Marriage and Family Therapy Services - East

Here is the last of the workshops I presented with retired Marriage and Family Therapist and Recovery Coach, Ed Mackie. This was a group workshop presented during the early part of the pandemic, so we provided the entire event via Zoom. I had the privilege of presenting alongside Brenton Queen, Debbie Shannon and Ed.

The topic is "Empowering Relationships" and the concepts presented are about applying the principles of Recovery in our relationships -- with ourself as well as with others. Watch/listen to a little at a time and return back to it until it's completed! Or watch the entire 2.5 hour workshop!

Enjoy!

"Empowering Relationships" Recovery Workshop Liza Shaw joins other recovery speakers in an online workshop sponsored by the "Monday Night Recovery Meeting" in Hickory, NC. Liza tells the story of how sh...

Here is an actual video recording of my mentor, Edgar Mackie and I, presenting a Recovery Workshop on the subject of "LOVE."

Sitting next to him, co-presenting on topics on which he was an expert, was truly one of the highlights of my career. I'll never get over knowing Ed Mackie.

Ed Mackie and Liza Shaw - on the Subject of Love.MOV Shared with Dropbox

This is another one of the recovery workshops I had the privilege of providing alongside my mentor, the late, great Edgar Mackie.

This 50 minute recording is about a lot more than the title ("Something About Nothing") suggests. It's about how to clear the wreckage of the past out of the way so that you can CREATE NEW POSSIBILITIES IN YOUR LIFE. Give it a listen and allow the wisdom of Ed wash all over you!

Ed and Liza - Something About Nothing - Final Edit.mp3 Shared with Dropbox

In honor of my dear friend and mentor's death, this week, I am posting the various audio recordings of workshops I had the privilege of leading with him throughout the years.

This 50 minute recording is the second "Relationships in Recovery" seminar we offered the Hickory-area Recovery community. Ed was in rare form during this talk. Seriously. He will have you laughing, crying, and most importantly, challenging your own assumptions, all in just 50 short minutes.

Please give it a listen and allow Ed Mackie's DEEP WISDOM to impact you and your relationships, too!

Healthy Relationships Part 2 - Liza Shaw and Ed Mackie - Part 2 (2).mp3 Shared with Dropbox

I received word today of a dear friend, mentor, and absolutely FEARLESS therapist, Edgar Mackie, passing away last week. The world has lost a truly phenomenal human being.

In memory of Ed, over the next few days, I will be posting some of the Recovery Seminars I had the honor of presenting alongside him over the many years I've known him. Please take the time to listen to the wisdom this man had to share with all of us. The talks are about 50 minutes long.

I am truly grateful God brought Ed into my life. I wouldn't be half the therapist I am without his mentorship. He taught me what REAL love is -- not the Disney version of "happily ever after" that I had bought into as a young child and carried into my adulthood. He fiercely loved, and he showed us what it is to be human.

I cherish all the hours this beautiful man contributed to me. They will be with me forever.

Healthy Relationships Part 1 - Liza Shaw and Ed Mackie.mp3 Shared with Dropbox

This is a non-political support group for anyone who is impacted by the violence in Israel. All are welcome (just keep it non-political) and it is totally free.

https://psychcentral.com/relationships/narcissist-arguing

5 Toxic Arguing Techniques Narcissists Use Do you find yourself in arguments with someone who uses narcissistic tactics? It helps to know what they might say and how to respond effectively.

What do you think? (Pun intended)

Are you just reacting to your thoughts all the time? Has it ever occured to you that your thoughts are running you? Discovering this, and learning how to step back and observe the thoughts -- not as thinker, but as the observer -- has transformed my way of being in the world.

Living AT THE CAUSE of my life rather than at the EFFECT of it, has made all of the difference.

If this idea fascinates you, you and I might be a good fit. I absolutely LOVE sharing the way out of the thoughts that trap us and make us victims in life.

Now accepting new clients!


828-302-2978
(Text or talk)

This is probably the best explanation I've seen, on the difference between falling in love versus being in a committed romantic relationship.

"A love affair has to do with immediate personal satisfaction. But marriage is an ordeal; it means yielding, time and again. That’s why it’s a sacrament: you give up your personal simplicity to participate in a relationship. And when you’re giving, you’re not giving to the other person: you’re giving to the relationship. And if you realize you are in the relationship just as the other person is, then it becomes life building, a life fostering and enriching experience, not an impoverishment because you’re giving to somebody else … This is the challenge of a marriage."
-Joseph Campbell

From: An Open Life: Joseph Campbell in Conversation with Michael Toms

What will you do with this one wild, glorious life?

