Helps To Talk

Sharing our perspective allows for meaningful connection.
When we passively go along with what is being said, without adding our contribution, the assumption is that we are of the same opinion... which may not be the case. By honouring our truth & contributing our voice, we allow for enhanced dialogue, deepening of perspectives & growth in understanding of each other & of the topics discussed.
When we speak our truth, we are telling ourselves that our values, thoughts & opinions are as valid as anyone else's. If we do not get that reflection from those around us & they wish to oppress us or shame us in some way, then ask within, is there a power imbalance in this relationship that needs to be addressed?
Open discourse in safe circles is a great way of learning & developing. Giving yourself that opportunity can promote your confidence, self-esteem & can reduce feelings of shame.
When you have difficulty breaking into a conversation, try using taglines to offer you an introduction for support. Here are some ideas:
1) That's an interesting way of looking at it, I had a different perspective. I thought.....
2) I can identify with what X said but I also felt.....
3) I can see where you're coming from, I can add to that by saying.....
4) I'd like to add that.....
5) I hear what you are saying, I have a different view....
6) I understand, yet I don't fully agree. My experience has been....

For further on the topic of self-esteem check out my online course called Build your Self-Esteem

Hugs 🤗

I often share the analogy of the Tazmanian Devil sweeping us up in their drama or dysregulation. We must ground & root ourselves in our world, in our regulated space. From here we can offer a life buoy & invite the other into peace. If they prefer to stay where they are, that is their choice... a choice that is often made outside of awareness but a choice non the less. Peace can feel too unfamiliar for many!

A quote I share often, in my writing but also in the therapy room.
We can spend so much of our time trying to change & rejecting ourselves yet so much more is gained from self-acceptance.

Imagine a world where we looked at everyone, including ourselves, as if we are all of value... just because we exist.
Imagine honouring each individual life & their own path with the sacredness & respect that it truly deserves.
When a baby is lost, even if it is still in the womb, that loss of life is deeply felt & grieved.... because that life was valuable. It was sacred & perhaps had greater purpose than any of us can really comprehend. What if it's purpose was to lead this short life & impact the world in the way it did, by bringing that original joy & then the terrible loss. What if both the love & loss are the impact of that life & created it's own ripple effect?
You see, the value existed before this little life had time to achieve or gain extrinsic worth. It's very existence was of such value.

Our value is not dependent on how hard we work, how loved we are, or even by our net worth. All of this can vary & change through our lives & yet we are still of worth.
All have value.... the tired, the sick, the immobile, the ugly, the addict, the thief, the narcissist, the brilliant, the funny, the achiever, the athlete, the young, the old, the dead.

So I encourage you to challenge the voice within that denies your value.
Ask it what expectations it has for you in order to be of worth?
And when that is achieved, what will it expect of you then?
Will it ever be satisfied?
Answer this voice with the impact of your ripple, the breath you breathe, the thud of your beating heart.
Remind it that it is concentrating only on extrinsic worth, yet intrinsic value is innate.
We exist. Our very existence is valuable.

To explore your worth at greater depth visit my online course; Build your Self-Esteem.

Be six again 😀

The eloquence of descriptive language

And both days you are good enough as you are.
All experiences are valid, human experiences & we can navigate them by being compassionate towards ourselves.

When we create both external & internal boundaries to chaos, we can embrace peace. When we embrace peace, we can reopen to chaos & hold our own equilibrium without being swept off into the storm.
But most importantly, we can choose which chaos we want to navigate & which is no longer worth our time, effort or energy!

Sometimes it's easy to let go but more often it requires a leap of faith.
I like to think that for as long as I am holding on to the past I am unable to embrace the new experience or even the "now" experience.
It's eclipse season right now & a great opportunity to let go of the old in order to embrace the new.
Type "I let go" below when you have consciously dropped that which no longer serves you. 💝

Who really listens in your life?

One of the most common mistakes people make in communication is not listening to what is being said.
When people share a message, it is very easy for us to misinterpret as we immediately make associations & assumptions from our own experiences. We immediately put our own interpretation on what is being said rather than clarifying or trying to understand the other.
When entering into conversation, what would it be like to wonder & be curious about the other person's meaning & interpretation? Imagine being interested at that depth rather than assuming we already know what they mean.
The difference is the person is then really heard in their message.

Smaller steps mean more manageable & achievable steps. Small steps mean we are more likely to continue. Small steps mean we can see our progress much faster.
And of course we're allowed to rest on some of those small steps too!!!

BEANNACHT

On the day when
The weight deadens
On your shoulders
And you stumble,
May the clay dance
To balance you.

And when your eyes
Freeze behind
The gray window
And the ghost of loss
Gets into you,
May a flock of colors,
Indigo, red, green
And azure blue,
Come to awaken in you
A meadow of delight.

When the canvas frays
In the curragh of thought
And a stain of ocean
Blackens beneath you,
May there come across the waters
A path of yellow moonlight
To bring you safely home.

May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
May the clarity of light be yours,
May the fluency of the ocean be yours,
May the protection of the ancestors be yours.

And so may a slow
Wind work these words
Of love around you,
An invisible cloak
To mind your life.

JOHN O'DONOHUE

From his books, To Bless the Space Between Us (US) / Benedictus (Europe)
Ordering Info: https://johnodonohue.com/store

Cliffs of Moher - 2024
County Clare, Ireland
Photo: © Ann Cahill

The healing certainly comes from within. The one who witnesses can do so with love & acceptance.

💜🙏

We don't have to live the experience for the other to understand the weight of the suffering.

A nod to the humanness in us all

Affirmations to say each day. What would you add to this?
I AM

When we stay in non-acceptance we tell ourselves that life should be different but this holds us in fantasy rather than reality. Non-acceptance binds us to illusion. Acceptance allows us to be with what is, even if it isn't what we expected or wanted. Yes, reality bites at times but give me truth rather than illusion any day!

If you were to practice acceptance of a challenging situation, what would you do differently today?

What we cultivate & nurture within is reflected back to us externally 💖

Value the downtime. It is a necessary & valid part of human existence.

Remember who you are.

You are not your thoughts, emotions or behaviours. You are experiencing these things but when you step out & observe the experience you step into the truth of who you are.

'May you walk gently through the world and know its beauty all the days of your life'
Apache Blessing

Our "issues" can be seen as the crack where the light gets in. When we accept our imperfections as our humanness, we can offer ourselves compassion, encouragement & support rather than shame & non-acceptance. Every human being has their own insecurities. It's up to us to support ourselves when we know these exist. We can choose the relationships that value us as we are rather than point out our "flaws".
We can choose environments where we feel comfortable yet free to grow.
We can choose to care & nurture ourselves as we are, rather than force ourselves to be someone we are not.

Hold a bit of distance from your experience in order to observe it, rather than absorb it.
Think of a sponge... it gets very heavy & full when it absorbs. We are the same.... allow yourself to see your thoughts & emotion as what you are experiencing rather than who you are.

Be compassionate with yourself.
Only you can truly understand your own path & your own experience so treat yourself with the patience, understanding, encouragement & support that you need ❤