Rooted Soul Therapy - Amanda Alfaro, LMFT

We don’t call it internal conflict for nothing - your challenge isn’t to force one out, and the other to the top. It’s to consider that honoring both allows for a balance that makes room for alignment.

🌱Alignment allows you to listen to your intuition. Strengthened intuition silences self-doubt.
All of the above pave the way for healthier relationships with others, and most importantly, with yourself.

Hot take for today: quit the practice of toxic positivity, and honor the balance instead. You just might find yourself along the way.

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Speaking of, a different introduction of… me. Little me.

This picture brings up the full spectrum of emotions for me. Smiling, wide-eyed & mouth closed, with also quite a lot to say.

She stays with me each day as I enter this sacred space of support, both for myself & for my clients. Humbly reminding that each one of us has a version > I happen to be incredibly interested in meeting.

Sometimes I see all of me in her, other days I just see in all the ways I’ve changed. Either way, an honor to walk alongside her (& vice versa) in the ways I’ve learned, only I can.

🌱On the days it’s hardest to nurture self compassion - I think of this version: smiling, wide-eyed & mouth closed…
What would she ask for right now if she could?
And am I willing to respond?

Do you know your ‘little me’? If this is a tougher one for you, let me know if you’d like to try together.

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Rooted-soul-therapy.com
408.657.3002
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*inspired by ! 🫶🏼

When exploring the role of self-compassion in working with anxiety that stems from past wounds, we’re presented with a unique challenge: Do I know how?
The phrasing is familiar, and yet I so often hear that the practice is foreign.

🌱I’ve come to understand that this is largely due to one primary reason: We weren’t taught to grieve for our younger selves’ experience.
In fact, it seems most common that we’re actively taught to dismiss it.

They still live deeply within you, often showing up through automatic thoughts & reactions, behaviors that don’t seem to fully align with your goals.

So… just curious,
When was the last time you saw her reaching out for you?
How might you consider being kinder to her today?

After all, you know her better than anyone.

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anxiety, relational trauma, cycle breaker, therapy, personal growth, Los Gatos, Los Gatos town

I’ve learned over the years, through my own experiences and witnessing that of others, that the power of our relationship with *emotional pain is centerfold to living a balanced life.

🌱How might you describe yours?

I am drawn from within to support others reestablish their relationship with pain while feeling deeply seen and heard (as deserved)

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Anxiety, emotional pain, therapy, mental health, Los Gatos

Psychology In Movies 🎥

There’s a beautifully heart-string-tugging scene in the film Life Itself; we see a grandfather checking in with his young granddaughter, now in his care following multiple losses they’re both grieving.

The initial exchange has each of them discussing their experience in the most easy-flowing, emotionally intelligent and self-aware manner. An exchange that fosters healing, and connection: an unmatched emotional moment between the two. Personally, it causes my whole heart to smile (& break)

A moment passes and she narrates, “that’s what we could’ve said”. It then cuts to what really happened: dampened vulnerability, avoidance, isolation. Unfortunately, more likely a type of communication we all know. We get to feel the weight of the missed opportunity and crave the healthier exchange.

🌱I wonder, can we look upon these moments in our history and rewrite healthier exchanges with confidence?
Better yet, can we manage it live, practice healing vulnerability when it’s most needed, and finally access the connection we all crave?

This isn’t an exercise to dwell on our mistakes… but rather a chance to grow right where we know we can - intentionally.

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The bright & crisp mountain mornings after a storm are my favorite. You can see steam pouring out from within the trees, dancing through fresh sun beams, breathing new life into the air. The sound & smell of possibility are intoxicating.

🌱A rooted soul, not unlike the breathing redwood tree after a storm, stands tall in reflection of what they have endured. It grows stronger with each added ring of self-knowing, and its connection to those around it. Even when it’s burned, it’s through this loss that promotes continued growth. It not only survives the elements, but thrives through its instinctive adaptability, reaching daily toward the sun.

You’re invited here, to channel your current or longterm discomfort into growth, becoming the rooted soul we already know is within you.

