Finally Set Free

We must learn to stand alone before we are strong enough to walk with someone else in a relationship. The desperate need to be validated by something or someone external will always be that one thing that will keep us in captivity and controlled by others.

Relationships are a part of life. Ending relationships that are not good for us is equally a part of life. Our lives don't end because a relationship ends. It simply signifies the beginning of a new chapter in our lives.

The fear of being alone IS the power that manipulators will use. It is the only thing that allows them to win. It is the one thing we must overcome ever to have a chance of having a healthy, respectful, and loving relationship. Click below to read Jay Shetty's Article " How to Be Alone Without Dreading It."

Jay Shetty on How to Be Alone (Without Dreading It) The former monk and author of 8 Rules of Love shares strategies for embracing solitude.

Being strong is a quality that none of us are born with. Many times, the most difficult choice is the right choice.

Being strong and making difficult choices is like a muscle. Developing it will take time and practice. The more we learn to use the power of our strength, despite our fears and uncertainties, the more efficient the muscle will become.

Sometimes difficult decisions are forced upon us and simply comes down to deciding that there is no other choice or place you are willing to accept.

Parents, please invest in the safety of our daughters by educating them about the dangers in dating in today's world. In addition to teaching our young men, that they are not entitled to people or things just because they want them. These type of young boys and men are a real thing. They do exist. In this particular case, this beautiful young lady did absolutely nothing wrong, this wasn't her fault and tragically, may not have been avoidable if these allegations are true.

There are some men who cannot tolerate rejection on any level at any time. It is still very critical they our young women are educated on the warning signs of unhealthy and unsafe behaviors in dating in order to recognize the face of danger, get out and stay out as early as possible. Attractive, sexy, desirable, smart, wealthy, fun to be with, exciting or popular young men don't always equate to safe men. Sadly, we as a society have become so desensitize to the frequent events of violence against women and young girls, that we simply ignore what's standing right in front of us.

Woman killed because she refused to flirt with University of Alabama basketball star, victim’s mother claims Woman killed because she refused to flirt with University of Alabama basketball star, victim’s mother claims - ‘He was advancing on her and she declined his attention. He refused to go away,’ mother says

Considering how dangerous stalking is, it is important to be informed and to know what your safety planning options are. http://ow.ly/ImVA50MiEiT

My missteps have taught me more than my successes could ever teach me.

I've learned that I'm stronger than I realized. I've learned my missteps made me who I am today.Most importantly, my missteps have taught me that making them didn't make me a bad person. They simply made me human.

My missteps taught me that they are a part of everyone's human experience, including my own. My missteps taught me that I had the power to change my life and my direction at any time along the way.

Have regrets from the past ever held you hostage and kept you where you no longer belonged? Have past mistakes ever consumed you and made you feel like a failure and that you can never get anything right?

Have you ever felt shame from past mistakes to the point where they paralyzed you from taking positive steps in life? It's 2023, and it's a brand-new day and a brand-new year. Click below to see how you can finally free yourself from the shackles of your past.

How To Take Out The Toxic Trash Of Anger, Guilt & Shame in 2023. Have you ever struggled with letting go of a less-than-stellar past? You know, wrong turns were taken, mistakes were made, and you now find yourself emotionally and mentally stuck where you no longer belong. If I am bein...

It's a brand-new day; it's a brand-new dawn. It's a brand-new year with brand-new opportunities. Click below to find out how you can make the most of yours in 2023. Here's wishing you abundance in the new year!

How To Take Out The Toxic Trash Of Anger, Guilt & Shame in 2023. Have you ever struggled with letting go of a less-than-stellar past? You know, wrong turns were taken, mistakes were made, and you now find yourself emotionally and mentally stuck where you no longer belong. If I am bein...

Here's wishing you and yours a Christmas filled with joy, peace, and light!

The One Thing You Can Never Find Under A Christmas Tree. “Seeing is believing but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can't see.”- The Conductor, Polar Express.

The true meaning of Christmas isn't something you can buy or sell. You can't put a price tag on it. Christmas's true meaning is priceless, timeless, and never goes out of style. It's always just the right color and it's always the correct size.

Did you know that a woman's risk of experiencing domestic violence is more than her chances of developing breast cancer, lung cancer and ovarian cancer combined? It's time we started treating domestic violence like the silent killer it is.

According to the CDC, 1 in 4 women will face severe intimate in their lifetime.

