Xplor Counseling of Hawaii

A smooth start to your day can make everything else feel a little easier. But if you don’t stick to a consistent bedtime, you may have tougher mornings than usual.

Build a routine 🍵
Even if you’re not a morning fan, you still have things to do. You may have kids that need breakfast made and lunches packed. Your dog still has to go out.
None of that can happen without a morning routine. But it can be hard to start. Research shows that it can take 66 days to form a simple habit, such as eating fruit or taking a walk. And combining habits into a routine can take even longer.

Love the light 🍵
Bright light therapy can lift your mood and make you more alert. When you raise the light a little at a time, you tell your brain that it’s time to get moving. Try these tips:
Use a timer. Get a timer or use an alarm app that lights up slowly, just as the sun does.
Eat breakfast by the window. Sit in the sunshine while you drink your coffee.
Lower the lights at night. Mornings are hard when you haven’t slept well. For better sleep, dim the lights in the evening. And stay away from using electronic devices before bedtime.

Move in the morning 🍵
Morning exercise can boost your mood and give you more energy. It raises your levels of BDNF (brain-derived neurotrophic factor). That’s a brain chemical that helps you learn new skills and stay sharp. If you feel foggy when you wake up, get moving to feel more alert. Some tips:
Take a walk. A quick walk can lower your levels of cortisol, a chemical your body releases when you’re stressed. That’s a recipe for a better day. Plus, being outside gets you more light. Stroll around the block or take the dog for a morning walk.
Try yoga. Yoga is a gentle way to wake up. Even doing yoga just times a week can lower anxiety, depression and stress, according to one study.5 No time for a class? Try an easy online video.

Surround yourself with happiness 🍵
Try to fill your space with energy and joy in the morning. This can put you in a positive mindset for the day. Some strategies:
Listen to upbeat music. Make a playlist of songs that make you happy. Then play it each morning. Use your music to keep you on track. For example, when the Beatles comes on, it’s time for your shower.
Go easy on the news. It’s great to be well-informed. Bad news can put you in a bad mood. Sound familiar? Just tune in for the traffic and weather reports.

Practice positive self-talk ⭐
We all have an inner voice. It’s an endless stream of unspoken thoughts. This “self-talk” can be negative or positive. To see which way you lean, check in with yourself during the day. If you tend to be positive, keep it up. If you tend to judge yourself negatively, try to soften your approach. Talk to yourself in the same way you would talk to a dear friend. Show kindness, gentleness and encouragement.

Reframe your negative thoughts ⭐
When you find yourself engaging in negative self-talk, pause. See if you can spin what you’re thinking in a positive way. Here are a couple of examples:
If you’re thinking: “I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’ll probably fail.”
Reframe it: Say to yourself, “This is a chance to learn something new.”
If you’re thinking: “There’s no way I’ll get this job.”
Reframe it: Say to yourself, “I have the skillset for this job.”

Be curious ⭐
When you’re curious, you’re open to new experiences. You take an interest in those experiences. You also spend a lot of time asking questions, rather than mulling over negative thoughts.

End each day with gratitude ⭐
Gratitude is being aware of and thankful for good things happening. And practicing gratitude helps you feel happier.6 Here’s a popular gratitude exercise. Before bed, simply think of three things you’re grateful for that day.

In recent times, there’s been a lot of talk and worry about anxiety. It remains one of the most common mental health concerns in the world. To be clear, anxiety can be very difficult to experience. And, in chronic form, it can be disruptive to your life and put your health at risk. 😮‍💨

But mild bouts of anxiety can actually help you. Those feelings of fear, worry and unease arise to tell you something important about your immediate circumstances. They can help sharpen your awareness, intensify your focus and spur you into action.

When you feel anxious, your body reacts to a perceived threat or danger by going into “fight or flight” response. As part of this response, it releases hormones to speed your heart rate and breathing, increase your blood pressure and tense your muscles. These temporary physical reactions essentially heighten your ability to flee faster or fight stronger. (Though, in some cases, you may freeze instead, which in some scenarios, can be the best way to protect yourself.) This survival instinct is hardwired into us.

