Asha Counseling and Inner-Work

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mamas out there today! 💖
And also....
To the people who this day is difficult for - the women who are having a hard time conceiving who so deeply want to be a mother one day and don't know if they will be able to, those who have lost our mothers and miss them dearly, those of us who have lost a child and had to grieve the loss of motherhood, the mothers who have adult children struggling with addiction and also the adult children who have mothers struggling with addiction, women who wanted to be mothers but never became mothers etc... I see you and I'm sending you so much love today 💖. Know that you are loved by many and remember that there are many ways to be a "mother figure" and nurture others and the love you give to the people in your life counts immensely. In the same way, there are many ways to be nurtured by others, allow the supportive people in your life to love on you and let them know if you are struggling today. Whether you are lamenting over not "having" a mother or not "being" a mother, I hope today will still be a day that you can feel loved and important. I love you! 💖💖💖✨️

I wrote the article below 4 years ago in the midst of Covid but I feel like it's even more relevant today. I will be starting a Space Holding group this summer, stay tuned for details soon! 💖

Presence

I am writing this as a reminder to myself as much as it is intended to remind others....

What does it mean to be truly present with another? As a therapist, presence is the number one tool in my toolbox. Without being/showing that I am present in all ways, my clients will not feel connection and without connection, there is nothing to build the solid foundation of trust required to do true, cathartic work. But presence is relevant in all areas of our life - especially these days where contact is much more rare, it should be meaningful and impactful when we come together.

The practice of presence is more of a state of "being" than a technique. It requires one to be aware and mindful of the interaction until it becomes habitual over time (just like being "not present" is a habit aquired over time). Once you practice intentionally and feel the benefits, you will feel the pull towards maintaining presence naturally and more often within yourself and with those around you.

I notice two types of presence (and I struggle with both at times): Internal presence and Presence with Others. Below is in reference to how to maintain presence with others, but presence within yourself - showing up and staying with what is going on for you internally- is just as integral. Meditation is a good place to start with internal presence.

The next time you are interacting with someone, notice if you are feeling heard. If so, how can you tell the other person has been listening and if not, what gave you the cue they were tuned out? What does it bring up for you to be unheard or ignored? This will help you begin to bring awareness to how you are responding in your own presence with others...

When you are intending to be "present" with another, you are essentially wanting the other person to feel that their words and intent have been received (this doesn't always mean approved of!) by you and that you have absorbed what they said and that their expression has inherent meaning and value to you (again, even if you don't agree).

1. Presence requires the entirety of YOU - if your body is moving around or if you are trying to "multitask"- STOP. Face the person. Sit or stand to their eye level. Relax your body, soften your jaw and face, slow your breathing. Remind yourself quickly of why it is important to you that this person feel heard by you and say to yourself "I have time to hear".

2. As hard as it can be at times, look the person in the eye. Eye contact is too often avoided these days but it makes people feel so important! You don't have to be a weirdo about it, but make eye contact enough that the other person can tell you are listening. (Put your phone down, dangit! Put it down again!) Notice how difficult it can be at times just to look someone in the eye when you are speaking together and then notice how much better the conversation gets when eye contact is added. Even in fun and light-hearted conversations, eye contact is impactful!

3. Now tune in to what they are saying - with their words, expressions, and tone. Notice that you are hearing what they are sharing and not focused in your own mind thinking of what you will say when they stop talking or how you will respond next. Refocus on their words, message and intention. If you feel resistance to listening, remind yourself what makes this person interesting or important (enjoyable, pleasant, adorable, etc) and try again to tune in with presence and curiosity.

4. Acknowledgment skills suck these days. It's as if many have forgotten that it is important to reply to what the other person said before you spit out what's on your mind or how it relates to your personal life (Ah hem, social media). Acknowledge what the other person said before you start with "Well, I...". Ask clarification and curiosity questions about what they shared. Actually laugh if they made a joke, smile to show acknowledgement, etc. Show that you are interested in their sharing and not just getting out what you want to say as well.

What it does for another person when they feel truly heard can be astounding....Shifts and clarity can come through easily because WHEN WE ARE HEARD AND WITNESSED WITH COMPASSION AND PRESENCE BY OTHERS WE CAN MORE CLEARLY HEAR AND UNDERSTAND OURSELVES. We feel supported and validated when others choose presence in their interactions with us and we have the same power to create that for others just by being fully "there". Think of a time you had an encounter with someone that left you feeling really good - you were experiencing connection with that person through the presence you practiced together. Period.

Not everything needs a fixing-response or solution, sometimes space-holding and saying "I hear you" is all that's needed. Also, during the times you don't have the bandwidth or ability in the moment to give of your presence as you would like, it's always ok to say "What you are saying right now is really important to me but I'm having a hard time staying focused. Could I come to you later when I'm feeling more centered to finish our talk?"... nobody should be expected to listen and be present to all people at all moments over time (you need space for inner-presence too!). However, regarding the people it matters with and the times that it matters with them, it's worth it in my opinion to bring some mindfulness to our presence and how well we are using it within and without.
💓💓💓

"Don't believe everything you think." ~Allan Lokos

✨️ I'm not your typical therapist... yes I want to talk together (and we will do lots of important talking for sure!) but I'm also not into wasting your time or stringing you along for years talking about the same thing while you try to "heal yourself" the same way over and over with no results... depending on how you look at it you could view it as quite unethical, although I think a lot of therapists just don't know any other way to do things... A counselor's work is to inspire and help enact true change and to provide a client with workable methods to use lifelong for management across time.

