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As a therapist, I often get this question: How do I know someone is 'the one' or if this is the right relationship? ⁠
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We often talk about our 'triggers.' The right person may still trigger you, but how the two of you handle the communication will be the tell-tale sign. ⁠
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For a healthy relationship, you cannot avoid communicating. ⁠
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Does communicating with your partner and feeling relaxed and safe bring compassion, curiosity, and closeness? ⁠
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You need to feel safe in your relationship to communicate your⁠
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👉🏻needs, ⁠
👉🏻wants, ⁠
👉🏻fears, ⁠
👉🏻boundaries ⁠
👉🏻and concerns. ⁠
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The right relationship will make you feel like sharing your vulnerabilities and insecurities, and vulnerability will be welcomed and make you feel closer. ⁠
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In contrast, if communicating with your partner causes you to shut down, withdraw, or fear that things will be used against you, your relationship is not sustainable. In this case, communicating your vulnerability makes your relationship worse. Beware.⁠
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How does communicating make you feel? ⁠
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Does communicating make you feel:

This post is a reminder to be authentically yourself. The problem is that too many people feel a certain level of shame about who they are, so they pretend to be someone they are not to fit in. ⁠
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Blindsides happen in two main ways. ⁠
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1. You have an anxious or Nervous attachment style. On some level, you worry that you are too much, too needy, too clingy. You think that by presenting yourself as an independent type, you will be hurt less. You suppress your need for connection and present yourself as calm and with minimal needs. ⁠
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2. You are an avoidant or independent type but pretend to be a secure type. You don't like that people see you as mysterious or complicated to read; you compensate by being attentive and emotionally available. You might even tell partners you had an idyllic childhood or are close to your family. In reality, you don't know what being close means. ⁠
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This happens subconsciously; people present themselves as they ideally would like to be. Then, the blindside happens over time; when stressed, our attachment needs come to the surface. ⁠
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Under Stress: ⁠
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1. The anxious person craves connection, their attachment fears get activated, and they fear abandonment and rejection, so they need more reassurance.⁠
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2. The avoidant feels crowded and needs time alone to process, they worry they are loosing their independence so start to question the relationship if it is not perfect. ⁠
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The only problem is that you presented yourself as someone you are not, so your partner is confused. Who are you? ⁠
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And here's the thing: secure functioning people don't feel any shame or embarrassment. They speak their truth and ask for what they need. ⁠
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It's important to know who you are. Don't pretend to be someone you are not. ⁠
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Fitting in is not the goal; the goal is to be who you are authentically. ⁠
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Not sure what your attachment style is?⁠
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Comment with the word QUIZ, and I will send you my free quiz. ⁠

In two minutes, you will know your attachment style. ⁠⁠⁠⁠
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Control the things you can!

Drop me a ❤️ or 🤣 if you can relate

This post is not my usual therapy post but I've seen funny memes about voodoo doll, and because today is Funny Friday, I wanted to explore this topic further. ⁠
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Out of respect and a lack of knowledge about the use of voodoo dolls, I had to look into what is behind the meaning. ⁠
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As it turns out, there are two distinct theories, ⁠
1. The use of Voodoo dolls is a myth made famous by works of fiction and Hollywood movies.⁠
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2. For those who believe in “Voodoo,” it is a genuine thing, and it is the primary religion in Haiti. You can confirm as much with a simple Google search⁠
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While voodoo dolls have been notorious for revenge-seeking and for inflicting pain on someone that you are not happy with, they can also be used to influence positive outcomes. Who knew? ⁠
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For Kelsey, I imagine her voodoo doll was a cute way to stand during her limo entrance. Voodoo dolls are symbolic of New Orleans. Joey had his 1:1 with Charity in New Orleans, so the doll was very appropriate. ⁠
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But before you go out and make a doll for your recent crush, understand that dolls have a lot of meaning for some people, and using such a doll has ethical implications. Are you influencing someone unnecessarily or interfering with free will? ⁠
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Also, be careful of how you dispose of such a doll. I've heard suggestions of leaving it in a drawer and not disturbing it, drowning the doll deep in the ocean, and taking the doll apart rather than burning it. ⁠
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What do you think of Voodoo dolls?⁠
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1. Fact⁠
2. Fiction ⁠⁠⁠⁠
🌹 ⁠