In modern times, these anxious feelings tend to be more about a mental and emotional concern than about a physical threat. These feelings usually are triggering you to adapt to a situation, make a decision or resolve a problem. For example:
Maybe you’re worried about an upcoming deadline or test, so you work or study harder to be prepared.
Maybe you’re nervous about a first date with someone you’re really excited to meet, so you focus more on making a good impression.
Maybe you’re trying to get around an unfamiliar neighborhood, so you’re more alert to your surroundings.

If your strong feelings persist and are becoming harder to manage, consult with a medical or mental health professional. Anxiety disorders are treatable.

Being active is a key way to help you stay healthy at any age. As you get older, whether you’re 40, 50, 60 or older, it’s especially important. The better you move, the more you can get out there and do the things you love to do. 💪

Exercise #1: Yoga or chair yoga
Exercise #2: Tai chi
Exercise #3: Single-leg balance exercises
Exercise #4: Standing back leg raise
Exercise #5: Walking
Exercise #6: Step-ups
Exercise #7: Push-ups or wall push-ups

Bottom line: Getting older doesn’t mean parking yourself on a couch more hours of the day. In fact, it’s even more important to stay active. What better time to get moving than in the summer? ☀️☀️

5 tools to add to your flight-anxiety toolkit ✈️✈️✈️

1. Zero in on what makes you anxious 🧳
Not everyone’s flight anxiety is fueled by the same thing. Common fears include:
Feeling a lack of control
The plane crashing
Exposure to germs in a confined space
Feeling claustrophobic or being “trapped in the sky”
Takeoffs
Landings
Turbulence

2. Educate yourself as much as you can 🧳
Knowledge is power. It can help you gain control over your flight anxiety. For example, let’s say your anxiety stems from a fear of the plane crashing. In this case, safety information may help you feel a bit better.

3. Focus on what you can control 🧳
This can help prevent other stressors from aggravating your anxiety. I find that the following can help:
Know your flight details
Research airport dining and entertainment options before you arrive. That way you can stay distracted and busy before you depart.
Avoid caffeine and alcohol if they worsen your anxiety
Arrive at the airport early. Most airlines recommend arriving 2 hours early for a domestic flight and 3 hours early for an international one.

4. Leverage CBT 🧳
For example, picture yourself completing your trip from the safety of your home. Imagine yourself packing. See yourself driving to the airport. Then arriving at the airport. You get the idea. The key is to picture it before you actually do it.
Visualizing the experience, imagining potential outcomes, and calming yourself through it can be done by yourself. Or you can role-play with a friend. It’s a simple practice that can help the real thing feel more manageable and less stressful.

5. Distract yourself 🧳
Getting sucked into a great movie or book can be the perfect escape from flight anxiety. And the airlines help deliver here, with most flights offering personal screens with an array of entertainment options. Some airlines even let you browse options before you board. Uninterested in what’s offered? Watch or listen to whatever you prefer on your device. Just be sure to download it for offline access.

SOURCES: Oakes, M., & Bor, R. (2010). The psychology of fear of flying (part I): a critical evaluation of current perspectives on the nature, prevalence and etiology of fear of flying. Travel medicine and infectious disease, 8(6), 327–338. http://spr.ly/6189YmACb

It’s easy to find the school bully in classic teen movies. They’re often the kid who’s pinning other kids against a locker and stealing their lunch money. 🏫
Physical bullying does still happen in schools. But other forms of bullying may not be as easy to notice. And the problem is very real. 📐

Common types of bullying
There are a few different types of bullying. Some happen more often than others. But each kind can be difficult for children.

