Safe Spaces with Sam

🦋🌞 Regulation spinner🌞🦋

This superstar came up with their own activity in part of their session and the beauty of coaching is that it can be totally adapted to whatever suits the individual, therefore I dived into my bag and made this cardboard spinner to put their favourite regulation strategies on.

Strategies often forms a major part of a session and having ways to remember them is really important. This is a great one!

For more information about 1;1 coaching drop me a message to [email protected] or visit http://safe -spaces.square.site

🦋🌞Regulation activities 🌞🦋

When I begin working with a superstar client we discuss lots of options for ways to help them regulate.

After a while they learn which ways work for them and which don't. So this practical activity is great after a few sessions to decide which ones to keep.

They're written inside this foldable brain, to keep handy and remind them.

For more information about 1:1 coaching drop me a message to [email protected] or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

🦋🌞Very exciting delivery today🌞🦋

A big thank you to the wonderful Nicky for my very exciting box of goodies today- what a treat.

Another reason I feel so privileged to be part of the Dandelion Army is that there is always support on hand and amazing opportunities for all of us to further develop our skills.

Contained inside is one such opportunity which I will be grabbing with both hands next year - watch this space!

🦋🌞 Let's Talk Mental Health: Don't Ignore the Signs! 🦋🌞

As parents, or carers, it’s crucial to recognise the signs that a child may need mental health support. Just like physical health, mental well-being is vital for a child’s overall development.

If you notice your child withdrawing from friends, experiencing sudden mood swings, or struggling with their schoolwork, it’s time to take those signs seriously. It might just be a phase, but it's better to be sure.

Open the Conversation- Encourage them to express their feelings. Sometimes, just knowing that someone is listening can make a world of difference. I've said it before but those side by side conversations in the car really are a great tip.

Seek Help- Professional support can be a game-changer. Therapists and coaches are trained to provide the guidance a child might need.

Remember, reaching out for help isn’t a sign of weakness—it's a powerful step towards healing and growth. Don’t wait until it’s too late. I have definitely found that the younger superstar children I work with are far more open to coaching and the results are more successful more quickly.

For more information about 1:1 coaching drop me an email to [email protected] or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

🦋🌞 Mental health support in Crawley 🌞🦋

I haven't had direct experience of this organisation but it looks to be a good support for anyone facing a crisis, so one to have in mind if you or a family member needs it.

Check out their Facebook link for more details.

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/KWEbTfcadNpkJj9G/

SUPPORTING YOU IN A MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS
Staying Well in Crawley is a free out-of-hours (evenings and weekends) walk-in service providing help and support to people who are experiencing a mental health crisis.
See our leaflet for more information: https://rfcommunityconnections.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Staying-well_Leaflet_Crawley.pdf

There is free car parking directly outside Staying Well in Crawley with plenty of parking spaces between the hours of
4pm and 11pm weekdays and
2pm and 11pm weekends and bank holidays.

There are bus stops nearby which are serviced by
bus routes: 100, 200, 4, 5 to County Oak Retail Park.

🦋🌞Such wonderful creativity 🌞🦋

This superstar moulded a fantastic giraffe from air dry clay in a recent session about anxiety, based around a jungle theme.

We focused on building up self esteem and confidence for part of this session and as you can see, this coachee soon got to work thinking of all the great things about themselves.

For more information about 1:1 coaching drop me an email to [email protected] or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

🌞🦋 Halloween inspired worry monsters🦋🌞

We've been making these Halloween inspired worry monsters this month. Lots of my superstar clients love craft activities and it's a great way to aid those chats about difficult subjects.

This Frankenstein ate up feeling worried about crowded spaces and we discussed ways to feel less anxious about this particular situation.

For more information about 1:1 coaching drop me an email to [email protected] or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

🦋🌞 Behaviour strategy 🌞🦋

I've had a few conversations with parents over the long summer holidays period, both clients and friends and a common theme has inevitably come up- poor low level behaviour and how to deal with it. Particularly when one or both are tired, grumpy and dysregulated.

