Ying-Ni Huang Counseling Psychologist

Ying-Ni Huang Counseling Psychologist updated their address.

Ying-Ni Huang Counseling Psychologist updated their business hours.

A rose is a rose is a rose. It's a lovely journey to see the rose in your eyes.
# Victoria Esplanade
# Palmerston north

Dear people,
A little reminder: should you like to contact me, please either phone, email, or text. Please don't leave voicemail, which turned off soon.

Enjoy the lovely sunny weekend~

As NZ will reach level 4 in 2 days for at least a month, Ying-Ni Huang counseling service will still be provided on-line during this time.

Covid-19 - A time of distress but we are all here. Natural disaster is scary because it threatens people’s lives and so is Covid-19. While the threat does exist, we could exaggerate its magnitude. Correct information could reduce flying anxiety. According to WHO, 95% of patients currently infected with Covid-19 present with mild symptoms while 5% ...

https://www.yingnihuang.com/post/some-antidotes-to-social-anxiety

Some antidotes to social anxiety +Prescribe yourself a nano dose of exposure to the social occasion which freaks you out +Add some effective distraction to company the above potion +Speak out w

Valentine's day is coming. How is your intimate relationship? What is your relationship to yourself? Maybe take some time to reflect and to celebrate.

Ying-Ni Huang Counseling Psychologist updated their website address.

Let It Go by Your Loving Part

Often I heard friends say, “Don’t think too much. Don’t let someone irrelevant or obnoxious beats yourself up.” I always feel it’s easier said than done, thinking “Ya~ but how?” If someone wrongs me, I can just ignore it. How good it must be! What if I could really diffuse from the hurt?

One time, I was in a training course role playing pseudo-client. The teacher suggested that I could be more deepening in my self-disclosure in future therapy. It would help my problem. I felt like accused of not investing myself enough in the practice. I felt wronged, unfair. I did share my personal problem in a pseudo-session. Considering the length and goal of this practice, it is just impossible to reveal each detail and nuance of the problem. I felt like I was judged to be incompetent even being in the client’s role. How can this be? There is no right and wrong about a client’s sharing content. I felt humiliated and angry. But I froze. Could not defend myself. She is the teacher who owns higher status. Besides, no one ever disagreed with her in this course. Possibly the sense of shame creeped in so that I lost voice for my feelings. I could only stay there and felt my face blushed.

The other day I had an amazing healing experience in a self-compassion workshop. In one instructed exercise, I looked inward a self-judgement thought, sensing it in my body and thinking how it served me. Moving on, I said to this “hard-worker”, “Thank you. You really try your best to protect me from harm. You detect every dangerous signal and get prepared to fight back so as to survive.”

Through turning toward this “loyal solder”, I felt sad and grateful for her. It seemed there is part of me trying to protect the vulnerable me. The shameful feeling in the previous training must be this solder’s warning for me to strive excellence so that I could pass every challenge.

Then, the instructor said” Now the self-criticism is heard. We thank it. Let’s make room for our self-compassionate part”

The validation of my “hard-working solder part” touched me and the loving part emerged gradually.

The loving part said, “I appreciate your(solder) effort. I care for your(whole me) wellbeing. Let’s change. Let’s not beaten ourself up.”

“Wait a second! no I can’t. I did not do anything wrong. It’s her who faulted me. It’s her making me consider myself incompetent. Why should “I”change my thinking, it’s not my fault!”, the solder started fighting again to protect harsh enemy.

The loving part contains, “I know it feels unfair. I am there with you. It is not your fault. But I just want you to change for the better. I want you to feel better. ”

As such, it seems space grows between the hurt me and wanting to change me. The only route for feeling better is no longer limited to get even from the teacher. The hard-working solder can forgive the hurt me not talking back at that moment. Not talking back does not indicate weakness. The hurt me had learned to protect self from further fight by silence and also she did not have a nurturing environment to learn assertiveness.