Verbal harassment: Teasing. Mean comments. Being made fun of. These are all forms of verbal bullying in schools. One of the most common is name-calling, says Nekeshia Hammond, PsyD. She’s a licensed clinical psychologist in Brandon, Florida. Other forms of verbal bullying include:
Homophobic comments. LGBTQ+ youth (and those perceived as being LGBTQ+) are at an increased risk of bullying, according to http://spr.ly/6187Y3xRb.
Insults
Teasing
Name calling
Hate speech and racist comments
Intimidation

Social harassment: Social bullying is more common among girls. But it can affect both boys and girls. It can include:
Encouraging kids to exclude another kid from activities
Playing mean jokes on other students
Spreading rumors to damage someone’s reputation

Physical bullying: This type of bullying causes physical pain. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, it can involve:
Kicking
Hitting
Punching
Pushing
Choking

How to help
First, ask if something is going on at school. Then listen to what your child has to say. Let them know that they’re not in trouble and that they can tell you anything.
Help them role-play how to respond to bullying behavior. For example, they can walk away (or ignore a mean text). They can say, “I don’t like that” or “Please don’t say that to me.” And they can ask a trusted adult, such as a teacher, for help.
Alert your child’s school about the problem. And work on solutions together.

Are your kids nervous about heading back to school? Here’s how to help them feel less worried about returning to the classroom. 🍎📚

How to spot the signs of anxiety
It’s natural to be jumpy before the first day of school. But how do you know if it’s routine nerves or something more serious? Experts say the following symptoms are red flags:1,2
Sleeplessness. If your child is unable to rest or wakes up in the middle of the night, it could be a sign of anxiety.
Changes in eating habits. Anxious children often refuse food or eat excessively.
Headaches or stomachaches. Everyone complains of these symptoms sometimes. But if the complaints persist, it may be a sign of something more.
Irritability. If your child is quick to get angry, argue or cry, think about talking to your pediatrician or a behavioral health specialist.
Bed-wetting or bathroom accidents. If your child suddenly starts experiencing these symptoms, check with your doctor.

Soothing Tips
1) Normalize your child’s feelings. Let your child know that their feelings are OK. Tell them that new things can feel scary. Plus, it’s natural to be jittery about a new school year, no matter how old they are.
2) You can also remind them about the good things that come with a new school year. They’ll learn new things and make new friends. Maybe they’ll also get some new privileges, too, such as a later bedtime or a later weekend curfew (for older kids).
3) And don’t forget the power of new school supplies. Buying new notebooks, pencils and other school supplies is fun for kids. Set aside time to pick out things together, then get their homework space set up. You can even decorate it together. That will help them see that you’re excited, too.

Sources:
Centers for Disease Control. Children’s mental health: Anxiety and depression in children. Last updated April 19, 2022. Accessed June 27, 2022.
American Academy of Pediatrics. School avoidance: Tips for concerned parents. Last updated September 5, 2017. Accessed June 27, 2022.

It’s true: Kindness really is its own reward. Ever helped an older person cross a busy street? Stretched up to grab a box of cereal for someone who couldn’t reach? Tied a child’s shoelaces?

Health benefit #1: Kindness can make you feel happy 🤗
One important feel-good hormone is called oxytocin. A hormone is a type of chemical messenger. It’s mostly known for its role in helping new moms bond with their babies. But its benefits go beyond motherhood. Oxytocin rewards you when you connect with another person. It’s also thought to play a role in trust and relationship-building.

Health benefit #2: Kindness can be good for your heart 🤗
Little acts of kindness make your heart happy, literally. They can make it healthier, too. First, kindness may lower your blood pressure. That’s one key measure of heart health. In one study, spending money on others reduced the blood pressure of older adults at risk of heart disease, according to the American Heart Association.

Health benefit #3: Kindness helps with stress 🤗
Constant stress can be bad for your health. When you’re stressed, your body releases hormones, like adrenaline and cortisol, into your system. These are chemicals that trigger your fight-or-flight response. Usually, your cortisol levels return to normal once the stressful situation passes.

Sources:
Endocrine Society. Brain Hormones. Last updated January 24, 2022. Accessed September 28, 2023.
Cleveland Clinic. Oxytocin. Last reviewed March 27, 2022. Accessed September 28, 2023.
American Heart Association. Does kindness equal happiness and health? Published February 15, 2022. Accessed September 28, 2023.

