Lorren Siu Counseling

Sometimes what some say is the happiest time of the year can be the hardest time of the year for others.

Some people may be feeling eager expectations for the holidays as they look forward to all of the festivities, traditions, and celebrations. They genuinely love this time of year.

But for others, the holidays are the hardest time of the year. They are not something to be celebrated and happily awaited, but something that is dreaded and endured. If they could cancel them altogether they would, and they may find themselves doing whatever they can to just make it past this season.

If you find yourself resonating with the latter, please know you are not alone.

Does this resonate with you? https://buff.ly/3smDuZg

Whether the holidays have been hard for as long as you can remember, or if things have only taken that turn this year, being in a space where you dread what the world tells you should be celebrated is hard. It is painful to see so many happy people in commercials, shows, and movies spending time doing things they enjoy with people they love. It is hard to go to any store because the Christmas displays are everywhere - there simply is no avoiding them. You are constantly bombarded with decorations, toys, gifts, candies, treats, and anything and everything that can be made festive. And if part of what makes holidays difficult is an unease with your own body, good luck navigating that among the abundance of holiday foods everywhere. Even driving down the street you might see cars with reindeer antlers or a wreath on the front. No matter where you go, the holidays are there. It can be overwhelming.

For months you can’t catch a break from it all. Maybe you do what you can to avoid it, but even a trip to your favorite coffee shop forces you to be confronted with holly, wreaths, ornaments, and likely Christmas music too. At times all of this might have you feeling like you are going crazy.

Why does it bother you so much?

Why can’t you just be happy like everyone else seems to be?

Why do you have to be such a Scrooge this time of year?

Will things ever get better for you?

It is not easy to be faced with the holidays themselves, and when you add this type of thinking things get even harder.

What you are facing around the holidays is real. You are not going crazy. In fact, I want you to hear that it is ok that you do not enjoy the holidays. It is ok, even, that you dislike them, or even hate them. The assumption that everyone loves the holidays simply misses the mark. Yes, there are a lot of people who do love and enjoy holidays, but there are also a lot of people who do not. And that is perfectly normal and perfectly ok.

Does this resonate with you? Read more here: https://buff.ly/3smDuZg

Just like Highly Sensitive Persons, Highly Sensitive Dogs are sensitive to subtleties. They notice little things that may go unnoticed by others, and since dogs have a stronger sense of smell and hearing and a wider field of vision than humans do, they can take in much more than even a Highly Sensitive Person ever could.

All dogs are able to see, smell, and taste things that we can’t, and for Highly Sensitive Dogs this amount is even higher. Having grown up with many dogs over the years, I can attest that not all dogs notice the same level of detail in their environment.

Owning a Highly Sensitive Dog means I am alerted to anything that changes slightly or seems a bit different or out of place. This includes whenever a delivery person approaches the front door, when a strange-looking piece of trash is left on the sidewalk, and even when someone is walking with a slight limp.

My HSD notices it all, and seeing the way she notices gives me compassion for myself and other HSPs. Taking in so much information can be exhausting. Add on top of that not always knowing what is safe and what is not and a normal day becomes quite scary. No wonder we need to just take it easy sometimes!

Learn more lessons I've learned from my Highly Sensitive Dog here: https://buff.ly/3PMHlqy

Your body knows how to stress out and feel anxious.

It knows the heart-pounding, chest-thumping, ears ringing, muscle-clenching, shallow breathing, mind-racing hell that is anxiety. For you, maybe that is all too familiar and you spend more time there than you would care to admit.

Life has an uncanny way of throwing everything we don’t want at us all at the same time.

During these times we may find ourselves feeling overwhelmed more than we know what to do with. We need every bit of help we can get to keep us from going over the edge we find ourselves dangling so close to.

Even when life is going alright we all have moments when our bodies need a little help calming down.

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to getting there.

Sometimes a deep breath or two might be all you need. Other times you may be able to repeat a positive mantra to remind yourself that things are going to be ok. Moving your body by going for a walk or doing yoga might do wonders in helping your body relax. Or perhaps getting a hug from someone you love or cuddling with your pet. Any and all of these things can do wonders for helping your body slow down and relax when you need a break from stress and anxiety.

Learn a mindfulness and relaxation technique that I teach all of my clients here: https://buff.ly/3KF6UaZ

The term Highly Sensitive Person was coined by Dr. Eliane Aron who began studying the trait in 1991. Around that time more studies were being done around why some of the population exhibited traits of being shy, inhibited, or neurotic while others did not.