According to the American Cancer Society, a woman has a 1 -8 chance of being diagnosed with breast cancer in her life time the United States.

According to American Cancer Society, a woman has a 1-17 chance of developing lung cancer in her lifetime in the United States.

According to American Cancer Society, a woman has a 1in 78 chance of developing ovarian cancer in her life time in the United States.

According to Reader's Digest, a CDC statistic is reported is that " 43 million women and 38 million men will experience mental or emotional abuse by an intimate partner over their lifetime." Take just one minute to pause and think about that.

That is 43 million women and 38 million men who are at higher risk of developing post traumatic stress disorder, developing life threatening physical illness to include cancer, developing major depression, and an increased risk for suicidal thoughts. The most devastating consequence of repeated mental an emotional abuse for victims are an increased risk for suicidal thoughts, suicidal attempts and su***de completions.

There's nothing confusing, chaotic, dramatic or disruptive about healthy relationships and genuine love. Love ALWAYS seek to resolve issues and to find it's way to peace. When we are left feeling confused about the "state" of our relationship that is not a peaceful place.

If we are constantly wondering where we stand in our relationships, that is a state of chaos. If we are constantly confused about behaviors of the other person in our relationship that just don't make sense, that is confusion.

If we are repeatedly dealing with someone who is always starting arguments and disagreement where they should not be any, that is dramatic, disruptive and disagreeable behavior. Anything we do or say, will ever be enough or correct enough for someone like this. They aren't looking for the restoration of peace. They are looking for constant conflict.

We can never have a healthy relationship with anyone who is constantly disagreeable or hard to get along with . We can never have a healthy realtionship with someone who constantly finds ways to create chaos, confusion and disruption. Love is peaceful and always seek to maintain it. That simply is the moral of the story.

An unknown fact for many is that all forms of abuse can cause post-traumatic stress disorder in victims of abuse. PTSD in domestic violence relationships is not only caused by physical assaults. Emotional, physical, mental, sexual and all or others of a consistent pattern of abuse can and very often result in PTSD for victims.

When we tell victims or have a belief that only physical violence causes serious harm, we are not dealing with factual or truthful information. The fact is, any form of a pattern of abusive behavior can cause victims to suffer from PTSD many survivors deal with for the rest of their lives. That is a reality and a serious consequence of living with any form of harm to us.

PTSD can be debilitating and can cause survivors a lifetime of challenges. These challenges can affect their behavior, choices, future relationships, memory, ability to learn new material or learn new skills . PTSD can even affect a survivor's ability to get or maintain employment.

Domestic violence does not just involve a physical assault. It's time we talk about the real definition of domestic violence.

According to https://lnkd.in/gxwuexTu,
"Sexual, emotional, verbal, and economic abuse can likewise be considered as domestic violence. Control, isolation, intimidation, and stalking also fall in the same category."

In recognition of October Domestic Violence awarneess month, I will be posting either statistical, research based educational information, or general information about domestic violence. Join met each Thursday and let's normalize the conversation about the epidemic of domestic violence in our society. It could save your life or someone you love.

Healthy relationships will require both partners be respectful of each other's feelings. If mutual respect is not a core feature in a relationship, the relationship isn't healthy. Healthy love can not survive in an unhealthy environment. Unhealthy relationships can also be a sign of an unsafe and unstable relationship.

Who else is ready for their piping hot cup of inspiration and comfort? Our quick monthly October newsletter, "The Coffee Break", is hot off the press. It takes less than 5 minutes to read but is full of self-celebration and self-compassion tips.

If you like what you see, sign up to receive "The Coffee Break" monthly and never miss an issue. Sign up and register to win a Starbucks $ 5.00 gift card and your next cup of coffee is on us. Get more details @ www.finallysetfree.org/newsletter.

In a loving relationship, when our partner succeeds, we both succeed. Someone who loves us, will be happy to see us succeed and more importantly, wants nothing more than for us to be successful and happy in life.

No one should ever have to down play their accomplishments to make someone else feel comfortable around you or make them feel better about themselves.

Love is not spirit of envy, insecurity of sabotage. If someone says they love you but is showing seeds of envy and insecurity in your life, that's isn't love, that's something else.

"I Forgive Myself" are three of the hardest words you will ever say; However, they are three of the most important words you will ever say. Sadly, holding on to past mistakes and missteps makes up vulnerable for predatory and manipulative people .

