Margaret C. Wang, LMFT Psychotherapist

The 2024 Olympics
Let the games begin! My favorite events include the 400 and 800m, along with the 100m hurdles and high jump. As a former competitive figure skater, I value the training needed to perform when it counts.

Margaret C. Wang
US Nationals Senior Ladies
in Figure Skating (Jan 2007).

When differentiating self-esteem from self-efficacy, self-esteem can be defined as the evaluation of one’s worth, whereas self-efficacy relates to perceived ability to accomplish tasks. Self-efficacy significantly affects performance. Perceived ineffectiveness can trigger anxiety, leading to individuals to dwell on their failures as opposed to coping with present demands (Bandura, 1982).

Our perceptions of anxiety can influence our ability to perform on the field. Those that view anxiety as debilitative tend to interpret its symptoms negatively, experiencing a decline in self-confidence as performance approaches (Orbach et al., 1999). Conversely, those who perceive anxiety as facilitative harness its cognitive and somatic manifestations to enhance their performance.

If you'd like access to the references, head over here:
https://bit.ly/3W70Woc

Mental performance affects athletes across sports, whether through teams or in individual sports. Mental toughness can be characterized by the ability to perform under stress or pressure. Athletic performance is impacted by self-esteem, self-efficacy, and anxiety.

Self-care can take many forms. It’s important to remain flexible because your needs might change depending on your current circumstances. If you’re new to prioritizing yourself, consider starting with your emotional, social, and physical needs. Reflect on where you spend most of your time and if you tend to focus on one type of need while neglecting others. There’s no shame in that; recognizing it and being open to change is progress in itself.

Social needs:
For instance, if work gets busier, self-care might involve spending more time with friends to counteract isolation. On the other hand, if you’re more introverted, you might prefer to reduce social interactions during hectic periods.

If spending time with certain friends leaves you feeling drained, consider making small adjustments. You might not be ready to set boundaries such as, “Hey, I’d like to share what’s going on with me.” If you’re not at that point, you might reduce the time spent with that friend or meet less frequently.

Emotional needs:
Building awareness is a part of this process so that you can make adjustments. For example, maybe you enjoy going to dinner with friends, but you notice that even if you get home early, it takes time to decompress from that social activity. As a result, this time to decompress affects when you go to bed. You might pick and choose the days that you’d like to engage in certain activities and how they affect you emotionally and physically.

Start by checking in with yourself throughout the day to identify your feelings. If you’re unsure what you’re feeling, it’s okay. You can look up a “feelings chart” or “list of feelings” online to help pinpoint your emotions. Setting a reminder to check in with your feelings twice a day can help you build this habit. Remember, it takes time for this to become more automatic.

Taking time for yourself might feel uncomfortable and even bring about feelings of guilt, but know that it’s a normal part of the process. As you incorporate more self-care into your routine, acknowledge these feelings with non-judgment.

So what do I mean "be more authentic"? You might feel that you are more outgoing or silly when you're around your friends, and at work, you're more reserved. But maybe you'd like to be more "yourself " when you're at work. Sometimes, we find it exhausting to minimize aspects of ourselves.

So maybe if you're ready, start with something small. Maybe you'd talk about a sibling or highlight where you've had trouble with something in the past. When we share about something that was difficult for us, we normalize it; we show others that they, too, don't have to know everything.

Sharing with others comes with drawbacks. Maybe you'll need to protect yourself and set aside five minutes to step out if you get triggered. You might even reach out to friends if you feel that you've disclosed too much.

What makes you uncomfortable with sharing more about yourself? Are you worried about being judged? What would make you feel more comfortable with all of who you are?

It's easier said than done. Our self-doubt might stem from feeling insecure or from past "failures".

It's not necessarily a quick fix. Instead, we might need to process some of the feelings that accompany this self-doubt.
When we're feeling more insecure, we might need to remind ourselves on a consistent basis what we are doing. We might not internalize these positive aspects about ourselves, but over time, we might believe these facts about ourselves.

When we're feeling more insecure, we might need to remind ourselves on a consistent basis what we are doing. We might not internalize these positive aspects about ourselves, but over time, we might believe these facts about ourselves.

Trusting ourselves takes time. When we might want an answer immediately, we might ask a friend to name some of the qualities that come to mind. When you might think that that friend is being "nice", you might challenge this thought with, "It's okay if I don't believe this thought yet. I'm not going to contradict that thought."

