Safe Space Life Consulting

As a mom of three, and a wife, and a business owner, I don’t do this often enough, but I’m growing and I’m learning, and learning to slow down and prioritize this time to pause and reflect and allow my brain time to sort thoughts and feelings out.

Repair isn’t talked about a whole lot, that I’ve heard outside my Consulting circles, and it should be. But it takes honest looks at how I’ve shown up and impacted others, while having compassion on my own intent. At the same time, my intent doesn’t negate the impact, AND shaming myself for how I’ve impacted others doesn’t bring healing to myself OR them.

I say this as someone who is still in process, even with quite a few of the tools, I’m grateful that there’s not a “perfect repair” model, and that healing and repair aren’t limited to one singular conversation and making sure it goes as expected. It can happen over multiple steps and conversations, and it takes softening and being willing to listen and own our pieces of impact, share intent and our own experience- while trying to remove blame, and believing the best about the other person.

Maybe someday I’ll be able to share this part of my story of healing and repair, but as it involves others, sharing this tenderness would require permission.

So for now, I’ll say that I’m so hopeful, anxious about what will come up, bringing compassion in to combat shame, pressing into loving myself and the other, and getting super comfortable with curiosity to be the leader of this journey.

There’s honestly nothing like children’s songs that make you reflect.

Anyone else remember this one by ?
The lyrics go like this:

The more we get together
Together, together
The more we get together
The happier we’ll be
‘Cause your friends are my friends
And my friends are your friends
The more we get together
The happier we’ll be

I feel like the world could do well to remember the truth in these simple lyrics. Healing and love happen IN CONNECTION, and our differences shouldn’t divide us, but inspire curiosity to bring each other closer.

If you’re having a hard time getting close to others, taking a look at your own heart is a good first step. If you need someone to have curiosity for you, I have openings for July and a 14% off your first 6 sessions promotion through the end of August. I have such a heart to see people connect to themselves and others, so comment a “👀” below for the promo code.

Happy Monday friends!

I made this my Lock Screen the other day. I’ve been in a season of avoiding painful emotions again. There’s a lot I’m growing in, there’s a big season of transition in my home, and some disorganized attachment swirls I’ve been finding myself in.

So, I’m learning to “allow”.

Allow the hurts.

Allow the unknown.

Allow the transition.

Allow the progress.

Avoiding the emotions in the midst is only going to exacerbate the underlying fears and ALLOW that to conquer.

So here’s to accepting, allowing space, and inviting peace, safety, compassion, and truth.

Do you have moments that catch you off guard, where your heart flutters, or melts, where you feel the happy butterflies, or even just this subtle contentment wash over you?

I call those resource moments, or glimmers has been a word tossed around lately, that you can sink into to break unhelpful and destructive thoughts/beliefs that live in your subconscious.

Driving to run an errand this afternoon, I caught a glimpse of my wedding and engagement ring and my mind wandered, and I hear my heart think to itself, “I belong to someone,” and my heart soared for a moment.

And then I got distracted- because my nervous system isn’t used to the feeling of belonging. I have an “I’m not chosen” trigger that likes to show up to get healing, so I caught myself distracting, went back to that thought of “I belong to someone,” and just let it linger a moment longer. Even typing this I get to choose into the feeling of belonging - the gooey, melty, love that is weighing on my chest (mixed with a little buzzy anxiety, because abandonment wants to try to tell me it’s not going to last).

I hope you take a moment to sit in belonging - that’s something our hearts long for, even if you can only connect to “I belong to myself” - that can be HUGE breakthrough speaking over little-you that you belong.

Share in the comments what glimmer/resource moment you got to connect to today 💜 It can be as simple as sitting in the warm sunshine, or a hug, or driving around a roundabout 😜 or it can be huge like a baby born, or a parent/friend taking ownership in conflict.
Either way, know that I’m sending you thoughts and feelings of love, joy, and belonging.

Today could have been a disaster, and enter, I now have a moment of safety and resource that you can take too 💚

So, with a sick baby overnight twice, little sleep, changing sheets in the middle of the night, still sick this morning (still having to get the older girls to school), work day and productive plans put to rest for sick baby, missing PT for sick baby, too- it’s a lot.