The approach we take in our house is just one way of course, it may not suit your family, but it is what I recommend to my clients and it works for us.

It is important EVERYONE in the house is on board, so you need to discuss it as a family unit so it doesn't feel like a dictation, particularly if it's very different from your usual approach. Children respond much better when they feel heard and part of the process.

We have a whiteboard with the plan written out, this helps everyone to remember the approach and can be referred to by adult or child, if it's not being stuck to.

Kids much prefer having choices, they get dictated to all the time by adults, at school and home. So if you can make them feel they're in control (to a small degree) and have a choice, you'll get a much more favourable response. This is proven to me time and time again in my classroom as well as home, so I promise choices is a great strategy.

In short if a child is rude or doesn't do as they're told: (more serious bad behaviour obviously would skip these steps)

1) you give them a 1st warning to stop or apologise depending on the situation.

2) if they don't apologise or continue the poor behaviour, they get a second warning and are told they have a choice to correct or face a consequence.

3) if they still don't apologise or stop, they're told it's a consequence.

4) Then tell them you're going to leave them for 2 minutes to think and calm down and make the right choice to apologise or stop. They and you will be worked up if it gets this far so the 2 minutes is for both of your sakes!

5) return and ask them what their choice is, if they don't apologise or stop they lose their phone/iPad/gaming time or whatever you all decide is the ultimate step!

I'll run through a scenario (which may or may not be a common theme in our house?!) to give you an idea about how it works:

Adult: 'Its time to tidy up now as it's bedtime '

Child: 'No I don't want to go to bed, I'm not tired'

Adult: 'Its bedtime I'm afraid, we gave you a 10 minute warning and that has passed now '

Child: raising voice 'no, it's not fair, my friends go to bed later than me, just a bit longer, I don't want to'

Adult remaining calm: 'first warning to make the right choice and tidy up and go upstairs for bedtime'

Child: raising voice 'no, I don't want to '

Pause for a moment to allow a bit of time to pass.

Adult remaining calm: 'this is your second warning to make the right choice, tidy up and go upstairs for bedtime. If you refuse again you will need to do a consequence '

Child: raising voice 'no and I won't do a consequence either because it's stupid and not fair'

Pause again.

Adult remaining calm: 'We all agreed together the behaviour plan and as you have had your 2 warnings you will now do a consequence when you have calmed down (tomorrow), I am going to leave you for 2 minutes now to think about how this is going to go. Make the right choice and tidy up and come upstairs to bed, if I don't see you upstairs after 2 minutes (set a timer) you will have your phone taken away tomorrow and I know you don't want that. See you upstairs in 2 minutes.'

Child: skulks upstairs (if they don't come, go down and remind them calmly that they will be going to bed at some point this evening, so unless they want more consequences it's better to do it now, then leave alone again to make the right choice. 9/10 times once left to regulate and given a choice without an adult shouting in their face, they'll come on their own)

When they do make an appearance....

Adult: 'well done sweetie for making the right choice, let's have a nice bedtime. What was your favourite thing today?' (or any distracting positive thing you can think to say to get back on track)

Adult the next day: 'So we need to talk about yesterday at bedtime, you refused to do as you were told after 2 warnings and you need to do your consequence. What would you like to do?'

Child then does their consequence eg emptying the dishwasher, hoovering, a community service if you like. They feel they've been helpful to make it up to the adult and the adult feels they've served a 'punishment'. (See my previous post on punishment Vs consequences for more on this)

So does this approach always work, yes, if you follow it. It fails when you miss a step eg jumping straight to a consequence, or losing your temper and making the situation more heightened and stressful for everyone.

Do I always follow the steps, no of course not, I'm human and absolutely lose my temper and get it wrong, BUT when I do I try and own it, apologise and explain that it's ok for adults to mess up sometimes and we talk about how we can do it better next time.

