Beauty From Ashes Life

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The Healing Cottage It’s Time to Heal YOU are able are creative are resilient can heal can grow At The Healing Cottage, we believe that helping people heal must go beyond traditional talk therapy. Our mission is to set a new standard with a holistic approach to mental health. Through a thoughtfully curated range of t...

Please don’t put your children in front of iPads, TVs, phones and other devices.
According to a new study, screen time for babies and toddlers is also linked to an additional risk many parents may not have considered: developing atypical sensory-processing behaviors.
Kids who spent more time watching TV or other videos before age 2 were more likely to develop atypical behaviors before age 3, the study's authors report, and the likelihood seems to increase with more screen time per day. The behaviors include "sensation seeking" and "sensation avoiding" – when a child seeks out more intense sensory stimulation or is more averse to intense sensations.
https://www.sciencealert.com/screen-time-could-have-a-surprising-effect-on-our-childrens-ability-to-process-sensations

Screen Time Could Have a Surprising Effect on Our Children's Ability to Process Sensations Screens can seem like a cheat code for parenting, offering a brief respite from shrill noises and surrealist mischief long enough to do something indulgent like wash dishes or make lunch.

When we’ve been through a lot, sometimes the traumatic experiences becomes all we know. We begin to feel like a victim and it keeps us in a spirit of grief and stuck in those feelings.
Healing doesn’t just happen, we have to begin to work hard to heal the trauma so you become a THRIVER and not just a survivor…or still feeling a victim…that first step and every one after..is very important on your healing journey.
Look deep, do you see yourself still in victim and survivor mode?
Where would you like to be?
Are you willing to do the work?

In any moment you have two options: step forward and grow, or step back into the old habits that you feel have kept you safe.
“It” wasn’t your fault, but now, it’s your responsibility to heal, to pass on a legacy of healing, grace, and health.

It’s a New Year ! Instead of making “New Year Resolutions” that will only last till the end of January, decide to make small healthy changes that will help you grow and heal!

For so many, Christmas is a time of feeling broken, overcome with loneliness, lack, depression, anxiety, and a spirit of grief as the body remembers the trauma of the past.

I pray all the hurts you feel and the spirit of grief that has defined you for so long, will be sent away, that you will seek healing for all the hurt, and be overcome with a filling of the Shalom of God.

…and His name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. Luke 2:11, Isaiah 9:6.

Wishing you and yours a Blessed CHRISTmas.

Trauma healing comes in layers 🥑 💗
Lots of people are living in the “squishy goo” and not getting to the “pit.”
Maybe it’s time to dig deeper and go further in your healing in 2024.
I can help you do that. Reach out.


Artist: Lindsay Braman

“You’re*” 🙄 but 101 days to go until Spring!!
🌹🌸💐🌺🌷🌻🥀🌼

Having angry explosions?
Feeling depressed and anxious?
Unable to connect emotionally?
Feeling like s*x with your spouse just isn’t enough?
Watching p**n?
As documented on Gary Wilson’s “Your Brain on P**nography,” website, over 85 studies link p**n use to poorer mental-emotional health & poorer cognitive outcomes—with another 80 studies linking p**n use to less s*xual and relationship satisfaction. Here are the links to read the studies.
It’s time to renew your mind, and to heal, for better mental and emotional health as well as better relationship satisfaction.
**n

Studies linking p**n use to poorer mental-emotional health & poorer cognitive outcomes Many people who cease using p**n for an extended period of time report mental & cognitive benefits, such as improved concentration & focus

IYKYK- Yep, just sitting alone in the quiet …anyone else do this?

Dates don’t have to cost a lot, but it cost a lot for you to NOT go on dates. It could cost your marriage.
Step one homework for counseling sessions.. weekly dates!

*A trip to a local ice cream shop and you’ve only spent a little bit of gas and under $10 for time connecting with your spouse.
If you can, take a trip to another town for some time riding in the car and talking, then grab some ice cream at a local ice cream shop. My husband and I love doing this!