BUT, when we decided to get outside to help littlest calm down in between bites, I got to mow (which is some PT for my knee at least), and Paul got to w**d while littlest played,

Until this moment. 😍

Skylar got up and walked over to Paul and just snuggled into her daddy’s arms. And he kept her with him the rest of the time. She was safe and snuggled, and WITH her daddy.

We don’t get to pick out dad’s, and some of us have rough stories with our dad, while others have great stories, and can still have pain.
Whatever your story is with your dad, I hope you can take a moment,

to breathe in,

and breathe out,

and allow a moment of connecting to loving arms wrapping you in safety and love.

The moments that catch you out of nowhere.

I had no reason for this thought to come up in this moment, and yet…

I was nursing my daughter, after giggles, before bed, when my watch buzzes - which it does every so often, so it’s normal, and yet, for whatever reason, my brain decided to jump to,
“Must be my mom.”
(For anyone who doesn’t know, she passed in 2018)

Instantly, the grief comes, and I had a choice - let it come? Or swallow it down? (Among other options, but those are my main two)
I did swallow for a minute, because I was enjoying the time with my littlest because she won’t be little forever, avoiding challenging emotions can tend to be my default.
But, I knew that my heart needed to just grieve.

So, extremely vulnerably, I asked my husband to come sit with me so I wouldn’t be alone, and I let the tears fall. I let him into the sadness that it wasn’t her, and it can’t be her. I let the anger come that I can’t just call her, that I can’t hear her voice, that I can’t just have one more conversation with my mom. We didn’t have the greatest relationship, but my heart still longs for a mom.

I share this because I have a high value for authenticity and for walking the talk I share with my clients. If I can’t sit in my uncomfortable emotions, I’m not going to be able to sit in it with you, much less teach you how to sit with you.

So I’m proud. I’m proud that I was able to hear my heart. I’m proud that I asked my husband to come sit with me in it. I’m proud for not self abandoning as I have in the past. I’m proud for feeling the sadness and the anger and the grief and the confusion. And I’m proud that l can share my story.

I hope that you take an opportunity today to sit with your heart and allow yourself to feel, to connect with your heart and to compassion and safety, and just be.

The other half of my haul came in!! 🙌🏼

Do I realize it’s slightly overkill to purchase 18 books?
Yes.

Do I believe that it’s smarter to have access to information?
Also yes.

And I get to give myself all the time I need to get through whatever I can get through and trust that the information I need will be available when I need it.

Either way, I’m excited to learn and grow and have more to offer my clients 💜

I was reminded of this quote over the weekend.

So often, our culture likes to point at our behaviors as the problem, when the root of the behavior is generally a need that wasn't met, or a trauma, or the belief that some form of love and safety was withheld.

When it comes to healing, recognizing the worth and value of the human that is already living inside your story and your heart is pivotal to moving toward any kind of growth - because otherwise, why grow?

The person you see in the mirror is (unless you've been on your healing journey) far more incredible, valuable, strong, lovely, worth believing in, worth seeing, and worth time and space than you give them credit for.

Sometimes, it just takes finding someone who can remind you of those truths, give you that space to process, grieve with you, and help you see the pickaxe you're already holding to bust the lies you've been believing over yourself.

If you have that community that can rally around you, I'M SO GLAD! You're worth having people around you that see just how freaking incredible you are!
But, if you need more help to see through the muck that's piled over the gold already in you, comment "help" below or head to my website to get any questions answered about how I can help in your process. You're worth fighting for.

I cannot beGIN to express my level of excitement holding these books! Most of these have been on my reading list for so long, and I finally went on a spree and just said - fine. I want these tools in my arsenal, and I’m worth having them.

So I got them. (Inexpensively, I might add, so I’m proud of that fugality too - ThriftBooks FTW!)

And this is only half of my haul 🥰

With this marriage conference I’m doing, and wanting to build a reading habit - you better believe you’ll have more info and tools coming your way! 💥

Been a little MIA with these beautiful people the last few weeks, and I’m not gonna lie - it’s HARD building a business that I am IMMENSELY passionate about, while simultaneously passionately pouring into my kiddos, my marriage, and myself.

I am proud to say that this weekend, I get to learn from and and dive deeper into Attachment Theory in marriage, and the Window of Tolerance and I cannot wait to digest that further and glean more for myself, my family, and you- my clients.

I can only be as good of a consultant as I am willing to go inside myself, and I learn more by teaching, so get ready for some new tools and content in the coming months!

Got some bathroom wisdom for you today. I love finding these things!