Will it work straight away like magic, no, it requires effort and perseverance like anything. It might feel at first as if it's hard because it's new, but give it time and keep consistent.

The child(ren) won't like it because it's new and potentially boundaries may have been lacking, so they'll fight against you, but give it time, they'll eventually know you're not backing down, this is how it is now, you're in charge and they need to make those right choices, or they'll be doing those consequences as a result.

Walking away is your friend, if you feel yourself getting agitated and in danger of losing it, take yourself away. Explain you're doing it and why and say you'll return when you're calm to discuss the behaviour.

I'll be honest and tell you I've locked myself out the back door in the garden on one occasion, I was getting angry and needed some time away, but my eldest was following me, screaming in my face and hitting me, so I didn't have many options. It was only for a short time, but it allowed us both space to calm down and then I could go back in with a better mindset.

So give it a go and let me know how you get on.

For more information about 1:1 coaching for your child or teen drop me an email to [email protected] or visit my website http://safe-spaces.square.site

🌞🦋Understanding dysregulation in children 🦋🌞

I talk a lot about dysregulation and it's one of those 'if you know, you know' topics, but after a recent lovely few days away with late nights and a lot of overstimulation, there were an awful lot of very dysregulated children and parents who just didn't realise and thought they had naughty, ungrateful children.

I want to shed some light on the topic so that you can recognise it and join in with those who 'know'.

Dysregulation can manifest in various ways, including:

**Frequent Outbursts:** Sudden anger or emotional meltdowns that seem disproportionate to the situation.

**Difficulty Calming Down:** Struggling to self-soothe after becoming upset, which can lead to prolonged crying or frustration.

**Impulsivity:** Acting without thinking, whether it's interrupting others, being overly active, or making hasty decisions.

**Withdrawal:** Some kids may shut down emotionally, becoming unresponsive or disengaged when overwhelmed.

**Communication Challenges:** Trouble expressing feelings or needs can lead to confusion and frustration for both the child and those around them.

Recognising these signs is the first step towards understanding and helping our children navigate their big feelings. In coaching we work together to unpack what leads to the dysregulation, what that looks like for your child and we build a toolbox of strategies to help.

For more information about 1:1 coaching drop me an email to [email protected] or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

🦋☀️Half Term Activity Idea☀️🦋

I am sure you remember the rock painting we all did in lockdown! Well how about painting some with positive messages on to hide around for people to find?

This rock was gifted to me by one of my superstars and I have it on my desk at work, which I love.

I would love to see your photos if you do this.

For more information about 1:1 coaching, drop me an email to [email protected] or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

🦋🌞 Comfort zones again this week 🌞🦋

Comfort zones are a really great topic to talk to children and teens about, so it naturally forms part of my sessions with lots of my superstars.

In this particular session we were focusing on how our anxiety stops us from stepping outside our comfort zone and what things this was making them miss out on Vs stepping outside our comfort zone and being able to do all the things their friends do. It certainly made them think and set a goal this week to try and do just that.

Now think about whether you are missing out on anything because you're nice and comfy in your comfort zone!

For more information about 1:1 coaching drop me an email to [email protected] or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

🦋🌞I really do know how you feel🌞🦋

I’ve been where you quite possibly are right now. Feeling desperate to know how to help your child, at a loss as to what to do and like you’re a failure as a parent. Battling their challenging behaviour on a daily basis and being at your wits end with it all.

As a teacher, well equipped with the tools to manage a class of unruly teens, I just didn’t understand why we couldn’t help our eldest child and get to grips with her behaviour. We put it down to hormones for a while, but it was soon clear it was something more.

So I reached out, in desperation to Nicola Edwards and we began our journey of discovery. After only one session of coaching we understood our daughter so much more and it became clear she is neurodiverse- obvious now when we look back!

