The Heart of Counseling

I recently learned from my author friends that pre-orders are sweet little gifts to authors.

I think I've only pre-ordered two books in my life.

Then a wrote a book and I GET IT. Pre-orders helps the author stay excited in the process.

I spent 15 months writing the book and then the book was launched into the world. But not really, not quite. I have to wait two whole months.

The time between my book being done and it being out in the world is actually excruciating.

A pre-order says to my heart "Hey, I believe in you and I believe in this book so much that I'm going to order it before it's even out" and it's such a beautiful gift.

Thank you to those of you who have already pre-ordered it.

For those that haven't, I invite you to consider it.

Order here: https://buff.ly/4bnZm8c

Advanced copies of my book are going out! Eek!

I had such amazing people help me with this process and I'm sending them a sneak peek of the book.

One is going to California and one is going to Utah. A couple went out to Oregonians last week.

This book is coming for you!

Need a summer reading list?

I've got one for you:

📚 The Heart of Counseling

The end.

Order from Amazon today

Nope, it's not snow. That's cotton from cottonwood trees.

*sneeze*

It's June in the PNW and it's (mostly) beautiful.

As soon as the sunshine comes out, clients feel better and while that's great, it's also not the full story. Consistency is important as we do the deep work on change and processing.

For those who live in areas where the sun in finally coming out, do you see a change in your schedule when summer comes?

Book Excerpt:

"A few years ago, I was preparing a lecture for a counseling internship course where students are in the field meeting with clients and building caseloads, rapport, and therapeutic trust. I wanted to talk in class about the concept of love and how it relates to our work as a counselor. I opened an internet browser and searched for “love and the counseling relationship,” hoping it would provide a good layer to the foundational bullet points I had already prepared. This search brought up a bit more than I expected—some relevant, some off-topic, and some concerning, yet realistic, aspects of love in a therapeutic relationship. My results looked a bit like this:

➡️ The Five Love Languages (while a good book and tool, not exactly what I was asking for)
➡️ When it’s okay to have s*x with a client (umm…never??)
➡️ Love is Blind (a television show that is, how do I say, not the same love that I’m referring to here)
➡️ A whole list of lovely counseling agencies with “love” in the name (how lovely)
➡️ Are you in love with your therapist? (okay, not exactly what I meant…)
➡️ Why counselors make poor lovers (oh boy…)

I was both horrified and, in some ways, not at all surprised. I found nothing helpful that talked about the ways therapists navigate the feeling of (non-erotic) love and admiration in counseling,
but found cautions, permissions, and ethical dilemmas abound, and even some suggestions for skirting ethical codes and guidelines to engage in such relationships.

The word "love" is in my book 275 times. Because it's time we talk about it.

My book is coming your way! In less than a month it'll be in your hands and I can't wait.

Order from Amazon today!

Know the signs because when (not if) they come, it's time to change some things.

Maybe I need a little of my own advice today...

https://buff.ly/4bnZm8c

From the final chapter, Dear Counselor...

Book excerpt:

"I stood on the side of the road, wearing my Girls on the Run coach t-shirt, waiting for the hot and sweaty pr***en girls with determination on their faces to round the corner. Over 500 girls were running, each with a running buddy in tow, and I was geared up to shout, cheer, and scream for them along the way in hopes it would provide a much-needed source of inspiration, connection, and determination."

This is in the chapter called Created for Connection.

And it was pretty incredible that I got to live this experience again just this past weekend. My lived experiences are in this book and many times, I'm still living them.

Being a counselor is a series of opportunities to continue to learn and grow. And while I'm not a beginning counselor anymore, sometimes my experiences and feelings are still that fresh.

Experienced counselors, you, too, will enjoy this book.

One early reader said, "I encourage new masters students and experienced psychotherapists to read this book. Every therapist should encounter the deep, caring, moving descriptions Michelle provides of the emotional journey of the developing and practicing psychotherapist. This book is an outstanding exploration of the emotional challenges faced by every therapist."
~DOUG PETTINELLI, PhD, LMFT

Pre-order today on Amazon, The Heart of Counseling.

It's here! My book is in my hands and I CAN'T WAIT until you have it in your hands too!

The cover is soft, the colors are stunning, the back is beautiful, the pages are perfect thickness, the margins are my favorite size, the page numbers are right where I want them. The size of the book is a great size. The headings are centered. The pop out quotes are popping out. It's simply stunning.

I've done a lot of pretty amazing things in my life and this is in the top five for sure.

I wrote a book!

And you should BUY it and READ it. 😊

The Heart of Counseling: Discovering and Embracing Your Authentic Self as a Therapist https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0D3TG7NTR?ref_=cm_sw_r_mwn_dp_9MJEKV4DFYPDD3VUZB6E&language=en_US

In grad school, many students are required to "pick" a theory and demonstrate some level of competence in that theory. And when we do, we often think/feel that we've shared vows with this theory and have to stay true to this theory alone.

Nope.

You are allowed to try alllllll the theories after grad school. Or settle into one or two that you really like.

My grad level project lead to me "claim" Cognitive Behavioral Theory (CBT) as my own. And over the last 20 years, I've found a new theory that resonates with me deeper and more significantly.

And that's okay.

Being a beginner is hard. This past weekend I did a ropes course and there were many metaphors for what it feels like to be a new counselor.

The fear.
I was so scared I would fall.
I sweat. A lot
Anxiety.
How is this so much easier for my daughter?
Why did I decide to do this?
I'm ready to be done now, thank you.
I don't trust my ropes/experience.
I might face plant.

