Kirstin Carl Therapy

So often censoring ourselves, we don’t tell others what we really think, feel, and need. We fear that it’s too much, and that others will pull away.

But here’s an important truth: Without authenticity, we can’t feel close to others.

We feel distant, if we aren’t truly known.

Our unspoken thoughts, feelings, and needs create a space between us and the people around us.

Shame tells you to hide. Authenticity tells you to take up space.

Come out of the shadows by sharing what’s really going on inside of you, not just the shiny, filtered parts.

Abandoning yourself fits like an old shoe. It’s worn out, but you slip into it easily.

You’re constantly exhausted, running circles around what you think is going on inside of everyone else.

You’re not going to find the intimacy you crave. You can’t show up in a relationship, if you’re nowhere to be found.

You’re not able to tell people what you really think and feel. You’re a chameleon—twisting and bending yourself to fit the shapes of others.

So here’s a question for you: What do you need? You probably have no idea.

Therapy can help you create a map of yourself. You deserve that. You’ve spent so many years lost in fear of people leaving you. It’s time to find intimacy with yourself, so you can find intimacy with others. 👩‍❤️‍👩

If you feel insecure and fear abandonment, you’re obsessed with externals: what others are thinking, feeling, or needing.
You’re so afraid of disapproval that you push aside your internals to please others.
So guess what’s happening? You’re abandoning yourself.
You deserve better.
Stay tuned for more about this idea. It’s crucial for finding the intimacy you long for.

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When you notice shame coming up in a relationship, you can write in your journal about why the shame is not yours to carry.⁠
You can actively choose not to take it all on.⁠
Imagine yourself setting it down in front of you.⁠
When you’re taking on responsibility that isn’t yours, or telling yourself you are the problem in a relationship, pause and reflect. Remember that because there are two people in a relationship, both people deserve some responsibility.⁠
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Your shame hides in many places-in anger, blame, denial, workaholism, perfectionism, drinking, and anything else you compulsively engage in to make yourself feel better.
What is shame?
It’s a very “therapist-y” word. It’s a term you probably have heard, and may have some idea of what it is.
But do you really know what it means?
It’s a core belief that you are bad. That you are not good enough. That you don’t deserve to have the desires of your heart fulfilled. That you are defective. That you are beyond hope.
Make 2022 the year you kick shame to the curb.
Want to know more about breaking free from shame? Stay tuned for tips.

A major reason why relationships fail is because both partners are looking to the other person to complete them.

Successful relationships are formed when both partners are filled up to overflowing, and so actually have something to offer the other person.

Therapy is a place to start filling yourself up, so you can actually show up for a partner.

Visit my website to learn more about how I can partner with you in your journey toward intimacy. www.kcarlmft.com

Make a list of any roles or activities in which you feel used or taken advantage of, or resentful about.

Identify where you may have said "yes" when you meant "no."

Imagine yourself speaking the truth about the situation, and notice what emotions come up.

Journal about the way these emotions came about—such as shame or powerlessness about saying no.

In therapy, you can discover how these emotions connect to your past.

Understanding your past empowers you to create a new story for yourself, in which you can say no when you mean no. ✨

When reflecting on others' requests, you can say something like, "I’ll get back to you on that," "I need some time to consider that," or "That's an interesting question. I need to give it some thought before I answer."

Women who I work with frequently tell me they feel a sense of urgency in responding to others. I help them understand that expressing their need to give themselves space to make decisions.

Most times, giving someone an answer right away isn’t needed. If you notice yourself feeling pressure, remember you can give yourself permission to take some time. You are more likely to listen to your needs, and not just others’ needs, if you pause and give yourself space.

You can be more intentional about setting boundaries by first becoming aware of places, situations, or relationships where you feel uncomfortable.

With this new awareness, you can grow a new consciousness in which you actively pause and make decisions about what you let in and out.

