Be Me OT

❤

The other half of this is that the more that you build that relationship with your child, the more that they will seek or listen to your advice. If you consistently reinforce, their whole childhood, that you want to non-judgmentally listen to them and hear what they have to say and that you care about what they care about...then when they're an adult, they'll seek your advice the way that adults seek other people's advice; they'll want to hear you talk the way adults want to talk with other adults they love and trust.

But kids don't learn that way. Kids don't learn by sitting down and having heart-to-heart conversations. Kids learn by playing, by exploring, by experiencing, by watching others experience. It's hard for kids to synthesize information delivered in lecture form in the way that they can through experience and play.

Give them time to be children. Listen to what they care about. Give them time. ❤

[Image description: A purple background with leaves and flowers drawn on it. The caption over it says, "In most situations, your child does not want advice. No matter how wise it is. What they want is a relationship. Their emotional response is not saying, "Fix this!", it's saying, "See this." -Nicole Schwarz, 'It Starts With You'"]

We need to ensure that when we talk about self-care:

A)We are truly addressing wellness strategies and habits, and
B)We ensure they are accessible for everyone.

Self-care is a habit, a routine, a ritual, and it can look different for everyone.

Amanda P.

BE ME OT will be taking a wellness break

5/24/24-7/14/24💚

If my partner and I were chatting and he said “Ughhh, I’m so stressed out by writing this dissertation, I could just throw my computer out the window!”

I wouldn’t say, “Well, you aren’t allowed to throw your computer out the window.”
I might say, “I know. I know it’s maddening.”

If my boss and I were talking and she said “Yet again I’m having to fight to get this kid what they need. It makes me want to scream!”

I wouldn’t say, “Screaming is a bad choice.”
I might say, “Yeah. That’s totally understandable.”

So when my child said to me, “I don’t want to brush my teeth! I want to break my toothbrush and throw it!”

I didn’t say, “You’re not allowed to break your toothbrush.”
I didn’t say, “Well, you have to brush your teeth.”

My child already knew those things. That’s the whole reason why they were saying them—to try to assert authority, to gain control, because they were hurting and sad and it felt to them like being powerful for a moment would help.

I said, “I get it, I know it’s hard.”

I didn’t say another word.

And then I held my child (and held their toothbrush so it couldn’t actually be thrown anywhere) for about half an hour on the floor of the bathroom while they cried about a dozen things that had nothing to do with a toothbrush really.

I brushed their teeth, which they still weren’t thrilled about. I’m not saying this because it’s a “trick” or because it “works” if your definition of “works” is that it makes children compliant in both action and emotion. My child doesn’t have to be compliant, especially not in emotions. There’s nothing to comply with; they can feel however they feel.

Then we went to their room and continued to have a deeply emotional bedtime because for whatever reason they had a lot of emotions to deal with right now, and this was how it came out.

I feel like it’s very common for adults to believe that if they don’t negate their child’s verbal expressions of frustration, then their child will “think that’s okay”.

“I want to hit you!”
“I’m going to throw you in the dumpster!”
“I’m never going to sleep ever ever EVER!”

You can watch them, or silently intervene, to make sure that an angry expression that is literally feasible (like throwing a toothbrush or hitting a sibling) doesn’t take place. Pick up the toothbrush and hold it, while not engaging in a verbal battle about it. Stand between the child and the sibling, or stand nearby—not like “I have to protect a victim from an aggressor,” but like, “The words being spoken here suggest that both sides of this social situation probably need adult support.”

And you can literally just let go of, or empathize with, angry expressions that are literally impossible (like putting someone in the garbage or never sleeping ever again). Nobody who’s using hyperbole, whether happy or sad or angry, enjoys having it pointed out to them that their hyperbole is not literal. Of course it’s not, it’s hyperbole.

Your child does and says these things when they are mad BECAUSE they already know they’re “not okay”. If they thought they were “okay”—enjoyable for the sake of themself, enriching to their lives, connecting with their adults—they would do them when they weren’t mad.

[Image description: Two cartoony word bubbles, one pink and one yellow, labeled "Q" and "A" (as in "question" and "answer"). The Q is: "How will he know it's not okay?" and the A is: "He already knows, and right now, *he's* not okay." There are little doodles of stars out to the side as well, and my handle, . End description.]

At School, a 'Masker' May Appear...

I decided the analogy of a swan fitted the 'masker' - looking calm and serene above the surface but paddling furiously below.

On closer inspection discreet telltale signs of anxiety can sometimes be spotted - low level fidgeting, constant scanning, looking to others.

Once home, their 'safe space', the child may dysregulate, no longer able to contain any longer. Think of a coke bottle being constantly shaken all day, when the lid is loosened it explodes.