Beginners, counselors, graduate students, I see you. It's hard at first. It's hard later too but we just get more comfortable with hard.

But you're doing it! You're having first sessions. And second sessions. And hard clients. And clients that don't talk. And clients that talk non-stop. And doing it while scared, fearful, sweating.

I'm proud of you.

This man and I have been adventuring together for 15 years. Happy anniversary!

Last week we took my daughter and a few friends to an adventure park. There were a lot of opportunities for them to be scared, apprehensive, fearful, avoidant...and...incredibly brave.

One girl specifically was quite scared. And it's obvious to see how she was brave. She did scary things that many people would find scary. And that bravery matters.

But there were also other opportunities for bravery, the little bravery. The things that nobody sees and nobody is cheering you on for. Those little braveries matter too. A lot actually.

There are new counselors everywhere right now, who are, for the very first time, seeing a real live client. And you, counselors, are very very brave. And you're doing it! And then, there are also counselors all over the world right now that are doing brave things like cancelling a day of clients because they're in desperate need of self care. Or, getting all your case notes done today BEFORE you leave the office. Or, confronting that client in the ways they need but you've been scared to do.

All those brave things matter a great deal. The big bravery, sure. But the little bravery, WOW! I know you're doing it and it matters.

Thank you for being brave, counselors.

Support and celebrate with me!

I have a lot of pretty incredible endorsements but there's something special about the ones I received from graduate students.

They are my ideal reader (well, everyone is an ideal reader) but this book was written for the people in the trenches of grad school or fresh out of grad school and trying to find their way as a new counselor. So these words are extra special. And they are for you, counselor.

Today I'm answering your questions!

Oh, the places I've written!

I wrote my book, The Heart of Counseling, in some interesting places....

I wrote at swim lessons, tennis lessons, in the car, outside and inside at my house. I wrote in the forest and on an airplane. I wrote waiting for jury duty, on a table full of legos, among barbie dolls, and on vacation. I wrote in book stores and coffee shops, sitting by the pool, and in Minnesota and Oregon. And quite often, with my puppy on my lap.

My publisher told me early on to create a writing schedule and stick to it, and I did. Were there compromises, sure. But there was also a lot of creativity from a lot of different places. It's fun to look back and see, "oh, that chapter that talks about bravery, I was inspired by the fearful child so terrified to swim that showed up over and over again and several weeks later was jumping into the pool" and "oh, that chapter about growth, that came from driving through the Oregon forest and seeing signs indicating forest regrowth."

It's pretty amazing when you can find creativity and inspiration when you're looking for it.

Good morning and happy Friday!

Today is the day that my FIRST CHAPTER from The Heart of Counseling is officially available for the world to read.

If you want to read it and aren't on my email list yet, it's easy as 1-2-3

1. Go to my website MichelleEngblom.com
2. Go to the book section
3. Enter your email

Done! You will receive my first chapter in your email almost instantly.

Happy reading!

P.S. If you love the intro, I'd love for you to buy my book! Help me spread the word.

Michelle Engblom-Deglmann Counseling Michelle Engblom-Deglmann, Ph.D., LMFT

My first chapter. I love my first chapter. It's real. It's raw. It's unscripted. It's a true account of the life of a counselor.

And it goes like this:

"I’m a fraud
Why would you think anyone would want you as their therapist?
What do you know?
Why did I even think I could do this?

I’m not doing enough
I’m not enough for my clients
Someone else could be doing a better job for this client than I am."

These quotes are directly from you, counselors. And they're in the book. Because YOUR words matter and YOUR words, read through the perspective of someone else, just hit differently.

To read more, including my entire first chapter from The Heart of Counseling, make sure you're signed up for my email list and my first chapter will be sent to you THIS FRIDAY.

Get ready readers, it's raw and real.

Sign up for my email list by going to: http://eepurl.com/iA3A_Q

What a sweet surprise…Ya’ll are buying my book!!!! Already! How do I know? Well Amazon ALREADY has me ranked. I’m ranked number ONE in new releases in Education and Training.

AND! Oh. My. Gosh. I’m ranked number SEVEN between Yalom and Pipher!!! What! Those are both seminal books in my field! And I’m listed in between them?? That is all thanks to YOU and your preorders. Thank you.

Please keep buying the book and sharing it with others you know who might be interested in it too. You all are the best. 💚

I had a lot of ideas of what this post would say when this day came, the day my book is officially published, and now that it’s here, I have no words other than those of deep and profound gratitude. My feelings are scrambled and overwhelming. I’m not sure whether I want to cry, celebrate, scream, sleep, jump up and down, or all at the same time. I am so thankful for so many things and people. So for now I thank you for all of your love and support. It’s real. It’s really really real. 💚

The Heart of Counseling: Discovering and Embracing Your Authentic Self as a Therapist The Heart of Counseling: Discovering and Embracing Your Authentic Self as a Therapist

This student graduated with his Master of Arts degree in Marriage, Couple and Family Counseling last week. He's in my book. He worked hard to find his authentic self as a counselor and it wasn't an easy task.

We have ideas of what a therapist looks like and while he really wanted to be a counselor, he couldn't find a role model like him doing this work. And while that's hard, it's also brilliant because it required him to find HIS way, not MY way, but the one for him, using the skills that HE has that I don't even have because we are two very different people.

(book excerpt)

"Reader, I want to fully invite you to give yourself permission to be yourself in ALL the ways you are you. To bring your blue hair, ripped jeans, sitting criss-cross applesauce, sarcastic, tattooed body, plant-loving, badass self into the counseling room."