You can begin telling yourself that you have the right to say no, and the right to pause, at any time. ✨

As a therapist specializing in partnering with women to clear away the wreckage of their past so they’re ready for the relationship they desire, I’m offering tips and words of wisdom for setting boundaries.

Stay tuned for more!

                     

· You don’t slow down.

· You frantically find yourself responding to everyone else’s crisis.

· You feel a sense of urgency about having to respond immediately to what others need, think, and want.

· You try to please others because you’re afraid of them being angry, rejecting you, or abandoning you.

· You dismiss your needs and feelings like they don’t matter, especially compared to others’ needs and feelings.

If so, these are boundary issues that can keep you feeling stuck and unfulfilled relationally.

As a therapist specializing in partnering with women to clear away the wreckage of their past so they’re ready for the relationship they desire, I’m offering tips and words of wisdom for setting boundaries.

Stay tuned!

With Thanksgiving tomorrow, I’m sure you’re getting ready to celebrate love and gratitude with friends and family.
But how can you let these feelings shine and enjoy the event, if being around people makes you anxious?

Social anxiety is defined as an intense persistent fear of being judged by others and standing out in the crowd.

Here are some methods that may help keep social anxiety manageable, so you can relax and enjoy yourself this Thanksgiving! 💕

Therapy is one of the best investments you can make that will continue to give you dividends.

I am committed to helping you throughout your healing journey. ✨

Happy Monday! ☕️ As I was drinking my morning coffee I came across a quote that really stuck out to me by Mark Twain. “Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection.”

If you're waiting for everything to be perfect, you will never be able to face reality and make a change.

Life isn’t perfect and when it comes to healing and confronting our problems it takes guts. It takes making the effort to improve instead of pushing down or forgetting about our issues.

Mark each step taken, as a success. You will get to a place that may not be perfect but it’s peace and happiness. 💕

Does this quote resonate with you?

Life is not static and neither is your wellness. That is why for this Self Care Sunday we're checking in on wellness. 🌸

Balance is key to achieving a state of well being. Because different areas of our lives are interconnected, an imbalance of one can prevent you from living life to the fullest.

Identify areas in your life that are thriving and those that are struggling so you can focus on putting time into improving those areas.

Do any of these stand out to you?

We’re talking tips today! Are you ready to be free from what’s holding you back when it comes to attracting that authentic love?
💕 Tip #1 - Get Clear on Your Needs!
How are you going to be able to attract what you want if you don’t know what that is?
Try writing down key characteristics you look for in someone. Spot where you may feel there are competing needs, this may be where you’re getting stuck! 🤔
This will allow you to clearly see your main attraction points, things you do and don’t want!

I want you to know that your story is not an obstacle to your freedom but the KEY to unlocking it. 🔐

Note to self! Your feelings should never have to be validated by anyone but you.

Your boundaries should always be respected because how you feel should be respected. 💕

Happy World Kindness Day! 💕🌎 Today is a day that promotes the importance of being kind to each other, to yourself, and to the world.

Compassion is what binds us together, especially during these times. So, take a little extra time today to perform a random act of kindness. I promise you, your soul will be filled. ✨

Recovering from trauma is a process. 💕 Recovery entails recognizing that the trauma is part of your story but does NOT define you.

Healing is done in stages and an individual and different experience for everyone. Living in the present without being overwhelmed by the thoughts and feelings of the past is key.

Consulting with a therapist one important step in trauma recovery. Click here to book a free phone consultation to see if I can help you in your journey. ✨>> https://kcarlmft.com/contact/

Something to keep in mind. It's important to remember at the end of the day we are all human. Being harsh to one another is never the answer. 💕

Hi, I'm Kirstin!

I know from my own healing process and 13 years as a therapist that you can overcome difficulties and find joy BEYOND what you thought possible.

I believe that living fully in your power, healed from the wounds of the past, can transform your life. I am so excited for this new safe space to share and grow together.