Private Reflections Counseling, LLC

It's not your fault

If we weren't loved or protected by the people who were supposed to love and protect us, it's NOT because we failed to "earn" it.
But our brain will often draw that conclusion – because it prefers feeling "blame" to feeling "powerless." Thing is: it truly wasn't your fault. – Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle

The voice inside knows all your insecurities

ℹ️🌿 20 GIFTS FOR YOUR ANXIOUS FRIEND |

We all have that friend (or five) whose baseline anxiety levels are just a tad higher than average. They’re the friends who constantly live in the “what if?” zone, often assume the worst, and just generally feel nervous a lot of the time. And, honestly, we might even be that friend.

There’s no shame in the always-sort-of-anxious game—all it takes these days is reading the news—but how nice would it be if you could give your pal (or yourself) the gift of chill? Of course, for people diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, evidence-based treatments like therapy and medication are always a great option, but layering in the right lifestyle tweaks and helpful tools can’t hurt.

Read the Full Article
https://www.wondermind.com/article/gifts-for-people-with-anxiety/


📷 @ yourtango.com (Pinterest)

This is so important to remember

I know it can be hard to believe in the middle of a fight, but the only person who cares about your intentions is you. Most people do not intend to hurt their partners, but they do anyway. The first step in repairing the pain you’ve caused is to fully take responsibility. Justifications are not necessary and will often make things worse.

Children succeed when they learn how to manage big emotions.

Sharing difficult emotions in love relationships is essential for fostering understanding, deepening connection, and promoting emotional growth. It builds trust, strengthens bonds, and creates a safe space for mutual support and resolution. Embracing open communication helps navigate challenges and strengthens relationships.

Ready to build a lasting connection? Start by sharing your emotions openly and honestly. To learn more visit www.buildingalastingconnection.com now!

What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (or EFT)? www.drsuejohnson.com / www.iceeft.com Dr. Sue Johnson provides a brief summary of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). This leading edge, empirically validated...

Couples therapy that works

Mindfulness

Our therapist has many years of experience in Emotion Focused therapy for couples as well as family and individual therapy. Contact us to schedule a session today.

https://privatereflections.com/

It's okay for people to be upset. We don't need to fix it.

When setting expectations for our kids, this is something important to keep in mind.

Harsh criticism rarely motivates. Self-compassion helps us to feel better which results in better outcomes.

ℹ️🌿 THE ANTIDOTE FOR SELF-CRITICISM |

Self-criticism refers to the habit of being overly harsh, judgmental, or negative toward oneself. It involves a pattern of evaluating one’s actions, abilities, and worth in a critical and disapproving manner. Self-criticism can manifest in various forms, including negative self-talk, self-blame, and harsh self-judgment…

We do this to protect ourselves. You see, this is part of the armor we use as trauma survivors. We toughen ourselves up so no one can ever hurt us again. If we are mean or cruel to ourselves, at least we are in control of it. We are often our meanest critics.

While self-criticism can sometimes motivate us to strive for excellence, chronic and harsh self-criticism is typically counterproductive and detrimental to our mental well-being. For us, this becomes a maladaptive coping strategy.

This article recommends self-compassion as the antidote for self-criticism especially for survivors navigating life in the workplace. https://cptsdfoundation.org/2024/02/01/the-antidote-for-self-criticism/

What do we mean by emotion is emotion focused therapy?

Small acts of love create connecting emotions

You don’t need grand gestures to show your partner love. Instead, frequent small acts will help to make your partner feel adored and appreciated. As Dr. John Gottman says, “Successful long-term relationships are created through small words, small gestures, and small acts.”

As a subscriber to the Love Notes newsletter enjoy a free exclusive download at the beginning of every month. Sign-up here and get your download today: https://bit.ly/30JWG2H

Procrastination doesn't mean laziness.

You see, procrastinators tend to be people who have, for whatever reason, developed to perceive an unusually strong association between their performance and their value as a person.

This makes failure or criticism disproportionately painful, which leads naturally to hesitancy when it comes to the prospect of doing anything that reflects their ability — which is pretty much everything.

While the invisibility may have started with parents too busy, too checked out, or not capable of really seeing you, it may be maintained by our own habits and a certain turning away from the world.

Often to survive the emotional barrenness of emotionally absent parents or any early environment that did not feel welcoming, we turn into ourselves. Rather than reach out in relationships, we withdraw.

Part of healing is coming out of the cloister and back into the world.

ℹ️🌿 EMBRACING THERAPEUTIC SURRENDER AS A PATH TO HEALING AFTER EMOTIONAL ABUSE |

Emotional abuse is a silent but insidious form of trauma that can leave deep scars on a person’s psyche. Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse often goes unnoticed, making it even more challenging to heal from. One powerful approach that can help survivors of emotional abuse find their path to recovery is therapeutic surrender.

Therapeutic surrender encompasses the willingness to acknowledge our limitations and actively participate in the healing process. It is a conscious choice to release the resistance and defensiveness that hold us back from experiencing true transformation.

Read the Full Article: https://kimsaeed.com/2023/09/27/embracing-therapeutic-surrender-as-a-path-to-healing-after-emotional-abuse/
📷: (Pinterest), Quote: Sylvester Mcnutt

Talk to inner critic and let them know it's okay to be quiet.