This is it! There is no "someday." Buy the beach house (take it from me! You'll never want to leave it!!). Take the trip to Europe. Tell that special person you love them. Get your toes painted!!

You are the pilot! You get to choose where you're going!!!

No matter what your circumstances are today, I invite you to pour yourself into this glorious life and give it all you've got!

And if you need someone to cheer you on, contact us for a free exploratory 30 minute Zoom consultation! We can coach you into flying in the direction your soul is calling you to head in.



Marriage and Family Therapy Services - East
703 Ocean Blvd.
Carolina Beach, NC 28428
828-302-2978 (text and talk)

Accepting new clients.

Resentment and Fear are the culprits of our worst upsets. Hear me out...

When life does not turn out the way we want or expect it to, it fails to live up to our expectations. Then, rather than accepting life on life's terms, our unfulfilled expectations are interpreted through the lens of our resentment (which tells us, "this shouldn't be happening"). Since the expectation has severely limited what we would define as "good" and "acceptable," we have doomed ourselves to be unfulfilled every single time we don't get what we want, and we rob ourselves from the blessings hiding in "plain site!"

Through our Resentment, we can't see the blessings. The "filter" of our Resentment will not allow the blessings to be visible, because there is only one "right" way (pre-determined by our expectations). Resentment causes us to live in the past, recycling and revisiting disappointments and unfulfilled expectations.

Fear causes us to live in the future, ever worried and fretful over imaginary threats. There is a very important relationship between Resentment and Fear. They are recursively (mutually reinforcing) connected. That which we resent from the past, we carry around as a worry that we will repeat in the future. If we don't see this recursive relationship, we will not recognize how important it is to let go of both. As long as I still carry around resentments, I will inadvertently reinforce my fears. And as long as I live in fear, I will keep justifying my resentments.

We don't allow ourselves to learn from our past mistakes when our current circumstances are so profoundly colored by our attempts to avoid future pain (fear) and relive the past disappointments (resentments). And if we don't allow ourselves to learn from our mistakes, we will likely repeat them (which will justify our fear of repeating the past and hence, provide even further evidence of our righteous resentments. See the recursiveness??).

This, friends, is the vicious cycle of human misery.

Settling for a life run on Fear and Resentment is like the Fox in Aesop's "Sour Grapes" story. We give up on believing we can have what we really want, and once the resignation sets in, we need an EXPLANATION for it. So we look for this reason. The reason becomes the resentment! It is a cynical justification for why life didn't turn out according to our limited, self-centered view of what we thought life "should" be.

The unlimited possibilities that are our birthright are ALL AROUND US, and our Resentments and Fears are the only things blocking us from seeing them. When we finally allow ourselves to put aside our Resentments and Fears, and accept that we are not the center of the universe, we can also accept that there is a creative force that is infinitely more powerful than this very finite and limited mechanism of the human ego. This force designed the human being to LEARN from pain and disappointment. When we learn, we grow and expand! THAT is the appropriate use of pain. Resentment and Fear is the "Sour Grapes" we settle for, robbing ourselves of the lessons available for ourselves now and in the future.

When we are confronted with a "problem" with another person, it often doesn't occur to us that we could actually be stuck in a vicious-cycle pattern of communication. Yet that is often precisely what is happening, unbeknownst to both parties. It just looks to each party, as though the other party is the actor and they are just the REACTOR. Any time it seems like someone or something outside of ourselves needs to change, we could be stuck in a vicious cycle.

Look at the handout, below. See if you can go beyond your own point of view and imagine what the other person/people's point of view might be. See if you can identify the vicious nature of the cycle...

Ask yourself, "What behaviors do I engage in which hand the other person the EXCUSE they could be using to engage in the behaviors I don't like?" This can help you see the cycle and perhaps offer you some ways that YOU can change instead of wishing, hoping and wanting someone else to change!

A typical example is illustrated in the picture below. One person feels that they HAVE to keep pursuing the other person BECAUSE they keep withdrawing. And the person who is withdrawing justifies their actions BECAUSE the other person won't stop pursuing. See the vicious nature of it? See how neither has any reason (in their own minds) to stop their behavior, because the actions of the other one JUSTIFY their own!? Once you see this, it can become easier to see how YOUR changes may stop this cycle. The pursuer could decide to drop the pursuit, and then the withdrawer no longer has the excuse of the pursuit, to justify their continued pulling away!

This concept (the vicious cycle) is one of the FOUNDATIONS of the professional practice of Marriage and Family Therapy and it's what makes Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists different from LPCs, Social Workers, Psychologists and other types of counselors.

Tell me about how you take care of yourself!

Good point.

It is so much easier to give up something that never existed in the first place.

Call us for a new client appointment and we can help you learn to let go!