The point is -- thinking more neutrally might seem more realistic. We might not think we're the greatest people on Earth (that might not be our goal anyway), but we also don't have to think that we're the worst either. Being somewhere in the middle is okay!!

It can feel hurtful when others don't validate what you're feeling. They might say, "You're so sensitive" or "You're overreacting". You might feel alone or dejected. It's totally normal to feel that way.

You might ask yourself what you need when you're feeling those feelings. It might be physical touch or having a moment to yourself. It might depend on the emotion or your environment. Sometimes it's just, "It's okay to feel what you're feeling. It's okay to feel hurt when being misunderstood."

Know that whatever you're feeling is okay, even if it's not "logical". Feelings aren't supposed to make sense; sometimes they just are. Emotions.

When you allow yourself to feel insecure, what other feelings arise? Yes, it's uncomfortable to sit with these emotions. But, you also might feel frustrated with yourself, or you might start to point to other circumstances outside your control. While this may be the case, what would it be like to acknowledge that your feeling jealous and you're focusing on something that's more of a priority in your life?

It sounds familiar-- start by feeling your feelings. Notice when you're triggered, when you sense feelings of insecurity or jealousy. See if you can validate your feelings, even when you might think, "I shouldn't feel this way." You might tell yourself, "I wish I were where they were" or "There's a part of me that wishes I had that kind of lifestyle. "

Why We Don't Need To "Fix" What We're Feeling

We’re not “broken”; Instead, we’re looking to approach our emotions in a more constructive way. Emotions are a natural part of the human experience, and recognizing this can help us deal with them more effectively. By acknowledging and understanding our emotions rather than judging them, we can navigate through them without feeling overwhelmed.

What if we were to take a more neutral stance towards our emotions? Emotions are in flux, so allowing ourselves to experience them fully can lessen the burden. Society tends to categorize certain emotions as more acceptable; some of these emotions might be neutrality, contentedness, and happiness. All emotions are valid and important, even those considered less appropriate in professional settings, such as anger, rage, and sadness.

Suppressing emotions doesn’t make them disappear; rather, it can lead to them emerging in more intense and unexpected ways. This underscores the importance of finding healthy outlets for our emotions.

Research suggests that suppressing emotions, particularly anger, can contribute to depressive symptoms (Cheung & Park, 2010). Emotional regulation, which refers to how we respond to situations and express our emotions, plays a role in our wellbeing. When we fail to regulate our emotions, we increase our risk of experiencing depressive symptoms (Compare et al., 2014).

Approaching our emotions constructively means accepting and understanding them without judgment. All emotions, whether or not deemed acceptable by external sources, are significant and valid. Suppressing emotions leads to negative consequences, highlighting the importance of effective emotional regulation skills.

If you’d like to familiarize yourself with uncomfortable emotions, head over here: https://wp.me/scAUWp-1060

Cheung, R.Y. & Park, I.J. (2010). Anger suppression, interdependent self-construal, and depression among Asian American and European American college students. Cultur Divers Ethnic Minor Psychol; 16(4): 517-525. doi: 10.1037/a0020655.

Compare, A., Zarbo, C., Shonin, E., Van Gordon, W., & Marconi, C. (2014). Emotional regulation and depression: A potential mediator between heart and mind. Cardiovasc Psychiatry Neurol. doi: 10.1155/2014/324374.

Why Use Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) Exercises

Here’s why Linehan’s DBT exercises can be helpful, especially when in crisis. Let me include that I’m not making any sweeping conclusions, but rather I am including some patterns that I’ve noticed in the time that I’ve worked with clients.

Why it might be helpful to list activities to elevate one’s mood: When one is experiencing symptoms of depression, it’s challenging to take care of oneself, so every activity that has a neutral or positive effect can have a compounding effect. It’s similar to building momentum. However, I must emphasize that doing these activities often doesn’t solely contribute to depressive symptoms ceasing; it often takes more. Talk therapy and medication are often necessary for treating symptoms of depression.

I appreciate Linehan’s inclusion of the “cope ahead” exercise, which I think can be particularly helpful for managing stressful or difficult situations (Linehan, 2014). When anticipating these scenarios, the “cope ahead” exercise implements structure, such that you might consider tools that might assist you. As opposed to having to react in the moment, this “cope ahead” exercise enables preparedness. For example, you’re preparing for a party and you might worry that you don’t know many people. You might anticipate feelings of anxiety or discomfort. You might come up with a plan: 1) you might speak with the person holding the party, 2) you might try interacting with two new people, or 3) you might stay for 45 minutes to one hour if that feels feasible. You might include some coping skills: 1) go to the restroom and do some breathing exercises, 2) let a friend know that you’ll check in with them after the event, or 3) plan to do an enjoyable activity after the party.

