Mental Whensdays

What’s super important for the workplace, is the distinction between an external stressor + an internal stressor. At work, external stressors might be an unforgiving manager, a disruption to a morning commute, or Microsoft Teams breaking down. Naturally, external stressors divert our reality away from our expectations because we can’t control nor predict them. In comparison to external stressors however, internal stressors are within our capacity to control + predict. It might be our inner critic setting unrealistic targets, a loss of healthy boundaries with working hours, or feeling uncertain about the direction of our career. Internal stress is then not that easy to escape from because we’re creating it ourselves… so what do we do?

Another way to think about “expectations vs reality” is as “mind vs body”. If we’re able to be mindful whether a stressor is internal or external, then we can start to change our reality (body) or our expectations (mind) to bring ourselves back into balance. If it’s external, then we need to a bring our body back into alignment with our mind. If it’s internal, then it’s about bringing our mind back in-line with our body.

To see the specifics on how to do this, head to whensdays.co.uk 🔗
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Pressure is the weight of responsibility we feel when we know our actions have consequences. If we f*** up, people gonna notice. Pressure turns into stress when our current situation begins to diverge from our expectations. For example, we’ve all had that Friday afternoon when we were planning on logging off early, only to have our boss request an urgent piece of work before COP (close of play).

& Amelia Nagoski write about stress very insightfully in their book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Their main insight is that we can separate the cause of our stress (the stressor) from the emotional process of the stress response cycle. Because stress is stored in the body, getting rid of stress involves engaging our body + showing our body non-verbally that we are safe. In the lion example, the act of running does the trick. Other evidence-based practices which can resolve the stress cycle include: breathing, exercising, crying, laughing, being creative, being affectionate. Head to whensdays.co.uk to find out more 🔗|
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Curiosity means accepting that we don’t know, and that we want to learn. It’s acknowledging that we have undoubtedly come from different places, and we want to build a connection. Curiosity is kind of like a bridge… And like a bridge, we have different ways of showing curiosity and building a connection. Sometimes it might feel like there’s a whole ocean to cross… other times the gap will probs feel real small. Maybe at times, one person might have to do most of the work… but hopefully, there’s also encounters with equal amounts of curiosity.

The question of belonging, as Brene Brown will tell us, is about whether we feel accepted as who we are. And if we’re not able to talk about our differences truthfully then we’re not able to validate that we are accepted for who we truly are. I know lots of self-help content out there advocates for celebrating differences. But honestly, I have never fully understood how to practice this in a respectful way – until now. Now, I’m starting to realise that we don’t immediately need to have common ground with someone else to connect with them. Curiosity is a choice we make together to build the common ground for ourselves.
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Between any two individuals there is always going to be surface-level stuff that differentiates us. However, there ain’t always going to be stuff that we have in common. So what happens when we’re being curious and we’re only seeing differences on the surface? On the surface, it might look like we’re a bit stuck. But what if the actual act of being curious is all we need to connect with someone?

Curiosity means accepting that we don’t know, and that we want to learn. It’s acknowledging that we have undoubtedly come from different places, and we want to build a connection. We’re signalling to each other the type of people we are, underneath the surface level differences. Curiosity is kinda like building a bridge. It's is a choice we make together to build the common ground for ourselves. And if we’re not able to talk about our differences truthfully then we’re not able to validate that we are accepted for who we truly are. Curiosity leads to connection, community + belonging.

To learn more about what this week’s idea is about, head to whensdays.co.uk 🫶🏽
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Last Whensday’s experiment produced so many different perspectives, and here’s one more from our community. Although it might be easier to connect with people from the same culture as us, that won’t bring about change + that won’t bring about progress. This Whensday’s upcoming idea is gonna explore how we can connect with people over our differences. To learn more about the results from last week’s experiment, and see what this week’s idea is about, click link in bio 🔗
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Social Work Update: This afternoon me + the team went to a Virtual Reality x Mental Health Workshop on Understanding Psychosis. I learnt so much about psychosis, psychotic episodes, schizophrenia and how to support someone going through an episode of psychosis. To see my notes from today’s training, swipe along 📝

The VR headsets made it possible for us to experience what it’s like to be inside the mind of someone experiencing psychosis. And I now feel a lot more empathy towards people who’ve experienced psychosis + I have a much better felt-experience of what it’s about. Hopefully this will start coming through in my practice soon! Big thanks to the team at Through The Eyes Of, top training! 🙌🏽
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One of the many learnings + insights shared from our community this week. To see the rest of the results from the experiment, click link in bio 🔗
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Our third installment of Whensdays for BHM is on the question "Where are you from?" For a question that “means something different every time it’s asked”, we ran an experiment within the Whensdays community. The hypothesis: Everyone's relationship to this question will be different, so pooling our perspectives together will be more productive than just hearing one person's voice. The results: so many learnings + insights packed into a few minutes of reading time. To find out about the results from the experiment, click the link in bio 🔗
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For Black History Month, Whensdays is running a series of ideas relating mental health to race + discrimination. This Whensday's idea is a constructive perspective on how we can use intersectionality to combat othering.

Intersectionality is the idea that identity is made up of an intersection of so many different factors, e.g. gender, race, ethnicity, sexuality, class, ability, religion, etc. It's most applicable to our everyday lives when we come up against some form of othering.

Put simply, othering is a separation between self (us) and other (them). Put more accurately, othering is a separation of self and other based on only one, surface-level part of our identities. Othering very commonly happens in relation to skin colour + appearance but it applies to all types of discrimination - not just race.