This may also be appropriate for those, particularly undiagnosed and female, on the autistic spectrum.

IN THE RESOURCE STORE - NEWLY EXTENDED

AFTER SCHOOL RESTRAINT COLLAPSE PACK

Following on from our prompt on ‘masking’ I have extended this pack to include executive function and sensory processing checklists (can also inform an assessment process), a child explainer and activity - What is Tricky in School and a Masking explainer prompt.

Resource to support children and their families with after school restraint collapse. This pack includes explainers on An Introduction to Emotional Regulation, Co-Regulation, The Brain and Emotional Regulation, How Your Brain Keeps You Safe, Managing Meltdowns, The Survival Instinct, Creating a Calm Space, Reflection Upon an Incident, Using a Social Script and The Science of 3 Good Things. A 9 page social script can be personalised to the individual child and reinforces healthy habits after school to diffuse restraint collapse. Reflection tool to brainstorm events and adopt coping skills moving forward. Visual resources to capture emotions, stop and think as a prompt as well as calming skills visual prompt.
Useful tool for professionals working with parents also.

Electronic download available at https://thecontentedchild.co.uk/product/after-school-restraint-collapse-pack/

Sensory, sensory, sensory - we know it's important, but what is it? This workshop covers the basics of sensory processing and how to apply the basic principles of sensory to support health and wellness in ALL BODIES! 🖖

And then...

😍...we will be taking it just a little bit further and exploring the connection between🎉GESTALTS🎉and how this unique processing style applies to sensory information!

Join us to make some sense of sensory!

Participants will learn:

*the basics of sensory processing (Dunn) 🤓
*strategies for active and passive sensory regulation 💪
*hot-off-the-press research validating sensory processing for ALL bodies 🔥
*the connection between sensory and GESTALT PROCESSING! 🔗

After the 90 minute presentation, there will be 30 minutes reserved for questions, comments, and connections! Recording will be available for the presentation, but not for the Q&A. Certificate of attendance available by request.

*

Image contains the above information featuring an Asian American Femme wearing business casual attire in shades of chartreuse and pink.

🦓 May is Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) Awareness Month.
We have a focused interest in the topic of EDS for several reasons. 🦓

1) There is a higher prevalence of Autism in the EDS population than there is in the general population. There is a demonstrated correlation between Hypermobile EDS (hEDS) and Autism.

2) Jacquelyn has a hyper-mobile EDS profile (hEDS).

3) Amy participated in EDS ECHO for health care providers gathering information and learning.

4) As a part of this process, It became apparent to both of us that there is not enough information available to the autism community about what EDS is and why/when you might want to talk to your /your family member's doctor about it.

⭐️⭐️5) hEDS often presents with Dysautonomia and Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). Both of these presentations cause some wicked Feelzzz in the body. These Feelzzz can result in a person resisting position changes, refusing tasks, and seeking of inputs (aka- challenging behaviors in some circles). If a person isn't able to express / communicate their Feelzzz and link those to their behaviors - caregivers may unintentionally be creating medical distress.⭐️⭐️

6) hEDS and EDS are multi-system syndromes. Diagnosis can be elusive. But, management of symptoms is critical for health and quality of life.

Below is a one page flyer containing information about hEDS, the link to autism, some associated symptoms, when to talk to your doctor, and where to find more information.
To download the .pdf of the flyer or review the attached image with a document reader please find link in comments

Michael Klinkner Counseling ❤

NeuroWild ❤

Join us today, Saturday, 4/20 from 10am-2pm!

Nonspeakers Share: "The adults who worked with me were so kind, but I was treated like a toddler no matter how many years passed."
"I was put into classrooms with low expectations with little to no teaching of the common curriculum. One of thousands of students who had no access to an appropriate education."
Communication For Education

ID: The text and quotes above are on a white, purple, and peach background, with a picture of two young men next to their quotes, and a Communication for Education logo.

I love this so much! Thank you Chris from ESF for capturing our day!!

We are often operating on autopilot, not aware of our body or feelings in the moment. When we can bring awareness to the present, we can respond with intention.

The same goes for tiny humans.
In order for a child to build a toolbox for responding to their emotions and needs in the moment—they need to build that self-awareness.

What does it feel like in their body when they’re sad? Tired? Nervous?

We can help to build that self-awareness with them by providing some scaffolding with simple phrases like these.

How are you building self-awareness in your child?

Be you, authentically and unapologetically.

Motherhood Redefined ❤

Parents with Confidence ❤

𝐃𝐢𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰? 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞.
Do you know someone who prefers you to be direct? You c̲a̲n̲ do this using declarative language, while also giving information about the context, teaching strategies to support learning, problem solving, and self-advocacy, and connecting/strengthening your relationship. This is what makes DL different from imperative language. It gives the recipient important information while guiding them.

