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Our inner critics come across as mean and scary parts and yet in reality they themselves are scared and will do everything to protect the little person inside of us.

Inner critics are scared that if they don’t criticize us, we will act in a way that will cause others to hurt us again. They manage our every move as a way to prevent us from feeling the pain we once felt at the time of our trauma.

Your inner critics are parts of you, but they are not you. There is a you that can offer these critics and the little people they protect love and compassion.

Not all pain can be seen on an MRI.

When professional athletes are injured, they are given ample amount of time to tend to their injuries and heal. And yet when we are injured but our wounds are not seen on the outside, we are told to get back in the game. The sad part is this pain often hurts more than anything that will ever show on the body.

Your invisible pain is very real and very worthy of your tenderness and care.

Therapy from an IFS lens invites all parts into the room.

There are no bad parts of us, just parts that are working hard to keep us safe or get our attention in an attempt to have their story be told.

When therapy is solely focused on increasing “good” or positive thoughts and feelings, the parts that are longing to be noticed, appreciated, and unburdened can be missed and so they continue believing that they are not worthy of being heard.

🌿I consider it a privilege to welcome all parts into therapy, especially the ones we’d rather leave at the door.

💻To learn more about the IFS model, check out our recent blog post at www.navigatecounsellingoakville.com

Let’s be honest, our automatic tactics for managing and medicating emotional pain are brilliant and in many cases needed. Especially when we are experiencing or have survived trauma. Like tiny flotation devices, they keep our head above water so that we can keep breathing. They are great for survival but won’t keep us dry enough for our below-surface wounds to heal.

When we have the resources, we can step into a life boat and tend to our pain. To fully see it for what it is. Sometimes a life boat is a safe living arrangement, a self-regulation strategy, a therapy office, a spiritual community or any resource that brings our nervous systems into safety.

Becoming awake to our pain isn’t easy but it is the door opener toward our healing.

And healing IS possible ❤️‍🩹

People who are considering su***de often feel relieved when someone asks them directly about their thoughts and feelings. Research has refuted the idea that questioning someone about su***de will plant the idea or encourage them toward doing it.

By asking about su***de, we are communicating to the other person that we are open to talk about it.

Wherever you find yourself in your connection to motherhood, may you know you are not alone. The grieving, the motherless, the mother hopeful, the expecting mother, the mother who feels lonely, anxious, exhausted, depressed, depleted, guilty and the mother who feels overwhelmed; I see you. The longing for what you lost or didn’t have, or the longing for what has yet to be is welcome here. Sending my love to every one of you and praying that you will hold tight to the truth that you are so worthy of love—today, and everyday.

“I want to apologize to all the women I have called beautiful before I’ve called them intelligent or brave...from now on I will say things like you are resilient, or you are extraordinary not because I don’t think you are beautiful but because I need you to know

you are more than that.” -

🎨This incredible image comes from the very talented artist: Melissa Koby

My littlest helpless parts needed this love note today.

Every feeling and sensation has a cause. Every reaction and response has a reason. Every pain has a purpose. Your incredible and intricately designed system is working hard to protect you even when it’s not functioning the way you think it should; even when you don’t understand. You are not broken and you are not lost in the journey of healing. You make sense.

There is no shame in our human complexities.

We can feel both pleasure and discomfort at the exact same time. We can say one thing and desire something entirely different. We can want to live while wanting all the pain to go away. We can act in ways that oppose our truest nature. We can experience all kinds of trauma and still know joy. We can have both anxiety and depression. We can love a person and not want to be around them. We can love and experience great loss and still love again. We can feel messy and still be whole.

We are beautiful + complex.

Hindsight is 2020🥸

As the sun sets on 2020, what clarity have you gained? I hope that you give yourself a moment to remember what you felt (and maybe still feel) and all that you overcame. May you forgive yourself and others, celebrate the victories (big and small), and accept the things that can’t be changed. And may you bring with you all the wisdom that was gained.

As you continue forward, what truths do you want your 2021 self to hear? What messages do you want to hold close as you navigate the twists and turns to come? Swipe for a list to help get you started.

You are worth keeping safe.

Holding boundaries means loving BOTH you and them. This holiday season, here is a gentle reminder to give yourself the safety you didn’t have when you needed it most —while paying compassionate attention to the feelings that arise from having to do so.