Not being able to forgive ourselves and to see ourselves beyond our mistakes, carries an enormous amount of shame. It's actually a trap we unknowingly set for ourselves.

When we are unable to forgive ourselves, we will look to other people to validate our goodness, in order to suppress our shame. That kind of power in the wrong hands can have devastating consequences. It's actually a recipe for many relationships with abusive partners.

Isn't it time you let go of the shame you weren't supposed to carry? Isn't it time you freed yourself from what has been holding you hostage for far too long? Isn't it time, you finally realized that making mistakes doesn't make one a bad person? Isn't it time we stop giving our mistakes that much power to destroy our entire lives?

It is taking accountability for our mistakes and learning the lesson and becoming better, that we grow. It is in our growth that we learn that making mistakes doesn't make us damaged, making mistakes makes us human.

So many people still really just don't get it. Leaving an abusive relationship isn't as simple as packing your things, walking out the door and "just" leaving. This isn't just a bad break up.

Leaving a relationship with an abusive partner for many, is death sentence. Know the facts before you began to make judgement. I highly recommend doing so by getting Ruth's upcoming book "Every Thing I Never Dreamed."

It's time we all understand what's really at stake when a victim leaves a relationship with an abusive partner. Ruth's story is riveting. You will be drawn in by the first chapter.


National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

I remember one night in particular as I was ruminating over everything in my life. From the wounds of my childhood to how my life ended up becoming completely out of control, I was at the crossroad in my life. I only had one of two choices that I could make. That choice would either make me or break me. Click below to read more.

Meet Tracy BRACK We were lucky to catch up with Tracy BRACK recently and have shared our conversation below. Tracy, thanks for taking the time to share your stories with us today We’d love to hear the backstory behind a risk you’ve taken – whether big or small, walk us through what it was like and how it

NCADV conferences have been connecting and educating domestic violence survivors & advocates nationwide since 1980. What started as a grassroots gathering of caucuses has evolved into an expert-level event that goes far beyond the introductory level of learning.

Never ignore a person's energy when you meet them. If something seems "off" about a person or something just doesn't feel right, don't ignore it. That gut feeling is our internal GPS system warning us that there is danger ahead. Our internal GPS system exists to keep us safe. We all have one. Never override it and dismiss someone's vibrational frequency.

Don't reason it away, don't excuse it away, and don't ignore it. No matter how "nice" someone seems or how many gifts, compliments or how much attention they give you, follow what you spirit is trying to tell you.

EVERY survivor I know had this sense in the beginning that something was a little off and we ignored it because the person was very skilled at making us feel special, seen and heard, that we completely shut down our GPS system. EVERY survivor I know, regrets that decision.

Love is showing kindness & respect for someone else's feelings. Love is about taking responsibility and accountability for our behavior when we fall short of basic human kindness.

Consistently showing something else other than that, isn't love.

Leaving behind the legacy of real relationship goals is something I pray, we as society embraces and leave behind for our youth. They are counting on us to lead the way.

Building a relationship is just like building a house. You cannot build a house on top of a shaky foundation. Repeated strong winds with a shaky foundation is likely to buckle and bring your entire house down.

When we don't have a strong foundation of being able to trust that our partner will not lie, cheat, manipulate, control, or repeatedly hurt us, our entire relationship, mental, emotional and physical health will eventually come tumbling down.

What Parents Should Know About Dating Abuse Before It's Too Late. (finallysetfree.org)

What Parents Should Know About Dating Abuse Before It's Too Late. | Relationship Health Educator The tragedy of domestic violence is mostly preventable, unfortunately many parents don't know how prevalent teen dating violence really is and what they can do. Learn what you can do as a parent to help empower and protect your child from becoming another tragic statistic. 

As I concluded a healthy relationships workshop at Kennesaw State University, as I always did, leaving with a sense of hope that something we discussed that day would impact the way the students thought about healthy and unhealthy relationship behaviors. At the end of the workshop, several students stood in line.

On this day, a quiet and unassuming young lady named Anna, who was around 20 years of age, waited patiently until the room had completely cleared. She nervously walked up to me and stood quietly for several moments before she had the courage to speak.

Her hands were fidgeting with anxiety, and I was just as anxious to hear was what she had to say. As the tears began to well up in her eyes, I meet her pain, long before her words parted her lips. She gently said to me, "I feel like I want to share my story with you."

