The Authentic Birth Keeper

If I had to some up my approach to birth in one sentence it would be this…

Don’t fight it… don’t resist what your body is trying to do, surrender to the intensity and the sensations… move towards your labour, don’t run away from it

Don’t force it… there’s nothing you need to DO to make your labour start or happen faster or better - and nothing you can do for that matter. You don’t need to stay active in labour… if you’re tired, REST! You don’t need to curb walk, you don’t need to pretzel yourself into a million positions and you certainly don’t need to push when your body isn’t ready to (this is a great way to cause problems in my opinion)

All you need to do is stay in the present moment - don’t worry about how long it’s been or how hard it’s been. Don’t worry about how much longer or how much harder it’s going to get… all of that is irrelevant
All that matters is the here and now

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard women say they “had to” have a C-section because their baby was either breech or posterior - like the baby just won’t come out in that position? Not true…
Every birth I’ve attended has been different but one thing is always the same… sooner or later a baby will come out of your body..
Babies do the best they can with what they have to work with… they know the shape of your pelvis best and they know how best to navigate it. Yes there are some things that might influence your babies position such as poor posture, sedentary lifestyle, the shape of your uterus and any tension or scar tissue in your pelvis but it doesn’t mean your baby’s position is wrong - on the contrary I think babies are so wise for taking all these things into account when choosing their position… so instead of doing things to try to turn your baby or force them into a more “favourable” position, instead focus on giving them the option to move if they want to through balancing, aligning and releasing tension in the pelvis as well as having good posture and staying relatively active.

For me, holding space means witnessing someone being consumed by the fire but not getting burnt yourself…
Not inserting yourself into someone else’s experience…
Watching them in their fire walk, knowing that they don’t need you to save them, and reminding them of this when they forget it or don’t believe it themselves…

Women don’t need me in order to give birth - they don’t need anyone - but most women want support, and that is ok, but it’s so important to choose that support carefully. Choose someone that knows that they are not necessary. Choose someone that isn’t going to centre themselves and their experience. Choose someone that trusts you unequivocally, so that when you have that crisis of confidence… when you have those moments in which you doubt yourself, they can point you back to yourself without sabotaging your experience or detracting from your autonomy…

I seem to be upsetting women with hard truths lately. I don’t post about the system much anymore because it isn’t my wheelhouse. Not my circus, not my monkeys…. But I am honestly so sick and tired of hearing so many in the birth world talk about informed consent and bodily autonomy and completely ignore the elephant in the room - that these things actually don’t exist in the modern industrial birth system and I include homebirth with a registered midwife in that system. Informed consent means being given unbiased information to be able to make an informed decision to either accept or decline something in the absence of coercion - not being given specific information to gain consent for a particular test/procedure/intervention - or not gaining consent at all because something is deemed to be an emergency by the people in authority (because as much as you don’t want to believe it, there is an inherent power imbalance between a birthing woman and her “medical professional” care providers who clearly know what’s best for her better than she does).
When you’re only being told the thing they want to tell you, so you can agree to the thing they want to do - that is coercion
The dead baby card is coercion

And even if you manage to say no - the fight or flight response activated in your body, the adrenaline and the cortisol, all inhibit the flow of your labour - so labour then becomes “dysfunctional” and all of a sudden you’re consenting to the interventions you didn’t want in the first place because now they appear necessary 🙄🤦‍♀️

💦 “I had to have my waters broken” 💦 ⁣⁣”My waters don’t break on their own”
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Babies do get born with their bag of waters around them still intact.
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This baby was born ‘en caul’ which is the term used for when the bag of waters is still fully surrounding the baby at birth.
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Baby opened its own bag of waters with its arms as soon as its body was born.⁣⁣
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In a physiological birth waters release in their own time.

In the medical paradigm - en caul birth is said to be rare - 1 in 80,000 births 🤯 this is 💯 because of how much we muck about with birth in the system (including home birth)
Augmenting labour by breaking waters to “speed things up”, whereas the births I have attended about 10% of babies are born in their waters.