Give your pain a safe place to land🌿

When we deny our pain the chance to speak, we deny our systems the chance to heal.

If we want a child to tell the truth we need to assure them that they won’t be judged when they do, otherwise shame will keep their truth locked away. Pain isn’t very different. When we lay down pillows for pain to rest it’s head on, the protective barricades that surround pain can begin to dismantle. These pillows are self-compassion.

Self-compassion helps to prevent emotional flooding while still allowing feelings to be felt and attended to.

Gratefully, Kristen Neff has outlined three components that help to guide us through the process of self-compassion.

It’s important to know that for many self-compassion doesn’t come easy. Without adequate modelling of warmth and compassion from a close loved one, it is difficult to know how to offer it to ourselves. This is where a relationship with a therapist can help.

Don’t shrink. Don’t puff up. Just stand your sacred ground🧍🏽‍♀️
-Brené Brown-

You are not a problem that needs fixing or a voice that needs quieting. You are a person who is worthy of being seen with a story that is worthy of being heard.

Show up and speak up because you are meant to take up space.

Our emotions often come from our interpretations of events rather than the events themselves.

Our thoughts and interpretations might include jumping to conclusions, “mind reading,” assuming we know what the future holds and filtering out the positive aspects of an event. When we put our own spin on the circumstances of an event, our thinking may be far from what the truth is. Our interpretations can naturally lead us toward experiencing big and uncomfortable emotions.

The good news is that these emotions can change when we apply the DBT skill of fact checking. When we get curious about the things that are 100% true and those that aren’t, we can have a more accurate understanding of the situation. Usually this results in less intense emotional experiences.

Take a moment. Take a breathe. Let yourself sit with the triumphs and the tension from the week you’ve had.

Start with these prompts and see where it takes you🌿

👊🏼 to for this helpful end-of-week check-in!

“in your mess, in your unfinishedness, you are so valuable”✨

Many of us work on healing or personal growth so that we can be valuable because we believe that there is something inside that needs to be “fixed.” It’s the belief that if we “fix” ourselves then we will be enough...then we will be able to pursue our calling...then we will be able to accomplish our goals...then we will be able to have a meaningful life.

I’m here to tell you that there’s no amount of healing that will install your value because it’s already there. When we heal because we think we are broken and require a repair to be worthy, we will always be disappointed because our worth is not based in how healed we are.

Wherever you are in the healing process, you are valuable now💛

Hold it with compassion🌿

When we pay attention to not only the pleasures in life but also our pain, we get to experience life in it’s fullness. Living fully means feeling all the feelings, not just the ones that are comfortable.

To invite pain in without being overwhelmed by it, we can pay compassionate attention. Meaning, we can be understanding, warm and caring to the parts of us that hurt and treat them like we would a friend who is suffering.

It’s not happiness that brings us gratitude, it’s gratitude that brings us happiness🙏

To practice gratitude we have to be intentional about noticing what we have. Here are some prompts to guide your thinking as you look for those golden nuggets.

Happy Thanksgiving, friends. You are loved💛

🎢It has been a year...

For many of us, we have experienced uncertainty like never before. There has been loss and grief along with isolation and loneliness. We have lost jobs and financial security. And as we have gained insight into the losses and traumas that have resulted from racism, our hearts have been broken. We have felt tired and angry. Domestic violence has increased and for some, our accessibility to support has decreased. Fear has run rampant and our mental health issues have been exasperated.

And still, we have continued on. Our hardships have been great and so has our resilience. We have found new ways to connect, to work, to cope and to find joy. It has been encouraging to see that many people have been bravely asking for help.

As we pause on , I invite you to harness both your courage and your gentleness.

May we have the courage
to acknowledge our pain,
to feel our feelings, and ask for help when they become too heavy,
to say the things that need to be said, and
to continue on.

May we be gentle with ourselves as we
acknowledge our pain,
feel our feelings,
say the things that need to be said, and
continue on.

The traumatic events we live through become imprinted on the brain and the body. As trauma survivors, we show up in life with a different nervous system. And so, it only makes sense that we address the brain, body, and collectively; the nervous system, when treating trauma. In order to do this we must go beyond typical talk therapy.

