A Better You Counseling Services LLC

When your inner thoughts start taking a toll on your self-confidence and mood, you may find it’s easy to get caught in a spiral of negative self-talk. Negative self-talk not only affects your mental health, it also has an impact on your relationships. In order to get yourself out of that spiral, you have to work on flipping your thought patterns. Give yourself grace, knowing that this mental shift isn’t going to happen instantly. Work at looking at situations as the glass half-full versus half-empty. There is power in positive thinking.

As stress levels get high and negative self-talk wants to take over, slow down and take a deep breath. Redirect those negative thoughts and funnel that energy into more positive thoughts/actions, knowing that you’re working with a growth mindset.

Reach out if you’re struggling with flipping your negative self-talk. We’d love to help!

Coming to the realization that you may be the problem in your relationship can be difficult to accept. However, if you’re able to take responsibility and make a conscious effort to change your habits, it can be a huge positive step forward for your relationship.

Here are a few tips on how you can work to save your relationship:
1. Have an open and honest talk with your partner. Let them know what you’re concerned about and let them do the same!
2. Accept responsibility for your actions/emotions.
3. Acknowledge the pain your actions/emotions may have caused your partner.
4. Do a lot of self-reflection. What is causing these actions/emotions?
5. Talk with a professional. They can help you delve a little deeper into your thought processes.

Whether you’ve been emotionally distant, hyper-critical of your partner or holding your frustrations in, it’s time to accept that you may be causing the rift in your relationship. Once you do, you can take the necessary steps to improving yourself and patching up your relationship.

If you are having guilty feelings about something you did, that's not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it can be healthy so you can evolve.

Read our latest blog.

https://carljnunley.com/feeling-guilty-that-may-not-be-a-bad-thing/

Most single people have tried online dating apps as a way to get out and meet new people. Perhaps you were among the ones lucky enough to find someone compatible or maybe not...

After some time on the apps, if you find that you’ve started to feel stressed and hopeless because you haven't found your match, you may be experiencing burnout. Dating burnout is real and can take a toll on your physical and mental wellbeing.

When you’re no longer finding dating to be fun, exciting and enjoyable, it’s time for you to take a break! Get off the dating apps, spend some time doing your favorite self-care and get to know yourself better. You’ll know when the time is right to return to the world of online dating.

Need to chat? Reach out!

Father’s Day is just around the corner and can be a great reminder to check in with the new dads in your life, especially if you’re a father yourself. Whether they’re family or friends, take some time in the next few days to reach out and ask how life as a new dad has been for them so far. For some, it can be an overwhelmingly magical experience, while for others it can be an overwhelmingly difficult time.

It’s not uncommon for new fathers to struggle with their mental health when a baby arrives. They can feel all the same emotions a new mother feels... anxious, overwhelmed, exhausted and maybe even feelings of isolation. They also might be realizing how much their role has grown as they have another human being they’re responsible for on a regular basis.

Taking a few minutes out of your day to check in with them can make a big difference in how they feel. Be sure to let them know they’re not alone and have a listening ear whenever they need it. Reassure them that their village is there to help when they need it!

If you or someone you know is struggling with being a new father, reach out... We’d love to chat!

Self-discipline is one’s ability to control thoughts, emotions and impulses in order to achieve a desired goal. When one lacks that self-control, it can be quite difficult to stay focused on the end result and you may easily find yourself straying off task.

Here are some tips to help build your self-discipline for achieving your goal:

🔸 Identify your main reason(s) for choosing your desired goal.
🔸 Create a plan to get to your goal.
🔸Try to eliminate as many temptations and/or distractions as possible.
🔸Make small changes that are sustainable over time.
🔸Understand you will have some slip-ups from time to time. Perfection is not necessary!

Relationships can be very tricky to navigate especially when conflict arises... Every relationship will experience it at some point, some more than others. If you’ve been wronged by your partner or feel they betrayed you in some way, it’s hard to know whether you can reach a point of forgiveness and be able to move forward with your relationship. Here are a few things to consider when deciding if someone deserves a second chance:

▪️They’re able to accept responsibility for their actions.
▪️They’re willing to make changes in order to make the relationship work.
▪️They apologize for the hurt they caused you.
▪️You can fully forgive them.
▪️You feel better with them than apart from them.