The finale of Joey's season as The Bachelor had so many beautiful moments- it was hard to choose just one. ⁠
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The surprise ending wasn't the most dramatic, but it was unique in all the right ways. Could it be that the positivity from the women of has successfully transferred to The Bachelor?
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Looking for the lessons we can learn in Love is it possible that Joey, Kelsey and Daisy are all secure people?

Daisy has a gut intuition that something is wrong. She understands that if Joey were going to pick her, she wouldn't be feeling so much ambiguity and anxiety. She leans into her intuition. Daisy says that doing the right thing is often hard. She walks herself out, which is a queen move. ⁠
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The happy couple relishes knowing that they are both lucky and that their relationship is 'easy.' These are good words to describe a relationship that feels right for both people. ⁠
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Which slide is your favorite? ⁠
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Check out my longer video, in stories, and the link to my bio. ⁠⁠⁠⁠
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This post is for people in dating and relationships. ⁠
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One of the chief complaints about dating is that the process leaves you feeling flat and unimportant. Your date talks only about themselves and what they want, not asking you a thing about yourself or wanting to explore the intersection of who you are and who they are to assess fit. ⁠
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In relationships, partners can also get quite defensive; feedback feels like an attack or a suggestion that they are failing you. The impact is that their partner feels dismissed.⁠
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Either way, the lack of curiosity is killing dating and relationships. ⁠
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The phrase Curiosity Killed the Cat is wrong. ⁠
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Possible reasons why people aren't more Curious? ⁠
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In dating apps, it's all about us. What do I want? We seldom are asked to think about the other person. ⁠
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If we grew up in insecure homes, we rarely experienced people being curious about us. ⁠
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Most people are insecure; no wonder it's hard to feel heard. ⁠
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Therapist note: You can't change others; you can only change yourself. ⁠
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Try being more curious today. ⁠
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Leave me a heart if you agree. ⁠
Thoughts? ⁠
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Photo dump from the Women Tell All. What a fun time I had in LA.

My longer video is now up.

Let me know your thoughts on what your favorite moment of the Tell All 🌹?

The conversation between Clay's Mom and Dad was among the best TV we've ever seen. His mother, Margarita, telling Trevor that he is responsible for his son's behavior is the best redemption story we have ever seen. ⁠
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As a therapist, watching this is an example of breaking generational trauma. ⁠
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Margarita's response was direct and held Trevor accountable, suggesting he must apologize to his son. ⁠
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Think about what Margarita had to go through. While Clay did the show, she learned new information about her ex-husband. She had to sit through the ceremony and watch her son fumble—the same son who barely got up from his chair when they first met AD. ⁠She deserves better.
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If Clay were further in his healing, he might feel differently about his Dad. He can still respect him for being a good father but could see he wasn't a good husband. But instead, Clay talks about his dad in the pods, referring to how much he respects him. The same father, who said very little to him and then referred to marriage, said that it is a lot of a gray area, and Trevor told Clay that saying 'No' was a sign of 'maturity.' If Trevor had listened to Margarita and had done his work, he might have given his son very different advice, like, 'Hey, don't make the mistakes I made; if she is right for you, stop cheating and settle down. ⁠
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Margarita's words to Trevor were profound, “Although we came from broken families, that doesn’t mean that we have to pass on that brokenness to our kids.” She recognized that Clay signed up for “Love Is Blind” to prove that he wanted to break the cycle and be in a long-term relationship. Trevor chimes in and says Clay could meet someone like her.⁠
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“Tell him to meet somebody like you. I met you. You know. Tell him to meet somebody like his mom," Trevor says. Yeah, but you met me, but you weren't sound to me,” she replies. She ends the conversation and walks away. ⁠
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For me, Margarita is the MVP of the episode. I will say more in my longer video, but these are my initial thoughts. ⁠
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Do you agree? Leave a ❤️ if you do⁠⁠⁠
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What did you think of Hometowns last night on the Bachelor?