How different mental health professionals help you heal 👨‍⚕️

⭐Licensed clinical social worker (LCSW)
Social workers use talk therapy to care for people with mental health issues. But they’re also trained to help you with other problems. They can help you find legal help. Or they can put you in touch with food assistance or health care services.
How an LCSW can help: They’re a great choice if you need social services. Need to find memory care for an older adult? Having trouble finding a ride or a place to live? A licensed clinical social worker can help you with those issues.

⭐Licensed professional counselor (LPC)
This is a type of behavioral health specialist. They use talk therapy to care for mental health issues, like depression, anxiety and substance use disorders. They teach you skills to help you change the way you think and act. They’ll give you the tools you need to deal with issues such as anxiety or panic attacks.
How an LPC can help: Counselors can help you create a practical action plan to get real results as soon as possible.

⭐Psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner (PMHNP)
These are nurses who care for mental health conditions. They can do talk therapy. And in most states, they can also prescribe medicines.
How a PMHNP can help: They’re trained to care for everything that affects your health. And unlike many other therapists, they can usually prescribe medicines. You might want to see a nurse practitioner if you think you may need both therapy and pills.

⭐Psychiatrist
Psychiatrists are medical doctors (MDs) who care for all kinds of mental health conditions. They’re trained to learn the cause of mental health problems. They may do talk therapy. But usually they focus on medicine. A psychiatrist can help you find medicine to feel better. And because they’re medical doctors, they can order tests to see if a physical illness is linked to your mental health.
How a psychiatrist can help: Psychiatrists may be trained trained in newer treatments that can be used with medicine and therapy. Some examples are vagus nerve stimulation and transcranial stimulation. Those techniques send signals to parts of your brain that handle your mood. They can take care of depression and other mental health issues.

The beginner’s guide to meditation 🧘🙏

How do I meditate?
You might think that meditation is the same as praying. But there’s a difference. When you’re meditating, you’re not trying to connect to a higher power. You’re simply being present.
How do you do that? First, it’s helpful to find a quiet spot to meditate. You can certainly do it seated or lying down. But there isn’t a “right” way to do it. (For example, you can do a walking meditation.) Relax and settle in for a few minutes (or however long is good for you).

One of the easiest ways to meditate is to pause and focus on your breath. For this type of meditation try these steps:
Step 1: Sit or lie down in a quiet place.
Step 2: Close your eyes and take deep, slow breaths. Focus on bringing your breath in, then blowing it out.
Step 3: When thoughts come into your mind, notice them. You can picture them as clouds or balloons floating away. Each time your mind starts to wander (and it will), gently bring yourself back to your breath.

Why weren’t you diagnosed with ADHD as a child?🧠

If you didn’t know you had ADHD as a child, there could be several reasons why, says Nekeshia Hammond, PsyD. She’s a licensed psychologist in Tampa Bay, Florida.
Here are some reasons that you might not have known you had ADHD until later in life.

You have the inattentive type of ADHD. There are three different types of ADHD:4

1)Predominately inattentive. People with this type of ADHD may struggle with focus.2
2) Predominately hyperactive-impulsive. This type of ADHD may include fidgeting and being impulsive (acting without thinking).2 It can be more obvious to outsiders.
3)Combined type. This is a combination of the first two types.2

When trying to diagnose ADHD, doctors do a complete checkup. And sometimes, the most noticeable signs, like hyperactivity, help your doctor diagnose your condition faster.4,5 That’s why the inattentive type might be missed when you’re a kid.4

You’re a woman. Women are typically diagnosed with ADHD later in life than men.6,7 That’s because it may not be as obvious in young girls and teenage girls, notes Cordiano. For instance, girls are more likely to have inattentive symptoms than boys.4

In some cases, adults might learn that they have ADHD after they have their own children, explains Cordiano. “A parent will start to realize that this diagnosis resonates with them too,” she says.