Unconditional Love, Himself, came in the flesh to walk where we walk, feel what we feel, and still chose the Cross. He still chose to pay the ultimate sacrifice to restore full unencumbered connection with His kids. With JOY, He chose you. He chose to show you just how much you mean to Him, and the lengths He was willing to go to pour out His Love.
May you feel even just one more ounce of His Love and Affection towards you today, and always.

Happy Easter.
He is Risen.

This doesn’t look like much (and yes it’s another sourdough picture 😆), but I still have yet to figure out truly how much this means to me.

On vacation this week, I brought some of my own sourdough starter to share fresh bread with my dad. I asked if he had a Dutch oven for me to bake in, and he pulled this out. This is my grandmother’s Dutch oven.

My heart swirled all kinds of emotional swirls.

My grandma Rosie was the only grandparent I had the privilege of getting to know deeply. As one of the younger grandchildren, and living further away than most of my cousins, I don’t have very many memories of her, but I know how I felt being around her. I have heard and remember just how treasured she was. I’ve heard that she would be the first to tell you that she wasn’t perfect, and yet she was adored. She was a single mother who raised 7 kids, and worked as a nurse. Granted she, and her sisters, are closer to saints 😉

When grief comes tugging on my heart strings, I find my heart running to her arms most often. So to be able to connect, in my dad’s kitchen, to a piece of her life fills me with pride and sends me to her arms, as I find myself on my own imperfect journey.

This loaf definitely wasn’t perfect, and took some trial and error, and I think she’d be proud of that. Then she’d probably add “too much” butter (but, really, is there such a thing? 🤤), sit with me, and smile.

Today is a day full of feelings for me.

My mom would have turned 60 today. She passed just over five years ago. There have been years that this day has come and gone with no significant emotional roller coasters. Today is not one of those days.

It’s hard to prepare for how grief will hit you. Some days it’s a shutting down or numbing out, some days it’s an overwhelming explosion of anger or sadness, and some other days still it’s the happy tears of remembrance and pride of knowing how their love affected and still affects you.

And then there’s days like today where you run the gamut.
So I leaned into my heart, allowed my husband in and let him run the errands today to get my mom’s favorite coffee for me, pulled my daughters close and sat and watched Mary Poppins - a movie my mother loved, that my girls and I haven’t watched in a while, that we all adore.

I’m continuing to learn, myself, how to allow these feelings to exist, to notice what my heart needs, to not run over myself or others, and to offer myself grace when I do. (Notice the when, not if 😉)

So today, in honor of my mom, I ask you to take a look at yourself in the mirror and notice one thing you’re proud of in yourself. Imagine there’s a mother who would fight for you speaking that over you today with a smile and a hug.

I’m proud that I took this moment to walk through the sunshine with to her coffee to visit her lilac tree and let myself just be today.

Because that’s enough.

It’s weird to think that it’s 26° right now in MI, when 24 hours ago it was in the 60’s.
I’m taking this moment to remember grounding in the warm sunshine with my toes in the grass.

Here’s a friendly reminder to connect to safety and a moment grounding in your own story - or even borrow from mine if you like the feeling of bare toes in scraggly cool grass with a cool breeze and warm sun on your skin.

Sending peace and calming your way 💚

Real talk emotions from your Life Consultant.
This is monumental.
(I didn’t even realize it was the anniversary of, but) 9 months ago today, I had my first of two knee surgeries on the same knee - 2 months after I had my third baby.
To say that the last 9-11 months have been hard feels like an understatement, and at the same time it just feel like it is what it is. I chose it. (Sort of) I chose into repairing my body in the season, and that repair was definitely different than I ever could have imagined, and it was just hard.

So today, while stretching after some @ hope PT (which I’ve been too lax in), I tried to stretch my quad in a way I haven’t done in 9 months. And I DID IT! 🙌🏼😭🥳

It seems like it should be a simple thing, and yet a flood of emotions came up:
Triumph, pride, celebration, grief, anger, and sadness - from ONE STRETCH (see this is why triggers can be so complex!)
I am so proud of the progress I’ve made 5 months after my second surgery, and I’m sad and angry about the year and experiences I feel I’ve been robbed of because of my long recovery, and yet in the midst I can feel so much compassion. I’ve leaned into acceptance and love and gratitude for every step.

And now we’re here. And still going 💜
Thanks for celebrating with me.

