Featherlight Space

Therapists usually never ask a question WHY❓They are trained not to ask this question. The reason behind it is quite simple: we often don’t know 🤷‍♀️ why. When we don’t know the answer, some of us start feeling insecure or silly and close or shut down even more.

We do not necessarily know why we do things when we do them. Therapists instead ask: how did it make you feel ❤️, what motivated you to do it, what were you thinking when you were doing this, what sensations come up? Most people will be able to answer those questions.

This is also a great approach at work. Sometimes people cannot answer why they did something or made that mistake. 🙉 So instead of asking why, try asking probing questions: could you explain the process of this work? what makes you sure that you have understood it correctly and completed it on time? ✅ Based on what evidence/documentation do you make a decision? When did this problem begin? What is your biggest challenge with this? In an ideal world, 🌍 how would you like this process/job to look like?

Do you think it could work for you?

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Journaling is a method for stress release. 📝 I always use it as a tool when I feel super anxious and stressed, 😩 especially when at that particular moment any physical exercise or walk is impossible or doesn’t work anymore. It’s a bit like talking to someone to get stuff off your chest. I think it’s talking to the real you, not the ego you.

Find a place and time for journaling. It can be anywhere: at the kitchen desk, work, on the plane. Find a time 🕰️ where you can dedicate some time or use it as a practice to release emotions.

Decide on the purpose of journaling: manage thoughts, 💭 stress, sharing daily thoughts. If you have a purpose, it would be easier to use the tool.

Write freely. Write informally, you don’t have to be grammatically correct. Just pour your heart and thoughts out. When I am really anxious, I just free write. ✍️ Just whatever I’m thinking/stressing at the moment. Any internal dialogue I put on paper. I can barely keep up! But after a couple of pages, 🗒️ the stress goes away. It feels like it’s going to be pages and pages, but in reality it’s rarely more than a couple.

Be honest. It’s not meant for anyone’s reading. So be truthful what you really think and feel. ❤️‍🩹It’s your personal experience. What you realize, you can transform.

Have a good journaling! 📓

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I often get a question what to do with people who are great 👑 at what they do, but are horrible at communication/teamwork/support. Oftentimes, there’s nothing really that you can point why you would fire the person as they are really good 👌specialists or experts in their field. However, most team members complain, direct managers dread the conversations and even HR avoid them. 🙈

There’s a number of things you can do and the first one should be evaluating your own judgement and prejudices. We don’t like people who confront 😤 us even if they have right to do so and for good reasons. Is such cases, it’s important to provide feedback and especially encourage self-reflection. Help them understand the importance of self-awareness and empathy 🫲 in building positive relationships. You can provide mentorship, monitor progress and most importantly address consequences of not improving their interpersonal skills.

There’s 1️⃣ BIG thing to have in mind: the best employees/leaders/ambassadors will not be the best experts of the field, but the one you can trust!! 🫂Focus on those employees and their development because you can up-skill a motivated trustworthy person!

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Do you know when you’re in hell? 😈

It’s definitely not when some evil is finding never-ending ways of putting you through torture. It’s when nothing is changing in our lives. 🥱 Or rather when we are stuck in a rut, bad relationships,💔work we hate, hobbies we do out of habit and not pleasure.

Hell is when you get to a point where you feel apathy 😐 to make any changes in your life although your soul is crying out of desperation. Many will experience it as apathy and depression, in others it might manifest as anxiety 😬 and panic attacks or general heightened feeling of stress.

I have seen friends and clients and experienced personally a hell that we create out of fear of change. We hide behind low self esteem, financial security, 💶 feeling of belonging or love. That’s a personalized hell that our own mind locks us away.

Our mind doesn’t want change as it’s function is to fight the unknown ❓to survive. Change can have unexpected outcome and our mind is very good at creating the worst scenarious, but rarely a positive one. 🧸

So many of us try to push through the apathy and anxiety with as little change as possible thinking that some rest 🛌or some medicine will help. We avoid situations altogether thinking somehow it’s not going to trigger us anymore. Instead, we should have an honest conversation 💫to see what’s not working anymore and make a choice to make a step towards change. This generates the energy ⚡️and provides that peace that we are looking in rest or medicine.

