I Choose Life

THE MONSTER THE CHANGE THE HOPE

I dont want my Name mentioned if you choose this story to share but I think its good too get it out :) ..I'm 19 years old atm ..and reverse back in time to when I was 3 at first it was just me and my mum but then this cruel monster entered my home ..he was ok for a year and den after my little bro was born things turned ugly he started beating mammy and sexually abusing me ..I can't remember every event but I remember most some to vivid to describe ..anyways fast forward to when I was 15 years of age after 12 years of watchn him beat up my mother, sexually attack her and do the same to myself I took a stand I told my mum what my stepfather was doing to me and of course she knew it true ..she kicked him out but that wasn't the end she took him she said she felt lonely and scared to be on her own ..I didn't understand , my stepfather told the family I was lying and there I was on my own at 15 fighting the biggest battle I will ever fight .mi made statements against the monster still no-one believe ..I then put myself into care until mum would kick him out for good ..I remember the night I went into care so well ..it was a small pokey house with a family loving there my room was like a basement had 3 beds and a bathroom at end of room I never felt so alone in all my life ..the next morning I woke up and was giving my breakfast by strangers ...and i just got up told them I was going to bed I had enough ..I just wanted to give up I was tired and emotionally drained and had no more tears left ..i found myself rushing to the bathroom and knocking down a load of tablets with tap water . I lay in my bed put the empty packets under my pillow and pretended to sleep . The last thing I remember was hearing people shouting my name but not being able to answer ..then i must of blacked out ..then I woke up in the hospital with an excruciating pain in my stomach I had taken enough tablets to damage my insides but not enough to die ..at that time I wanted to die ...I went back into care and returned home 3 yrs ago in november ..little did i know that I had put myself in a trap ..I got into an abusive relationship not only did he hit me it emotionally abused me he made me feel so small ..I lost all confidence ..that relationship lasted 9 months ..when I finally escaped except for the aftermath or the whole "heartbreak" everything was OK and then only last yr I met another fella I was so naiive that I thought I was getting treated bad but I didn't ...he was mistreating my life was falling down around me and then another bang ..a 13 girl I was close and had watched grow up for 10 yrs committed su***de becos of bullies ..o was best friends with her big sister ..exactly 52 days later her big sister my best friend commit su***de ..I saw nothing anymore I felt nothing i was just numb ..I couldn't fight the thoughts that were running through my head I was afraid to be left alone ..I was scared of myself ..all I wanted was to die but I knew I couldn't my family needed me ...I started to self harm ..it got to a point where I had nowhere else to cut ..I knew I needed help I told my mum and we had gone to my physcologists and physciatrists which I had been seeing previously for about 3 years they told me I had to fight it by myself and so I did... here I am 6 months later with scars that have faded and a genuine smile on my face it ...what I went through over the past 19 years I would never take back it has thought me that life has so much more to give and so do I ...I'm back in adult education study to complete m leaving cert in 2017.. Anything is possible if you just believe

MY TWO BOYS NEEDED ME BUT DEPRESSION WAS KILLING ME

Last October i survived a near fatal death experience by taking an overdose.

Im 28 years of age and i have 2 beautiful boys. I have known people who took their own lives by su***de, i could never understand why. No one ever understands till you are in that dark place yourself. 7 months previous before i attempted su***de i nearly lost my very close friend to su***de. My world nearly crashed down on me. She survived and i remember first time i saw her in hospital i cried my heart out. I saw the saddness in her families eyes and i remember saying i would never attempt su***de. Back then id no reason too. I was coping with my own life which at that time was very hard. I had endured alot pain, loss and hardship and bullying all in one year but i thought i was strong and coping. Never did i think 7 months later in a moment of darkness i made that decision to end my life. To this day il never forget that night last october. I remember the quietness that night, every where so still and eery. I could just hear my sorrowfull sobs. I just couldnt take my bullying no more, a girl i knew so well that was once a part of my family had destroyed me. I felt so week. It always felt like i had 10 roads in front of me and i just didnt know which road to take. I lost interest in life. I lived for my 2 boys and was doing my best for them but slowly the dark cloud was taking over my life because my bully pushed me this far.

I choosed that night when i was all alone and kids with their dad that i was going to end my pain...so i honestly thought su***de was the answer.....