Not sure if you’re ready to give your partner a second chance? Let’s chat!

As you may know, introverts prefer to reflect on their own inner thoughts and enjoy spending time with a small group of people rather than a large one. On the occasion they do spend time with a larger group, they may experience social exhaustion or what some call the introvert hangover afterwards. Here are a few signs you might be experiencing social exhaustion:

🔸 Physical exhaustion
🔸Feeling overstimulated
🔸Unable to focus
🔸Indecisive
🔸Yearning for some alone time

To help recover from social exhaustion (or introvert hangover), perform some of your favorite self-care and do whatever activities (or do nothing) to help you recharge. Remember it’s not a permanent feeling!

Having the ability to effectively communicate is important in all relationships. Not only does it create a more positive environment, but it also strengthens your relationships with people. So what does effective communication look like in your personal relationship?

If you’re the partner expressing your feelings/thoughts: Use “I” statements that clearly and concisely express how you feel. Also, remember to consider your tone when presenting your thoughts to your partner.

If you’re the partner receiving the information: Actively listen to what your partner is expressing, which means not listening just to be able to reply. Hear the exact words that are being expressed, take a moment to reflect on them and respond. If emotions are high, take a moment to calm them before offering a response.

The idea of effective communication is to actively listen to the other person. You may not always be able to come to an agreement, but you can always listen to the other person’s thoughts/feelings. It’s okay to agree to disagree... just do it effectively.

Often times when we’re in a relationship, we become so engulfed in the relationship that we lose little parts of who we used to be. If the relationship ends, it feels like we have to get to know ourselves all over again and reconnect to those missing parts. When you really take the time to get to know the new version of yourself, you’re able to identify the qualities you want in a new partner. With a new sense of self-awareness and self-worth, you may also find it’s a little bit easier to establish boundaries for a new partner, because you know what does and doesn’t work for you.

In order to find the right partner for you, you have to know exactly what qualities will work for you and what type of relationship you want to have - and remember that you won’t settle for anything less than that.

If you feel like you’re struggling with getting to know yourself, let’s chat!

Living with an autoimmune disease can be challenging since your symptoms can vary drastically from day to day. At times, family and friends might not fully understand the severity of your disease because of that symptom fluctuation, making an already frustrating situation even more frustrating. Here are a few tips to help you cope with your diagnosis:

1. Join a support group.
2. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself and your family time to process your diagnosis.
3. Focus on good nutrition.
4. Get enough sleep.
5. Reduce your stress - self-care is important!
6. Seek help from a professional.

If you’ve been recently diagnosed with an autoimmune disease and need strategies to help you cope... Let’s chat!

Gentle parenting is a "newer" parenting approach that centers on four main concepts: empathy, respect, understanding and boundaries. When children have a solid understanding of those four concepts, they’re able to address conflicts and express themselves in an age-appropriate manner establishing stronger relationship bonds. For parents, it strikes a balance of compassion and structure.

Successful gentle parenting teaches a child to be self-aware. They learn early on that their actions and behaviors can affect those around them. It can also reduce anxiety and other negative feelings (anger, shame, etc.), improve social skills and strengthen your parent-child bond!

An apology is cathartic and can make a bond stronger. So why do people find it so hard to apologize without inserting but?

https://carljnunley.com/the-no-but-apology/

You blinked and your once tiny baby is now a teenager navigating through their adolescent years. As a parent, it’s out of your control and you feel like you’re just along for the roller coaster ride. Between the ages of 13 and 18 years old, teenagers go through so many physical, mental and social changes that can greatly affect their self-confidence. Here are some ways you can help your teen build self-esteem:

🔸 Compliment them when they do something good.
🔸Discuss the importance of paying attention to their mental and physical well-being.
🔸Use daily affirmations.
🔸Encourage participation in team activities/sports. It's a great way to build friendships!
🔸Be open and have honest discussions with them. Remember they aren’t babies anymore!

If you have a teenager struggling with their self-esteem, let’s chat!