Some of the best Dads we've seen in awhile.

If you want to get more info on which of the four might be problematic check out my You Tube video it's up now!

See my stories for more fun Bachelor Content!

Do you think that Joey sent home the correct woman?

Drop your thoughts below.

Fearing abandonment and rejection as an anxious, attached person is real. ⁠
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You learned this pattern as a child; your parents were most likely focused on themselves and didn't have much to give you. So, you learned to work hard, care for others, and don't learn to care for yourself. ⁠
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You set the bar low in many ways because you didn't want to be disappointed. ⁠
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As an adult, the pattern of disappointment continues. So what do you do? Instead of being disappointed, you abandon yourself, ⁠
You convince yourself, 'This is as good as it gets; I'll be alone forever. Whatever, that's fine.'⁠
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You abandon your wishes, hopes, and dreams because at least you control that outcome. You beat people to the punch, abandoning yourself and convincing yourself you don't care much. ⁠
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Why not try this instead? Have compassion for yourself, but don't give your power away or abandon your needs. ⁠
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I just wanted to get you thinking this Monday: how might you be abandoning yourself? ⁠
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Food for thought. ⁠
Dr. Diane⁠⁠⁠⁠

Ever wonder why that guy you were crazy about promised to take you to Paris- only later to disappear?⁠
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Maybe it was because he was Future Faked you. We used to call these false promises, but now they have a new term. ⁠
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Watching Love is Blind, season 6 I've noticed many people engage in this behavior. Most future planning happens later in relationships, so when one partner discusses it on your first date or two, it can be a red flag, ⁠🚩
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What's hard to determine is a person's motives. Is my partner simply eager, or is this a manipulation tactic to get you into a relationship, a bit like love bombing? ⁠
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Regardless of what's behind the behavior, you can't control what others do or say; you can only control your response. ⁠Before you plan your wardrobe or pack your bags for Paris, recognize they may be future faking. ⁠
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It's OK to ask follow-up questions, like have they taken a date to Paris before? This is likely a false promise if the answer is NO or they don't have a passport. ⁠
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Of course, you want someone excited about you. Another response can be, "It's fun to dream, and if we get to that stage, I look forward to doing all those things with the right person. Let's focus on what we have in common right now."⁠
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I'm writing this post because I don't want false promises to keep you hooked longer than you planned to stay. ⁠
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The same caution applies to your career; you have goals and expectations for growth. If a boss keeps dangling a promotion or more perks, but this promise gets dragged out with no sign of follow-up, they may also be 'future faking.' Ask around - have other employees successfully moved up? What advice do they have for you? Are you being strung along or simply not performing or ready? ⁠
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My YouTube video on LIB-Season 6 episodes 7-9 is up now Check my stories for more. ⁠
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Have you heard of Future Faking? ⁠⁠⁠⁠
#⁠datingtips ⁠

