead of winter, December. Or they have a family member in the process of dying. Or a family member died in the midst of holidays gone by.
I'm interested to see you a bit more, and perhaps to help you see each other. Thus, if this was, is, or is shortly to be your experience, and if you are open to it, consider leaving comments along these themes -
+++What was helpful for you in your process?
+++What is a current need you have?
+++What is a cherished memory of your loved on?
+++What else is important for others to know about your experience?

Share as you like, and peace be with you!

When you are with a grieving person, believe it or not, there's a way you can relax.
You don't always have to have something to say.
You don't need to cheer them up
or fix their problem
or rescue them from their feelings.
Sometimes it is enough for you to be there
to hear them fully
and to not run away from their pain.

How is recovery like Barbecue Sauce, and what does this have to do with 9th century Church Fathers? And what’s the deal with the first 3-5 years of recovery anyway?

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/outer-circle-inner-stillness/id1598215542

In today’s episode, Rhys Pasimio and Shea Layton team up to interview CSAT counselor Dan Stephens, the founder of Restored Life Counseling, and developer of the long term Recovery Outcomes research project.
A traditionally held understanding within addictions recovery work is that a good, solid, successful recovery process takes 3-5 years. While many can intuitively and anecdotally say this is true, empirical research is limited…so Dan is working to supply it.
Rhys, Dan, and Shea take an hour to unpack questions like what is recovery anyway? How long does it take? What are the essential priorities to address within the first three years? How is early recovery like and unlike spiritual growth?
All coming from different Christian traditions, we conceptualize addiction as coming out of deep desires that can only ultimately be fulfilled by God…but get turned towards other things, often with devastating results. We talk about how desire itself is not bad, , and many of the things we desire are good…but we desire them in wrong ways.
Shea says, “We see everything according to our cravings.”
As we conceive of recovery as a whole-life transformation to be more in the likeness of Christ, Dan says we can measure sobriety success by asking, “What is the measurable participation in restoration?”
Shea reflects on wisdom of the church fathers like St. Maximus the Confessor, and reminds us that, “You can’t over come [sin or addiction] just by hating it. You have to see the beauty, like Christ [would].”
We talk about how mere abstinence is a good start, but a very incomplete process. True transformation and healing happen when we struggle to attain the good and the beautiful, to find our purpose, and live our values, and fill our lives with good things, the ultimate of which is God.

This podcast relies on the partnership of listeners - especially with dollars! Please visit www.patreon.com/outercircle to learn how to partner with the vision of this show!

Rhys Pasimio can be found through www.patreon.com/outercircle and on instagram at and is always happy to dialogue with listeners bringing honest questions!
Dan Stephens can be found at https://restored.life/dan-stephens/. You can sign up for the Recover Outcomes Study here - https://restored.life/recovery-outcomes-study/!

Shea Layton can be found at https://thaddeusthought.com/, on Youtube at Thaddeus Creative, and on various social media platforms as .

Please do reach out! We’d love to hear from you!

‎Outer Circle Inner Stillness on Apple Podcasts ‎Health & Fitness · 2023

How to make friends as a man - ......
How DOES a man make friends with other men?
Check back on Monday, 11/27, at noon PST, when the Outer Circle Inner Stillness will livestream another episode, this one featuring Ahshuwah Hawthorne. We'll be bringing the wisdom and the epics and exploring how men can more deeply connect to each other in our crazy mad world.