I can tell you now i am very lucky to be able to write my story. I was rescued the next day after my su***de attempt, but i was lucky to survived. I remember taking a lethal combination of painkillers, after my very last one i clung to a picture of my boys and i had the picture in my head and that would be the last time id see them. Hours earlier i kissed them goodbye when the went to their dads and i had no intentions of su***de in my mind what so ever. There i was 9 hours later trying end my life. I lay on bed and cried and the room so quiet. Then i realise i dont want to die i want to live and fight against lions and win the battle. But i couldnt move for help, the overdose was working, my eyes blurry and my body in a limp, after that i passed out. I cant remember anything after that. But i am told this when im in hospital very sick that next morn i manage to vomit and ring my partner for couple secs and he just about made out what i said..."help me" before i passed out. He called a first response that came straight my house where in got in back of my house. I was not in good way. Took ambulance 10 mins to get to me and they worked on me straight away. Local firemen helped carry my body down the stairs, why was'nt i put on a stretcher? Because i was in a bad way if the needed to work on me again the stretcher would of giving them less room to work. Its a parent worse nightmare to be told anything about their son/daughter attempting or comitted su***de. My mum got the phonecall rushed straight to my house and saw me. Later im told she clung onto me devastated. I rem waking up a little in ambulance and i was very sick. There 3 lads working on me. My heart was beating so fast, they were injecting me, pumping me etc i had no energy, my eyes are heavy. They are asking me so many questions too. When i reached hospital they are waiting for me doctors and nurses and my family. My mum is crying and wondering why and what has happened. My partner waiting see me too. After 4 drips in my arms and constantly vomiting im alert, i feel awful, i feed guilty but i feel so relieved because im alive. Il never forget my mum and partner face, the looked shocked and frightened. All i could say over and over i am sorry.

Here i am 3 months later. I am getting stronger. I went to counselling and i talk about my feelings now. I am so gratefull that i am here and i will see my boys grow up into men. I didnt leave my family and friends with unanswered questions and grief. Su***de might of ended my pain but it the people you live behing that live with the pain.

Everyone fights lions and battles in their lives but we can fight them. Let light come into your life and be proud of who you are. Never be amshamed. There is help for us all any corner we take. Reach for help and see that life is worth living for. You are never alone, just talk to anyone, never be afraid, never fear because there is help for you all. Su***de is not the answer, trust me. I was told by so many doctors i was very lucky to survived.
The day i walked out of hospital i never looked back. My bully striked again week after i was released from hospital but i was stronger and with help i fought through the hardship.

Please just remember talk to anyone. There is great help out there. We are all fighters and we should be proud of how far we have come and most important we are talking and helping others.

You are not alone, never suffer in silence. Don't leave what's most important in your life behind. X

Keeping the faith is hard but start to believe in yourself and things will change

There been over 168 su***de in Ireland last 3 months. No mention in news paper or radio Mental Health has been forgotten by the people who can change this that's our government.

ANXIETY

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Just because a person smiles doesn't mean they don't carry problems.. We all have some problems in life some can carry them more need a helping hand.. Remember we never know what's going on behind closed doors.. Ask them 'are They Ok'. Please Share thank you.. Mental health awareness

Just a few steps to help someone who is feeling down with Depression.. Please Share.. Thank you

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Happy Saturday people remember today is a new day leave what happened yesterday behind because you can't change it only you can change what happens today.. Mental health awareness

Mental health awareness

Anyone who has depression should not be judge.. We sometimes judge people before we know what's going on behind closed doors.. If we were more open and ask a person 'Are They Ok' maybe you might be able to take the weight off their shoulders to hear they story..

Good morning everyone and hard to believe it's Friday again the week went so fast.. So we want to start a positive mood today.. So the weekend is kicking into place so believe today is your day and to forget about what happened yesterday.. So tell us what have you planned for the weekend with your family or friends?? Any big event your going to over the weekend?? Let us know...

This is a post many can relate to in Mental Health

Don't give up you are never alone you have family and friends who will stand by you and help you through depression.. If you need more on Mental Health ring Console 1800-247247. Mental health awareness

This is the list of your local TDs who turned up for the debate on Mental health.. Was your local TD their to support about Mental Health in your location?? If not give us a comment on the matter what did you think of the turn out? Are we going forward with Mental health or backwards??

JUST RECEIVED THIS MESSAGE AND ITS REALLY AN INSIDE INTO WHAT DEPRESSION IS AND THE LOSS OF A LOVED ONE .. THANK YOU JACK BRODERICK

6 months ago today since I was diagnosed with depression and I haven't looked back since. Here's what I've learned about my depression and how it's affected me.

Scars, They are a testament to injury, proof of survival and, at times, as indiscernible as a line etched delicately along the crevice of an eye. Although not all mar the physical appearance, they are all there, emotionally and mentally etched upon the skin like a latticework of fragmented memories and barely-remembered moments.

As badges of both honor and dishonor, scars are forever, branded on the heart, and as time continues, we soldier on, somehow stronger.

I’m not sure how one describes the jumble of emotions, the racket of wailings or the enduring isolation that follows when a mother passes. The very fabric of life seems to buckle and cave in from the sheer burden of it all. Sense no longer works as a blanket of indifference that separates you from the raw emotions and delight of life.