I hope 🤞 that you get your rest to make a decision for action. Life is in a change. Heaven is when there’s growth and renewal available. 🌱🪴🌿

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Pain is there for a purpose. ‼️

That’s maybe not what we want, but it’s a great indicator where we need to grow and change. 🌱

Even at workplace 👨‍💻we experience pain that can be emotional, psychological, even physical that results from physical work, working relationships, our own mental state 😖 of being when dealing with situations, schedules and responsibilities.

I have seen others and also tried myself to escape painful work situations. 🏃‍♀️Changing a job will not necessarily erase the problem. In most cases, the same or similar trail of issues and subsequently pain will follow you until you deal with it. 🧐

It’s not that you are just unlucky ☘️ to get a horrible boss everywhere you go. The lesson is how you react when you get a boss who mistreats you and breaks your boundaries. It’s not that it just happens 🐈‍⬛ that you get a demotivated team to manage. The lesson is for you to learn to adapt and appreciate differences of individuals. It’s not that it’s a rule that the clients you get are always stupid and don’t know what they want. The lesson for you that you need to hear them better and provide a solution that helps them. 🤝

Look at how YOU 🫵 can change in this situation when there’s pain. Dealing with it - it’s going right through it.

If you need advise on how to grow out of pain, reach out to me.

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If education is expensive, try ignorance.’ Invest in your growth and development, for the cost of ignorance far outweighs the price of knowledge. Empower yourself with the tools you need to succeed.

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Do you know what are the things people say when they are resisting to change? 🫷

⚡️I don’t get it!
⚡️I don’t like it!
⚡️I don’t trust it!

It will likely go in the order listed above. First instance is to dismiss it as a lack of understanding.❓Secondly - dismiss it as a personal preference. Finally, someone saying I don’t trust it is the deepest concern you actually need to address. 🤝 Trust is the reason people do things. People will learn and change opinion if they trust that doing something will bring more happiness, freedom, creativity, etc. 🌅

So in order to overcome the resistance that you are implying on others you have to:

🌟𝑬𝒙𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌𝒔!
🌟𝑬𝒙𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒕 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒔!
🌟𝑺𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒊𝒕’𝒔 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒃𝒚 𝒆𝒙𝒂𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒂𝒍𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒚 𝒂𝒅𝒐𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒕!

Need help with change?!

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A few weeks back I was invited by Inga Staniune, Chief HR officer; to do a session with the entire group HR of Avia Solutions Group. ✈️The topic was the role of HR in Leadership Coaching and new trends in coaching in up the coming year.

International coaching federation (ICF) survey results reflect that, with a resounding 78% of respondents saying that leadership coaching is offered more than any other type of coaching in their organisation’s.

Progressive companies recognize the significant influence 💪that leaders equipped with coaching abilities can exert. Coaching goes beyond providing feedback; it constitutes a crucial aspect of leadership capabilities.

I touched also about upcoming coaching trends that encompass:
- virtual and remote coaching, 👩‍💻
- hybrid models addressing diverse needs, the integration of AI for enhanced coaching,
- specialization to meet unique client requirements,
- data-driven 📊decision-making,
- holistic well-being coaching beyond professional realms,
- a focus on sustainable and purpose-driven coaching,
- fostering inclusivity through cultural and diversity coaching 👽,
- collaborative learning with peer and group coaching,
- leveraging unique strengths with neurodiversity 🧠 coaching,
- personalized well-being through biometric 🧬coaching,
- and the imperative of mental health and resilience coaching. 💭

Additionally, there’s a growing emphasis on eco-coaching, putting sustainability ♻️ into action, and biophilic ☘️ coaching, incorporating nature into the workplace.

Should you be interested in the topic of leadership coaching ☝️and what you can expect to change in the near future - feel free to reach out. I would be happy to talk to your organization.

