Power In Your Hands

A more personal post for a Sunday. I've legally gone back to my "maiden" name, many-years post-divorce. I talk here about my shifting relationship to names, the intense legal process (and expense) of changing them, and thoughts on how this must impact people less privileged than myself, particularly trans people.

Changing your name is no joke In which I examine my various axes of privilege in the face of intense government bureaucracy

"They call it Somatic Experiencing!" I get a little salty over the NYT's coverage of what is apparently the latest hot therapeutic trend. If you enjoyed this, please share and subscribe!

The NYT talks somatics To which I say...eh?

Lesson Learning & Laughter wrote a great little piece about what happens when traumatized people (hello!) are in relationships with more securely attached people, and I've shared it in my Substack this week. As usual, if you like this, please hit one of the subscribe buttons and/or share it along!

Sharing some great comments on trauma and relationships And taking a small rest

Last year's Pride post, reshared here, is about my own journey as a protector. This year, I'm thinking about how to do that more. As always, if you like this, please subscribe and share.

It's Pride Month again. Protect trans people. A rerun about protection and family at a dark time

In case you want to see my talk from last week, or other people's, or read some posts of mine from earlier in the newsletter - here's all that in one place! As always, please hit subscribe to receive these in your email inbox.

Want to see my talk? Here's how to get it Plus, some early posts

I'm doing an event tomorrow on communication in polyamory. I hope you can join us. My interview is at 6pm EST, but the event goes all day, starting at noon EST (9am PST). My newsletter below has more details!

Tomorrow: Join me for a talk on communication in polyamory I'm getting interviewed with a bunch of other thinkers

On loss, healthy online spaces, and how connection can happen even outside touch.

Hold onto one another. On death, writing, and community

Telling stories is one of the ways we naturally make sense of difficult experiences. But what happens when that process is interrupted by abusive, neglectful, or controlling people? As always, if you find this helpful, please share it and/or subscribe.

The dark side of narrativizing The stories that trap us — and how revision can help

What you liked when you were younger matters. On not letting cynicism take things from you.

The Phantom of the Opera is there, inside your mind. Also closing today, after 35 years. Old art, new eyes — tween edition

Talk of repetition compulsion, e.g. why do some people keep dating abusive a-holes over and over, what do traumatized people's bodies learn about love and care, and how do we begin to heal? As always, if you like this or it's useful to you, please pass it on and/or subscribe. Thanks.

The allure of the familiar Repetition compulsion and the difficulty of intimacy

At last, part 3: how to set boundaries constructively.

Be prepared for turbulence, or the writing on the wall, part 3 How to set boundaries constructively

Part 2 of 3! If you're going to have a tough conversation with somebody and you hope to preserve the relationship, these three things are all needed. If you like what you're seeing from me, please subscribe to get my writings in your inbox.

The writing on the wall, part 2 Kind, respectful, forthright. (Yes all three.)

Integration is as important a part of the process of growth and change as all the frenetic activity that comes before it. If you like this writing, please consider subscribing to Write It Out.

What is active waiting? Or, how a foulmouthed tattoo artist set my theme for 2023

One year with Substack. Here's what I'm hoping for next, what posts you liked most, and more.

Year 1 with Write It Out What did I write, what did you like, and what's next?

Tis the season, everyone. This isn't exactly happy, but it digs a little into the notion of faith, and holding onto each other. If you've enjoyed these posts this year, please subscribe, and/or tell a friend.

On the Solstice, and on faith Old thoughts with new resonance

I'm back at it, after a month's hiatus. Here's a long one, about storytelling as nervous system regulation and antidote to trauma formation. Please join in the conversation, and please subscribe if you find my writing valuable to you!

Tell me a story Narrativizing experience is a thing kids do, but adults (read: I) need it too

Publish less often, write better. Or that's the hope. If you want to keep up with what I'm putting out there, please subscribe.

A more relaxed writing schedule means better writing Slowing down a little

How long does it take to really trust a therapist? How much does it matter? And have you ever seen a dog less happy than this one? If you like my writing, please subscribe to get my stuff in your inbox, or tell a friend about it.

Trust and therapy You need them both, but not right away

Taking a little break between now and Labor Day, for momentus travel and restoration. Here's a little "in-case-you-missed-it" review.

A summer hiatus Back after Labor Day!

Inspired by my emails one morning, a meditation on how to choose topics - or rather, how not to, and to trust that folks want to hear from me. As always, please share and subscribe if you like what you see here.

What should this newsletter be about? Divination from my inbox

Some important stuff from a book that powerfully influenced me in my training. Emotion-phobia, psychic numbing, dissociation, and other ways our society keeps us from experiencing our emotions fully. As always, please subscribe and/or share with a friend.

Healing Through the Dark Emotions A revisit of Miriam Greenspan's landmark book

Something of a meta-post for a heatwave. I'm solicitiing reader suggestions! If you have something you'd like to see me write about, please do me the favor of clicking through to the article and commenting rather than doing so here. Thanks!

What would you like to see here? A thread for article ideas

People in general tend to be pretty bad at apologies, but what about relationship repair? Here I explore the necessary steps to truly repairing when there's a misattunement or rupture in a relationship.

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The three-step of repair Going beyond "I'm sorry"

I'm a therapist, and I'm vehemently pro-choice. There, I said it. Talking this week about self-disclosure, client empathy, and the danger of classical "blank-screen" therapists. Like this? Please subscribe and/or pass it on!

In these times, what do we reveal? Self-disclosure, safety, and Roe

Do you really need to have had a rough time of it to create great art? (Hint: I don't think so.)

As always, if you like this writing, please hit Subscribe and or share it!

The myth of the suffering artist Trauma doesn't make you a better writer

Grief, overwhelm, stuckness, and other unpleasant topics. What now? As always, if you like my writing, please hit "subscribe."

How do we go on? Sudden death, strange distance, and overwhelm