If you'd like some concrete DBT exercises, head over here: https://wp.me/pcAUWp-zH

Applying Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT):
In this post, we outline exercises that can be applied to situations, in addition to crises. Please note that this post is approaching DBT from an integrative, rather than a purely DBT approach. Similar to the last two posts, this is not meant to represent DBT as a whole; I don’t cover all of the techniques. Instead, this post can be used as a guide, with DBT skills outlined.

Emotion Regulation Handout (Linehan, 2014): For this particular exercise, you might incorporate this exercise into your daily routine if you’re having a hard time taking care of your needs. You might feel stuck and you might feel unsure where to start if you’d like to incorporate self-care into your life.
A) Accumulate Positive Emotions: short-term and long-term
***Identify activities that may make you feel content, relaxed, or happy. Include which days of the week you’d like to engage in the activity on a regular basis.
***Pinpoint which values that you embody and are connected to long-term goals
***Include on which long-term goals you spent some time progressing
***Identify what you have avoided. Here you might touch upon steps on which you have procrastinated.
***Take note of times when you might have distracted yourself by engaging in activities. This may include times when you have decreased worries or other less desirable emotions.
B) Build Mastery
***Identify activities that contribute to your levels of confidence. Note when and how often you engage in these activities.
***Identify times when you have accomplished something challenging. This could apply to any of the following areas: work, socially, or personally.
C) Cope Ahead
***Describe a situation that leads to less desirable emotions (e.g., anxiety, worry, anger.)
***Describe how you might handle this situation in a positive way.
***Anticipate how you might cope with and what activities might assist you in dealing with a difficult situation.

Distress Tolerance Handout (Linehan, 2014).
A) Here are several things you can do when you’re dealing with an intense emotion.
***Notice any sensations in the bottoms of your feet.
***Observe any heaviness you feel in your legs.
***Imagine how it might feel in your body if you were immersed in warm water.

If you'd like to read more about DBT, head over here: https://wp.me/pcAUWp-zG

Linehan, M. M. (2014). DBT (R) skills training handouts and worksheets, second edition (2nd ed.). Guilford Publications.

Three Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) Interventions:

Here we cover several aspects of DBT. This is a continuation of the previous post. Similar to the last post, this is not meant to represent DBT as a whole; I don’t cover all of the techniques. Instead, this post can be used as a guide, as examples of DBT skills.

Mindfulness Handouts: (Linehan, 2014).
*Notice: You might acknowledge or name it, “That was a judgmental thought.”
*Track: Identify times that you’ve been judgmental by recording with your phone or notebook.
*Reframe: Here’s where you might recount an event with non-judgmental language or a neutral way.

Interpersonal Effectiveness Handout (Linehan, 2014).
*Attend: Use body language to show that you understand and are paying attention.
Focus on what the other person is thinking and/or feeling. You might show your understanding by saying, “I can imagine that you feel… because of … (event).”
*Approach from the same level as the other person. If you can, avoid being defensive, and do your best not to give advice, unless it is requested.

Distress Tolerance Handout (Linehan, 2014).
Use the acronym: IMPROVE: Imagery (Use a “positive” memory and replay it in your mind; Imagine an ideal outcome), Meaning (Notice something meaningful despite less- than-ideal circumstances; Focus on something that creates purpose for you), Prayer (Identify a Higher Power, or something larger than yourself, or ignore, if this doesn’t apply), Relaxing Actions (Engage in breathing exercises; Massage your neck and shoulders), One thing in the moment (Attend to the present moment; Identify physical sensations, Vacation (Place your phone on airplane mode for a few hours; Visit the woods or the beach), and Encouragement and rethinking the situation (“I’m doing the best I can”; “This won’t last forever”.

If you'd like to read more about DBT, head over here: https://wp.me/pcAUWp-zG

How Can We Integrate Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) Into Therapy?
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy was originally researched and designed for individuals who have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, but has been used to treat other symptoms and conditions including, but not limited to, cutting behavior, suicidal ideation, and eating disorders (Linehan & Wilks, 2015).

The tenets of DBT can be applied to those who might often experience emotions at a greater intensity. For some, it might feel as if these emotions last for long periods of time or come out of nowhere. DBT can be helpful for those that have difficulty restraining impulsive behaviors or for those that may be surrounded by an invalidating environment. In such environments, people may receive messages like, “Suck it up” or “Get over it” or “It’s not a big deal”.

