Allison Lee Burgess, LMFT

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Psychotherapist | Neurodiversity Specialist | TEDx Speaker

Check out my 14 minute TEDx Talk, “Reimagining Parenting in a Neurodiverse World”: https://www.ted.com/talks/allison_burgess_reimagining_parenting_in_a_neurodiverse_world
Please visit my website at www.AllisonLeeBurgess.com

04/23/2024

Sensory overload is the feeling of anxiety or panic that arises when a person is overstimulated or overwhelmed by sights, sounds, or other senses.

There are so many stimuli that your brain gets overloaded and can't process everything, and sort of short-circuits.

So this can look like: emotional outbursts; irritability; being reactive or “out of control”; or not listening to instructions. It can also be an emotional shutdown, where the person appears to “disconnect” or withdraw or even become nonverbal.

While this can happen to anyone, it's particularly common in neurodivergent people.

You can help yourself or someone else in sensory overload by diminishing sensory input and getting back to a place of sensory safety.

04/11/2024

DO PARENTS CAUSE TRAUMA?

Of all the various types of trauma most, if not all, neurodivergent people deal with in their lives, the hardest can be trauma from loved ones.

As a parent of an ND teen (and working with families of ND teens), I had to learn that although I “did my best” for my kids growing up, I DID DAMAGE too. I didn’t mean to…no parent is actively trying to harm their child. I didn’t know what I didn’t know…back when my kids were young, there wasn’t a lot of information or support about neurodiversity, certainly not in the parenting realm.

I did the best I could, having no idea that my child was neurodivergent…I applied neurotypical expectations to my neurodivergent kid, not realizing that not only were they inappropriate expectations, but that he could never achieve them in the way I wanted. Which. Was. Traumatizing. To HIM.

Only later, when we were able to identify his Autism, was I able to recognize that I had no idea how to support him at home. Just because we had a diagnosis did not mean I suddenly communicated perfectly with him. I needed guidance in how to shift my expectations, to reconsider my definition of success, and to truly value these differences. I had to relearn how to parent, in ways that took his sensory and emotional needs into account, to develop of more collaborative parent/child relationship, and to rebuild trust.

I have worked through a lot of the shame and apologized for my inadvertent actions that caused harm to my kid: him not feeling like I truly understood him; that he wasn’t performing well enough for me; that he was failing with tasks I gave him. That in some way he was less “okay.”

I learned that it was important for me to address this with him: that my ignorance was not an excuse, but context for how he was treated, or how I acted or reacted. That I too can learn and do better. That we could work together to communicate what I need, what he needs from me, to build mutual trust and be able to work through misunderstandings and conflicts more effectively.

He’s almost an adult now…and the pride I feel in our relationship surpasses any shame I ever felt for not knowing better when he was small. No parent wants to accept fault or accept the fact that we caused any level of trauma to the very ones we love the most. And by having the strength to self-reflect and to communicate with my son how I “messed up” or invalidated him in the past levels the playing field for us both. I love that kid with all that I am, and will never stop learning and growing so that I can support him to be the very best version of himself.

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04/09/2024

John wasn't told about his Autism diagnosis until he was 21. For most of his childhood, he was put into behavioral treatment, where he was quite literally instructed to “look at what other kids are doing, and do that.”

And so John learned how to mask his Autistic traits and “pass” as a neurotypical kid, for the most part.
John hadn’t ever been taught about what Autism really meant, and the debilitating effects of a lifetime of “masking,” or camouflaging his true self in order to fit in with society. He needed to learn that his sensory and emotional needs were an important part of his true self, that he didn’t need to hide or feel shame about those needs, and he needed tools to self-advocate.

04/02/2024

April 2, 2024 is World Autism Awareness Day!

04/02/2024

Happy April to everyone and especially to any Autistic loved ones, colleagues and friends! ✨💪🏻🧠

health

Neurodiversity in Parenting | Teens & Families | Linktree

03/30/2024

Exciting news, friends! I've just updated my Linktree with all the essentials: from connecting with me on social media, exploring my website, to booking speaking engagements, it's all there in one convenient place! Click the link below to stay connected and don't forget to share with your network!

Neurodiversity in Parenting | Teens & Families | Linktree Shifting the parenting paradigm to embrace neurodiversity, one family at a time.

03/29/2024

The word Neurodiversity originates from the concept of biodiversity, which is the idea that to have a sustainable and thriving society we need all kinds of different minds.

Neurodivergence is a healthy variance in brain wiring.

03/18/2024

Audio link to my SXSW EDU talk “Missed and Misdiagnosed: Overlooked Neurodivergent Teens” is up on my website: https://www.allisonleeburgess.com/speaking

03/09/2024

A classic. Autism doesn’t have a “look” or signature style. Many traits are internal and invisible to others. Please don’t tell an Autistic person they don’t “look” Autistic; the implication is that they’re masking so well you can’t “see” the Autism.
Once again for the people in the back: the goal is for a person to be their authentic self, NOT to be as close to Neurotypical as possible.