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I have started Crisis management course at Human Existential Therapy Institute (HEPI). It’s a topic of great interest to me personally as I deal with different crisis at work, personally, due to hobbies I pursue. Psychological crisis is inevitable to all human beings for sole reason that we are born into certain environments, with our physical and mental capabilities that we haven’t chosen ourselves. We are bound to experience loss (physical or psychological). 😞

But what always gives me hope is that in crisis - opportunity exists. 🌸

Crisis has different meanings in different languages.
Greek 🇬🇷: a turning point, decision, new birth, breaking point.
Sanskrit 🇮🇳: narrow passage, canyon, confusion, turmoil.
Hebrew 🇮🇱: a place of opportunity.
Chinese 🇨🇳: danger/reason or opportunity.

In every crisis definition you can find the common denominator - phenomenon of change.

Crisis is an opportunity that will lead to change whether by will or necessity.

However, it leads to change only of it doesn’t break you. 💔Therefore, when experiencing crisis it’s important to get support. 🫂 It will increase your chance to cope with crisis.

Crisis helps you understand the deeper questions in life: finiteness of the physical existence, freedom, loneliness, meaning.

The effects of successfully dealing with crisis can result in change of values and beliefs, being more open to existential questions, finding peace, being closer to nature 🌸, empathy towards others, not paying attention to small issues or worries.

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A coping mechanism 🦾 is something we do when we want to avoid stress 😣 or adapt to it using different strategies.

Many of these coping strategies help us to survive stressful, sometimes awful situations 🕳️ in our lives. We use them initially to find some escape, peace of mind and a way to reduce stress and experience some control in our lives. 😮‍💨 However, oftentimes what makes us at ease, over time can become the very thing that starts hurting us. ❤️‍🩹

Teal Swan has made a perfect summary of the coping mechanisms. See pictures with a list of strategies and explanations.

If you recognise yourself in any of the above examples, I invite you to explore this further: 🧐

* Pick a coping strategy that helps you deal with stress in your life. 🫔
* What do you perceive that this coping strategy gives to you? 👆
* What do you perceive that the coping strategy takes from you? 👇

To be able to make a change, we need to understand exactly what, how and why it is happening. ℹ️ Then, we get to change the situation with this new awareness and decide: what happens next? 🔜🆗

If you struggle to get out of your coping strategies, reach out to find the best way for you to feel at peace.

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I wanted to share one routine that was particularly mind-blowing although very physical. 🧘‍♀️ For 30 days every day I did 108 sun salutation. This exercise comes from yoga and one sun salutation round comprises of 12 poses.

First week, I was mostly trying to get the routine correct, remember the moves and the breathing. On day 5, my body was so sore, I could hardly bend. So first week is very physical, you’re getting to deal with the body and all pains and aches. 😭But after I went through the question why I am doing this to my body: there was no more pain. It was difficult, but never sore again.

Second week is joyous 🥰 of doing something new, it feels free and even interesting doing the same routine. I think I finally understand the poses and combine it correctly with the breathing. I feel my body getting firmer and stronger. Yay!!

Third week is s**t. 🥵The worst ever!! Why I am doing this? I am so bored. How much longer to the end. Which number is it now? I mean it goes on and on and on! The head explodes 🤯with thoughts of every possible reason not to continue. It’s like fighting inner demons because you start questioning everything in life.

Fourth week is when finally peace☮️ come in. At some point realised that I am no longer focusing on thoughts of the past or future, but solely on my moves at present. I was doing every pose with great focus and precision. It dawned on me that it would never be totally perfect 🤸, there is no limit to improvement. With every pose I was also filled 🥹with gratitude and blessing for my body and my mind.

All these stages sound very familiar when we take up something new: whether it’s a new hobby, job, relationship. 💞When you hit a wall, keep going! The best part is yet to come!!

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I had a session 🎙️recently with a young leader and we were discussing about how we try to accommodate other people. 🛟

Oftentimes we try to get to know people, ask personal questions and share our own experiences, so that they feel they can trust ☺️ you enough to open up and say what they really feel and think.

And it’s great if and when it works! 👏🏻Having a personal connection with people and building trust is a lot easier in family and work situations.

However, not everyone wants to open about personal matters, especially at work. ⛔️Nor do they have to. So leaders often tip toe around their people, afraid🫨 asking the direct questions, especially if they do not have this great relationship.