You were able to work around your condition. This is called “masking,” explains Cordiano. It means that a person with ADHD is able to find ways to adjust to their condition. They do so by learning ways to handle and adapt to their struggles.8 For example, if you have ADHD, you may often misplace things. To mask your condition, you might constantly check your bag to keep track of your belongings.

What can I do if I find out I have ADHD as an adult?
Let’s say your therapist or another health care professional confirms that you have ADHD. How you feel about that news may vary from person to person, says Cordiano. Here are a few examples:
You may feel sad that you didn’t find out earlier, says Hammond. If you did, you might have had a chance to start treatment sooner.
You might feel relieved. Suddenly, so much about your life makes sense. You didn’t mean to seem like you procrastinate. Your brain just works differently. “Now they know their symptoms were not just in their head,” says Hammond.
You might feel confused. This can be tough news to hear, says Cordiano. Your view of ADHD might not match the way you view yourself, she says.
You might also feel angry. That could be directed at parents or teachers for not identifying the condition earlier, notes Honos-Webb.
No matter what you feel, you’ll likely be thinking, “What now?” Read on to learn what you can do.

SOURCES:
National Alliance on Mental Illness. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Accessed September 13, 2023.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. What is ADHD? Last reviewed August 9, 2022. Accessed September 13, 2023.
Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD). ADHD Benefits in the Workplace. Accessed September 13, 2023.
American Psychological Association. An ADHD diagnosis in adulthood comes with challenges and benefits. Published March 1, 2023. Accessed September 13, 2023.
Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD). Grow Out of ADHD? Not Likely. Published December 17, 2020. Accessed September 13, 2023.
Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD). How the gender gap leaves girls and women undertreated for ADHD. Accessed September 13, 2023.
BMC Psychiatry. Females with ADHD: An expert consensus statement taking a lifespan approach providing guidance for the identification and treatment of attention-deficit/ hyperactivity disorder in girls and women. Published August 12, 2020. Accessed September 13, 2023.
Frontiers in Psychology. Attentive-executive functioning and compensatory strategies in adult ADHD: A retrospective case series study. Published October 13, 2022. Accessed September 13, 2023.

We’ve got plenty of tips to help you feel your best all season long. ☀️🚤🍦

Protect your skin in style. You know you should wear a hat when you’re outdoors. But some types offer more protection from the sun’s rays than others. Case in point: Skip baseball caps. They shade only a small amount of skin. Instead, switch to a brimmed sun hat. Choose one made of tightly woven fabric, like canvas.

Stay cool in the heat. Need a simple way to cool down fast? Create your own “spa towels.” Place a chilled, scented towel on your face. To do this, soak washcloths in clean, cold water. Add a few drops of essential oil. An essential oil is an extract from a plant. Then wring them out and roll them up. Store them in a plastic container in your refrigerator.

Upgrade your sunglasses. It can be easy to forget about protecting your eyes from the sun. Here’s a not-so-fun fact. Just being outside can burn your eyes, leading to vision problems later on. To protect your eyes, choose the right sunglasses.

😀 Every one of us is different. From our fingerprints to our personalities, talents, opinions, abilities, lived experiences and much more. Yet, we often form groups based on similarities. As we do, some people get left behind, overlooked, excluded or worse.

But what could happen if, instead, we celebrate the differences each of us brings? And we work together to create safe spaces where all people feel welcome?
On a personal level, we each might feel more like we fit in and belong. On a more holistic level, diversity and inclusion breed creativity and innovation that benefit us all. Think about the foods we eat, the technologies we use, the entertainment we enjoy and the ideas that shape our lives and opportunities.

What inclusion looks like
Inclusivity means making sure everyone, regardless of their differences, feels safe, accepted and welcomed.
“Regardless of their differences” refers to the differences you can see, like appearances. It also includes the broad spectrum of what may be invisible to you:
Relative health and wellness, including any physical disabilities or those related to learning, attention, mental health and chronic pain
Education, including their access to it and the quality of it
Environmental conditions they live in
Financial status and stability
Gender identity and sexual orientation
Lived experiences, including being marginalized, discriminated against or harassed
Cultural background

And so much more.