I’m getting excited!
Coming in April I will be launching my FIRST online course: “Spring Into Healing” where I will be going over where belief systems come from and how emotions play into them, how to get connected to compassion in your own story and how to take ownership of your own healing. I’ll also be talking about grounding and connecting to safety to be able to bring that to younger parts of you.

The course will be 8 weeks long with some live Q&A and participation. The price is $350 which will include a 1-1 session with me! (For reference this works out to be less than my current hourly rate!)

Sign ups are live now! Please fill out this form for more information:
https://forms.gle/b9ZMshp94822Ghu36

If you have any questions, please reach out to me and I'd be happy to answer them!

Looking forward to seeing who is ready to Spring into Healing 😉

Got a fun Monday Moment of Grounding for you today:

They say that the family that grounds together, stays together.
I don’t know who “they” is (and I’m pretty sure I’m making this particular phrase up), but I’m sure it’s real 😆

My family has been fighting off junk all weekend, so we are getting some extra vitamin D, and putting our bare feet in the cold grass in 34° Michigan weather, taking some deep breaths and allowing our body to just receive.

Definitely feeling like I’m breaking cycles of a more sedentary lifestyle as I embrace and write a new truth into my belief systems that “Movement is Life” - I’ll share my Lock Screen in my stories 🤣🙌🏼

Sending you well wishes on this sunshiney Monday!

Sending you love, peace, and joy for your heart today. Every heart is worthy of connecting to the abundance of love available to them.
My hope is that in the midst of whatever comes your way today, you will remember the unconditional and unwavering love that is running after you today, and always.

Happy Valentine’s Day 💚

Not to toot my own horn, but there’s a LOT of learning in this photo! 👩🏽‍🏫 There’s also a lot of mess! 💦 And some pretty cool tools! 🛠️ I’m so grateful for the learning process 🥰

Over the last two and a half months, I’ve been on my first sourdough journey, learning how to cook with cast iron (and its benefits), and I JUST made my first homemade butter YESTERDAY! (Still need to salt it, I’m learning! 😝)

All that to say, I’ve got some more learning ahead as I launch my FIRST ONLINE TEACHING COURSE 🤯🙌🏼

Starting April 3rd (Happy Birthday Dad 🥳) I’ll be doing live teaching about emotional health, regulation, the importance of knowing your triggers and belief systems - digging into the mess, learning, and sharing tools with you about the emotional healing journey!

Keep an eye out for more details in the coming weeks about how to sign up, what’s entailed, and probably a couple more polls for topics of interest and best times for people (all in Eastern Time Zone)
This is for local MI people, AND anyone far and wide since it’ll be all online!

I’m so excited to be bringing you along on my journey as I launch this course, tease some content, and see how it grows!

So comment below what you’re learning in this season, or what you would want to learn in an emotional health course.

More to come!

After this past , I couldn’t shake this phrase: “When we press into gratitude, ordinary becomes extraordinary.”
I am going to challenge myself to find seemingly ordinary moments this year, and press into gratitude to see how it becomes extraordinary.
Like this moment watching my husband snuggle my girls. At bedtime, it’s normally hectic, and this particular evening was no different, but he swooped in and took a moment to connect with our girls and just be.

I can take this moment for my own heart AND plug little Jessica into this moment of connected fathering and love.

Not all moments are like this, but as we grab hold of these ones and marinate in them, our confirmation bias starts noticing more of these, instead of some of the other evenings where chaos may seem to reign. It becomes a resource as we go back to healing old wounds where this kind of connection was lacking.

So I’m sending you peace and connection for your weekend, may you find extraordinary moments to hold in your heart and bring that love and connection to little you 💚

Happy Friday! Wanted to give you a little end of the week reminder. 😁
We started a new week, a new month, and a new YEAR all in one week. The hustle and bustle of getting kids ready to go back to school (or maybe they were already there this week!), getting end of year things around, cleaning up from the holidays, starting New Years Resolutions (if you do that sort of thing), or figuring out your 'word' for the year - amidst it all, you still matter.

I was struck by this reminder, myself. As a wife, mom and business owner, it can sometimes be challenging to remember myself and my own heart in the midst of it.

So I hope this can encourage you as you head into the weekend. Take a moment for yourself - breathe - sip, instead of drink, your coffee - get that mani/pedi - sleep in - go for that run - finish that project - whatever it is, do it for you because you matter.