If you’re in a place where it feels like things are out of control, here are some things that you can do:

1) Use the acronym: ABCDEF
Actions, Body sensations, Cognitions/thoughts, Events, and Feelings. Identify situations that took place. Recount any actions that you took or that occurred around you. Notice any physical sensations that you were or are currently experiencing. Acknowledge any thoughts or feelings that you experienced (Linehan, 2014).

2) Incorporate Skills (Linehan, 2014).
*Observe: Identify any physical sensations, attend to your experience without resisting what’s arising, and identify thoughts and feelings as if they’re floating away in the sky
*Describe: Acknowledge any thoughts with words. Only include the facts and describe with your senses
*Participate: Be fully present and stay away from multi-tasking. Act according to what the moment calls for and fully engage in the task at hand

3) Distress Tolerance Skills (Linehan, 2014).
*Use the acronym: TIPP
*Temperature (Take a frozen bag of peas and place it on your forehead. Here’s where you might need to calm down immediately),
*Intense exercise (You might do fifteen jumping jacks or ten push-ups. The key here is to channel your intense emotion with something physical),
*Paced breathing (As an example, you might inhale for four and exhale for four counts and repeat this eight times. Here you’re regulating your state of hyperarousal), and *Paired muscle relaxation (You might tense the muscles in your fists, hold that sensation, and relax your muscles. Move onto another muscle group and repeat).

DBT can be used for individuals experiencing crisis or symptoms that require immediate attention. However, it would be beneficial for therapy to develop, such that it is based more on the relationship between the therapist and client, as opposed to relying solely on skills.

If you'd like to learn more about what takes place in therapy, head over here: https://wp.me/pcAUWp-lC

Linehan, M. M. (2014). DBT (R) skills training handouts and worksheets, second edition (2nd ed.). Guilford Publications.

Linehan, M.M. & Wilks, C.R. (2015). The course and evolution of dialectical behavioral therapy. The American Journal of Psychotherapy, 69(2): 91-239.
https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.psychotherapy.2015.69.2.97.

The Pros & Cons Of Mental Health Diagnosis
Diagnosis can be very relieving for some individuals, providing a sense of validation and clarity that they may have been seeking for a long time. For some, it can alleviate confusion that stems from not knowing what is “wrong”. Receiving a diagnosis can deliver a newfound understanding and a clear explanation for the symptoms that they have endured.

Diagnosis can provide structure and serve as a foundation upon which a comprehensive treatment plan can be built. Targeted strategies might include medication management, psychotherapy, lifestyle adjustments, and inclusion of support systems. While a label can guide treatment, it does not define a person or represent one’s identity.

Despite its benefits, the label of a diagnosis can also be a double-edged sword, particularly because of the stigma that still surrounds many mental health conditions. This stigma can lead to others perceiving the diagnosed individual solely through the lens of their condition, rather than as a whole person. Such reductionistic views can hinder the person’s social interactions, as people might unjustly associate them with stereotypes or misconceptions related to their diagnosis. It is crucial to emphasize that a diagnosis does not define an individual but rather describes a set of symptoms they are experiencing.

The pervasive nature of stigma can prevent individuals from seeking the treatment they need. Fear of judgment or discrimination might lead some to avoid professional help altogether, which can exacerbate their condition and delay recovery. Addressing stigma through education and awareness is essential to create a more supportive environment where individuals feel safe to seek help and share their experiences without fear of negative repercussions.

If you'd like to read more about receiving a diagnosis, head over here: https://wp.me/pcAUWp-qX

What does prioritizing self-care look like?

Self-care can take many forms. It’s important to remain flexible because your needs might change depending on your current circumstances. If you’re new to prioritizing yourself, consider starting with your emotional, social, and physical needs. Reflect on where you spend most of your time and if you tend to focus on one type of need while reflecting others. There’s no shame in that; recognizing it and being open to change is progress in itself.

Social needs:
For instance, if work gets busier, self-care might involve spending more time with friends to counteract isolation. On the other hand, if you’re more introverted, you might prefer to reduce social interactions during hectic periods.

If spending time with certain friends leaves you feeling drained, consider making small adjustments. You might not be ready to set boundaries such as, “Hey, I’d like to share what’s going on with me.” If you’re not at that point, you might reduce the time spent with that friend or meet less frequently.