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Anxiety, Relational Trauma, Therapy, Mental Health, Cycle Breaker, Living Intentionally

Did you know our brains have incredible plasticity?

We can explore the power of rewiring neural pathways to, dare I say, befriend anxiety with understanding.
Small changes in our day-to-day processing of emotions, and gentle practice of building awareness & self-understanding can offer just that.
Meaning, you’re likely more in control than you think. Meaning, living intentionally could change everything.
Meaning, you can invest in yourself today.

🌱What small changes feel manageable to make today to support your mental rewiring journey?

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Mental Health, Anxiety, Therapy, Emotions, Trauma, Self Care, Psychology

Anxiety often lingers as a silent echo of relational or developmental trauma (both “little t” , “big T” and everything in between)

Therapy can offer the space to delve into your origin story and explore just how healing can begin - by understanding how certain tendencies have their own beginning… & with reason.
Understanding our roots is a crucial piece of the personal puzzle that allows healing to happen… and last.

🌱If confronted with the chance to now, how would you like to begin, again?

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Anxiety, Mental Health, Trauma, Therapy, Self Care

Context is important here. Jung was complex, groundbreaking in the field, had spicy takes on the unconscious mind, and an all-around badass psychoanalyst (in my opinion) So therefore, his words frame a lot of the work I do.
When Jung stated this, he was supporting a patient grieving her father’s death, seeking clarity on next steps in life.

I think he references dreams here not like fantasy or an actual dream, but in the context of a non-conscious state, fogged by our own projections onto the outside world around us.. autopilot grasping at straws.

What I believe he’s suggests is to consider that in order to find clarity, peace, balance etc…
in order to awake, we must turn inward, explore the self and listen - consciously and intentionally 🌱

When was the last time you really spent time in the inner world of you? Understandably, it can be a scary place to explore. No need to go it alone….

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Los Gatos, Anxiety, Therapy, Self Care, Conscious Living, Intentionality, Mental Health

If you’re someone who can recognize harmful patterns in your history of family dynamics & actively decides to discontinue participating to prevent ongoing dysfunction… the answer is a proud yes.

You see & observe, you acknowledge discomfort and misalignment within, you’re willing to question and explore alternatives, and most of all, you’re brave 🌱

You get to say this ends with me.

It is not easy…. and you’re taking on perhaps generations of weight, while likely being told that you’re wrong. Take your time and honor your experience. You’re paving a new road that will have long-lasting impact.

Rooted Soul Therapy is about living intentionally and with purpose. If this sounds anything like you, we might be a good fit to take on this journey together.

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Cyclebreaker, Anxiety, Therapy, Generational Trauma, Self Care

it’s a beautiful day to show up for ourselves 🤗🌱

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Anxiety, Anxiety Therapy, Relational Trauma, Attachment Trauma, Mindfulness, Mental Health, Self Care, Los Gatos, Los Gatos Town, Psychotherapy

Something to remember during this season of sharing our time and energy:

Responsibility & consideration for others is a line often blurred. A common theme for stress this time of year is the struggle to keep all of our loved ones happy.

🌱PSA: You can only ever be responsible for yourself.

When we set new boundaries, it’s not uncommon to be met with resistance
Might sound something like:

“You’re making me so upset that you won’t come to my dinner party! I guess you don’t care about tradition.”

“I can’t believe you won’t help me cook & you’re okay with me being this stressed.”

“You’re ruining the holiday for everyone by leaving early. When did you become so selfish?”

When we absorb the messaging that we are responsible for another’s emotional experience, we’re more likely to sacrifice boundaries in an attempt to alleviate their feelings.

You are responsible for you.
They are responsible for them.

When we make decisions while holding responsibility for others’ experiences or feelings, we rarely get the chance to invest in & tend to our needs.

This holiday season, I encourage you to practice naming the difference.

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Tis the season to “keep the peace” ✌🏼

It’s for this reason that holidays have a tendency to increase these challenges for all of us.