I am excited to now be offering brainspotting therapy which is an approach that does just that🤩

Brainspotting uses our visual field to locate the spots where pieces of trauma are frozen and unprocessed in the brain. When we access and maintain focused activation on the part of the brain where the trauma has been held, we are allowing deep (subcortical) processing to occur - which helps to release and resolve the trauma. David Grand wisely created Brainspotting to be centred on “dual attunement” in which the therapist attunes to the client both on a relational and neurobiological level.

I am thrilled to now be able to support my clients with this evidence-based approach.

By having healthy boundaries, we conserve our inner and outer resources for the things that we value most.

Healthy boundaries look like saying “yes” to the things that align with our values and saying “no” to the things that don’t. This means considering boundaries around our time, money, relationships and physical and emotional intimacy. Creating healthy boundaries is about honouring what is most important to us by understanding and acknowledging our limits.

It’s World Su***de Prevention Day🌎

👉swipe to become educated about the warning signs and ways that we can help! I invite you to join me in spreading awareness.

When we think of certain situations, we often imagine ourselves being conquered by uncomfortable feelings. But what if we imagined coping well?

When we visualize ourselves succeeding in a situation, we are more likely to succeed when we are in the situation.

As an athlete, visualizing myself playing well was a big part of my game. And yet, this skill holds value when it comes to anticipating any potentially distressing situations in our lives. We can use the DBT skill of coping ahead to prepare our mind and body with helpful strategies that can be applied in the face of distress.

This skill can be so helpful for performance-related anxiety (which includes social anxiety). The key to this tool is to visualize yourself going through the situation in vivid detail and imagining every small strategy and coping statement that you could use to cope with the stressors.

We watch the show and rarely know what’s behind the curtain.

We often assess people based on the costumes they wear, the performance they bring, the size of the stage they stand on, and by the volume of the applause they receive from their audience. We watch without getting a real glimpse into the real unmasked story that lies on the other side of the curtain.

Everyone has a story. And it’s only sometimes that we get the privilege of knowing it. More often then not, we interact with people with very little knowledge about their history, their pain and/or their traumas.

I feel deeply grateful that through my work, I frequently get the opportunity to be invited backstage. It is from behind the curtain that I get to see the incredible resilience, strength and survival mechanisms that people hold.

Although you may not have as many opportunities to enter backstage, I can promise you of this:

everyone has a story.

A common misconception that I hear about self-harm is that “the person self-harming just wants attention.” This perspective can prevent us from attending to the person and their real pain.

When this assumption is held in parents or caregivers, a child or adolescent who is self-harming does not usually get the help they need. When a person self-harms, it is because they are not getting something that they need and if they are looking for “attention,” they need MORE care and connection, not less.

Sometimes hurting oneself might be the only way that a person knows how to express their pain and have that which is invisible be seen and acknowledged.

It is my hope that we will try and recognize that self-harming behaviours have a very valid function rather than shaming the behaviour or the person who does the behaviour.

Most of our destructive behaviours occur when we are in temporary physiological or emotional states.

When our bodies have an unmet need or when we are experiencing an intense emotion, we are the most vulnerable and the most susceptible to temptation. It only makes sense then, that we reach for a form of instant gratification.

H.A.L.T. is all about taking inventory of our emotional and physical “temperature” before making a decision. H. and A. remind us to ensure that our body’s needs are met and A. and L. remind us to check-in with how we are feeling.

This quote shared by is simple and yet offers great wisdom - “never make a permanent decision in a temporary state of mind”👏🏻.

It is important to note that although H.A.L.T. is a helpful tool, individuals who have been struggling with a long-time addiction often need more support and tools to help them manage and heal from the distressing emotional, psychological and physiological effects of the potential traumas they survived.

We are humans wearing super-human masks 🎭

When I remind my clients that they are human, it literally looks like a thousand pounds has just been lifted off their shoulders. The weight of the super-human facade falls away and with it, the expectation to be perfectly regulated and put-together.

I have found that we, as humans, are quick to hide and reject our humanness - our struggles, our stories, our weaknesses and our uncomfortable emotions.

Sometimes it just takes one brave person to take off their super-human mask and share their true, beautiful, LOVED, human self.

My name is Laura and I am human.