Fast forward 2.5 years and our family is so much happier, not perfect, who’s is, but a world away from what it was. I have trained to become a coach myself after seeing how much of a huge difference it made to our lives and I have become a very proud member of Nicola’s ever growing Dandelion army.

So genuinely, when I say non judgemental, it really is, I’ve been there and know how you’re feeling. The great news is, there is help available and light at the end of the tunnel. For more information about coaching drop me an email to [email protected] or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

🦋🌞Proud announcement 🌞🦋

I'm very proud to announce that I passed my level 5 research project late yesterday evening and received lovely feedback from my amazing tutor.

I won't lie, it was tough juggling two jobs and studying, but I'm really proud of myself and the 5000 words I wrote, plus another 3000 for the appendices!

A big thank you too, to my two superstar children and their parents who were my volunteers for my sessions, they were fantastic, and gave me lovely feedback too.

I work hard to ensure I'm providing the best possible coaching sessions for my superstars and part of that is adding to my knowledge as much as I can. This project focussed on anxiety as this is a big issue for many of my superstars. I'll soon be announcing my project as it is something I can offer as a one off course.

For more information about 1:1 coaching drop me a message to [email protected] or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

🦋🌞So many positives 🌞🦋

This superstar client loves visual interactive activities so this was the perfect way to get them to think about their positive qualities.

I chose what I thought first, they then swapped some they felt were more relevant and added lots more too which was great to see.

I am always adding to my resources as clients have such different interests, learning styles and of course needs. I'm never short of choice in sessions!

For more information about 1:1 coaching drop me a message to [email protected] or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

🦋🌞Be mindful of the need for transition time🌞🦋

This is another phenomena that we've had to get used to and build into our household. Again as with the big occasions it's not something we considered needing to do. The holidays are fun and relaxing right?

What we mean by transition time is the fact that a strong routine has been formed during term time, to get up at a regular time, into their uniform and begin a structured day. Something which a lot of children actually crave.

When school holidays arrive, routine could fly out the window, which can make some children very unsettled. This can make them anxious as they don't know what to expect. Couple that with probably later nights and more treats and you have some deregulated children on your hands.

So what can you do about it? We're very mindful of the need to transition into a new routine and try our best to be even more patient with the grumps that come at the start (and end as they have to transition back again!).

We make sure the plan for the week is written down and agreed with everyone, with plenty of down time for regulation activities - literally written as such on the plan.

We discuss feelings and acknowledge and accept that it's ok to feel sad about missing friends and routine, but also think about the positives of being off, and reverse that for going back!

So this school holidays try and be mindful of this with your own child. For more information about coaching drop me a message to [email protected] or visit my website http://safe-spaces.square.site

🦋🌞Did you know that our brains can’t actually tell the difference between reality and imagination? 🌞🦋

This is why metaphorical stories and positive affirmations are such powerful tools and why my level 5 qualification is such a great addition to my coaching tools. I love writing personal metaphorical stories for my superstar clients..

When we engage with inspiring narratives or repeat empowering statements, our minds absorb these messages as if they were true experiences. This can boost our confidence, reshape our beliefs, and help us visualise success!

So next time you read an uplifting story or repeat a positive affirmation, remember: you're not just dreaming—you're training your brain to manifest your best self!

For more information about 1:1 coaching drop me a message to [email protected] or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

🦋🌞So proud to be part of this superstar's journey 🌞🦋

When I first met this child they weren't in school much at all and wouldn't even talk about school. Fast forward a good few sessions, lots of confidence building and working on comfort zones and I'm over the moon to say they are doing full days again.

The family and the school have been a fantastic support, so I definitely can't take all the credit and of course I really am just the facilitator, my superstar had to want to engage in the process too, for it to work, but it is wonderful to have been part of their journey and to continue to be.

Successes like these are what coaching is all about, meeting the child where they're at now and helping to guide them to where they want to be. They were so proud when we looked at how far they've come - as was I.

