Kaye B. Williams Counseling

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Show of hands if you were raised in a generation where boys were told to be strong + tough, to feel no fear + never cry. 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️

Today, we want our sons to know that true strength means being brave enough to feel ALL their feelings + be comfortable with the emotions that come their way. Let’s teach our boys that being vulnerable + empathetic is a SUPERPOWER. 💥 Let’s PUSH BACK on gender stereotypes + raise self-aware, empathetic, and emotionally healthy boys. 👏👏👏

By teaching our boys AND our girls to recognize their feelings instead of shoving it all down, the goal is to build *lifelong* practices that help our kids feel internally confident, + resilient, instead of insecure, defensive, + destructive.

✨Want to raise emotionally healthy, resilient, STRONG boys & girls? Our course is here to help. We teach you how to discipline and parent in a way that builds lifelong coping skills. For parents with kids aged 1-6. Link in bio!✨

What do you think about fairy tales? Check out this weeks podcast btr.org/podcast

Boundaries ❤️❤️

Do you know your number? Does this fit?

Powerful reminder that growth, healing, and resilience does not mean you will always be happy or smiling. If today is a really hard day for you, or you’ve really been struggling the last few weeks I’m sending you love ❤️

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I can re-do and get more clarity.

Emotional paralysis happens. Trust yourself.

I knew for a long time before I separated from my spouse that I needed to leave. 👇️

It was clear to me that I needed to put space between myself and my husband so I could settle my body and mind and begin to really heal. However, despite knowing that this was what I needed to do, I was unable to do it.

For months, I struggled and waffled. Weeks would go by where I wouldn’t even think about leaving, having tucked the idea away in a corner of my mind.

The mere thought of walking away created so much anxiety and terror for me that I couldn’t stay with the idea for more than a few minutes at a time before I had to disconnect.

Does this sound familiar?

Take a look at Learning How to Deal with Attachment Loss After Betrayal, Part 1 to learn about the internal dynamics that we all wrestle with when it comes to loss of attachment. 👇️

https://michellemays.com/learning-how-to-deal-with-attachment-loss-part-1/

One way for us to be with our difficult emotions is with what I call “'a gentle noticing.” For example, "I'm noticing that I'm feeling really depleted. I'm noticing my grief. I'm noticing my sadness or my loneliness."

When we notice our inner world with compassion and gentleness, we're no longer fighting against our emotional experiences. We are able to just be with them. And when you can just be with your emotions, your gentle acceptance defangs that difficulty or challenge a little bit, allowing you to take the next brave step towards what matters most.

“Reciprocity is a connection between people that is created in the back-and-forth communication between two autonomic nervous systems. It is the experience of heartfelt listening and responding. We are nourished in experiences of reciprocity, feeling the ebb and flow, giving and receiving, attunement, and resonance.” -Deb Dana referencing polyvagal theory ….. (art by Sophie Blackall)

False positivity can absolutely leave you hurting in ways the person delivering the message never intended. Genuine empathy is a better way to respond to pain.

Some days, the weight of heartbreak in this world, the weight of everything wrong and twisted and scary and painful – it just gets to me.⁣
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I wouldn’t change what I do for anything, but still. Sometimes, my heart is just massively broken. So, one night, I posted a tweet saying roughly these things, in under 140 characters. The next morning I noticed a reply to my tweet that said, “Keep looking up, that way you’ll see rainbows.”⁣
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You mention that the pain of the world is heavy in your heart today, and someone tells you to look for rainbows. As though that will fix everything.⁣
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This is everything that’s wrong with grief support in our culture. It’s a complete and total fail: of empathy, of attention, of love. We need a massive overhaul in how we come to pain in this culture.⁣
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If rainbows hold meaning for you personally, that's beautiful. However, telling someone else to stay positive, to look for the gift, or to look for beauty, doesn’t relieve their pain. It only tells them they should look somewhere else for support.⁣
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That your world is in pain, that your heart is broken beyond repair, is no reason to turn your back on it. That you witness great pain in someone you care about, that it’s hard for you to bear, is no reason to turn your back on them – which is what we do when we ladle on a useless platitude.⁣
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Pain is hard. Being alive will break your heart – in small ways, in large ones, in irreparable ones. That’s okay. That you hurt when life hurts doesn’t make you wrong. You don’t need to be talked out of your pain. You don’t need to be “cheered up.” You just need to be heard. It’s that simple.⁣
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Acknowledgement is everything: sometimes things just hurt. Rainbows might be pretty companions, but they aren’t a cure for anything.⁣
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How about you? Have you had the rainbow cure applied to you? If so, how’d that land for you? Did you say say something about how it felt or did you let it slide?⁣ Let us know in the comments.

The OT Toolbox ❤️

Truth.

Happy June! 😎

Hanging out in shame doesn’t do a body, a soul, or a mind good. I can promise you that. When you realize you’re there I’d love it if you try to let curiosity enter stage left. This thing you did - this behavior you engaged - whatever it is that invited in shame, might you explore what it was actually trying to protect you from? Your friendly reminder that this isn’t excuse making, but when we see our parts working as a way to protect ourselves, we can get to know our mode of operation much better. And when we’re leading with curiosity, care, compassion, and acknowledgment, we have SO much more room and space to begin to make the changes we’re looking for.

BTW The Origins of You is 46% off the hardcover. Massive temporary sale on Amazon.

Remember...

I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers
flow in the right direction, will the earth turn
as it was taught, and if not how shall
I correct it?

Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven,
can I do better?

Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows
can do it and I am, well,
hopeless.

Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it,
am I going to get rheumatism,
lockjaw, dementia?

Finally I saw that worrying had come to nothing.
And gave it up. And took my old body
and went out into the morning,
and sang.

~ Mary Oliver, I Worried

~ Art 'Blackbird's Song' by Jenny Moran

Staying and leaving are simply outcomes. ⁠
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They are outcomes of choices that people make about their relationships. ⁠
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Neither outcome is good or bad by itself. ⁠
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Both outcomes can be arrived at by healthy means or unhealthy means.⁠
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The reality is that you can choose to stay in your relationship from a place of health or from a place of brokenness. ⁠
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Staying, in and of itself, is not an indicator of emotional wellness. ⁠
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And the same goes with leaving your relationship. ⁠
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You can leave from a place of health or leave from a place of brokenness.⁠
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👉️ What things are you doing in your recovery to help develop clarity, freedom from fear, and freedom from shame?⁠
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Let me know. 💜