Love is Blind Season 6 episodes 7-9 dropped today, but I'm still behind. I posted my YouTube video for episodes 3-6 on YouTube Today. I'll catch up soon.
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When it comes to attachment styles, so many of each person's behaviors can be explained when looking at their attachment style. ⁠
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Who are your favorites with five couples who make it out of the pods? ⁠
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1. What about Jeramey and Laura when stress adds up? Jerameay walking away is a classic sign of the Avoidant Attachment style. ⁠
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2. Let's talk about Chelsea & Jimmy, anxious with a more avoidant style. She floods Jimmy because she has an anxious attachment style. ⁠
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3. What about Clay and AD? Both have anxious attachment styles as well, yet AD has done more work on herself. She understands the assignment and doesn't give in to Clay's desire to get more physical info on her. ⁠
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4. Johnny and Amy seem to have had a grand reveal and are doing well on vacation. ⁠
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5. Kenneth and Brittany, have they considered what it is like to have a mixed-race relationship? Will Kenneth regret not having Black Love, like Clay and AD? ⁠
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Many couples don't think through winning in the pods, meaning getting the partner they want, but these short-term oversights are not part of a long-term strategy for couples' success. ⁠
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Below, let me know who you are rooting for and what ideas have changed for you on particular couples after today's drops. ⁠
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What's your favorite part thus far? ⁠⁠⁠
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Happy Valentine's Day to anyone who follows the Bachelor - Joey is slaying it. ⁠
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I thought Joey's message was appropriate for today. ⁠
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If you are single, celebrate with your girlfriends. Maybe host a Galantine's event? ⁠
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If you are in a relationship, maybe do something romantic and fun together or stay home and watch Love is Blind drops today, too. ⁠
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Check out my YouTube page for updates on the most recent Bachelor takes; lots is happening this season. ⁠
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All you need is ❤️
What are your plans today? ⁠
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Have you noticed this trend? ⁠
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Everyone is talking about emotional availability. Mainly, it is expressed as something lacking in others; 'they are emotionally unavailable', but it might be you, too. ⁠
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My data from my Love Style quiz reflects this trend; we are seeing more attachment wounds than ever before. More people are insecure versus secure.⁠
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Some people are blaming the recent pandemic and suggesting that more people are avoidant as a result, but I've seen the trend is more towards an anxious style. If you understand attachment styles, you know it goes back to early childhood, not the past four years, so this doesn't compute. ⁠
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I will say more in my next video, as we need to get on the same page about what can be done. ⁠
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What else did I miss about emotional unavailability? ⁠
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Have you noticed the trend? ⁠
Tell me your most significant worries; I'm listening. ⁠⁠⁠⁠
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https://studio.youtube.com/video/AUdZDfMeEIw/edit

YouTube Share your videos with friends, family, and the world.

Meant this to be a post but come to think of it. These criteria would be nice

What did I miss?

Tonight is the start of the Bachelor season, and I couldn't be more excited. ⁠
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My YouTube video is up now, where I break down what we know of Joey thus far. As a psychologist my idea of 'good TV' may be different than what others think.
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Regarding limo entrances- I love a good meme; it is essential to stand out night one.
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Taking a trip down memory lane, it's fun to look at who did it best. Who did I miss?

What has been your fav limo entrance?
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It's funny how some of these women manifested good outcomes and congratulations to Clare on her real baby. ⁠
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Besides the tennis memes, what else do you imagine we will see? ⁠⁠⁠⁠
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These numbers are going to be different for different age groups but things are changing in 2024 and being 'open' but also 'flexible' is key.

While most people won't go on a reality dating show, who knows.

Don't tell yourself, I will never meet someone in an app or through friends, because you never know.

However 46.4% of US adults are single, that's 117.6 million people. This number includes divorced and widowed people as well as those never married.

I've got more ideas how to make dating more pleasure, make sure to switch things up this year.

And for those in the dating apps which is your favorite?