Here’s some more low cost ideas
*A walk in the park
* Volunteer together
* Go to a restaurant for free chips and salsa on Karoke night, order a drink and some Queso.
*Go downtown and take a walk, grab a coffee at a local coffee shop.
*Pack a picnic and go sit at the river or lake and enjoy time together.
* Play board games at home
* Stargaze or make shapes from clouds in the back yard - or take a ride to a secluded spot .. stare up at the sky and talk.
* Ride Bikes
The idea is to spend intentional time together WITHOUT looking at your phones. Talk, get to know each other again or better.
* What other low cost dates can you come up with ?

Questions… a therapist usually has plenty. Here’s one for you, if you could choose any 2 people to have dinner with, currently alive or not, who would your two be and why? What would you hope to gain from the time with them?

🤔Hmmmm should I add a bowl of chips in my office?
If so, there must also be queso.

Don’t forget…to breathe.
Many times in sessions I have to remind clients … to breathe.
Sometimes, as I listen to a clients traumatic story, or emotions, I hold my breath and I don’t even realize it, until I do. I notice my client is holding their breath and I remind them, “Take a deep breath, you’re not breathing.”

Imagine a car pulling out in front of you, what do you do? You usually have a sharp intake of breath, and then, you quit breathing. Traumatic situations cause us to hold our breath. As a child (or an adult) maybe you had to learn how to breathe less, to breathe quietly. To not be seen or heard, to avoid the wrath of an angry person, or to dissociate to avoid immense pain.

Breathing isn’t all we forget when we are in the survival mode of life.

We forget other things, too.

We forget to laugh. Life is full of silly, and playful moments, even in the heaviness and hardship. Look for the things to enjoy. Theres a lot to be said about laughter, to soothe and bring healing. “A merry heart does good like a medicine.”

We forget to move our body. We can be so wrapped up in work all day, hours can go by without getting up and moving around. The body releases trauma through movement. Trauma causes us to freeze, we couldn’t move, we felt powerless, and trauma gets trapped in the body. This is why sometimes with clients we take a long walk during their session… it forces us to breathe and we get to be mindful of the world around us.

We forget how blessed we truly are. Often in the day to day, while I think about things I want, or feel I need, I take my blessings for granted.
I bet you do too.

We are getting close to a whole new year.. what do you want to not forget to do? What are you forgetting in the busyness of life today that you want to change in your future?

I bet in reading this, a time or two, you held your breath… don’t forget to breathe.

The photo below is from one of the walks with a client. Noticing the beauty and interactions of nature. These two made us laugh.

Remember sometimes we need to just be… and breathe.

Have you recently heard things like, “You’ve changed” and “Why are you doing this?” Or “You used to…”

People pleasing to stop conflict or to be accepted by others is an adaptive response to childhood. When we heal, we may no longer do things we used to do just to keep people happy.
The only people who get angry about your new healthy boundaries and your healthy “No” are those who used to push your boundaries and not respect your “No.”

Happy Thanksgiving! I’m thankful for all the things!
I’m also thankful for YOU following and interacting on my page. I hope you have a wonderful and blessed day full of love, laughter, and memory making.

As you prepare all your food for Thanksgiving which do you prefer ?
For me it’s homemade “That.” 😋🤤

Yummy looking “Mocktails” for the Holidays.

Some of the work I do with clients is to help them notice where and how they are self sabotaging their life. Healing requires an honest look at the ways you need perfectionism, the ways you procrastinate, the distorted ways you view what has happened to you and the ways you’ve developed unhealthy coping strategies to just survive, and many other self sabotaging behaviors. Those things helped you when you were in the midst of trauma but they aren’t working so well for you now. Deep introspection to find the root causes is a part of healing, you can’t heal what you don’t know is wounded.