Borderline personality disorder (BPD), also known as emotionally unstable personality disorder, is a personality disorder that severely impacts a person’s ability to manage their emotions. For someone who has BPD, their life feels like a rollercoaster on a daily basis - relationships, thinking patterns and the behaviors they exhibit. They typically have unstable relationships, extreme emotions, intense anger, impulsive behavior, and a fear of abandonment.

As a family member or friend, it can be difficult to navigate a relationship with someone who has been diagnosed with BPD. Here are some tips to help support them:

1. Be patient.
2. Identify ways that can help calm them when their emotions are unstable.
3. Find an effective way to communicate with each other.
4. Take care of yourself. Set limits so that you don’t become too stressed.
5. Encourage professional treatment.

It’s important to take care of your mental health. If you’re someone who is struggling or know someone who is, reach out to a professional... We’re here to help!

There are many benefits to getting good, quality sleep besides the obvious of feeling well rested. You experience better brain performance, have a stronger immune system, improve mood, reduce stress and experience increased energy levels.

A lot of times it’s our sleep hygiene that prevents us from getting the type of sleep our bodies need. Here are some tips to having good sleep hygiene:

▪️ Keep a consistent schedule. Our circadian rhythms are very important!
▪️Exercise regularly.
▪️Avoid caffeine later in the day.
▪️Eliminate screen time 30 to 60 minutes before you go to sleep.
▪️Make sure your bedroom is a relaxing environment.
▪️Use softer lighting. Signal to your body it’s time to slow down!

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, which is meant to highlight the importance of taking care of your mental health as well as work on erasing the stigma that’s associated with it. The more people talk about mental health, the effective treatments and the importance of self-care, the more people will be willing to take the necessary steps to have a healthier mental and physical well-being.

This month, make a pledge to yourself to participate in some self-care, check on your family and friends, and have some open, honest conversations about mental health.

If you’re someone who is struggling, reach out to a professional... We’re here to help!

Making it a habit to regularly express your gratitude to your partner not only makes your partner feel good, it also creates a greater connection and bond between you both. Here are some ways to express your gratitude:

1. Write them a note or send them a text.
2. Compliment them out loud.
3. Express your gratitude with their love language in mind.
4. Help them with everyday tasks.
5. Actively listen to them... eliminate distractions!

Take a moment to reflect on your personal relationships... Would you categorize yourself as a giver (someone who cares about another person’s wants and needs) or are you a taker (someone who is more focused on yourself)?

If you’re a giver, it’s important to remember that continuing to give without having your needs and wants met in return can lead to burnout. It’s okay to create a boundary, let your partner know you’re unhappy and ask to have your needs met.

If you’re a taker, it’s time to start checking in with your partner. Pay attention to them, their needs and wants. Listening is huge!

Being a giver that doesn’t have their needs/wants met can greatly impact self-esteem. Let's turn that around... Let's chat!

When we start a new relationship, we feel a deep connection to our partner - spending a lot of time chatting, getting to know each other on a more intimate level and experiencing butterflies just from being near each other. As your time together goes on and adult responsibilities grow, you may find that it feels like you have less to talk about and that your once deep connection has become more superficial. Emotional distance can lead to a relationship ending if it’s not addressed. Here are some tips on how to regain the close connection you once felt with your partner:

1. Get rid of distractions so you can be completely focused on your interactions. Phones are a huge distraction!
2. Have a list of go-to conversation starters.
3. Reflect on your interactions. Could your reactions or the way you’ve voiced your opinions previously be affecting your partner’s willingness to share?
4. Become familiar with how your partner prefers to receive love. Remember those 5 love languages?
5. Schedule your date nights like you would any other appointment.

Still struggling to find your deep connection? Reach out... we’d love to chat!

It’s a familiar frustration I hear from people. During a conversation, they'll begin talking and the listener quickly makes the conversation about them. The speaker soon regrets beginning the conversation in the first place and imagines more value if they were talking to a brick wall.

Most people aren’t aware that they do this. Think you may be a conversation hijacker? Check out our latest blog for some tips...

https://carljnunley.com/a-conversation-killer/

Self-growth isn’t easy. It happens as a result of hard work and willingness to step outside of your comfort zone. Change isn’t possible unless you face the unfamiliar, more challenging tasks head on. Here are a few tips to help you feel more comfortable in the uncomfortable:

1. Embrace all the feelings you experience.
2. Take a step back and remind yourself of the reason(s) why you’re doing the task.
3. Change your mindset/take a different viewpoint.
4. Celebrate your progress along the way.
5. Ask for help when you need it. Involve a friend to make it less uncomfortable.