Drop it below 👇🏻

A different type of Shotgun wedding⁠. ⁠
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Today's wedding is the ninth to be televised in Bachelor Nation, but the first Golden wedding, everyone will want to be there. ⁠
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Respect for all of the women going to support their friend. ⁠
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Honestly, showing up at my ex's wedding would be hard. I give these women lots of credit. ⁠After all, they support one another, which has been the best part of the season. ⁠
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Meanwhile, Leslie experienced a medical emergency on her 65th birthday. She had to have surgery for a bowel blockage so that she will be attending. ⁠
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While many people speculate that the women are contractually obliged to attend, looking at their stories, the women and royalty from Bachelor Nation are having a blast in LaQuinta, Palm Springs, CA, where they filmed Clare and Tayshia's season. ⁠
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⁠Cheers to Gerry and Theresa; they make history by being the first Goldne Couple to wed on TV. ⁠
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How to watch: ⁠
⁠The Golden Wedding broadcasts on ABC today, Jan. 4, at 8 p.m. ET. Those on the West Coast must hold on until the show airs at 8 p.m. PT.⁠
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Gerry and Theresa's big day will be available to stream on Hulu beginning on Friday.⁠
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The only question is: Is it 8 pm yet? ⁠⁠⁠⁠
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As a psychologist focused on the trends in dating and with couples, it's time to say goodbye to the insecurities from the pandemic and hello to quality relationships. ⁠
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Anticipating the changes for 2024, I'm seeing a shift in dating that's getting people moving away from the apps and more about meeting in person. ⁠
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Single people are tired of all the mindless swiping and instead focus on quality dates. But this means you need to get your head out of the apps or merely look at them and not make them your only way of meeting. Why not say Hello to that cute guy in the Starbucks line? Who Knows. ⁠
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The trend for couples is to focus on Quality Time and improving their communication skills. ⁠
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No, your partner can't read your mind and stop overperforming, overdoing, and over-functioning; instead, focus on clear, concise communication. ⁠
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I'm here for all the trends. Maybe you don't want a relationship this year, and that's OK too, but you want to focus on how to be happier and more secure! ⁠
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Check out my offerings (see the link in my bio) ⁠
Use the promo code 2024 for $20 off my courses ⁠
Get your Free month of my Love School ⁠
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Happy New Year!⁠
Dr. Diane ⁠⁠⁠⁠
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Ever feel like Hallmark has lied to you? ⁠
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Are you tired of the lack of representation and that love is only for the young and blonde? ⁠
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What did I miss? What would you like to see so I can send an email to Hallmark and make a request?⁠
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Which is your favorite, ⁠
1 or 2? ⁠⁠⁠⁠
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This is a long caption and follow up for individuals who have an avoidant attachment style or fearful avoidant types.

On my quiz results I lovingly call you the Independent type because this is what you fear most -losing your independence.

Take this advice to heart, share this post with someone who needs this advice!

Trust me, everyone is going to want more from you, the question is how to open up to get there.

I see you and want to help you!

DM me if you need more help.
Dr. Diane

It's Thursday and I'm missing my golden girls.

Wake me when they make the announcement for Golden Bachelorette 🙌

With so much sadness in BN over a disappointing Bachelor in Paradise season maybe we go straight to Golden Bachelor cruise call it Golden Cupid's Cruise or something.

Out seniors deserve better than the 🦀and 🔥on the 🏖️They deserve the for Seniors with luxurious suites and an open bar.

But I want to continue this conversation because the movement is bigger than the show or just about finding ❤️

How can we bring seniors into the conversation and make them feel important?

I'm listening!
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🌹

As a formerly anxiously attached person this was an important lesson I needed to learn.

When I was single, I often times felt like I needed to control the outcome of my relationships. And I was turned off by the nice guys, not because they were unattractive, but for some reason, the bad boys just felt more exciting.
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Little did I know that I wasn't a gluten for punishment; instead, I was recreating my pattern of working hard. ⁠A pattern I had learned in childhood.
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Instead of asking, 'why I am attracted to narcissists?' I had to change my ideas about healthy relationships. I had to feel, think and act more like a secure person.
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This message is powerful, and if you can start seeing what's happening in you, you can break this pattern. ⁠
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I've got some big things coming for 2024 to help you break these patterns. ⁠

Drop a YES if you can relate. ⁠

Which meme is your favorite, 1, 2 or 3? ⁠
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My longer video about the Finale is up on YouTube. ⁠
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I like to look deeper into a person's psychology, and while we've been talking about Gerry's grief and the loss of his spouse, we haven't talked enough about his early childhood. Gerry is an adult child of an alcoholic, for which many of his behaviors have early roots. ACA children often move past uncomfortable situations quickly, like 'Give me a hug' and 'Be happy.' ⁠
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To my knowledge, Gerry has not talked about getting therapy or addressing these issues. As a result, we see his lack of boundaries. He can't help but respond; no wonder he overshares with Faith and Leslie. ⁠
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Despite the recent press and chaos for me, there are many highlights. The best part of this season was the iconic Golden Bachelorettes. ⁠
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I loved it when Joan grabbed Faith's and Ellen's hands in the audience. The looks they all shared summarized the season for me. ⁠
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⁠Please share your favorite moments from the season with me. ⁠
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And best to the Happy Couple. ⁠
Thoughts? ⁠⁠⁠⁠
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The Holidays can be stressful, especially if you are single and dreading Aunt Mildred's inquisition. ⁠
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Psychology suggests that laughter is the best medicine. ⁠Given the brain's neiropkastucity, it's to our genie for to make our lifetimes experience as positive as possible.
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How do you want to respond? ⁠
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👉🏻1️⃣Tell Aunt Mildred that you prefer Guys over Pies⁠

