Rest & Restore

I love when I google a random thought in my head and up pops an article stating the very same points I was internally arguing.

How Today Is Like the 1890s The most popular historical analogy for current American troubles is the Civil War era. The second most popular is the Gilded Age. But where the 1850s do not meaningfully resemble today, the 1890s ce…

Tomorrow my baby girl starts 11th grade and her mom is not doing well with it. They’ve been my only motivation for over half my life. What now?

A wise man said to me today, “don’t swallow the poison, spit it out and move on.” Good advise in many scenarios…

Amidst a betrayal of the worst kind, kindness is magnified. Be kind. We are all human.

Wishing I was there!! ❤️

Join us tomorrow at the Gurdwara for a beautiful afternoon of kirtan and prayer! Stay afterwards for a free delicious vegetarian Indian lunch. Everyone is welcome!

Let's come together and celebrate our community.

Time: 11:30am
Where: Gurdwara Baba Deep Singh Ji
Address: 6341 W Lone Mountain Rd, Las Vegas, NV 89130

“And together we shall dig graves for all that die in us…”

Defeat
BY KAHLIL GIBRAN
Defeat, my Defeat, my solitude and my aloofness;
You are dearer to me than a thousand triumphs,
And sweeter to my heart than all world-glory.

Defeat, my Defeat, my self-knowledge and my defiance,
Through you I know that I am yet young and swift of foot
And not to be trapped by withering laurels.
And in you I have found aloneness
And the joy of being shunned and scorned.

Defeat, my Defeat, my shining sword and shield,
In your eyes I have read
That to be enthroned is to be enslaved,
And to be understood is to be leveled down,
And to be grasped is but to reach one’s fullness
And like a ripe fruit to fall and be consumed.

Defeat, my Defeat, my bold companion,
You shall hear my songs and my cries and my silences,
And none but you shall speak to me of the beating of wings,
And urging of seas,
And of mountains that burn in the night,
And you alone shall climb my steep and rocky soul.

Defeat, my Defeat, my deathless courage,
You and I shall laugh together with the storm,
And together we shall dig graves for all that die in us,
And we shall stand in the sun with a will,
And we shall be dangerous.

Being 41 is having to explain to your daughter why one does not wear a crop top and crocs to a job interview. 🫣

I just took out a loan with a ridiculously high interest rate to pay for nursing school because I live in America, and I maxed out my lifetime loan limit on a degree I can’t use because I live in Midwest America where my Master’s degree is only worth 19$ an hour. But it’s ok.

Because in 7 years when past mistakes have fallen off my credit and I’m worthy of a decent life, because that’s how we determine that in America, I will have an imperfect but paid off house and I will start again.

I will have a bunch of letters behind my name because I live in America, and that’s another way we determine worth here. I cancelled all unnecessary subscriptions that Facebook makes billions off of, like those fresh meals delivered to you, because my school has a food pantry so that students don’t go hungry paying for their education, and I’m lucky, because that is not the norm in America.

What matters most is that a year from now I will show my daughter another example of how life is hard and life is never fair, and hard work does
not equal prosperity in America. Because I will also show her how I never gave up trying to teach her the things you can’t pay to learn, and that when you look back on your years you always strive to look back from where you want to be.

First day of nursing school orientation…again. Cannot believe I’m doing this… 😅

Happy to report that after several years of running late, my anxiety has resumed getting me everywhere 40 minutes early.

Happy Easter and Happy Ramadan to those who celebrate! 💛

And a reminder to all that at the end of Ramadan, the cease-fire in Gaza will also end (officially, in reality it never actually stopped). Let’s make the prayers of so many a reality, and demand that an immediate and permanent ceasefire happen now.

Today I am thankful that low-rise jeans are finally back in style. That was rough.

Does anyone have any suggestions for nursing school scholarships? I am absolutely desperate, I cannot afford to live and I can’t relocate until 2026. There are no librarian jobs with a livable wage in my area, and the LPN wages aren’t livable either, even working 500 hours of overtime a year… which is what I did last year.

Any suggestions are appreciated, and I will consider any non-nursing job as well. Student loans are not an option for me, as I am at my lifetime maximum and in repayment.

Thank you all!

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Officially started working on my 5th degree today. Praying it gets me somewhere I want to be…

In case it does not, I find out if I’m accepted into an LPN to RN program next month. If so, I’ll finish up my 3 remaining semesters the same year my baby graduates high school.

Those who know me know how bittersweet this is. Azaleia was 8 months old when I got my LPN degree, and I’ll never forget her clapping and saying yay mommy.

She’ll be 18 when I walk for my RN degree, the same month she walks across the stage for her high school diploma. So many tears just thinking of clapping for her, like she did for me all those years ago, and hopefully will again, as life prepares to take us our separate ways.

It’s been quite a year of loss. Peaceful passing, my friend, I hope your energy lands places far better than here 💙✨

When I was finishing up at my 2nd job last night, I had been up for about 27 hours and very ready to go. But I learned that a few of my long-time residents had been put on hospice care recently, and several co-workers (thank you!) advised that I say my goodbyes. Who knew they knew me that well?

On my first stop, I promised my patient I cared for almost every shift for about 7 months, that I would keep rooting for the Tigers for them, as they would keep me updated on the score upon my very frequent visits to their room.They had said goodbye to me months ago, thanking me for being nice to them, and as always, sneaking a hard candy in my pocket.

My second stop was to their neighbor, who flashed that still gorgeous smile when they saw me. They told me they were doing okay, that it was so nice to see me, and after a moment of chit-chat, gave them a smile, a hug, and a "you take care," when they said, true to style, "love you, kid." I managed to hold back a few tears as far as the hallway, waving to their roommate as I passed, making sure to tell them to let their son know I said hi...

My 3rd patient I found sitting up in the common area, and I knelt down beside them, met immediately with another beautiful smile, one I had rarely seen. True to form, they talked softly about their spouse they missed so much (that had passed years ago), and picked some cat fur off my jacket lol, telling me they thought their spouse was gone and forgot about them. I held their hand for a moment and told them, "I think they are going to surprise you one day," and soaked in for a moment that smile too rarely seen. A difficult few years, nearly over now.

My last patient nearing the end of their journey Earthside, I found myself unable to see that night, understanding instantly and for the first time, "preferring to remember them as they were," a sentiment I always naively judged as selfish. This patient I had failed, begging the doctors for months to order more appropriate pain management, and finding myself offering all that I could, encouragement and hope. How I will remember them is on their last birthday, when they walked more steps than they had in many years, and told me it was the best birthday ever. And I will also remember to text my co-workers to please let me know, if they can, when I should come.

Acceptance is what I strive for these days, and I no longer try to be that seasoned nurse (of over 15 years now) who no longer cares. I will always care. It is the only kind of haunted I believe in.

Thank you for reading. Peace & love to to you all ❤✨🤍

Rest & Restore updated their address.