So you’ve set the boundary, now what? They keep pushing, questioning, trying to solve your “problem” for you, and challenging the boundary instead of just respecting it like we hoped.

One of the most damaging things we do for our growth in this instance is continually compromise our needs out of guilt (or in attempt to keep the peace).

🌱Holding a boundary looks like honoring the need identified when we set it in the first place.

Need a reminder?
With each draw to set them aside, ask yourself.. who does this decision serve? And for how long…

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I’m a therapist who goes to therapy - which might sound like a strange idea if your association with therapists is that they have it all together & don’t need help or support like the rest of you.

False. I may actually make the bold recommendation to only work with therapists who have done the work themselves or are actively doing so. You’ll likely be able to tell the difference fairly quickly.

•talk with you, not at you
•more questions, less interpretations
•patient empathy, not timed sympathy

There’s something incredibly humbling about navigating my own growth as I walk alongside others in there’s.

🌱Thanks for letting me be human with you.

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Anxiety, Anxiety Awareness, Anxiety Help, Anxiety Support, Anxiety Relief, Anxiety Tips, Anxiety Attack, Anxiety Management, Anxiety Healing, Mindfulness, Grounding, Therapy, Trauma Therapy, Trauma Recovery, Self Help, Self Care, Self Improvement, Los Gatos, Bay Area, Los Gatos Town, Anxiety Therapist, Los Gatos Therapist, Mental Health, Emotions, Relational Trauma, Generational Trauma, Attachment Trauma, Attachment Styles, Relationships, Holistic Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Mind Body Soul, Rooted Soul.

I’ve grown to believe that we, if we choose to accept it, hold a responsibility in life. A responsibility not only to ourselves but to those in our “wake”.

When a boat passes by, even miles away, the wake can often still hold the strength to rock the ones it comes in contact with. Sometimes the impact is subtle, a small roll - we can keep going on with our tasks but it still engages our unconscious physical response to balance. In between, the swells are significant enough to send the conscious message to hold on, grab your coffee & wait for it to pass. Others, capsizing.

How you show up for yourself or not actively impacts those around you: loved ones, coworkers, even strangers on the road or in line with you at the store. This can mean so much for our overall well-being.

"The better you know yourself, the better your relationship with the rest of the world." - Toni Collette

Reflection:
Would those in your wake choose to stay there or change course?
Or is there a chance that they’re riding the waves you create? 🌱

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The fall season may be one of my favorite yearly reminders & lessons in transition. There’s almost no better invitation when asked to embrace the beauty of change.

When we let go of things no longer aligned with who we are, we begin to make room for growth and deepened connection - one that starts with ourselves. 🌱

In the spirit of embracing change, how will you let the leaves fall in your life this season?

Sometimes there are doozies.

Here are a few tips to take care of your system when those doozies start to interrupt your day.

Stay the course 🌱

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Anxiety, Anxiety Awareness, Anxiety Help, Anxiety Support, Anxiety Relief, Anxiety Tips, Anxiety Attack, Anxiety Management, Anxiety Healing, Mindfulness, Grounding, Therapy, Trauma Therapy, Trauma Recovery, Self Help, Self Care, Self Improvement, Los Gatos, Bay Area, Los Gatos Town, Anxiety Therapist, Los Gatos Therapist, Mental Health, Emotions, Relational Trauma, Generational Trauma, Attachment Trauma, Attachment Styles, Relationships, Holistic Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Mind Body Soul, Rooted Soul.

🌞🌱

Full disclosure, mine are a tie between a good 3 hour movie and a solid nap (both include a heat pack &/or weighted blanket). For others it’s going for a run, cleaning the house, eating, not eating, s*x, shopping, traveling, video games or actual drugs & alcohol… the list of course, goes on.

Each of us has developed a variety of “skills” - or outlets/defenses against feeling threatening emotions.
Subtle or blatant, largely unconscious, we all do it…most commonly known as numbing or my least favorite shift, “coping skills”. Again, being hardwired for survival and self-preservation, our system had to learn this stuff at one point or another to balance out and recharge for the inevitable return to a human reality: it comes with emotion.