The amniotic sac performs several important functions during labour - it can cushion the baby from the intensity of contractions, allows the baby to move freely to get into their preferred position for birth, and the fore waters support mechanical dilation of the cervix by bulging through and opening cervix into the va**na - and often the bag of waters will bulge out of the va**na before breaking…

I was seeing a pregnant woman a little while ago for a pregnancy session and started poking around a fair bit in her emotional world, which is my usual practice.
She started to get a little confused with me doing all this fishing around and asking certain probing questions. Confused to the extend where she asked me if I really do believe in her giving birth?
Its not the first time that I have been asked that question during these intense poking sessions 🎯 and my answer always is the same. Of course I believe in every woman giving birth because that is what she is physically and physiologically designed to do.
However, what does get in the way a lot during birth is the MIND! 🤯

My personal conclusion is that birth is 95% mind over matter.
When the intensity of labour gets really hard demanding everything of you and the contractions, surges, waves... or whatever else you want to call it are hitting you one after the other, its not your body that drops out and says “I cant do this”. Its your MIND... for a multitude of reasons that I wont go into here.

I do believe that we can sufficiently prepare ahead of time for the intensity that labour and birth holds in store for us by taking a close up look at our own mind, examining our relationships (in particular with our mum) and our own internal resources for coping during times of a crisis for example.

My specific poking is designed to identify anything that could possibly be in the way to experience that healing, empowering birth that most women want to experience.

The way we show up for life, is also the way we show up for birth! Why would you all over sudden expect a different outcome at your birth when you have never lived any of those experiences before that you wish to feel at your birth?
Confidence, empowering, calm, strong, triumphant, body awareness... whatever they are for you!

At the end of our session this pregnant woman I was seeing reminded me of her beautiful and deep intentions for HER birth... ✨ she wants a healing birth experience ✨ she wants to come back into her body ✨ she wants to become vulnerable again ✨ she wants to stay focused inwards and connected

Repost

The breaking apart that occurs in birth is hard… and necessary.
The parts of ourselves that can’t do it come to the surface, testing our resolve, inviting us to succumb to the voice in our heads which tells us we can’t do it.
Guess what… you are doing it. You just need to keep doing it and baby will come. You’re not in control of how long or how hard it’s going to be… the parts of you that yearn for that control and certainty will demand it, and you will need to set those parts of yourself aside. To make room for these new parts of yourself. The parts that understand the surrender of motherhood - and the power in that surrender. There is no weakness in birth, but there is vulnerability - yes it is hard and it is painful… and it is necessary. Breaking apart to be rebuilt - this new version of yourself - strong and gentle, capable and vulnerable, humble and confident.
It’s your fire walk - no one can do it for you. I see you. Keep going. You’ve got this.

I’ve been seeing so many stories pop up lately of “missed” miscarriages (spoiler alert - there’s no such thing). Or of women having to go to hospital for a d&c because they “haemorrhage” during a miscarriage. And in the vast majority of cases - it just isn’t true. But we never see what miscarriage can look like - so we have no frame of reference for the duration or the intensity… which wouldn’t be a problem if we could tune into ourselves and let our intuition guide us - but we haven’t been doing this - in fact we’ve been encouraged to do the exact opposite - and to instead turn outside of ourselves for direction and reassurance.
It’s exactly the same as birth. We never see normal birth and are conditioned to fear it, and until we can once again normalise a normal process, we’re bound to keep repeating the same mistakes.

The hours we spend together during your pregnancy is where the growth happens - the transformation. I am a mirror that shows you the parts of yourself that you can’t or don’t want to see. We look at your fears, your limiting beliefs, your power leaks and lay them all on the table to be dissected and understood. We work on your relationship with your partner and work on his preconceived ideas about birth and any fears that are coming up for him. Some things we can move through, and others we get comfortable sitting with. We talk through the tools and strategies you can call on in your birth. And we build your connection to your self and your baby so that when your birth time comes - you know for certainty that of course you WILL do it. That you have everything you need. And also, that if you want extra support, that you can safely ask for it, knowing that you, your partner, myself, and anyone you’ve invited into your birth space is confident in your abilities and knows that you are the leader and everyone else in the room takes their queues from you.