828-302-2978
PowerToThrive.com

It is so much easier to give up something that never existed in the first place.

Call us for a new client appointment and we can help you learn to let go!

828-302-2978
PowerToThrive.com

For those who have less than ideal relationships with their mothers... Or less than ideal relationships with their children... For those whose mother's are no longer with us... and those who desperately wanted to be a mother, but for whatever reason, couldn't... For those who are disappointed in a holiday that doesn't represent you, and leaves you feeling more lonely and invisible instead of less ... I send this heartfelt message out to you today.

Releasing your disappointment, sadness and bitterness sets YOU FREE. I wish freedom for you today, and every day!

Today's ladies networking event in Hampstead was so fun! These women are POWERHOUSES and I am so lucky to be in an extended community of so many movers and shakers!!! Thank you

Looking forward to meeting the women of the Island Ladies Network! If you are anywhere near Hampstead, NC on Tuesday, come sip some coffee and talk about healthy communication!

SAVE THE DATE!

September 17th and 18th, 2023, I will be bringing my 5-star rated women's empowerment workshop to the Carolina Beach Courtyard by Marriott hotel and Conference Center!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have recently received multiple requests to once again offer my women's empowerment workshop, "Discovering and Owning Your Inner Bitch." Many have asked me why I choose to call my women's empowerment workshop by this somewhat-controversial name. The reason?

TO "REVERSE THE CURSE."

Historically, the word "BITCH" has been used against women -- to harm, gaslight, accuse and blame. By and large in our culture, it is considered an insult to be a BITCH. And women have been socialized to be "nice" at the risk of being accused of being a BITCH when we are not. But what does being "nice" lead to? Is it really authentic? Much too often, girls and women are given the message that we should take care of others at the expense of our own well-being, and if we put our own needs first, we are -- yep, you guessed it -- being a BITCH. And if we assert our TRUTH and it doesn't match with the expectations of others, we are castigated with this slur.

Through didactic discussion, group sharing and exercises (including a deeply moving hypnotherapy process that brings participants in direct contact with their authentic SELVES), participants will develop a deep and reliable new relationship with themselves -- perhaps for the very first time. This workshop gets 5-star reviews by past participants. Here is what one previous attendee said about it:

"This course was so much more than what I expected. I thought I would gain a few nuggets of new knowledge and walk away with that good 'workshoppy' feeling for a few weeks. Instead, I have forged a brand new relationship with myself. I had no idea the harmful ways in which my past was dictating my actions in the present. This course allowed me to reach back in time, to find that small, vulnerable child that I once was, and to rescue her from the place where she felt she had to hide in order to feel safe. I reconnected with this innocent and beautiful aspect of myself and have begun to develop an abiding trust in myself, knowing that I will take great care of this part of me from now on -- that I will NEVER abandon her again. Now that I have developed this new connection, I feel more confident, grounded and centered. I no longer feel afraid to be ME. I know my TRUTH and I speak it WITHOUT FEAR. My intuition has gotten so much stronger now that I am no longer living in fear, and now that I can truly trust that I will always be able to take care of myself. I didn't know how to do this before . I do now. I thought I needed to learn to be 'assertive,' but now I operate FROM my authenticity, which eliminates my need to feel like I have to assert myself. This course has changed my life in a way I never believed it could. I am deeply grateful for it and for the work Liza did in developing it."

I don't know who YP is, but they are preaching some SERIOUS truth right here. This is what makes a relationship work.

THIS RIGHT HERE.

If you don't have this, hold out for it until it comes to you. If you don't know how to create this in your relationships, find a therapist who can assist you to learn how. I have openings if you want to learn. This is literally my specialty. You can learn this individually, or in relationship with someone else. But however you do it, PLEASE DO IT. It is the biggest gift you can give yourself and your loved ones, and the world at large. Become someone who seeks to UNDERSTAND.

I have been invited to speak to this women's networking group in Hampstead in a few weeks! Come join me and the other ladies.

Humans are complex. Things are not black or white. But they don't have to be gray either! How about creating a multicolored, vibrant, brilliant LIFE OF POSSIBILITIES!!?? I can walk beside you!

Accepting new clients
828-302-2978
Marriage and Family Therapy Services - East

I love this. I raised my kids to know that they could tell someone they were uncomfortable with the way they were playing with them or touching them as well.

Children are to be seen, heard and BELIEVED.

"A grown man looms behind my three-year-old daughter. Occasionally he will poke or tickle her and she responds by shrinking. Smaller and smaller with each unwanted advance. I imagine her trying to become slight enough to slip out of her booster seat and slide under the table.

When my mother views this scene, she sees playful taunting. A grandfather engaging with his granddaughter.