Couple things to note about this part of ourselves:
1. It’s rarely the “thing” that’s “bad” for us but rather, our relationship to it
2. The goal is not to rid ourselves of them but to “choose them” consciously rather than “need them” automatically
3. Letting yourself be human means indulging in them once in a while - with awareness & the intentionality to return to the thing that triggered them once recharged

So.. what’s your “drug”? Think you can catch yourself by choosing vs. needing this week? (Remember: this means you actually come back to the feeling) 🌱

*Disclaimer: This obviously does not apply to all “drugs” which can of course be dangerous, unhealthy or damaging to your well-being. Please use better judgement & consult with your doctor or other professionals if unsure about the safety & impact of your “drug”.

I’d give anything to have Socrates on my couch 🌱

I don’t nearly know enough about his history but have read that the “quality of his soul (& that of others)” was of the highest value to him. He was infamous for claiming and embracing his own ignorance - encouraged that we must first consider our ignorance of self and then use it as gained awareness toward ongoing search for truth.

As a psychodynamic therapist, I can sincerely appreciate the sentiment. His philosophical hot take was that “the unexamined life is not worth living.” Though sure to still ruffle feathers today, what I’d glean from this is the true value of exercising our ability to access the unconscious - my favorite thing about the therapeutic process at Rooted Soul, to deeply know through acceptance of our ignorance (natural human limitations) & choose.

The most rewarding experience is to sit across from someone as they come to know themselves more deeply, as they intentionally mold the quality of their soul, and examine life with honorable accountability. I have a hunch Socrates would dig it too.

Heads up: If you’re among the living, you’ve experienced anxiety.
However, because we can all display anxiety differently and in response to different things, it’s important to know what you’re dealing with, when, and how to respond.

*Striated Muscle: skeletal (controllable muscles)
-tension: shoulders, neck, clenched jaw
-fidgeting
-feeling the need to stretch, move

MILD/baseline anxiety or stress..
🌱great time to take in information, observe & name triggers

——-

*Smooth Muscle: gastrointestinal, vascular, bronchi, urogenital (uncontrollable muscles)
-stomach cramps
-reflux, burping
-nausea
-migraines
-sighing from tension in chest, shortness of breath
-“jelly legs”

MODERATE/pushing passed a functional threshold..
🌱Time to start regulating more intentionally, practice TIPP

——-

*Cognitive Perceptual Disruption:
-feeling lightheaded or dizzy
-“going blank”
-blurred vision
-ringing in the ears

SEVERE/high warning signs of emotional threat..
🌱need for grounding exercises, removing yourself from extra stimulus

——-

Without understanding your roots and why these symptoms show up the way they do, life & relationships can feel a bit messy or unpredictable.

When we constantly guess/avoid our emotional needs in this way, it makes for fluid boundaries an M.O, indecision a main character, self-doubt a routine, and people-pleasing a whole personality.

Show up differently by getting ahead of your anxiety with some deep self-knowing (which might be bigger than you think right now)

Ps. You can do it 🌱

Something we talk about practicing a lot is “exposing the roots”.

It’s not uncommon to want to use therapy to just vent or talk about the problems that surfaced that week - it feels good to get things off our chest. I like to call these w**d-clipping sessions. If we spend all of our time just finding ways to clip the w**ds, we can typically expect new but similar w**ds to sprout next week, if not the same ones.
Taking the time to sift through the dirt and “expose the roots” allows us to understand why the w**ds are there in the first place.

Next time you find yourself struggling with a new w**d.. ask yourself, is it possible this runs deeper? 🌱

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Anxiety, Anxiety Awareness, Anxiety Help, Anxiety Support, Anxiety Relief, Anxiety Tips, Anxiety Attack, Anxiety Management, Anxiety Healing, Mindfulness, Grounding, Therapy, Trauma Therapy, Trauma Recovery, Self Help, Self Care, Self Improvement, Los Gatos, Bay Area, Los Gatos Town, Anxiety Therapist, Los Gatos Therapist, Mental Health, Emotions, Relational Trauma, Generational Trauma, Attachment Trauma, Attachment Styles, Relationships, Holistic Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Mind Body Soul, Rooted Soul.

