Heinous Acres

Visitors to our new Drive Through Deer Safari are warned to stay in their cars for the duration of the route.

Found out what’s living in the mystery hole.

Some photos showcasing the beauty and the vast array of plant and animal species lurking around Heinous Acres.

SQUATTERS discovered. Baby house sparrows. Just a small shining example of the wondrous cornucopia of flora and fauna that Henious Acres has to offer.

Coming soon:
Heinous Acres YouTube And Onlyfans

Not p**n! Will still have excessive profanity.

Congratulations to us, winners of the 2024 South Carolina Supreme Excellence in Agritourism Award. It is a very prestigious title that we totally did not make up and award to ourselves to try and stem our plummeting Yelp rating.

Spring is springing down here at Heinous Acres, and the local flora are displaying their ge****ls out in the open for all to see.

You’ve heard of silly string? Well, this is serious string. We’re taking down the barbed wire in the south pasture, and the scrap wire will be for sale in the gift shop in lengths suitable for wrapping around a baseball bat.

Happy new year from Heinous Acres! We know it’s been awhile since you’ve heard from us, so here is a quick update: DHEC is off our backs and we are open for business again (except for the pork sashimi stand).

Also, WE ARE HIRING! We need farm hands, ranch hands, and stage hands. We have all kinds of hand jobs available down at Heinous Acres!

Heinous Acres is pleased to announce our glorious entry into the lucrative field of wilderness survival camps for troubled teens. Our first busload of juvenile delinquents arrives tomorrow morning, and I’m sure that after spending a week out in the woods with our head farmhand Lyle, those little s**tbags will be back on the road to the straight and narrow. I’m sure this will end well and absolutely nothing will go wrong.

If you thought we had some new residents at Heinous Acres, ewe would be correct.

Autumn has sprung here at Heinous Acres, and dead leaves are everywhere. Are we raking them? Studies show that it’s better to leave them where they are, so this fall we aren’t raking s**t, and we aren’t bagging s**t. We finally found an earth friendly practice that fits in with our inherent laziness.

We hope everyone had a wonderful and safe Halloween, and we remind you to be careful, there are real zombies out there, and they’re getting sneakier. Lyle, our head of security, shot at two of them dressed as trick or treaters Tuesday night.

We recently got some motion activated trail cameras here at Heinous Acres. Check out some of the footage we’ve gotten so far in our photos section. You’ll have to excuse FB’s horrible video compression.

Mushrooms! Pick your own, all you can eat, $7.99 per family every Thursday here at Heinous Acres. We aren’t responsible if you don’t know which ones are deadly, sort your own life out.

Here is our head farmhand Lyle, taking a selfie in his new company issued ghillie suit.

Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it can’t see you.

Heinous Acres would like to apogize to our neighbors, Lexington County law enforcement, the Federal Aviation Administration, the Department of Natural Resources, and the South Carolina National Guard for the events that transpired last night, the first night of our fall concert series. Although no charges have been filed against Heinous Acres or any of our staff, it has been requested that we suspend the remainder our fall concert series. WHICH WE WILL NOT DO!

Tickets on sale for next week! Direct from the coal fields of West Virginia, the musical stylings of MINER THREAT! Please try to behave yourselves this time.

Reminder to all visitors to Heinous Acres! We are not responsible for children who get lost in our brand new Ragweed Maze. You should have instilled in them a better sense of direction.

Here’s a fun piece of trivia! Why does our chicken coop have these two doors on the side? Because if there were four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

Getting things ready and making sure our new residents will be nice and comfortable before we commence to eating their children.