What opens up the dialogue is being truthful and asking what really interests you about this person: How do we feel in this company, in this role? How do you see your future? 🤖What would make you feel more engaged, motivated? What makes you feel powerless and unable to grow? How can someone or something help you achieve your goals?

We over-complicate things in our heads: 🧠 what will think if I ask this, how are they going to feel, is it appropriate, etc. Simply be truthful and you won’t need to feel like you have to manipulate anyone into sharing about how things are. 🪬

If you struggle to build relationships at work and getting your people to trust and confide in you, reach out and we’ll find together what works best for you.

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One topic that puts many leaders to their knees came up: meetings! 🗓️👩‍💻 A few tips for your meeting hygiene.

1. Establish meeting hygiene routine. 🪥You do go every six months to do your dental hygiene to keep it in check and healthy. Same applies here. Review your meetings every 4-6 months and their relevance. My advice: cancel all and make new, reviewed, relevant meetings. Agree to do it on organization, department level (not just your own).
2. Establish ground rules. 🚫For a great meeting to take place, everyone should be on the same page. Agree on topics like: respectful communication, one conversation at a time, cell phone 📴 and laptop use during meeting, following agenda, decision making process, action items as well as their ownership, no blame or fingerpointing, confidentiality, etc. Remind them and review regularly if new people join.
3. Ensure you have the right people. 👩‍🚀 Sometimes it's very difficult to find time in multiple people's calendars and out of desperation the time just gets blocked whenever you think that majority is likely free. Make sure you have the right stakeholders and actual decision- makers. Otherwise, you waste someone's time. I'm sure you had meetings where the need for your participation was doubtful.
4. Set agenda. 📝 If there is no agenda, you will likely have a less productive meeting, it will take longer and loose interest of the participants. Ask for one if you are not the host: it helps prepare, gather thoughts and come with solutions beforehand.
5. Say NO to meetings. ⛔️Cancel the meetings that are overlapping, out of your working hours, your participation is questionable, there is no agenda.Reply with an email explaining why you cannot join or request additional information so that you are sure you are needed. Be polite to people but also respectful to your own time.

If you struggle with company meetings and how to find time, feel free to reach out for a session.


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People are afraid to make big life choices because it feels overwhelming,🐋 feels like loosing control. We point out different life circumstances and having no time as to why we cannot start something that we really enjoy as a hobby or even a future career.

In some sessions I have people who feel that they are stuck 🥱at their current jobs, but are afraid to move to a new career due to financial security current job presents and lack of skills for the job they really want. I had a working mon who wanted to change her IT career. 👩‍👧It is a well paid job and provides opportunities, but she felt it was not creative 🏳️‍🌈 enough for her, many monotonous and repetitive tasks. She dreamt of being an interior designer! But lacked confidence as she didn’t know how to use certain design programs 👩‍💻and had no time with the family for training.

So I advised something to her that I found really helpful and seemed to work magic. ⚡️I wanted to learn Spanish 🇪🇸 for a long time, but also never had the time. So I decided that the only time in the day that I had was my lunch time. 🕛Everything else was planned with work, sports, family, friends, etc. I took 1 hour Spanish classes twice a week for a year. Within one year I went from basic A1 to B2 level of Spanish! 👏

It’s never about big steps. It’s always the little ones 🏃‍♂️that count to make a big impact. Anyone can find 20 minutes or an hour in a week to pursue the goal. In a year, you can easily find over 💯hours💯 that you can dedicate for training on a new system, language or a skill. You learn something that is important to your future without yet changing your current responsibilities.

If you struggle with finding time and taking up what you always dreamed of💭, feel free to reach out!

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I had sessions with a few leaders who recently have joined the organization or have been promoted to a role and they struggle 🤼‍♀️ with discipline at their team. People are used to “free and easy” 😎environment, little or no rules, and new leaders struggle to implement any discipline.

Transitioning from a "anything goes" position to one of "discipline" can be a challenge💪, but there are ways to make this transition more smoothly.