*Disclaimer: Your intuition and your anxiety are different things.
Do not continue working with a therapist that your intuition tells you you don’t connect with.

Fit & trust of therapist is a crucial piece in being able to address the natural anxiety & discomfort that surfaces while doing the work.

Trust your gut 🌱

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Anxiety, Anxiety Awareness, Anxiety Help, Anxiety Support, Anxiety Relief, Anxiety Tips, Anxiety Attack, Anxiety Management, Anxiety Healing, Mindfulness, Grounding, Therapy, Trauma Therapy, Trauma Recovery, Self Help, Self Care, Self Improvement, Los Gatos, Bay Area, Los Gatos Town, Anxiety Therapist, Los Gatos Therapist, Mental Health, Emotions, Relational Trauma, Generational Trauma, Attachment Trauma, Attachment Styles, Relationships, Holistic Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Mind Body Soul, Rooted Soul.

Just in case this was ever called into question…. yes, you deserve a life free from suffering.

“Suffering is tragic, pain is magic” - Glennon Doyle, Untamed

When I read this, my long-standing ideas and associations with suffering shattered to bits. To be human was to suffer, I thought. But really, to be human was to experience pain. The suffering part I’ve learned is actually relatively optional.

In anxiety therapy we’re given the opportunity to mold a different relationship with pain, where we can choose to hold space and show up for ourselves without so much inherent resistance.
We can interrupt automatic reactions, and respond in ways that shape the outcome of our pain. Less suffering, more magic. 🌱


Anxiety, Anxiety Awareness, Anxiety Help, Anxiety Support, Anxiety Relief, Anxiety Tips, Anxiety Attack, Anxiety Management, Anxiety Healing, Mindfulness, Grounding, Therapy, Trauma Therapy, Trauma Recovery, Self Help, Self Care, Self Improvement, Los Gatos, Bay Area, Los Gatos Town, Anxiety Therapist, Los Gatos Therapist, Mental Health, Emotions, Relational Trauma, Generational Trauma, Attachment Trauma, Attachment Styles, Relationships, Holistic Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Mind Body Soul, Rooted Soul.

An open letter to Anxiety before therapy and after…

Before Therapy,
•You’re ruining my life!
•I don’t need you
•You’re the enemy of all things good
•I’m ignoring you as long as I can
•I can’t wait to get rid of you
•Please, please, please STOP

🌱

After Therapy,
•I see you, thanks for that
•I hear you, appreciate the reminder
•Whew, that does need more of my attention
•You’ve taught me so much
•Thank you, I’ll take it from here

Curious how to get from A to B? Consider that your anxiety isn’t going anywhere - so you can either learn to be in relationship with it (& heal) or fight like hell (& guarantee suffering).


Anxiety, Anxiety Awareness, Anxiety Help, Anxiety Support, Anxiety Relief, Anxiety Tips, Anxiety Attack, Anxiety Management, Anxiety Healing, Mindfulness, Grounding, Therapy, Trauma Therapy, Trauma Recovery, Self Help, Self Care, Self Improvement, Los Gatos, Bay Area, Los Gatos Town, Anxiety Therapist, Los Gatos Therapist, Mental Health, Emotions, Relational Trauma, Generational Trauma, Attachment Trauma, Attachment Styles, Relationships, Holistic Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Mind Body Soul, Rooted Soul.

lean in, ask questions, hold space… and grow 🌱


Anxiety, Anxiety Awareness, Anxiety Help, Anxiety Support, Anxiety Relief, Anxiety Tips, Anxiety Attack, Anxiety Management, Anxiety Healing, Mindfulness, Grounding, Therapy, Trauma Therapy, Trauma Recovery, Self Help, Self Care, Self Improvement, Los Gatos, Bay Area, Los Gatos Town, Anxiety Therapist, Los Gatos Therapist, Mental Health, Emotions, Relational Trauma, Generational Trauma, Attachment Trauma, Attachment Styles, Relationships, Holistic Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Mind Body Soul, Rooted Soul.