What othering ignores, is that identity is made up of so much more than just one thing. Intersectionality can encourage us to search for our common ground. Click the link in bio to read the article in more detail 🔗
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A few teaaaaser shots from our first Whensdays IRL link ups 🔥 We were a small crew but the quality was high. And it’s all about the qualityyyy. Blues For An Alabama Sky is an incredible depiction of the lived black experience in Harlem, NYC, during the Great Depression. Although it was nearly a hundred years ago, all the big issues they were dealing with then we are kinda still dealing with now. Sorted us proper cheap tix through the NT Friday Rush which would highly recommend people check out! And ofc, we fit some food in for pre-game as well Shout outs to & for bringing the N R G 🙌🏽 see ya next Whensday! 💃
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Being Antiracist is about action. It’s about speaking up, having thoughtful conversations, and not just sitting in silence. The BLM movement is at a stage of development where it needs to develop relationships with people outside its established filter bubble. What happened with George Floyd has kickstarted Black Lives Matter. But that can only go so far. For us to continue to make progress, BLM needs allies to become Antiracists. For Black History Month, BLM is asking people to show they care through “Actions not Words.” In other words, BHM 2022 is BLM’s shout out for help. Go to our website to read this week's idea in more detail + learn how this 4 step process is relevant to your everyday relationships. 🔗
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It's official, Whensdays is going I.R.L for BHM! The theme for Black History Month is “Action Not Words” + this couldn't be a better motivation to get Whensdays offline and in-real-life! 🔥

More exciting announcements to come, watch this space 🌶
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It’s Black History Month in the UK, and this year’s theme is “Time for Change: Action Not Words”. Race, culture, ethnicity, nationality + background all influence how we interact with the world around us and by consequence have a big impact on our mental health.

Whensdays is all about making it super easy for people to be proactive about the things you care a lot about. This year's Black History Month theme of "Action Not Words" couldn't align more with those values.

There’s gonna be lots of fresh content coming this month, all related to BHM2022 + BLM. Expect some spicy surprises as well 🌶

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Microaggressions are statements, actions, or incidents regarded as an instance of indirect, subtle, or unintentional discrimination against members of any marginalized group. Microaggressions feed off the process gaslighting… If we want to reduce discrimination, how can we open up the conversation around intent vs impact? I previously viewed the intent-impact question as a zero-sum game. I’m now realising that thinking about it as a binary is maybe not that helpful to bring about positive change. Intent doesn’t invalidate impact + impact doesn’t invalidate intent. Just because someone has good intentions with an action doesn’t mean that the impact of the action is therefore fine. We can’t change the past, but we can take responsibility for our actions + make a conscious effort to make changes in future. Being othered makes you feel like you don’t belong + that you’re not accepted by the people around you. The accumulation of microaggressions can severely impact our mental health, leaving us questioning if we’re gaslighting ourselves or others. But we can’t keep doing the same thing over + over again and expect a different result. If we want to change things in future + reduce discrimination, it feels like we’ve got to get comfortable with the uncomfortable feeling of changing our minds about things.

To learn about the real-life events which inspired this idea, click link in bio
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Reducing eco-anxiety is way easier if we start small… so what about a straw? This playful example might help to release some of those eco-anxious tensions. Eco-anxiety is the feeling of stress, uneaeneral anxiety about the future of our ecosystem. We all know that the climate crisis is a highly charged topic. And going big with this topic risks people shutting down or kicking off, which won’t bring about change. But what about something small… what about a straw? For people feeling like they want to be doing more for the planet, ask yourself this simple question, "Would your life be just as good with or without a straw?"

Click link in bio to read full article
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Does the “new chapter” metaphor simplify life too much? When so many things have changed, is it time to start a new book? Starting a family, becoming grandparents, getting a divorce, starting retirement – there are so many big life transitions happening all the time that… Would it be more beneficial for our mental health to perceive these stages as different books rather than different chapters? What’s the difference between a new chapter + a new book? Can a new book start without having finished the previous one? Shout out to for the legendary book, The Midnight Library, which partly inspired this idea 🙌

What do you think? Comment below 💬
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There are always exceptions to the rule… with rules for dieting, where is your balance between physical health and mental wellness? Diet + nutrition are very personal topics to most individuals. What works for one person will not necessarily work for another. When it comes to breaking rules with food, that normally means we are breaking an agreement with ourselves. But does prioritising mental health in the short-term, sometimes mean disregarding our physical health in the long-term? The question is, when would YOU break the rules?

Click link in bio to take the quiz!
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Is Kendrick’s intention with this album to make his kids aware of their dad’s past trauma...? To break “the generational curse” in the words of Whitney, his wife, is to tell their children about the trauma that their parents + their parents’ parents have experienced. , who’s sampled on the album, would say that "the present is always trying to make more accurate predictions about the future, based on the dataset of the past." The curse of generational trauma is that an important part of the past is hidden from the present, meaning future decisions are based on inaccurate data. If we can’t talk about trauma because of stigma + shame, then trauma will be repressed, suppressed + compressed into the behavioural DNA of the next generation. Mr Morale & The Big Steppers is Kendrick’s attempt to tell his kids the truth about his pain, flaws + imperfections. It’s also his chance to help normalise talking about trauma, and empower other parents to speak their truth to the younger generations.

Comment your thoughts below
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Mental Whensdays updated their business hours.