"I have low self-esteem. I want to build up my self-esteem."
This is something I hear from quite a few people. Whether they are doing recovery work, healing from trauma, or trying to move through depression, or very lonely, everyone wants to have better self-esteem.
What do we mean by "Self-esteem"? However the dictionaries and experts might define it, I observe that the way people use the phrase, it means something like this -
"I feel bad and want to feel better."
"There's more I don't like about myself than I like about myself, and I want to like more about myself."
"I want to feel more comfortable in my own life."
"I feel insecure, and I want to feel more confident."
"I feel worthless, and I want to feel important."
I'm sure there are other variations; if you can think of one, I'd be happy to hear it.
So far, I believe we're talking about universal desires. We who are created in the Image of God and are inherently beings of inestimable worth have a deep down sense of the goodness and greatness of God embedded in us. When we are mistreated or devalued, on one level, we know this is wrong, and we yearn to see this treatment corrected.
God is a God of order. We who are in His image also have an inherent sense that when our lives careen into tyrannical rigidity, or spiral into uncontrolled chaos, we are not living according to the order for which we were designed.
What do I mean by order? Well, it's always nice when we can bring order to our world, or at least our homes. but being "Well-ordered," could also be understood as practicing self-mastery. This is another way to say that "bringing order" is first, foremost, and always a task meant for the individual and his or her inner life. When we focus our efforts on bringing order to our own inner lives, then we are living according to the Image of God.
So what about self-esteem? How do we 'get it'? or increase it? Or manufacture it?
Here we must remember the ideal state of a person. That is well-ordered on the inside, interconnected and at peace with others on the outside, and exercising an ordering, nurturing, and life-giving influence on the material world around us.
So then, when we seek to build our self-esteem through words of affirmation, self-validation, and cheery phrases, we fall far short. Words only reach the intellect, and when we have to make them up ourselves, it's like a pile of firewood trying to light itself on fire. There will always be something missing.
Likewise, when we seek to build our self-esteem through enjoyment, we fall far short. This is an easy mistake to make - there are many enjoyed activities we can do. Some very intense, some very thrilling. Many "Addictions" could be understood as attempts to address self-esteem problems(as well as trying to address other things) and their method is to use intensity and pleasure to distract us from our deeper needs. Even when we pursue socially acceptable and healthy recreation, we can still do this in a way that keeps us so occupied with the pleasure that we do not give ourselves time to be present, or to try to heal from pain.
We take a marvelous step towards achieving "improved self-esteem," when we can learn to be fully present with ourselves. In counseling, we use terms like mindfulness, "being in self," emotional resilience, wise-mind, and acceptance to talk about the experience of bravely bringing one's awareness into one's own mind and body, facing the pain, confronting the darkness, and making friends with what we find. It's an act of compassion that has nearly limitless potential for healing. When we can do this regularly as a practice, we tend to be more content, feel more balanced, and be more able to move about the world in confidence.
Similarly, we find much of the worth and confidence we seek when we bring order to the world around us. Think of good habits, stable routines, daily disciplines, prayer rules, meditation practices, exercise routines, responsible budgeting, good time management, and all we know about healthy boundaries. When we consistently practice a good habit, it's an act of fidelity between ourselves and our values, and a way of maintaining a boundary for ourselves. Boundaries create security. Security creates confidence. That confidence is what we think of as self-esteem.
But these are not the ultimate help.
When we were very small, we were helpless, and needed an Other to be present, to be attentive, and through their undivided, gentle and loving attention, convey to us a sense of being and worth. As created beings, we naturally crave the same sort of thing from our Creator. As adults, these needs have not gone away - we have just gotten very creative about how we ignore or misunderstand them.
Positive words, enjoyed activities, and healthy habits are all good. But the real source of good self-esteem is in relationships. Self-esteem cannot be generated from within, nor conjured from a vacuum. Worth, value, belonging, confidence, and love are the product of two beings coming together. In community, we find our true selves. When we see and are seen, know and are known, love and are loved in return, we are living the way we were meant to live - in intimate communion with each other.

This is a great and fun depiction of what happens with addiction. We have pain.
We try to quick-soothe the pain rather than understand it and heal it.
Pain grows.
Demands more soothing.
Probably we get in trouble and add to the pain.
Much better to greet the Void, make friends with it, and see about what it needs to be healed!

Comic by Goat to Self.

The first few interviews I did for this were spectacular!
I'm hoping to meet a few more heroes of sobriety...

Good day! The Outer Circle Inner Stillness has now come to Facebook! Follow us here for new episodes and new conversations about sobriety, spirituality, and how to live into whole-person healing!

Get more from Outer Circle, Inner Stillness on Patreon creating Reflections and conversations exploring recovery work a

Get more from Outer Circle, Inner Stillness on Patreon creating Reflections and conversations exploring recovery work a

So you got clean and sober - great! …Now what?
How does a person transition from the excitement and upheaval of early recovery into a more stable long-term recovery? What do you do in long term sobriety when the comfort of stability starts to feel like the tortures of boredom? How does a person find their most important values, and the community to support them?
Stephen Grant is a Certified S*x Addiction Therapist, and a Relational Therapist, at Gracefall Counseling in Vancouver, Washington. He draws on his experiences as a counselor, and many more experiences in recovery, to share stories and insights into how to survive - and thrive - through the many seasons of sobriety life.
Stephen and Rhys talk about what Relational Therapy is, and how the basics of emotional attunement and active listening never get old. We talk about how sobriety is much more than just stopping an unhealthy behavior; sobriety is all about finding new things to do, new purpose, and living into a marvelous vision for our lives.

This podcast relies on the partnership of listeners - especially with dollars! Please visit www.patreon.com/outercircle to learn how to partner with the vision of this show!

Rhys Pasimio can be found through www.patreon.com/outercircle and on instagram at and is always happy to dialogue with listeners bringing honest questions!
Stephen Grant can be found at https://www.gracefallcounseling.com/ and would be happy to share more stories!

*x *xaddiction *xuality
Featured playlist
https://youtu.be/bs03YgSt3v8?si=ThlXDMXJ8YsOMi_Y