Nothing like a Monday to start fresh and set intentions. These few questions provide a pretty solid roadmap for exploring which intention to set next.

Which of the above are you most curious about today? 🌱

You may not get your answers right away, but I highly recommend practicing the observation of just one of them throughout the week. It’s likely you’ll start to notice a pattern or two.


Anxiety, Anxiety Awareness, Anxiety Help, Anxiety Support, Anxiety Relief, Anxiety Tips, Anxiety Attack, Anxiety Management, Anxiety Healing, Mindfulness, Grounding, Therapy, Trauma Therapy, Trauma Recovery, Self Help, Self Care, Self Improvement, Los Gatos, Bay Area, Los Gatos Town, Anxiety Therapist, Los Gatos Therapist, Mental Health, Emotions, Relational Trauma, Generational Trauma, Attachment Trauma, Attachment Styles, Relationships, Holistic Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Mind Body Soul, Rooted Soul

Setting healthy boundaries is an important step in taking care of ourselves and ensuring well-being in relationships. However, it's not uncommon to be pummeled by big feelings of guilt after setting them, especially if we're not used to prioritizing our own needs at all.

Because there are no shortcuts, the path will be uncomfortably dark each time you set one. But you are not alone 🌱

Here are some tips for nursing the boundary-setting hangover…


Anxiety, Anxiety Awareness, Anxiety Help, Anxiety Support, Anxiety Relief, Anxiety Tips, Anxiety Attack, Anxiety Management, Anxiety Healing, Mindfulness, Grounding, Therapy, Trauma Therapy, Trauma Recovery, Self Help, Self Care, Self Improvement, Los Gatos, Bay Area, Los Gatos Town, Anxiety Therapist, Los Gatos Therapist, Mental Health, Emotions, Relational Trauma, Generational Trauma, Attachment Trauma, Attachment Styles, Relationships, Holistic Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Mind Body Soul, Rooted Soul.

Choosing a guide who confidently stands with you in the darkness is a deeply personal and courageous thing to do… there’s no need to go it alone 🌱


Anxiety, Anxiety Awareness, Anxiety Help, Anxiety Support, Anxiety Relief, Anxiety Tips, Anxiety Attack, Anxiety Management, Anxiety Healing, Mindfulness, Grounding, Therapy, Trauma Therapy, Trauma Recovery, Self Help, Self Care, Self Improvement, Los Gatos, Bay Area, Los Gatos Town, Anxiety Therapist, Los Gatos Therapist, Mental Health, Emotions, Relational Trauma, Generational Trauma, Attachment Trauma, Attachment Styles, Relationships, Holistic Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Mind Body Soul, Rooted Soul.

Your soul and mine are rooted in something beautiful, core needs we can’t deny: to feel loved, to feel safe & secure, and to feel attached.
Not only can we not deny them, but we’re also given the opportunity (& in some perspectives, the responsibility) to nurture them toward wholeness.
Because we are unconsciously hardwired for survival, we’ll arguably do anything to get these needs met, even if that means accessing knock-off temporary versions to keep our pain points at bay.

🌱What role will you play in getting your needs met today? Will they be knockoffs, or a taste of the real deal?

“Attend to your patterns, the way you learned to survive may not be the way you want to continue to live” - Dr. Thema Bryant


Anxiety, Anxiety Awareness, Anxiety Help, Anxiety Support, Anxiety Relief, Anxiety Tips, Anxiety Attack, Anxiety Management, Anxiety Healing, Mindfulness, Grounding, Therapy, Trauma Therapy, Trauma Recovery, Self Help, Self Care, Self Improvement, Los Gatos, Bay Area, Los Gatos Town, Anxiety Therapist, Los Gatos Therapist, Mental Health, Emotions, Relational Trauma, Generational Trauma, Attachment Trauma, Attachment Styles, Relationships, Holistic Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Mind Body Soul, Rooted Soul.