This.. this is what healing looks like.
It doesn’t go how you plan, but if you keep at it…It happens.

Thanks for the graphic

Many struggle to get to sleep at night.. here’s some tips

Have a nightly ritual that lets your body know it’s time to rest and restore.

1. One hour before bed, turn down all lights to make your house dim. Dim your phone light as well. You can also set it to nighttime which removes the blue light to help your eyes and brain start adjusting. Dim lighting tells your brain it’s time to produce melatonin for sleep.

2. 45 mins before bed have a soothing warm drink that doesn’t have caffeine. Various herbal teas and golden milk are my go to.

3. 30 mins before bed stop using all devices.. read a book (I use my Kindle Paperwhite with the light reduced.)

4. Make sure the room you sleep in is really cool. This helps you fall asleep and sleep more deeply, below 67 is best. Some people (me!) find they fall asleep easier with some sort of “white noise” I use an air purifier with a few drops of essential oil added. You can also use a diffuser in the winter months this helps add some moisture to the air.

5. No lights, the darker the better!

6. Snuggle in and do some relaxing breathing exercises to help calm your body and prepare for sleep.

7. Pray… release all the cares of the day…

🥱😴💤💤💤💤💤💤💤💤💤💤

“Many focus on the PTSD of soldiers/veterans but not enough people talk about the fact for every 1 soldier there’s 30 kids at home getting abused or neglected in some way that will cause PTSD.
When soldiers enter the military, the vast majority already have PTSD from childhood trauma.”
Bessel van der Kolk

If you’re unwilling to do the work to change yourself in beneficial ways, what chance do you have of changing the world around you?

Reach out if you need help.

If you have kids/teens in your life …you need this book!
I’ve been recommending it to my clients who want to connect with their children on a deeper level.
Bonded: a tool for cultivating connections with children https://a.co/d/hOToIvO
Bonded is a tool created for cultivating connections with children. This shared journal creates opportunities for developing deeper bonds with the children in your life, whether your own children, foster children, children you get to serve through work or otherwise. This book is intended to be passed between an adult and child, sharing experiences and emotions with the overall hope for deeper connection and stronger bonds.

Bonded: a tool for cultivating connections with children Bonded is a tool created for cultivating connections with children. This shared journal creates opportunities for developing deeper bonds with the children in your life, whether your own children, foster children, children you get to serve through work or otherwise. This book is intended to be pa...

Go follow, she always has such great content and explains all of the attachment styles, behaviors, and cycles, so well!
https://www.facebook.com/100067374829182/posts/608279591427863/?mibextid=cr9u03

Have you heard about “glimmers?” ✨
They are the opposite of triggers
A glimmer of peace ✨
A glimmer of love ✨
A glimmer of healing ✨
A glimmer of hope ✨
A glimmer of change ✨
A glimmer of growth ✨
A glimmer of understanding ✨
Look for the glimmer on your healing journey! ✨✨✨✨

The need for dominance is an intimacy destroyer in marriage. Dominating spouses want control, not intimacy.

We all have to choose. Choose to heal what hurt you.

“You can throw up a barrier to vainly keep the hurt out. Or you can break down your barriers, break them right open and let love with all its pain in. Either retreat behind useless, self protecting barriers- or vulnerably lay the heart out there to be broken. Either slam up angry barriers with bricks of escapism, defensiveness, apathy, or distraction- or pick up your cross and choose the humility of vulnerability to break down all barriers and let someone in. And honestly, the loneliness of self-protecting barriers can feel like it will kill you - and the heart breaking risk of intimacy and vulnerability can feel like it will kill you too.... Yet, being brave enough to lay your heart out there to be broken, to be rejected in a thousand little ways, this may hurt like a kind of hell-but it will be holy. The only way in the whole universe to find connection...is to be willing to let your heart be broken. Love only comes to those brave enough to risk being brokenhearted.”

~ Ann Voskamp "The Broken Way"
Ch. 16