Benefits of brains that work differently 🧠
Neurodiversity can bring fresh ideas. And new perspectives that benefit our workplaces, communities and the world. These unique thinking processes can be helpful across a variety of specialized skill sets. For example, some neurodivergent people can recognize systems and patterns faster than most others. These are helpful skills for engineering, mathematics and computer science.

Understanding the potential differences 🧠
It’s important to note, their unique brain functions can also lead them to struggle in ways neurotypical people might not. Neurodivergence and neurodiversity are nonmedical umbrella terms. They cover a broad range of neurological differences. These include dyslexia, dyscalculia, autism and ADHD.
As such, learning abilities depend on the condition and person. It may be hard for some to learn how to read or do math. Some may get sensory overload. This can happen from bright lights and loud noises. And they may shut down or wind up. Or they may cover their eyes or ears. Some may find it difficult to sit still and focus for long periods of time.

Support neurodiversity 🧠
Each of us can help create understanding, supportive and welcoming spaces. For neurodivergent people — and everyone. Here are some ways to get started:
Be an ally – Encourage respect and dignity for all people. If you hear or see someone saying or doing something offensive or harmful, speak up and address it. Remember that advocacy is an ongoing need and process. Change takes time and repetition.
Communicate clearly – Be polite but direct. Avoid sarcasm and euphemisms. And avoid implied messages that can be hard to understand.
Separate facts from fiction – Many myths and misconceptions exist about neurodivergent people. And they are reinforced in TV shows and movies with stereotypes. Neurodivergence represents a very broad spectrum of thinking processes, behaviors and expressions that can vary widely. Just as no two brains are the same, neither are people — even if they share a condition or diagnosis.

Happy 4th of July! 🎇🎇🎇
As we celebrate our nation’s freedom, we honor the courageous men and women dedicated to preserving it.

Uncovering your blind spots 😊
A first step is to learn to see our blind spots. Here are 7 ways to get started.

Admit you have biases. Then try to uncover what they may be. Think about how you react to certain situations, people or types of information. Do you have an immediate impulse that steers you away from some people, places and things, and toward others? Why?

Challenge yourself. Ask yourself why you believe what you believe, think what you think and act how you act. Are your beliefs, thoughts and behaviors serving yourself, but potentially underestimating, limiting or harming someone else? For example, consider how you interact with and describe people, places and situations. Are you being fair? Can you believe, think and act in ways that show more kindness and compassion? Can you patiently listen to another person or consider another way of doing something?

Expand your sense of empathy. Listen to understand other people’s views and feelings without judgment. Think about any given situation from another person’s perspective. How would it feel to be them? Would you want to trade places — why or why not?

Assess your body language. Is it saying what you want it to? Are you showing respect for others around you? For example, consider the different perspectives on personal space, touch, expressions, gestures and eye contact. What’s appropriate, respectful and comfortable varies culturally and from person to person.

Seek new experiences. Push yourself out of your comfort zone. Regularly look for opportunities to interact with people who are different from you. For example, you could join an employee resource group at your organization, visit a part of town you’ve never been to, try recipes from other regions, read opinion editorials by authors who don’t share your views, watch foreign movies, listen to podcasts and music from different places, or invite a neighbor or co-worker you don’t know to lunch.

Keep learning. Take the time to educate yourself about the current views and perspectives, as well as the histories, cultures and heritages different from your own. As you do, also think about the hardships, setbacks and other experiences others are facing today and historically. This can help you better understand where they’re coming from and gain some insight into why.

Keep trying. Uncovering your blind spots doesn’t happen overnight. It takes honest self-examination, time and practice to unlearn what is deeply ingrained in our thought patterns, behaviors and actions. It also takes a willingness to compromise and to even laugh at yourself once in a while.