Reposting sharing of her most recent birth. I feel very honoured to have walked with Jamaika through both her pregnancies and this most recent story is so powerful and really speaks to the importance of mindset and surrender 💕

How you live is how you will birth, and how you birth is how you will live and parent.
The choices we make in our day-to-day lives show who we really are, and what we truly believe in.
The choices we make in birth will be no different. Do we trust in our own ability or do we feel the need to outsource responsibility for the well-being of ourselves and our child to some external authority?
Do we believe that our bodies are innately good and intelligent or do we believe that they are flawed and damaged and in need of something external in order to keep us safe?
Do we revel in our own power and authority or do we submit to the authority of others? We need to stop making excuses for ourselves and start taking responsibility for the choices that we make, and the ways we sabotage ourselves.
All the heavy lifting when it comes to birth, is done in the antenatal period. The heavy emotional work, and the decision to get really clear on what it is that you truly want and then take it. To align your actions with your choices to actually walk your talk.

Why freebirth?
It’s a question I see asked so often and answered in so many different ways. Yet the mainstream narrative perpetuates the story that women freebirth because they either can’t find/afford a midwife , or because they’re so traumatised from previous birth experiences in the system.
While both of these reasons are valid, neither are true for me, or for the vast majority of women that I serve.
I freebirth for so many reasons, some of which I will try to put into words.

1. I truly believe that an undisturbed physiological birth can only happen in a freebirth, and that when birth is undisturbed, it is safest. It is safest because the hormonal matrix of birth protects both me and my baby from harm as much as possible. I am in touch with my instincts, my intuition and my baby, and we work together in the birth process so that birth unfolds as optimally as possible.

2. The rates of intervention in the medical system are truly alarming with almost a 50-50 chance of a C-section, and/or induction and ridiculously high rates of instrumental birth and episiotomy (ge***al mutilation) the risks I run engaging with the system, far outweigh any potential benefits for me.

3. How women and babies experience birth matters. As a mother, it is my responsibility to my child to ensure that they are born in a safe, peaceful, and loving environment, that their physiology is kept intact, and they are able to experience their first rite of passage, without having it sabotaged, and without experiencing both physical and psychological trauma. Birthing in my power sets me up for motherhood. I enter motherhood, confident in my ability to mother and to discern what is best for my child, because I have done so from the moment of conception. I don’t want/need to outsource responsibility for their well-being of my child to someone else.

4. I trust my body, and I trust my baby. Truly. And I surrender to the unknown, and to things that are outside of my control.

And this is why Freebirthing is easy for me, because it is a truly embodied decision, it’s not a decision made from fear or victimhood or lacking.
It’s just how I live my life

Maybe it will be or****ic and pain-free…. Maybe it will be quick and easy… but then again maybe it won’t.
The preparation you do on your expectations and your mindset are key to how you experience not just birth, but the entirety of pregnancy and postpartum. I’ve gone into every one of my births with 0 expectations of how it was going to be - and 💯certain that however it was is how it’s meant to be and that I would face whatever my experience presented me with. Every one of my births have been different and have presented me with different challenges - but it’s not hard for me to face these challenges because I’m so committed to birthing in this way and because I don’t psych myself out expecting that something should be different. Birth is 99% a mind game. You need to do the mental preparation, otherwise you will almost certainly end up sabotaging yourself - and the best partner/birthkeeper/doula/midwife won’t be able save you from yourself.

birth story 3/3

I tried to rest on the bed but that didn't feel right and then I felt pressure so rushed to the toilet, sat down and in that moment my water released and I felt a drop in baby's head. I felt the pressure to push so I told James to call Emily back to let her know. She was still over 30min away so knew she probably wouldn't make it. I laboured the rest of the time standing and leaning over the bathroom basin. With each contraction I felt baby's head coming lower and lower. I reached down and felt his head crowning. I was labouring in silence and at this stage I felt like I was outside of my body but felt everything deeply at the same time. I told James that his head was out and he asked if I wanted to try to get in the pool. I snapped back at him saying his head was already out. James looked and baby's head was out up to his lips and he noticed meconium coming out. He started a timer so he would know how long it takes for the rest of baby to be born. The time was 8.10am and I instinctively got down on my hands and knees and told James to catch baby. With the next contraction I felt a burning with the shoulders coming through and then the rest if baby slipped out at 8.13am. I never once pushed or felt the need to, it was the fetal ejection reflex making quick progress. James caught baby and passed him to me through my legs and told me baby had the cord around his neck. So I unravelled it and brought baby to my chest. Baby cried straight away and i instinctively knew he was fine. It was the most incredible experience and there are no words to describe it.