ℹ️🌿 TAMING THE INNER CRITIC: UNDERSTANDING AND OVERCOMING SELF-CRITICISM |

We all experience self-criticism. It’s a form of self-talk, but it’s not always the cheering and supportive type. Sometimes it’s more like that pesky cloud that casts a shadow on even the sunniest day. We All Have It!

Each day, our minds generate about 85,000 thoughts. A staggering 50,000 of these are self-talk, and 80% of this self-talk is negative. That’s about 40,000 negative thoughts each day! But why should we care about this? When left unchecked, this critical voice can lead to several mental health problems, making it the top vulnerability factor for these issues.

While imagination has many benefits, it also means we can imagine threats, failures, and negative scenarios, often leading to anxiety about things that haven’t happened or might never happen.

Read the Full Article: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/taming-the-inner-critic-understanding-and-overcoming-self-criticism/

📷: Tuto_Mora (Instagram)

Shame is a very painful and heavy emotion. It is unnecessary for us to suffer with shame for being human.

ℹ️🌿 UNBURDENING THE HEART: THE IMPACT OF GUILT ON THE NERVOUS SYSTEM IN CPTSD RECOVERY |

Living with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) can feel like navigating a stormy sea, with waves of past traumas crashing against the shores of the present.

Guilt, often a lingering companion for those with CPTSD, arises from the aftermath of traumatic experiences. Survivors may grapple with feelings of responsibility for events beyond their control, self-blame, or the sense of having failed to prevent harm. These emotions intertwine with the complex tapestry of CPTSD, intensifying the challenges of recovery.

Guilt acts as a saboteur, impeding the natural flow toward a state of calm and safety. This dysregulation contributes to the overall challenges survivors face in finding stability and a sense of control over their emotional landscapes.

Read the Full Article: https://cptsdfoundation.org/2024/01/09/unburdening-the-heart-the-impact-of-guilt-on-the-nervous-system-in-cptsd-recovery/

📷: therealife-rd.com (Instagram)

Sleep is a fundamental need that affects mood and overall well being.

Our relationship to sleep in our society is at best, toxic. Too often we reward sleeplessness as a sign of dedication to work, an abundant social life or a signal of importance. Bragging about how little sleep one gets while still being able to (barely) function is treated as a badge of honor.

https://bit.ly/3lZlc92

Through 50+ years of research we have found that the small, intentional moments hold more weight than isolated, extravagant gestures when it comes to building emotional longevity in your relationship. Dr. Gottman's motto is "small things often."

Subscribers to the Love Notes newsletter received a free download of prompts for a relationship gratitude journal. You can get yours and use the journaling prompts to acknowledge the small things that you and your partner are grateful for today!

Subscribe here: https://bit.ly/30JWG2H

Good Morning AGP,

For the last few Thursdays, we have been talking about trauma-sensitive approaches in education. All of the literature on childhood trauma cites relationships as the dominant factor in healing. Though relationships in the care giving setting and disturbances in early attachment can be sources of trauma, relationships are also where healing takes place. In the webinar I posted last week, Dr. McArthur said, “Every positive, attuned interaction with a trustworthy other can help to rewrite the brain”. This is not just hopeful thinking, but a researched certainty.

-A Teacher at Ana’s School

ℹ️🌿 20 GIFTS FOR YOUR ANXIOUS FRIEND |

We all have that friend (or five) whose baseline anxiety levels are just a tad higher than average. They’re the friends who constantly live in the “what if?” zone, often assume the worst, and just generally feel nervous a lot of the time. And, honestly, we might even be that friend.

There’s no shame in the always-sort-of-anxious game—all it takes these days is reading the news—but how nice would it be if you could give your pal (or yourself) the gift of chill? Of course, for people diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, evidence-based treatments like therapy and medication are always a great option, but layering in the right lifestyle tweaks and helpful tools can’t hurt.

Read the Full Article
https://www.wondermind.com/article/gifts-for-people-with-anxiety/


📷 @ yourtango.com (Pinterest)

This is a great illustration of the skill of attuning to an emotion instead of trying to fix it.

Emotional support is key in relationships

Supporting your partner through difficult moments starts with making them feel seen and heard. ⁠

Dr. John Gottman discovered that couples who remained close over time were good at listening to each other’s stresses. One way to do this is by regularly have a Stress-Reducing Conversation. ⁠
⁠
Take about 30 minutes daily or weekly to discuss things from outside the relationship that may be causing each of you stress or hurt. Spend half the time listening to your partner’s feelings and half sharing your own. This isn’t the time to come up with solutions for one another or talk about things within the relationship that are upsetting you. Instead, offer empathy and understanding. ⁠
For additional relationship resources: https://bit.ly/3zlLuZJ

Looking deeper into conflict can help to get out of patterns and ruts

The ultimate goal in the aftermath of a fight is to have dialogue about the underlying issues that started it. Miscommunication, or a lack of communication, can cause further unnecessary conflict. Relationship conflict should be seen as an opportunity to work together and grow as a couple.

Learn more & hear Dr. John Gottman discuss the 3 tips for fighting right here: https://bit.ly/3XOOo5n