She had never told anyone her story until that day. It was at that moment I realized the gravity of what was happening. I will never forget the courage and bravery she showed that day. Although, it had been a year since the relationship ended, the pain unleashed by her tears was still fresh from the impact that experience had on her life. She was re-living it, right before my eyes. Click below to read more….

What Parents Should Know About Dating Abuse Before It's Too Late. Recently I facilitated a healthy relationships workshop with a group of Kennesaw State University students in Kennesaw Georgia. The students were engaged, full of questions, comments and examples of unhealthy behaviors t...

https://gen.medium.com/self-defense-cant-save-women-from-a-sexist-criminal-justice-system-13b2a9447ff

Self-Defense Can’t Save Women From a Sexist Criminal Justice System The nearly identical cases of Brittany Smith and Rose Parker show how the justice system penalizes abuse victims for surviving

Giving ourselves the gift of real and lasting freedom sometimes means we have to stop running after people and things that God is protecting us from.

Sometimes what looks like God's rejection of us, is actually God's protection from the toxic people, toxic work environments and toxic situations in our lives.

All connections are not emotionally, mentally or physically safe, no matter how much we think we want them or desire them in our lives.

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/national-coalition-against-domestic-violence_survivorspeaks-activity-6957653295372853248-NCcg?utm_source=linkedin_share&utm_medium=member_desktop_web

"Today I cried for the man he'll never become for you.
I cried because of the lies I told myself,
The very same thing you're about to do."

For those of you who may be struggling with healing from a relationship with abusive ex, or you know someone who is, I invite you to read and share my latest article chosen by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. May it be a blessing in someone else' s journey.

[NEW GUEST BLOG POST] Today I Cried "Today I cried for the man he'll - National Coalition Against Domestic Violence on LinkedIn [NEW GUEST BLOG POST] Today I Cried "Today I cried for the man he'll never become for you. I cried because of the lies I told myself, The very same thing...

An abusive romantic partner can be intoxicating in the beginning of a new relationship. They can be exciting, romantic beyond your wildest dream until that fairy tale beginning becomes your worst nightmare.

Domestic abuse/violence isn't a popular subject, and no one likes to talk about it. We can't protect ourselves from something we pretend doesn't exit. It's been said that the devil's greatest trick was to trick the world that he didn't exist.

By not talking about it and educating our children about it, it exposes them to potential danger, that could have mostly been avoided.

[GUEST BLOG POST] After The Laughter: A Survivors Journey From Hurting To Healing The Scars Of Domestic Violence

"There's no place on earth you would have rather been than tucked away inside his loving arms. There was late night laughter and early morning kisses as you were whisked away to exotic and exciting places. Each date more captivating than the one before. Every weekend was filled with hard to get concert tickets, exclusive seats at the hottest new restaurant. The exciting events filled your every weekend and your every waking moment. He's was so perfect. Everything was so perfect, until one day suddenly, abruptly and brutally it wasn't perfect anymore."

http://ow.ly/UiMb50JZu8I

The only ones that have a problem with earning your trust are people whose main goal is to benefit from you trusting them without question, no matter what they do.

Trust is not a right. Trust is earned.

Charm can be bought; it can be sold. It can be imitated and duplicated.

A person's character is an original. It is proof of who they really are and what they believe. It is proof of what they really value, especially when they think no one is looking.

Never confuse someone's character with their charm. Knowing the difference can save your life.

That was yesterday. Today is a new day. Today is the perfect day to close the last chapter of your life and start writing a new chapter with a brand-new beginning.

As a prosecuting attorney, Mekisha Walker tried many domestic violence cases where she attempted to prosecute without victims willing to testify, she wondered what was wrong with these women for tolerating this horrendous treatment. Why didn't they "just " leave?

As a strong, confident woman and a fierce prosecuting attorney, she never for minute thought that she would become one of those victims. Her story of survival is one that everyone should know about., even if think it doesn't apply to you or could never happen to you.

[GUEST BLOG POST] But ... Why Did You Stay?
"I knew it would never happen to me. I was way too independent and I would never let a man belittle me, let alone hit me.

As a prosecutor in the third largest county in the United States, I was assigned to a special division to prosecute domestic violence cases where the victim wanted charges dropped against her abuser. I remember being so frustrated with all the women who would not leave their abuser and refused to cooperate with their prosecution. I could not conceptually grasp how they could allow the abuse to continue over and over. I thought they were stupid and I felt like I cared about their safety more than they did.

My complete understanding of domestic violence did not come until I also became a victim." http://ow.ly/VUNU50JE6zK