birth story 2/3
When my due month arrived I felt at ease knowing I did what I could. I didn't have a specific due date in my head because my date according to my last period was 1 January and according to my dating scan it was 13 January so I was mentally prepared to go 2 weeks past 13 January which meant the whole of January was my 'due month'. This helped too because if I used the due date of my last period (as they do in the medical system) I would have been concerned as I passed the 42 week mark but with no date set that didn't cross my mind.
I felt period like cramps in the days leading up to the birth. On the day of the birth my 2yo woke me up to breastfeed and about 15 minutes later at 6.35am my contractions started. I was expecting a 24hr+ labour like my first so rested in bed then headed to the shower when things picked up. I was in denial that it was the real deal because it didn't feel like my first labour. I felt more cramp like sensations than tightening. Things became intense and I was comparing how things were progressing to my last labour and I knew I was much further along. My 2yo kept asking if I was okay and I knew he had to go so James called my sister at 7.15am to pick him up. Alaric and James set up the birth pool together.
I got out of the shower to use the toilet and laboured there for 30 minutes. While I was on the toilet my contractions were so intense. My bowels emptied and I had my bloody show. My head space was very negative during this time and I was telling myself I couldn't do it. Looking back I was probably in transition. During this time at 7.41 James called Emily to say he needed help filling up the birth pool because I needed him with me. At 7.45 my sister picked up Alaric and I began pacing my bathroom.
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birth story part 1/2
A great example of how all the work you put in during pregnancy pays off in your birth

I have a type A personality so preparing for my birth looked like learning and being prepared for most situations. I was committed to doing all of the work that came up for me and that looked like hypnobirthing, EMDR therapy, talk therapy, internal Pelvic Release Work, marriage counselling, reiki, energy healing, journaling, acupuncture, cold showers, spinning babies exercises and of course my work with Emily which included working through my fears, managing my mindset and improving my diet. All of the above wasn't planned from the start, one thing lead to another and I just followed what came up without questioning. I still have a lot of work to do now after birth but I made so much progress during my pregnancy.
I had to keep reminding myself that I didn't need anyone to do this and all that I needed was me and my baby so when planning for the birth I made sure I was content for it to be just myself and hubby. Which in hindsight was probably a manifestation of my birth.

I found peace in preparing for post partum which looked like filling my freezer with 6 weeks of lunches and dinners for my family, arranging my mum to clean and help look after my 2yo. I made sure that hubby and mum were both comfortable with my postpartum plans and their role in supporting me and each other. I planned what my recovery would look like which included rest, staying warm, sitz bath, yoni steaming, fibre increase, colic tea. I also set expectations with friends and family that I will be resting for 40 days and I will contact them when I wanted their company. I am still breastfeeding my 2yo but familiarised myself with relearning the newborn latch.