The loving part said, "It is alright to feel angry, wanting the other’s apology, and also weak for not demanding so. I see each part of you try so hard to protect yourself. I care for your effort and your wellbeing. You deserve a break from the struggle. You can let go, as if you are watching the cloud blew by the wind or feeling the breeze passing your face. You don’t have to hold on the task. You can simply rest."

As I driving home from the class, the big blue sky and white cloud were just there hanging above me accompanying all the way home. I was embraced by this inviting nature in this long drive. My heart caressed and opens.
https://www.yingnihuang.com/post/let-it-go-by-your-loving-part

Let It Go by Your Loving Part Often I heard friends say, “Don’t think too much. Don’t let someone irrelevant or obnoxious beats yourself up.” I always feel it’s easier said than done, thinki

Love In The Mirror


Dr. Hendrix and Dr.Hunt co-founded imago relationship therapy. They proposed that people search for wholeness when looking for the partner in romantic love. We are unconsciously attracted by people possess character traits that we repress. By doing so, we try to heal relational wound with our caregivers in childhoods. Sometimes, couples become annoyed by partner’s quality that intrigues us at the very first place or fights and distance start setting in. Sweet love could turn bitter. Nevertheless, it is the very opportunity to grow and to heal past trauma.

Imago dialogue is a simple exercise to recover the fractured connection with our partner. It composes 3 stage, mirroring, validation, and empathy. One person chooses to be the “Sender” first, and the other the “Receiver.” Prepare to settle in a safe and warm space between each other.

Mirroring: Sender invites Receiver to have an imago dialogue. Sender chooses a topic to talk about. Receiver listens attentively and repeat word-by-word or paraphrase. Sender confirms the correctness of response or could complement more if missing.

Validation: Receiver acknowledges that what Sender sends make sense to her/him. It doesn’t mean the Receiver agrees with it but shows support to the partner that he/she must have his/her reason to think, feel, act certain way in some context.

Empathy: Receiver tries to be in Sender’s shoes to imagine what his/her feelings might be.

Couples then switch roles so that each one can express and be heard thoroughly. This is building process of positive connection.
https://www.yingnihuang.com/post/love-in-the-mirror

Love In The Mirror Dr. Hendrix and Dr.Hunt co-founded imago relationship therapy. They proposed that people search for wholeness when looking for the partner in romantic love. We

Regroup with self-compassion


It is easy to fall prey of self-criticism. It might seeps into your heart silently and unconsciously. The next thing you know is like a train of negative feelings. You feel stuck in the passing of time. You might want to get back to your plan or routine but you can’t. The bad feelings about yourself become senses in your body, the tightness in the chest or a sink of weight, etc. You try to talk to yourself out of it, “you’re alright. you’re not so bad.” But it doesn’t work. You sink further. It feels like the hope for good things coming becomes dimer and dimer, like lights out.

But, aha! There might be this moment of wonder. You look around feeling where you are. You say to yourself, “yes, it’s not going well. you might mess up at some point. But it is what it is. I can go from here, the chaos, the unexpected.” You breathe and you move again. It’s like when you acknowledge where you are, you accept the current state. This mistake, this disappointment is cared for once again like a dear little baby hugged by a loving mother. From there, you can continue the rhythm of life instead of stuck on the point of self-loath and despair.

Next time when you see the chaotic kitchen with dishes and utensils scattered around and you start getting irritated, take a deep breath and appreciate how they are functioning at that moment. It’s ok to be chaotic temporarily and you can be with that state of disorganization. Hey! That displacement won’t go further on its own and you can always clean it afterwards.
https://www.yingnihuang.com/post/regroup-with-self-compassion

Regroup with self-compassion It is easy to fall prey of self-criticism. It might seeps into your heart silently and unconsciously. The next thing you know is like a train of negative feelin

https://www.yingnihuang.com/

Psychologist | Ying-Ni Huang | Counselling | Palmerston North