!
I’m so grateful for this last year with you and looking forward to growing in the new one.
🥂 Cheers to new depths of presence with our hearts and bodies, diving into compassion, choosing into our own healing, and walking into bold, honoring belief systems.
Sending big love to you all in 2024!

Wishing you a Merry Christmas.
May you be able to find love, safety, peace, and joy this holiday.

After this week’s intention, “Whether by my own strength, or the help of others, I am fully capable of handling whatever comes my way,” I reflect on the week and feel so proud. I feel like I was able to be a more present parent, take on a few more things I had been out of habit doing as a partner, and even started my own sourdough journey!

I saw these quotes written at my girls’ school and they just felt so timely with my intention for the week and wanted to share as we go into the weekend.

What are ways you were able to handle things this week?
What quote sticks out to you?

Looking forward to next week and sharing a new intention with you!

Hello again Safe Space community! I’ve been holding onto something and I think it’s time to share.

A couple weeks ago, I was looking out my daughter’s window and noticed buds blooming on our rose bushes. Just past them in my view was the field of leaves littering our yard.
It reminded me that, even in the seasons changing and periods/relationships/etc. ending, there is new life, there is growth.

I’m looking forward to starting to share again and connecting with you all.
Hoping you’re finding much to be thankful for in this season of Thanksgiving!

Important Safe Space Update!

First off welcome to the newest addition to the Safe Space Family - Skylar 🥰 We have been doing well, she is absolutely adored, and we’re all still learning how to transition.

Secondly, I want to apologize for the “radio” silence I’ve taken these last few weeks. I am a believer of taking a break from helping others when you’re going through something and are in need yourself. Now, we’re all works in progress going through things, but if there are deep pains being worked through in an extended season, it’s harder to help others walk through theirs.

Well, it’s been that kind of a season for me.

If it only had to do with pregnancy, that would already be a lot, and I’m learning to even still acknowledge that much, but there are layers of grief I’m working through and uncovering in this season that are overwhelming at times, and I’ve been in a frozen season of sorts.

With that said, I’m pressing pause on Safe Space for the moment. This summer looks even more different than I anticipated with a newborn, as I will be having ACL and meniscus repair surgery during tomorrow’s Positive Self Talk Tuesday. I don’t know what that recovery will look like, and my family is still in transition to our new normal with the addition of our third baby. So I will be taking the summer to be present in myself and in my recovery, to invest in my family, and to pray about the future of Safe Space and what God has dreamed for it.

I am so grateful for the love and support I’ve received from you all in growing Safe Space this year, and I am excited to see where it goes in the future. I hope you’ll join me when I’m up and running again (pun intended).

Something I have gotten used to doing on my healing journey is apologizing.
So often we go about our lives with forced apologies, or apologizing because it’s the “right thing to do.”

Have you felt a genuine apology before? Like when you can truly FEEL someone understands the hurt caused and feels remorse? It brings about reconnection and healing.

Well, for today’s positive self talk, we get to apologize to ourselves. I’ll give you some examples of ways I’ve had to (and continue to) apologize to myself:

Jessica’s heart, I’m sorry for how I shut you down for two days because I didn’t want to look at the pain you were feeling when you were feeling overwhelmed.
-Or-
Little Jessica, I’m sorry that I bought into the lie that your emotions, or your needs were too much to handle.

What’s something that you need to apologize to your heart for? Most often taking that time to connect with and apologize to our heart can bring about some of the healing from past hurts we’ve been longing for.

Take that time today - you’re worth it.

This is a phrase I will always come back to.
It’s so easy to get caught up in how well we’re doing at life when we are achieving and being productive, but our worth isn’t defined by that. MY worth isn’t defined by that.

I am a human being that exists. That is enough for me to receive love - I was created. I am here. Therefore, I am enough.

Does that mean I don’t have any responsibilities? Absolutely not. But I am not defined by how well I do or don’t show up inside them - in face it’s quite the opposite.

The more I am in touch with the truth that I am already enough, the more freedom I have to show up well in my responsibilities and relationships. The more I feel defined by my achievements and accolades, the harder it is for me to show up authentically because there is more pressure to perform.

Love never looks like performance. Love just IS, and the sooner I connect with that truth, the easier it will be for me to receive love the rest of my life.

Happy friends.
You are enough.