M. Hart Divorce & Family Law

Divorce is chock full of misinformation. People come into my office with all sorts of beliefs and expectations about a divorce. Many search online. Or talk to friends, relatives, acquaintances who went through a divorce or knows someone who did. The truth is that nothing you hear will apply to your own divorce. Each divorce is as unique as each individual person. ...

The Truth About Divorce: What Lawyers Typically Don’t Tell You Divorce is chock full of misinformation. People come into my office with all sorts of beliefs and expectations about a divorce. Many search online. Or New Jersey divorce is not what you might think it is.

My mom did not sleep. She felt exhausted. She was irritable, grumpy, and bitter. She was always sick until one day, suddenly, she changed.
One day my dad said to her:
- I've been looking for a job for three months and I haven't found anything, I'm going to have a few beers with friends.
My mom replied:
- It's okay.
My brother said to her:
- Mom, I'm doing poorly in all subjects at the University.
My mom replied:
- Okay, you will recover, and if you don't, well, you repeat the semester, but you pay the tuition.
My sister said to her:
- Mom, I smashed the car.
My mom replied:
- Okay daughter, take it to the car shop & find out how to pay and while they fix it, get around by bus or subway.
Her daughter-in-law said to her:
- Mother-in-law, I came to spend a few months with you.
My mom replied:
- Okay, settle in the living room couch and look for some blankets in the closet.
All of us gathered worried to see these reactions coming from Mom.
We suspected that she had gone to the doctor and that she was prescribed some pills called "I don't give a damn”... Perhaps she was overdosing on these!
We then proposed to do an "intervention" with w/my mother to remove her from any possible addiction she had to some anti-tantrum medication.
But then ... she gathered us around her and my mom explained:
"It took me a long time to realize that each person is responsible for their life. It took me years to discover that my anguish, anxiety, depression, courage, insomnia & my stress, do not solve your problems but aggravate mine.
I am not responsible for the actions of anyone & it’s not my job to provide happiness but I am responsible for the reactions I express to that.
Therefore, I came to the conclusion that my duty to myself is to remain calm and let each one of you solve what corresponds to you.
I have taken courses in yoga, meditation, miracles, human development, mental hygiene, vibration, and neurolinguistic programming, and in all of them, I found a common denominator in them all...
I can only control myself, you have all the necessary resources to solve your own problems despite how hard they may be. My job is to pray for you, love on you, and encourage you but it’s up to YOU to solve them & find your happiness.
I can only give you my advice if you ask me & it depends on you to follow it or not. There are consequences, good or bad, to your decisions and YOU have to live them.
So from now on, I cease to be the receptacle of your responsibilities, the sack of your guilt, the laundress of your remorse, the advocate of your faults, the wall of your lamentations, the depositary of your duties, who should solve your problems or spare a tire every time to fulfill your responsibilities.
From now on, I declare all independent and self-sufficient adults.
Everyone at my mom's house was speechless.
From that day on, the family began to function better because everyone in the house knew exactly what it was that they needed to do.
For some of us, this is hard because we've grown up being caregivers and feeling responsible for others. As moms & wives, we are fixers of all things. We never want our loved ones to go through difficult things or to struggle. We want everyone to be happy.
But, the sooner we take that responsibility off of our shoulders & onto each loved one, the better we are preparing them to be responsible.
We are not here on earth to be everything to everyone. Stop putting that pressure on yourself.
Much Love,

Charlyn.

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As kids head off to school this time of year, I am reminded of a saying I came across many years ago. It said parents should give their children both “roots and wings.” This really helped me navigate the challenging yet so rewarding twists and turns of raising kids. Not that I’ve been a perfect parent by any means. But this “roots and wings” idea served as a sort of parenting guide or compass....

michelehartlaw.com

Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change. -Wayne Dyer When we insist on things going a certain way or a person acting how we want them to, we disempower ourselves. Maybe you didn’t get that job or promotion. Or a family member is acting like a jerk. It’s easy to default to blaming or feeling stuck....

Let Go to Open Up a World of Possibilities Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change. -Wayne Dyer When we insist on things going a certain way or a person acting how we When you let go of trying to control that which you can't control, you create a world of possibility.

Love this!

10 Things We Always Wait Way Too Long to Let Go of in Life When life has to be a certain way in order to be good enough for us, we close ourselves off from so many real and present opportunities. On the contrary, when we let go of the way it should be, we free our minds.

The work of NC photographer Eric Pickersgill depicts a dramatic & sobering view of life with cell phones- “removed” as the collection is called. How his project came about https://www.removed.social/about

United States REMOVED / Original Series by Artist Eric PIckersgill — REMOVED Removed is a photographic series that explores the way personal devices play a role in society, relationships, and the body. Artist Eric Pickersgill physically removes screens from the hands of his subjects. The resulting images cause the viewer to question their own relationship to technology. Remo

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It's important to first take that pause and steady yourself in the moment.