Having a growth mindset takes a lot of work, but is absolutely worth it. If you’re hesitant to step into the uncomfortable, let’s chat!

Unfortunately, we aren’t able to control every situation, every outcome or decisions other people make and that can be hard to accept. We desperately want to be in control of things so we can emotionally protect ourselves, but life and life’s events are constantly changing which makes it difficult to do. Instead, we have to be able and willing to embrace those things that we can’t change. So how do we do that? Here are some tips:

1. Identify the things in your life you can control and focus on them.
2. Don’t focus on past events.
3. Acknowledge your feelings - it will ultimately help you move on.
4. Utilize effective coping skills.
5. Seek out a community of people with a similar experience.

If you find you’re still struggling to accept the things you can’t change, reach out... We’d love to help!

This month is Counseling Awareness Month, which focuses on raising awareness and promoting mental health for people of all ages. It’s meant to celebrate those who work in the counseling profession and highlight the very important work they do day in and day out. Whether they’re mental health counselors, school counselors, substance abuse counselors or career counselors, they want to help!

It also serves as a great reminder to make an appointment with your counselor or share your counseling experience with a friend, so we’re able to work together to lessen the stigma surrounding counseling. It's time to shout it from the rooftops that taking care of your mental health is important!

To some, the term self-care seems to be a trendy new buzzword people throw around to excuse getting pampered. The truth is that self-care is important in maintaining your physical, mental and emotional well-being. It’s something everyone needs but not everyone does for a variety of reasons. It’s time to see your own self-worth and put yourself first. Doing self-care regularly makes you feel less stressed and helps prevent disease and illness. Most importantly, it makes you a better partner, parent and friend.

Remember it’s okay to take care of yourself... If you’re still struggling, let’s chat.

Spring has sprung and with it comes the urge to start spring cleaning. Spring cleaning means you get to reorganize, declutter and deep clean different areas in your home, but did you know that it can actually have a positive effect on your mental health? Eliminating clutter and organizing gives you back a sense of control in your life, which also brings about the benefits of reduced stress, increased focus and improved mood.

What are you waiting for? It’s time to refresh and renew both your home and your mental health!

We’ve all heard that age is just a number, but what about when you can’t quite accept that number or struggle with the outward signs of aging? The first thing you need to focus on is shifting your mindset - show appreciation for the chance to see another day and accept that you’re getting older!

Then you can focus on learning to love yourself all over again. Reflect on all the wisdom you’ve accumulated over the years and take care of your body. Try to place an emphasis on nutrition, exercise and all the necessary things that will help you live a long, happy life.

Age truly is a number... Staying active, both physically and mentally, will help you keep those fears of aging at bay. If you’re still struggling, let’s chat!

An attachment style forms throughout childhood in response to how a person gets their needs met in their home environment. The attachment style we form as a child carries over into all of our adult relationships.

Being aware of your own attachment style as well as that of friends and family helps you better understand your interactions and connections with others.

Here’s a little more on the attachment styles:

▪️ Secure: You feel secure both emotionally and physically so you can build long-lasting relationships.
▪️Avoidant (AKA dismissive-avoidant or anxious-avoidant): You avoid emotional and physical intimacy.
▪️Anxious: You have fear of rejection and abandonment.
▪️Anxious-disorganized: You have difficulty trusting others.

Recognize your attachment style and feel like you have more to unpack? Reach out... We’d love to chat!

Introverts are commonly perceived as being quiet, reserved, sometimes shy, and may even be described as unfriendly. These negative perceptions of introverts can make it tricky when it comes to social settings.

Introverts spend a lot of time thinking before voicing their thoughts, which serves as a good reminder that they aren’t necessarily shy. They want to get to the deeper stuff, not waste time with small talk and they feel most comfortable to open up when they know someone better.

Understanding introverts and their personalities will help you better interact with them in social settings, which will make you both feel more at ease.