Heidi McLain Coaching

Trigger Warning: The “G” word that everyone shies away from is one that needs to be talked about especially if you’ve experienced it for a significant amount of time.

Gaslighting does happen to men and women in unhealthy relationships. Sometimes we can even be the ones doing the gaslighting and are not even aware we are doing it.

Understanding the three “waves” of gaslighting can help you regain your sanity and empower you.

I, myself have experienced this in varying degrees in different relationships and love that as a Trauma Specialist I get to help men and women heal from their gaslighting experiences.

Understanding the 3 "Waves" of Gaslighting in Relationships Yes, I'm going to use the "G" word. This is one of those words that make men's flesh crawl when they hear it because so many have been accused of gaslighting behavior. And that's because statistically speaking, in a relationship, men who demonstrate gaslight behavior, gaslight at almost double the p...

Having uncommunicated expectations and making assumptions can be the biggest killers of joy when attempting to date.

Often we get so excited about the ATTENTION someone is giving us that we assume there is INTENTION on the other person’s part of building a relationship with us.

And from that we often have unmet expectations of them making an INVESTMENT in us or growing the relationship.

Then when the other person isn’t investing - we can become upset, disappointed, and even feel a sense of betrayal when the reality is intention and investment was never communicated or promised to us. Only attention was given.

This is just one of the ways mindsets can keep one stuck feeling frustrated in dating.

Sharon Colyar and I will be sharing more about mindsets that sabotage dating in our upcoming Dating University.

Are you waking on eggshells around a loved one? Or are they waking on eggshells around you? Here may be the reason why.

Understanding Complex PTSD: Do I have it? Did you know that Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) affects about 8% of the population? IIt’s a relatively new diagnosis. C-PTSD shares some characteristics of classic PTSD symptoms however it also includes additional symptoms related to difficulties with emotion regulation, self-con...

3 questions to ask yourself daily.

These 3 Questions Will Change How You Do EVERYTHING! These 3 questions will change how you think and do everything - use them wisely so you can become aware of any patterns and limiting beliefs that are holding...

Betrayal…what does it include?

When Trust is Broken: Recognizing the Signs of Betrayal in a Marriage “Each betrayal begins with trust.” Let that statement sink in. Betrayal erodes trust that had already been given.Often people only think of betrayal in the form of infidelity, but there are many ways in which we betray those we love.Here are things that betrayal encompasses:1. Telling half-truth...

7 Strategies to Start Socializing After Loss:

1. Start slow and be kind to yourself. It's been a while, so don't put too much pressure on socializing perfectly right away. Take baby steps and focus on small wins.

2. Lean into shared experiences. A divorce or death of a significant other is something many people can relate to. Connecting over the challenges and growth from that life transition can help break the ice.

3. Refresh your interests and join groups. After a marriage, it's common for interests to have gone stagnant. Rediscovering hobbies and passions through local clubs or Meetup groups provides built-in icebreakers. (Singles groups, sports, outdoor adventures, etc.)

4. Work on active listening. Good listeners are extremely attractive at any age. Focus on asking engaged questions to keep conversation flowing and reflect back to the person what you heard them say to show you are listening to understand.

5. Be upfront about feeling rusty. A little self-deprecating humor can go a long way. Most people will appreciate the authenticity and it diffuses awkwardness.

6. Practice body language and eye contact. Slowly rebuild the habits of open and confident body language and eye contact. It conveys warmth and interest.

7. Have some stock stories/questions ready as conversation starters while you rebuild skills. (“What’s the best surprise you’ve ever received?”, “If you could be mentored by anyone in history who would you want to be your mentor and why?”, “If you were to win the lottery today, what would be the most extravagant thing you’d buy?”)

The main thing is to manage your expectations, get out there at your own pace, and focus on making human connections - not just romantic ones. With time and practice your confidence will build.

My husband showed me the power of a simple touch when we are in an argument.

Last week my husband and I were arguing about something. The kids came home from school, so it was time to put the argument on pause as we needed to make dinner, and just be parents.

I was sitting at the table on my laptop, while waiting for dinner in the oven to be ready.

My husband sat down beside me, and opened up his laptop to do his own work.

He slowly put his hand on my leg, and kept it there for a minute.

I looked at his hand, placed on my leg, and said “I thought you were mad at me.. why are you touching me?”

He looked at me and said “even when we are arguing, I want you to feel safe in our relationship. I want you to know that my physical touch, or affection, will never be withheld from you as some sort of punishment for still being in an argument.”

It was in that moment I realized, he knows I need to feel safe and secure, even in moments of arguing.

It was in that moment I realized, I had conditioned myself to think that I didn’t deserve his touch if he was upset with me.

I thought back to the recent arguments we have had, and realized I have withheld touch and affection from him.

It was in that moment, with his hand on my leg, that I realized the power of his small act.

My husband taught me, in that moment, touch is not something to be withheld, or used as a punishment.

You can be in a disagreement, but still remind your partner that they’re safe, and you will work through this together.

Him putting his hand lightly on my leg seemed small to him, but to me, it felt like safety.

His small graze on my leg, reminded me that we will work through this, together.

His small touch reminded me that even in moments of disagreements, I am safe with him.

His small touch reminded me that I am always worthy of his physical affection, and that it should never be used as a weapon in an argument.

His small touch, even in the midst of an argument, well, it felt like home.

✍️ Caitlin Fladager

Yes! This!

Neglecting your partner can have profound consequences on the foundation of your relationship. When you consistently fail to show affection, pay attention, or actively participate in the bond you share, it can lead to a gradual erosion of love and emotional connection.

Affection and attention are vital components of any healthy relationship. They serve as the building blocks of intimacy, trust, and emotional fulfillment. When you neglect these aspects, your partner may feel unseen, unimportant, and unloved. Over time, this can lead to feelings of resentment, loneliness, and a deep sense of dissatisfaction.

Neglecting your partner is not limited to overt acts of cruelty or mistreatment. It can manifest in subtle ways, such as consistently prioritizing work, hobbies, or other commitments over quality time together. It can also involve failing to communicate openly, ignoring their emotional needs, or dismissing their concerns.

The consequences of neglect can be devastating. Your partner may begin to question their worth and the strength of your connection. They may become emotionally distant, seeking validation and affection elsewhere. Ultimately, if the pattern of neglect persists, they may reach a breaking point where they choose to walk away, seeking a relationship where they feel valued and cherished.

It's important to recognize the significance of actively nurturing your relationship. Regularly expressing love, appreciation, and affection can help maintain the bond between you and your partner. Taking the time to listen, communicate, and understand their needs can strengthen the emotional connection and foster a sense of security and happiness within the relationship.

Remember, love requires effort, commitment, and consistent attention. By actively showing your partner that they are cherished and valued, you can help ensure that your relationship thrives and stands the test of time.

- Zugwai.