Here are some key steps on any transition:

* Understanding the Need. The first step is to understand why this transition is necessary. 🤔Perhaps it has been observed that the current super relaxed environment is causing more stress. Understanding the necessity is crucial in supporting the changes.
* Communication: Communicate the transition from "anything goes" to discipline to the entire organization. 🧑‍💻Explain the reasons and goals you aim to achieve with this transition.
* Establish Rules and Procedures: Set clear rules and procedures that must be followed. Ensure that all employees know and understand these rules. 📝
* Training and Education: Provide training and education 🏋️‍♀️to your employees so they know what is expected of them and how to do it correctly.
* Lead by Example: Leaders should be an example 👏to other employees. Follow to the established rules yourself.
* Regular check-in: Monitor how the team adapts to these changes. Regularly assess and update the game rules as time goes.
* Cultivate a Culture: Encourage discipline in the culture. Include recognition and rewards as well as feedback or training when people forget or abuse the agreed discipline.
* Announce Achievements: Communicate the results to the organization. This will motivate your employees to continue with the progress. 🔝

If you have difficulties to have some discipline in your team, reach out.

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Setting boundaries🫸 does not mean forcing anybody to change. What boundaries are is what happens after we make request for a change and we find people acting in a way that we don’t like. 🙈🙉🙊If they decide not to change, then it’s up to us to take care of ourselves.

No one gets to decide whether your boundaries are wrong or not. 👉Outside anyone can exist as they wish, but these are my rules for my property, my business, my safety, my relationships. ✅

If there is a level of reciprocity and respect in the relationship, people will be willing to respect your request. ✊

3 tips of setting, establishing and keeping boundaries.

- Getting really clear on your boundaries. 🔮📋 Spend some time to think of the reasons why they are important to you. If you understand them, others will too. You are allowed to have your own rules even if others do not agree. People will push back especially if the ways were established a long time ago. 😱 And if you don’t believe you’re worthy, neither will anyone else.
- Implementing your boundary. You can say clearly upfront or also you can say that for example, gossiping about other people is not something you are interested in. If people persist, your short answers and disengagement will show that you are sticking to what you said. 🙄
- Keeping the boundary. It’s the hardest part. It might feel weird at first, but you have to remember your reasons. 💪If you change once, people will think you don’t really mean it. People will stop questioning your boundaries and change behaviour after a few tries to work around them. If you stay firm, they will drop it. You will make it clear that it’s not worth trying changing it. 🍀☺️

If you would like to get better at setting boundaries, reach out!

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I bet you did come across manipulative people at work or in other social circles. 🙋‍♂️This is what manipulative people do or make you feel:

- Manipulative people are very childlike. They saw it mostly in childhood in family, that someone got things they wanted by being pushy 😤 and the other gave in and they will use the tactics to get what they want when they want.
- They are usually quite insecure, 😳have fragile egos as they don’t know how to process and deal with a bruised ego.
- They are extremely competitive 🤺and will ask for an answer right away 🤯without letting you to think about it. If you ask to respond tomorrow, they will use your weak spot to get the answer now.
- If you’re fearful or vulnerable or have other wounds, 💔 they will use it to control the situation and how you’re thinking and get the outcome they want. 😏
- They will resort to abuse, name-calling that you are selfish or crazy or unprofessional. They will make you doubt yourself and feel wrong 🤷‍♀️ like they are entitled to something. Usual victims are people pleasers and someone who is co-dependent.

Does this sound familiar? Similar situations and feelings around certain people? How to deal with it:

- If you are deciding something not from a guilt or shame point of view related to manipulation, but from your own decision and strong centered place ☮️- then make a decision. If no- then put yourself first. Draw some boundaries.
- Stand your ground.💪 Explain your reasons, do not change or soften up. It will get even worse in the future if you give in since you’re not keeping your own promises.
- Be prepared for backlash. Bullying, name- calling. Don’t get angry or defensive, just understand that this is their way of dealing. 🧠 Just say I’m sorry you feel this way.

If this resonates with you and you would like to get better at dealing with manipulations, contact me!

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👩‍💻 More information on www.featherlight.space

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