For more information about 1:1 coaching drop me an email to [email protected] or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

🦋🌞 Mental health check in 🌞🦋

I have this on my teachers desk in my classroom at work, it's a great reminder for me and the children I teach too.

So this is your reminder to have a quick check in too, how is your mental health today and what could you do to improve it?

For more information about 1:1 coaching drop me an email to [email protected] or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

🦋🌞Sleepy cushion success🌞🦋

You may remember back in August I created a special cushion and metaphorical story for a superstar client who struggled to go to sleep by themselves and stay in their own bed.

As you can see from this email, the method has worked a treat and I'm so proud of this Mum and daughter for smashing it.

Trouble sleeping is just one of the many issues that coaching can help with. I work hard to tailor sessions to the individual needs and interests of each of my clients and their families.

For more information about 1:1 coaching drop me an email to [email protected] or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

🦋🌞What will we do in a session?🌞🦋

Each coaching session is unique to the child or teen depending on their age, information I've had from parents, previous sessions and interests.

One thing for sure though is that they will be interactive, fun and creative. Pictured here is a small selection of things I have in my coaching bag to dip into during sessions.

Each one is pre planned, but I'm very adaptable and go with the flow depending on where the session takes us. Being a teacher I am skilled at thinking on my feet and having things up my sleeve to call upon.

No two sessions are ever the same and that's one of the many things I love about my coaching work.

So if you or your child/teen are worried about sessions being focussed on them and just talking about how they're feeling in an awkward exchange, I can assure you that is not the case. I offer lots of choice to my clients during a session and am good at reading a child's cues to move on if something isn't working.

For more information about coaching for your child, get in touch with me [email protected] or visit my website http://safe-spaces.square.site

🦋🌞Don't brush it off as 'a phase'🌞🦋

It’s easy to brush off certain behaviours as just a phase—after all, kids go through so many changes! But when it comes to your child's mental health and well-being, waiting it out isn’t always the best option. We did it for a good while with my eldest, thinking it was hormones, but I knew deep down it was more than this- I've worked with teens long enough now!

If you're noticing signs of distress, anxiety, or drastic changes in behaviour, it’s essential to take those feelings seriously. Seeking professional help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a proactive step towards ensuring your child thrives. Embarrassment at being a failure as a parent was the biggest factor in us delaying seeking coaching.

Remember, early intervention can make a world of difference. Now I'm a coach myself I see children and teens at various points and stages of mental illness and it definitely makes my work easier to work with those who have sought my help earlier.

For more information about 1:1 coaching drop me an email to [email protected] or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

🌞🦋The Other Side of Gaming: A Concern for Our Neurodivergent children and teens🦋🌞

While gaming can offer entertainment and social connections, excessive screen time can pose challenges for developing brains, particularly those which are neuro divergent.

Here’s why the gaming world can be a double-edged sword:

1. **Overstimulation:** Many games are designed to be visually and audibly stimulating, which can overwhelm neurodivergent children who may already struggle with sensory sensitivities.

2. **Impaired Social Skills:** Virtual interactions can replace face-to-face communication, making it harder for neurodivergent kids to navigate real-world social situations effectively.

3. **Reduced Attention Span:** Fast-paced gaming can shorten attention spans, making it difficult for children to concentrate on tasks that require sustained focus, especially in educational settings.

4. **Emotional Regulation:** Intense gaming sessions can lead to frustration or anger, which might be harder for neurodivergent kids to manage, increasing anxiety and emotional distress.

5. **Sedentary Lifestyle:** Excessive gaming can result in decreased physical activity, which is crucial for mental and physical health, particularly for children who might benefit from structured movement.

As parents and caregivers, it’s essential to monitor gaming habits, encourage balance with offline activities, and promote games that foster creativity and problem-solving in a healthy way.

Often this is the cause of issues amongst teens I see for coaching, so it is something to be aware of before it's too late.

For more information about 1:1 coaching drop me an email to [email protected] or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site