Breathing is an effort. Organs go on strike. And then, life lurches forward with a momentum so strong that it defies physics. Suddenly, I found myself lost and alone, suffocating in a world of white noise.

It didn’t matter if I was in a crowd of people or surrounded by those I had left. I felt a visceral separation and an undercurrent of another seething emotion.

I was angry. That day had taken my biggest supporter and my number-one fan from me, and I wanted to give up. Words fail to exhaustively articulate the painful parting of mother and daughter and wife or having to bury your mother at 18 or the knowledge that you’ll never hear her voice again.

Or, the desperation of looking to every text you ever saved, just to capture a last lingering moment with her.

Losing someone so significant, inspirational and influential is an experience no textbook or novel could begin to teach me to comprehend. Now, as nearly a year without her approaches, I count my moments by breaths and no longer by hours or minutes.

As I look back on the breaths I have survived, struggling to cross that bridge of adversity and pain, I have figured out how to survive. Here’s what I’ve learned:

I learned the world won’t stop for you.

There are many days that still leave me defeated, but life isn’t a video game. You can’t pause the moment or rewind time; you are not given an infinite number of lives.

You are given one life, and the world will continue to move on, despite the fact you may feel like your whole world has stopped. The only way to heal is to keep moving.

I learned your troubles will not always be at the forefront of everyone else’s mind.

When you are fighting your own internal battles, it seems surreal when no one else notices the torment raging just below your surface. You may feel as though you are screaming and railing against the bars of life, but still, no one will hear you.

Through this experience, I learned people will move on quicker than you will. Sympathy is fleeting when you are not the one with an injured wing — and that’s okay.

I learned love knows no boundaries.

I used to fear that moving away from those I loved most would hinder my relationships and somehow fade with physical distance. Now, I fear the unrequited stream of communication with the person I love most will cause those precious memories to slip through my fingers, like a wisp of smoke.

But love — unconditional love, at that — knows no boundaries; it will never be lost, regardless of the distance in time and space.

I learned that though people can’t be replaced, you can still find peace.

Justifying death can put you on a journey with a revolving door. It is endless and forever spinning. No amount of begging, crying or yelling could possibly right the wrong you feel.

While it will take a lifetime to recover from the emptiness I feel, I have taken a step down the path of self-preservation to find peace within myself.

I learned there is strength in perception.

You could spend years wondering why the world chose to plague you with misery and misfortune or you can pick up your head and see the heartbreak around you. Someone else may be willing to give everything to have the gifts you overlook in your own life.

When sadness and despair begin to close in around me, I find myself redirecting those thoughts to others who are struggling elsewhere. Reevaluating the negatives in your life with a different perspective can often bring you a step closer toward reconciliation.

I learned to be grateful for what you still have.

The happiest people are those who value what they have rather than focusing on what they lack. How can you appreciate the good without the bad? If you lost something or someone dear to you, take a moment to appreciate everything you still have within reach, regardless of how big or small.

I learned you still have control in your life.

Understanding you have control over your emotions and actions is the first step toward overcoming any obstacle.

You may not be able to change everything that happens to you in life, but you can change how you react and behave in challenging situations and the direction you choose next.

I learned adversity isn’t an excuse to give up.

Motivation. Dreams. Goals. Focusing on forward movement will not only keep you from remaining stuck in the past, but also help to purify your thoughts.

In the end, after you overcome those struggles, you can look back to see the strength in your pain. You can rarely recover what you lost, but you still have everything to gain.

I learned it’s never truly goodbye, only see you later

PLEASE SHARE AND SHAME OUR LOCAL TDS NOT IN THE DAIL ABOUT TODAY 26TH OF APRIL 2016...

We have a cut in Mental Health service for 2016 and this is the turn out of your local T.D's around the country to talk about Mental Health in the Dail.. This is a disgrace and so disappointing when we have people out their trying to change the way Mental Health is..

We have high su***de rates in Ireland we have people protecting the bridges to stop people ending their lives.. We have people driving around for anyone who needs to talk in some parts of the country.. We have people who suffer from Depression lying awake at night hearing every sound around the house, people staying up for the night crying who want to end their lives..We have people who are trying to help parents understand why their daughter or son is self harming.. We have a community who have lost someone who was full of life and people don't no why.. We have family and friends left with no answers just hurt and pain. We have schools who have lost friends asking themselves why didn't they tell me or why didn't I see it..

We voted for change we didn't get change please Share this so your local TDs will see this in how disappointed and hurt that they couldn't even go and make a change in Mental Health.. We don't want to hear about another beautiful life been taken in any village, Town or city.. We need to make Mental Health Awareness Big so once again I ask you from the bottom of my heart please Share.. Remember Console have 24/7 number on 1800-247247

Kind regards
Cormac Hayes