Here's the best part. You get to choose how you use DL in each moment! Check out my new handout to see all the ways you can use DL to guide and teach, based on the individual you are with, and based on the moment. Remember: different moments call for different things, and thoughtful communication goes a long way.

You can download this handout (and many others) here: https://www.declarativelanguage.com/posters-and-popular-posts

{image is a photo of a pinkish-greenish handout with the title USING DECLARATIVE LANGUAGE FOR VARYING PURPOSES & WITH VARYING LEVELS OF DIRECTNESS. Underneath are subheadings of DEMAND-BASED LANGUAGE (Imperatives, Questions) and DECLARATIVE STATEMENTS THAT INVITE, GUIDE, & FOSTER CONNECTION, followed by a table with headings of "Purposes" on the left and "Examples" on the right. Along the left are tags with arrows that read: "More Direct" to "Less Direct"}

This IS kindness 🤍🤍

Hey Disruptors! Have you signed up for otdisruptors Unconference yet?

Dates for this FREE virtual conference are March 21-23. The DisruptOT Unconference features speakers from across the globe. The unconference focus is on humanity, healing, resistance, and community.

Clickylink in the comments!

I tried to capture visually the difference that accommodations can make. When we go through our days, lots of niggly things that seem small can build up and mean that one more demand can result in overwhelm. With accommodations, things are still there in the background but supports are in place and so the same demand won't have the same impact.

This is highly simplified and of course on different days different factors can have more or less of an impact, but hopefully you find it useful.



--

Image description: a 3 panel comic with a brown background. The heading reads ‘Accommodations make a difference’, below the heading text says ‘The ability to do a task can be impacted by many factors. On any given day, the combination that results in overload can be different.
Simple accommodations can increase someone's enjoyment of, or capacity and ability to do, a task.’ The first panel has a scale from 0-100 with different coloured boxes from green at the bottom to red at the top, the boxes in ascending order are: tight clothes, bright lights, multiple noise sources, hunger, strong perfume, didn’t sleep well, need a break, don’t understand task, high pain levels. The top box sits on top about to fill up the scale to 100 – the box says ‘someone asks a question.’ Above this text says: One more task demand or something unexpected could result in overwhelm/ meltdown for this person. Middle panel: a bulleted list says ‘What if the same person has: Taken a break, Had a snack recently, Can wear comfy clothes to work, Has been given clear task demands, Colleagues don't wear strong perfume, Can wear noise cancelling headphones’. Below this are some of the coloured boxes from the first panel all smaller with a spiky circle that says ‘these factors now have less impact.’ Third panel: text at the top says ‘With accommodations in place, the same demand, 'someone asking a question', doesn't have the same impact.’ This is the difference simple accommodations can make. There is the 0-100 scale but now only 3 boxes (bright lights, didn’t sleep well, high pain levels) are filled in, a yellow box (someone asks a question) fits on top and doesn’t cause overwhelm – this is the difference simple accommodations can make.

Respecting fluctuating capacity means accepting inconsistency.

All the text in blue bubbles shows the harmful things that our kids get told when people do not understand or respect their fluctuating capacity.

So what do I mean?

I mean I accept that my kids can’t consistently Do The Things.
Some days they can and other days they don’t have the capacity.

It’s not a question of effort. It’s not them being ‘behavioural’.
It’s a reflection of their sensory systems, emotional systems, fatigue, health, and a ton of other things.

Back in the day I expected consistency.
If I saw my kid do something one day, I would then expect them to do it again the next day.

When they didn’t, I would have a big emotional response.
I would be so unbelievably frustrated. Because surely it was reasonable to expect them to do it again? I mean, they had already shown me they could.

Understanding fluctuating capacity was a game changer.
It was essential to understand that it’s a case of ‘can’t’, not ‘won’t’.

It means I can provide dynamic support to my kids to match their needs. It means I can (usually) do that without the big emotions.

I don’t do it perfectly. Because as you know, I have my own fluctuating capacity to deal with.

I get it wrong some days.
I also get it right some days.

Expecting consistency leads to disappointment, shame, a negative self image. Because many of us can’t perform consistently, despite our best efforts.

Before you come for me, yes, we absolutely still have goals for our kids. We do model the skills, we do scaffold, we do support. We do all that. As our kids mature, we do tend to see all their skills develop- the support they need from us is going to change.

We just do it with empathy. We appreciate the times that they are able to Do The Things, and we don’t presume misbehaviour or noncompliance when they can’t. We meet them where they are at. We support them. And make sure they know they are not alone or a disappointment to their adults.

Does that make sense?
Words are feeling hard right now.

Em