“Mae.” My tone cuts through the din of a familiar family gathering together. She does not look at me.

“Mae.” I start again. “You can tell him no Mae. If this isn’t okay you could say something like, Papa, please back up—I would like some space for my body.”

As I say the words, my step-father, the bulldog, leans in a little closer, hovering just above her head. His tenebrous grin taunts me as my daughter accordions her 30-pound frame hoping to escape his tickles and hot breath.

I repeat myself with a little more force. She finally peeks up at me.

“Mama . . . can you say it?” Surprise. A three-year-old-girl doesn’t feel comfortable defending herself against a grown man. A man that has stated he loves and cares for her over and over again, and yet, stands here showing zero concern for her wishes about her own body. I ready myself for battle.

“Papa! Please back up! Mae would like some space for her body.” My voice is firm but cheerful. He does not move.

“Papa. I should not have to ask you twice. Please back up. Mae is uncomfortable.”

“Oh, relax,” he says, ruffling her wispy blonde hair. The patriarchy stands, patronizing me in my own damn kitchen. “We’re just playin’.” His southern drawl does not charm me.

“No. You were playing. She was not. She’s made it clear that she would like some space, now please back up.”

“I can play how I want with her.” He says, straightening his posture. My chest tightens. The sun-bleached hairs on my arms stand at attention as this man, who has been my father figure for more than three decades, enters the battle ring.

“No. No, you cannot play however you want with her. It’s not okay to ‘have fun’ with someone who does not want to play.” He opens his mouth to respond but my rage is palpable through my measured response. I wonder if my daughter can feel it. I hope she can.

He retreats to the living room and my daughter stares up at me. Her eyes, a starburst of blue and hazel, shine with admiration for her mama. The dragon has been slayed (for now). My own mother is silent. She refuses to make eye contact with me.

This is the same woman who shut me down when I told her about a sexual assault I had recently come to acknowledge. This is the same woman who was abducted by a carful of strangers as she walked home one night. She fought and screamed until they kicked her out. Speeding away, they ran over her ankle and left her with a lifetime of physical and emotional pain. This is the same woman who said nothing, who could say nothing as her boss and his friends sexually harassed her for years. This is the same woman who married one of those friends.

When my mother views this scene, she sees her daughter overreacting. She sees me “making a big deal out of nothing.” Her concerns lie more in maintaining the status quo and cradling my step-dad’s toxic ego than in protecting the shrinking three-year-old in front of her.

When I view this scene, I am both bolstered and dismayed. My own strength and refusal to keep quiet is the result of hundreds, probably thousands of years of women being mistreated, and their protests ignored. It is the result of watching my own mother suffer quietly at the hands of too many men. It is the result of my own mistreatment and my solemn vow to be part of ending this cycle.

It would be so easy to see a little girl being taught that her wishes don’t matter. That her body is not her own. That even people she loves will mistreat and ignore her. And that all of this is “okay” in the name of other people, men, having fun.

But. What I see instead is a little girl watching her mama. I see a little girl learning that her voice matters. That her wishes matter. I see a little girl learning that she is allowed and expected to say no. I see her learning that this is not okay.

I hope my mom is learning something, too.

November 21, 2018
Fighting the patriarchy one grandpa at a time.”

By Lisa Norgren
Connect with her here:
https://www.facebook.com/lisanorgrenwriter/

Photo: TheGuardian

Lisa Norgren, Writer Lisa is a writer and yoga teacher residing in Ann Arbor, MI. She writes about motherhood, and enjoys baking sourdough bread.

Parents, if you read only 1 parenting tip this week, read this one.

Marriage and Family Therapy Services East
703 Ocean Blvd.
Carolina Beach, NC 28428
Text/Talk: 828-302-2978
Accepting new clients now.

Wow. This may be a game changer.

https://interestingengineering.com/science/blood-test-anxiety-mental-health-diagnosis

New blood test for anxiety is a breakthrough in mental health diagnosis Researchers from Indiana University School of Medicine have developed a new blood test for anxiety. It is part of the other tests that can diagnose other mental health disorders.

What do you think is one of the most crucial traits a man can possess that would determine happiness and satisfaction in his marriage? You may be surprised to discover what it is!

How Good Are You at Accepting Influence From Your Partner? Why some men are prone to power struggles in relationships

What would it take for you to give up your limitations and run WILD towards your dreams!? Most of us need a coach or support person to help us see our blind soots, to help us achieve true self expression and authenticity in this life. Allow me to serve as the Sherpa on your climb to the pinnacle of your mountain top!

Text/talk: 828-302-2978

https://powertothrive.com/wilmington-area-clients