Photos from Allison Lee Burgess, LMFT's post

03/05/2024

…And that’s a wrap on !

I love speaking to live audiences and was so excited and proud to speak about “missed” and misdiagnosed and neurodivergent teens to a wonderful, responsive audience. Hearing their personal stories and how my talk resonated with them and their experiences further drives me to teach, lecture, and write about the importance of the relational component between different neurotypes. It’s my passion.

03/04/2024

Heading to 2024? Be sure to check out my session “Missed & Misdiagnosed: Overlooked Neurodivergent Teens” at the Austin Convention Center TOMORROW, Mar. 5!

See my event page for tickets and more information: https://schedule.sxswedu.com/2024/events/PP137840

12/13/2023

My session, “Missed and Misdiagnosed: Overlooked Neurodivergent Teens”, was accepted for 2024 in Austin, TX! Hope you can join me there!

Keep an eye out for the official schedule to mark your calendars.

04/24/2023

Can’t wait to drop in on kellimillertherapy’s podcast tomorrow to discuss neurodiversity in relationships! Thank you for having me! 💫

Jason Katims on 'As We See It' and Changing the Narrative Around Autism With His New Series

01/20/2022

Really looking forward to this new show about a group of 20-something Autistic young adults. Drops Friday on Prime Video!

Jason Katims on 'As We See It' and Changing the Narrative Around Autism With His New Series He also discusses how the story was inspired by his own son and the importance of casting autistic actors to lead the show.

12/20/2021

Please join me Monday, 12/20 for my presentation about Neurodiversity in relationships!

4pm PST
Registration link: https://stanford.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_-yyWfKYwQC-DfganpQ871g

12/02/2021

So honored and excited to be a asked to give a presentation to the Stanford Neurodiversity Project community!!

Here’s the link to register for yourself or anyone you know who may find this topic helpful: https://stanford.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_-yyWfKYwQC-DfganpQ871g

05/31/2021

I’m excited to be interviewed by Creative Healing for Youth in Pain (CHYP) for a Zoom webinar on “Neurodiversity: How to Parent Through Understanding the Brain” TOMORROW, June 1 at 10:00am.

Register here: https://chyp_neurodiversity_web.eventbrite.com/

I’ll be talking with CHYP about how to help your child get un-stuck from the brain’s “sticky loops” that perpetuate anxiety and chronic pain.

Creative Healing for Youth in Pain (CHYP) is an online nonprofit for teens with chronic pain and their parents, providing educational resources, exposure to creative healing experiences, and social support.

If you know of anyone who would like to attend but needs financial assistance, please DM me for a code.

04/29/2021

Thank you, for having me on your podcast to talk about parenting in a neurodiverse world!
Head over to https://youtu.be/kdCBbdvcfmg to view.

04/06/2021

We’ve all heard of the mind-body connection, but what about “bottom-up”therapy?

Think of it this way: If your mind and your thoughts can be considered one system, the physical body and physical symptoms can be considered a separate system.

Talk therapy aims to regulate stress and anxiety by learning to evaluate and manage your thoughts, but often doesn’t address the physical symptoms that accompany anxiety (i.e. heart racing, chest pressure, nervousness, sweating, headaches, nausea). Which is why you may have experienced frustration that you thought you had “moved on” with your thoughts, but you continue to feel stressed in your body.

A “bottom-up” approach looks at ways to soothe the physical system, which in turn soothes the mind and thoughts. So, bottom up. Soothing the body sensations BEFORE addressing the thoughts.

We all know how to use our thoughts to try and regulate stress, but trying to soothe the physical system without using words can feel foreign. We’re talking about learning to let your entire nervous system know it’s safe and that it can release stress, without using words or logic or rational thought.

A clinician trained in somatic (body) awareness can help teach you how to attune to your body’s sensations, calm them, and release yourself from anxiety without using words at all. Once your body is calmer, your mind and thoughts are automatically calmed as well, since the two systems are linked. This article does a great job of explaining more about the bottom-up approach and its effects on the nervous system.

Anxiety Is in Your Body, Not Your Mind Let’s back up 50,000 years or so. Imagine you’re a Neanderthal taking a leisurely stroll through the fields. Suddenly, in the nearby bushes, you hear a tiger. In a nanosecond, your entire body starts …

04/05/2021

When your friend and colleague makes the best memes. Thanks to for the laugh. I LOVE THIS POST SO MUCH 🙌🏻🙌🏻

03/12/2021

Love the attitude! Reframing negative thoughts or complaints can help you shift into a more accepting, proactive, and productive headspace, which improves your mood and helps you feel more in control of your circumstances.

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