Emotional needs:
Start by checking in with yourself throughout the day to identify your feelings. If you’re unsure what you’re feeling, it’s okay. You can look up a “feelings chart” or “list of feelings” online to help pinpoint your emotions. Setting a reminder to check in with your feelings twice a day can help you build this habit. Remember, it takes time for this to become more automatic.

Physical and emotional needs:
Building awareness is a part of this process so that you can make adjustments. For example, maybe you enjoy going to dinner with friends, but you notice that even if you get home early, it takes time to decompress from that social activity. As a result, this time to decompress affects when you go to bed. You might pick and choose the days that you’d like to engage in certain activities and how they affect you emotionally and physically.

Taking time for yourself might feel uncomfortable and even bring about feelings of guilt, but know that it’s a normal part of the process. As you incorporate more self-care into your routine, acknowledge these feelings with non-judgment.

If you’d like some tips on how to de-stress after work, head over here: https://wp.me/pcAUWp-qB

How To Take Care Of Yourself
When It’s The Last Thing You Want To Do
Prioritizing self-care can often feel like an inconvenience, especially when faced with obligations and expectations. Tending to our well-being is paramount, even when it’s the last thing we want to do. When embracing the notion that it’s okay to take a break, we begin to cultivate a healthier relationship with ourselves. Every time we place our well-being at the forefront, we shift our perspective to see self-care as a necessary investment, as opposed to a luxury.

Here are some ways to combat this.
You might say instead, “It's okay if I don't want to take a break, and I'm going to take a break anyway. '' The key behind this is acknowledging what's coming up within you and you're doing something contrary to that thought.
You might tell someone that you're working on it and trying to practice this new behavior. You're using another person to hold you accountable.
You might also think of ways in which you're taking care of yourself by slowing down. For example, if you're physically sick, you might list these ways that you're helping yourself: 1) you're allowing yourself to take the time you need to recover, 2) you're preventing yourself from sharing your sickness with others, 3) by taking care of yourself, you're preventing the sickness from getting increasingly worse

Navigating the balance between self-care and life’s demands can be challenging, especially when faced with illness or overwhelming stress. Our natural instinct is to soldier on, ignoring the signals our body and mind are sending us. If you’re someone who engages with self-imposed expectations, you might find yourself rationalizing why you should push through rather than pause.
If you need more encouragement around taking time for yourself, head over here: https://wp.me/pcAUWp-fF

Understanding The Basics Around Introversion And Extraversion

Personality types shape the intricacies of human behavior, with introversion and extraversion standing as prominent pillars in the realm of psychological research. These contrasting dispositions dictate how individuals navigate social interactions and personal preferences, influencing everything from communication styles to decision-making processes. Understanding the nuances of introversion and extraversion provides insight into the diverse ways people engage with the world around them, shedding light on the psychological mechanisms at play in shaping human personality. In exploring these personality types and their implications, we unravel the intricate tapestry of human nature, delving into the profound impact they have on individual experiences and interpersonal relationships.

One archetype epitomizes introversion, finding solace in solitude rather than social gatherings. This individual may prefer intimate conversations over large group interactions, experiencing a sense of fulfillment in one-on-one settings. Research, such as that by Zelenski et al. (2012), suggests that introverts engaging in extraverted activities may deplete their internal resources, leading to consequences such as dietary indiscretions and heightened aggression, indicative of the toll such endeavors exact on introverts’ psychological reserves.

In contrast, another personality type embodies the quintessential extravert, thriving in the company of others and seeking social interaction for stimulation. The confines of solitary workspaces may dampen their mood, prompting a natural inclination towards seeking social engagement. Studies align with this experience, indicating that extraverts engaging in introverted activities may suffer from diminished decision-making abilities and reduced positive affect, highlighting the importance of social interaction for this personality type.

Extraverts, driven by a need for constant stimulation, gravitate towards social and active pursuits to maintain arousal levels and cultivate positive emotions. Conversely, introverts may seek lower arousal states, finding solace in solitude to achieve a sense of tranquility. Despite spending more time alone, introverts often nurture deep, meaningful relationships, which contribute significantly to their overall happiness and well-being. Research underscores the vital role of interpersonal connections in achieving extreme happiness, with the happiest individuals dedicating a substantial portion of their day to social interactions.

If you’d like to read more about what not to say to an introvert, head over here: https://wp.me/pcAUWp-oj

Zelenski, J.M., Santoro, M.S., & Whelan, D. (2012). Would introverts be better off if they acted more like extraverts? Exploring emotional and cognitive consequences of counterdispositional behavior. Emotion, 12 (2), 290-303.