If you’re thinking about divorce, you might be concerned about things getting nasty while paying piles of money to lawyers. Many people don’t do these 3 things and the divorce often ends up costing much more than it needs to. Here are 3 things you can do right now to keep things amicable and save you time, money, and aggravation in your divorce:...

Top Three Things You’re Doing that Can Cost More Time and Money in Your Divorce If you’re thinking about divorce, you might be concerned about things getting nasty while paying piles of money to lawyers. Many people don’t do these 3 save time, money, and aggravation in your New Jersey divorce with these 3 tips

Same with people...when we assume an unpleasant family member or co-worker is a fixed way of being, what's possible when you change your mindset and expect something totally different?

I can’t help but look around and see groups of people walking together while staring at their cell phones. What is going on? Am I the only one who is concerned about this? And I get it. We can share entertaining memes or videos. Sure. There’s that, of course. And don’t get me wrong - I too succumb to the pull of the iPhone more often than I’d like to admit....

15 Actionable Steps from the Experts to Deepen Essential Social Connections I can’t help but look around and see groups of people walking together while staring at their cell phones. What is going on? Am I the only one who is Discover how to build and maintain essential social connections for longtime happiness

Generally speaking, emotional resilience is when we are able to effectively cope with stressful or unexpected situations and crises. When we build emotional resilience, we can access our innate inner strength that helps us rebound from a difficult setback or challenge. Whether in the face of divorce, job loss, illness, or other stressful event, it can be difficult to remain emotionally resilient. ...

Building Emotional Resilience for Tough Times: A Powerful Lesson from The Wizard of Oz Building Emotional Resilience for Tough Times: A Powerful Lesson from The Wizard of Oz Generally speaking, emotional resilience is when we are able to effectively cope with stressful or unexpected situations and crises. When we build One powerful way to build emotional resilience is by recognizing a simple truth imparted in this iconic children's movie

It is inevitable that we will be disappointed or hurt by a friend or someone we love. We often expect them to know what we want. But what I've learned is that we can choose to create the relationships we want by letting people know what we want and need from them. All too often, we grow up, as I have, with the belief that expressing our wants and needs is unwelcome or even forbidden. ...

How to Create the Relationships We Want By Saying What We Need It is inevitable that we will be disappointed or hurt by a friend or someone we love. We often expect them to know what we want. But what I've learned you can openly and honestly express what you need in a way that strengthens your relationships

https://www.marcandangel.com/2024/03/16/27-simple-things-to-start-doing-for-your-happiness/?fbclid=IwAR22jFzYDLxgtbaOhnvs93V7TRdHeBcsUmsrg7A7yon3PbFSGDevXexSoHk

20 Essential Things to Start Doing for Your Happiness and Peace of Mind In our daily lives it’s easy to miss the forest for the trees and completely overlook some of the small, simple things that can disproportionally affect our levels of happiness and peace of mind.

https://www.wecb.fm/10-ways-to-boost-your-self-esteem-in-less-than-10-minutes/?fbclid=IwAR2Zq1APgo7NLTjqCawWdY2mY5H_2I50oxucGzSpoLwcoS-YwetIjh9c0tE

10 Ways To Boost Your Self-Esteem In Less Than 10 Minutes In today’s world, self-esteem is more than just a buzzword; it’s a critical component of our overall well-being and success. A strong sense of self-worth

If you’ve been struggling and find it difficult to manage day-to-day, you may have considered therapy to help. A good therapist can make a big difference and help you significantly in moving forward. But a bad therapist can make things much worse or be downright harmful. In my experience, both personally and in working with clients who are in therapy to help them during divorce, I’ve come across some alarming behaviors by therapists. ...

Beware of Therapists Who Do These Three Things If you’ve been struggling and find it difficult to manage day-to-day, you may have considered therapy to help. A good therapist can make a big difference Not all therapists are the same. When it comes to your well-being, it's important to choose one that's right for you.

I know I have written a lot lately about how to calm our emotional responses when interacting with the people closest to us. This is because not only do I see it happen time and time again, leading to everything from hurt feelings to bitter endings of relationships, I also experience it for myself. And I know the challenges. But I also know the rewards that come with gaining power over how we choose to interact with others....

How to Quickly Recover When Someone Close to You Pushes Your Buttons I know I have written a lot lately about how to calm our emotional responses when interacting with the people closest to us. This is because not only do Powerful ways to reap the rewards of gaining power over how we choose to interact with others

The key to successful relationships lies in our ability to see the other’s perspective. But we can’t do this when we become emotionally reactive. We first need to calm our emotions to think clearly and rationally and see where the other person is coming from. Here are 3 powerful ways to calm your emotions during a heated conversation or argument:...

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