✨️What is "inner-work" about? Inner-work is getting back in touch with the deepest parts of who you are, your Truth. It is about leaning vulnerably into being honest with yourself and allowing yourself to feel into the core beliefs which hold you back in many ways from expressing your true nature... It sounds serious (don't get me wrong, it's very important work!)but the process doesn't always have to be heavy and difficult. You can start with the basics of general mindfulness in your daily life - paying attention to the present moment and finding gratitude for what is, being the curious observer of your moment to moment experience etc. You can play with your inner dialog and change the tone of the voice that is giving you the messages about yourself that you are receiving every day, being mindful about what you say to yourself and softening to yourself when you are able. Leaning into self-expression, creativity and what inspires you is a part of inner-work as well, re-membering who you are at your core!

✨️Allowing yourself to have fun, be playful in your own ways, creating connection with others and staying connected to Gratitude in our Life are also first steps to take towards inner-congruence. I love brainstorming with clients new ways to allow their true Selves to re-emerge and the freedom they report after doing their Work.

✨️If you are curious about counseling and the inner-work that I am passionate about sharing with my clients, feel free to reach out for a free consultation today! Let's see if we are a good fit and if not, I will help you find who might be.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/amanda-g-johnson-sherman-tx/295477

Affirmation of the Day:

"I allow myself to be more fully 'me' in each unfolding moment."

👋Hello all! I've been quite inconsistent on this page the past few years but have begun to feel inspired to share on here again, as new offerings are coming about in 2024. I will be working to revamp my page and will be writing posts more often with helpful links etc. Always feel free to message me with ideas of what you'd like to learn more about - I want my social media pages to be more than an advertisement... I want what I post to be helpful and resource-filled so you can find what you need to feel better, even if that's not through my services specifically.

✨️For those who are unfamiliar with my page...
My name is Amanda Johnson and I've been an LPC in Texas since 2011. I specialized in children and adolescents in the early years of my career and then, through doing my own personal inner-work, became interested in PTSD and inner-work or "deep work" and eventually transitioned to seeing only adults. The clients who seek services from me are at a point where they feel they have "tried everything" but feel stuck, unmotivated, disconnected from their lives and are ready to feel better. Many have already tried therapy in the past and feel hopeless. Although traditional "talk therapy" is very useful in a lot of contexts, there is a deeper part of you that wants to be known and understood - this is where you learn to reconnect with who you really are at your core.

🤔'What is this inner-work you speak of?' you ask? It's the homecoming to your True Self, the honoring of who you are at your core right now and honoring where you have come from that led to where you are now and where you are going in your future as you dream it to be. We are in a society that doesn't encourage us to explore our inner landscape to discover who we ARE but to compare and contrast with what we are NOT. This is a safe and nonjudgemental space to explore it all. I am fully trained in EMDR (eye- movement desensitization reprocessing) which I utilize with clients to process past trauma and PTSD, which is essential to coming "home" to yourself ‐ to dissolve the pain of the past, have hope for the future and live Life fully in the present moment is the true bliss we are all searching for at our core...

💖 The name Asha came to me during a meditation years ago and I knew it was meant for my practice. I had never heard the name or word before but when I looked it up it is a very old word that doesn't have an English translation but essentially means "TRUTH". It is one of those words that actually has many meanings and these are a few: Truth, right working, joined in truth from the root, divine order, path of the source of truth, joining together with the notion of existence and realization - WOW! My mission is to help you re-member your Truth (you already know it, you just need to recognize and put it back together again) and it is an honor to work with others on this path!

"What you feel in the moment is the lens through which you see and experience the world. You feel angry, everyone seems angry or makes you angry. You feel fear, everyone is a threat and there are many reasons to feel afraid. Feelings run deeper than thoughts.

The key is leaning into the emotions you are avoiding to make space for new ways of feeling. Most of the time we avoid feeling our emotions and we attach ourselves to people, things, stories etc to keep us from feeling what is coming up. This keeps the patterns alive and keeps us where we are. The more you feel, the more you integrate your past so you can move forward. Being present to what you are feeling is how you transform and complete the past.

Awareness in your heart, breathing into it and then being aware of the memories or triggers that come up in your life. Life is constantly reflecting back to you the inner triggers and unprocessed past.

The challenge is many get stuck on the mental story as a mechanism for avoiding the feeling. Having a boss that ignores you can have a story of she or he doesn’t care about me… doesn’t appreciate my work… etc.
Deeper down though that is a trigger for the feeling of an emotion that is inside. Not appreciating yourself, feeling abandoned as a kid, the grief of someone not being there for you, etc.

This is why integrating emotions is so powerful. You bring awareness to the heart, become present and allow the energy to dissipate so you can make room for new higher vibrational emotions to come in. Integrating the past and becoming present is the key!"

~Aaron Doughty

"Your fears are the places within you that await your Love. Your fears are the teachers that will help you uncover your wounds. Uncover, discover, recover. Progress, not perfection. It is through the fear that we find our way home to Love."
~ Robert Burney