👉🏻2️⃣Opt out of the family dinner and plan your own Friendsgiving or ⁠

👉🏻3️⃣Get ahead of the story and say something like #3⁠

4️⃣Another answer
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Drop your answer below: ⁠
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Happy Turkey Day, ⁠
Dr. Diane ⁠⁠⁠⁠
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Consider this your Monday Motivation. ⁠
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As an attachment theory specialist, I want to give equal weight to understanding that dating is hard. ⁠
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It's hard enough to have an anxious attachment style and to feel overwhelmed with your own emotions when you don't hear back from someone. ⁠
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As an avoidant person, you feel smothered and fearful of being trapped. ⁠
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But then there is the dating landscape, too. ⁠
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And despite all the false stops and starts, consistency is the number one thing that can get you through. ⁠
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Do you remember John Gray's Mars and Venus on a date? ⁠
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I'm dating myself, but I love that John talks about ambiguity as a normal state. ⁠
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Let's normalize that the process IS going to include ups and downs. That way, you don't feel so caught off guard. ⁠
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Heading into the holiday season, make sure to prioritize your mental health. Get out there, go for a walk, spend time with yourself. ⁠
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Tell your Aunt Mildred you are happy being single; that will get her to leave you alone. ⁠
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Leave a ❤️ or 🦃 if you agree. ⁠⁠⁠⁠
#⁠attachmenttheory

While posting my Golden Bachelor You Tube I found this ad!

Looks like a cross over or spin off of
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If you are 60 and older, looking for love, and live in Southern CA, this could be your sign. ⁠
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Follow the instructions listed. ⁠
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While I don't necessarily suggest going on TV to find love I have spoken to many who are big fans of this option. Let's face it dating is hard. ⁠
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Meeting someone on a reality TV show can prove to be a unique and wonderful experience. ⁠
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It certainly can fast-track your love life, and people do report ⁠
"Falling in Love."⁠
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Let me know if you find more details. ⁠
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Tag anyone who might be interested
Good Luck, ⁠
Dr. Diane ⁠
⁠.

11:11 is a special day. It's the day of awakening, and it represents peace and change. 11:11 represents twin flames. Twin flames messages represent finding your soul connection. ⠀
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Today is an opportunity to press reset on the past, make amends, forgive and begin a new future. ⠀
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For the Chinese 11:11 is a special day to celebrate being single and also for weddings. ⠀
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11:11 has personal meaning for me as well. On 11:11 my husband Lyle first contacted me by email. Lyle found my profile on Match.com. He sent me a long message describing how he had lost his wife to cancer three years prior. He described how he and his wife were best friends and did most things together. Lyle said he was ready to love again and was hoping we could meet. ⠀
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Something about his smile, his loss, his honesty, and vulnerability hit me like an arrow. His profile was different from so many of the men I had met. I had a strong feeling I needed to meet him. Then 11 days later on Nov 22nd we met for our first date. (another message in the 11:22:33 sequence). ⠀
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I'm not much of a numerology believer but when I put all this together I can't help but get chills. The signs were there all along. Lyle continues to be my inspiration, my example of true attachment healing that can happen when you are in a loving relationship.

Today on 11:11 I celebrate what we have created together. ⠀
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Whatever you do today I wish you a new awakening. Look for angel messages today about love. ⠀
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Things often happen that you don't understand or feel until much later. This is a period of peace, harmony, transformation, and alignment. Trust this day, trust the process, 💕 is coming 💫 ⠀
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#1111