I’ve attended births before where the baby’s shoulders seemed a little “stuck” but a position change from mum quickly birthed the rest of the baby - so I don’t consider that to be shoulder dystocia - rather “sticky shoulders”.
This birth however was different.
This first time mum was so centred and focused during her labour. She gently breathed her baby’s head into the world - not pushing - just letting her body do the work. Baby’s head was born over several contractions just up to the chin. The chin was barely visible past the perineum which made me think baby might be a little stuck, but mum and baby can usually work it out together so my default is always to watch and wait - especially as this baby had been nice and active up until this point and mum felt all was well with baby.
Baby tried to turn to birth her shoulders (restitution) but was unable to turn more than about 10-15 degrees (usually 90), this was the next indicator for me that something was deviating from normal. From this point there was lots of maternal effort to push baby out but no progress was made. After about 5 minutes I suggested she try a deep lunge position to change the dynamics of the pelvis, but that didn’t make any difference either. At this point the mother voiced to me that she felt that baby was stuck and asked for some assistance. I asked her to stand up out of the birth pool hoping that the added gravity would help - but it didn’t. I then asked mum if she would like me to try to get the baby’s shoulder out and she agreed to that course of action. This manoeuvre worked and baby’s body was born 8 minutes after her head had emerged. Baby pinked up and cried right away and that to me is a testament to how critical an undisturbed physiological birth is to the wellbeing of the baby (and mum). Mum and baby worked together beautifully throughout the entire labour. Baby wasn’t compromised by drugs, coached pushing, or mum being forced into positions that didn’t feel good to her. This meant that baby had plenty of reserves to withstand the stress of the shoulder dystocia and was completely fine immediately after, and mum only had a small 1st degree tear.
Cont in comments…

***CEPHALOHEMATOMA***
A birth injury caused by pressure on the baby’s head during the birth process. In a medicalised birth the cause is usually vacuum or forceps - but they can also occur in a spontaneous physiological birth from the baby’s head being compressed on the mothers pelvis (as was the case with this baby)
The lump was apparent shortly after birth and developed for 2-3 days. It then appeared to stay around the same size for the first 3 weeks. During this time, mum kept checking in with herself and her baby to feel into if she thought all was well and it was just a hematoma, or if some medical attention was required. She had cultivated this trust within herself and her baby throughout her pregnancy and birth and it has served her well in postpartum. It’s easy to let anxieties get the better of you as a new mum, this mum kept asking herself, other then the lump itself, is there anything about my baby that is worrying me? The answer was no, so we chose to watch and wait, treating baby with homeopathic arnica and craniosacral therapy, and the lump drastically reduced at about 3 1/2 weeks after birth.

Every complication I’ve seen at a birth has been (at least partially) attributable to the number of people in the room. Our modern human brain wants the security of community and our primitive brain wants privacy. My advice to anyone contemplating who to have at their birth is to really think long and hard about how each and every person in the room is serving you. What are they bringing to the table, and is it worth the disruption they may cause to your birth process? I’ve heard it said that you can add an hour to your labour for every extra person in the room - unfortunately it’s not that harmless or simple in my opinion. I really think feeling observed and being distracted from your birth can lead to complications - particularly when it comes to delivery of the placenta and postpartum blood loss, and have seen this first hand several times. So please think long and hard about who you want in your space and why. Is it for you or is it for them? And this applies regardless of where you choose to give birth.

I’m really not sure what to title this post… birth story, variation of normal, complication (?), retained placenta…
It’s all of those things… This beautiful 1st time mama had such an intense initiation into motherhood. Her birth tested her in so many ways. Open waters for a week with prodromal labour that was so intense each night only to fizzle out when the sun came up. She worked so hard to bring her baby boy earth-side. Her contractions completely stopped during his emergence and once he was here, we waited and waited and waited for the placenta to come. But it never did. We tried every trick in the book - and yet the placenta would not come. A velementous insertion meant that cord traction was not an option. The cord tore away after a day or so. Mum felt well and was comfortable watching, waiting and trying different things, but still the placenta never came. After 7 days, her body began communicating to her that she was developing an infection so she made the decision at that point to seek medical care and had the placenta manually removed in hospital. She was back home with her baby 24 hours later and 3 days after her placenta was removed (10 days after birth!) her milk fully came in - right on schedule - the birth now being complete. Baby boy was breastfeeding for those 7 days and was doing well despite milk not having fully come in. Mum had antibiotics while in hospital so opted for donor milk for 3 days while they were in her system ( )

This birth story may not seem like a picture perfect one, but as the mother reflects back in it, she shares that she feels it was perfect for her and her family, and learned so much from it.. “it really is true that whatever you dont work during pregnancy it will come up in birth or post partum or motherhood.”
women who choose this path really are taking 100% responsibility and make their own informed decisions based on what they think is best for themselves and their baby. This mother didn’t feel she was in imminent danger and chose to stay in her newborn bubble and bond with her son, and that was her choice to make.
Continued in comments.