Dr. Aron suspected that the labels that were being used to describe the differences in behavior and personality were not quite accurate. She felt that the traits were not negative or problematic, as the terms that were being used implied.

Through her studies, she confirmed that there is a portion of the population that is different than the majority in the way that it responds to stimulation. As it turns out, 15-20% of the population is Highly Sensitive and it is not a deficiency or problem at all!

A portion of highly sensitive individuals can be observed in other species such as mice, monkeys, and horses. Dr. Aron suggests that having some members who notice subtleties that are often missed is an advantage for the overall survival of a species.

This is part of what being a highly sensitive person is about.

Highly Sensitive People (HSP) take in stimulation differently than the rest of the population. To help clarify the differences between HSPs and non-HSPs, Dr. Elaine Aron coined the acronym DOES. It stands for depth of processing, overstimulation, emotional reactivity/empathy, and sensitive to subtleties.

Learn more about the traits of an HSP here: https://buff.ly/3nJwNy3

Being Highly Sensitive is not unique to humans.

In fact, it is estimated that over 100 different species show this trait.

Having part of a population that is more aware of subtleties is beneficial for the species as a whole. After all, if no one notices the grass is swaying but there is no breeze in the air, the snake that is hiding out of sight may end up biting someone! If there is a Highly Sensitive individual around they are likely to pick up on danger and alert the others to avoid the hidden snake.

I learned of my own Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) trait a couple of years ago. The knowledge has helped me better understand myself and care for my needs.

During that time I also adopted a puppy that turned out to be highly sensitive as well. Getting to know my Highly Sensitive Dog and understanding how her sensitivity shows up has also helped me better understand my own HSP traits.

Learn a few lessons that I have learned from my Highly Sensitive Dog (HSD) here: https://buff.ly/3PMHlqy

Environment and surroundings impact Highly Sensitive Personss more than most people. There is nothing wrong with this, that is just part of being a highly sensitive person.

Highly Sensitive Persons notice little things that go completely missed by many others. Their systems are constantly processing more, and processing more deeply.

There will be many instances where HSPs will be overwhelmed by what is around them, and at times may feel uncomfortable when non-HSPs appear to be fine. If there are too many people around, the lights are too bright, the air is too hot or cold, or loud or startling noises, HSPs are going to notice. Even if they do not want these things to affect them, they likely will.

Experiencing a lot of changes, being in new and unfamiliar situations, learning something new, or having their skills or knowledge evaluated are also things that may be more taxing on HSPs than others.

Self-Care is not only about specific activities that a person can do that will help them feel renewed. It is also about showing oneself kindness throughout the day.

When starting to feel uncomfortable in an environment or situation, self-care is looking for ways to better. HSPs can show themselves kindness by finding a seat in the corner of a crowded room so that they do not have to pay attention to all 360 degrees around them. Or kindness could mean putting their earbuds in and listening to their favorite music or podcast when transitioning from one place or activity to the next.

For me, it often means making sure that I am wearing clothes that I feel really comfortable in that also do not make me feel that I stick out like a sore thumb and draw attention to myself as a result. I also love wearing my noise-reduction earplugs whenever I am anywhere that is noisy.

Making an effort to turn a situation or environment from uncomfortable to something that can be more easily tolerated gives HSPs’ over-active systems a small break. These small breaks add up and result in highly sensitive persons crossing the threshold of what they can handle less frequently, resulting in experiencing less overwhelm.

Learn more about my tips for HSPs here: https://buff.ly/42j3CjS

Your therapist is taking note of your tone, volume, word choice, eye contact, facial expressions, body language, energy level, and even changes in your overall appearance and mood.

They are noting the speed at which you are talking and the pauses, or lack thereof, between words or phrases. All of this is not to judge you as a person, it is to get to know you better and to gain a deeper understanding of your unique experience.

Therapists use this insight to help guide your therapy process.

For example, when asked how you are doing today, you might instinctually answer with “fine.” Your therapist, however, might note the rushed way in which you spoke that word and the pained look on your face and know to give you a bit more time to settle into the session so that you can be comfortable sharing a more authentic answer.

AI therapy chatbots will only have your words to go off of and so much valuable information will be missed. This is also why text therapy is not the same thing as an in-person or online therapy session. Yes, you might get some immediate help in the moment, but what is shared over text will only go so deep, and there is so much more about you that cannot be addressed through text or chat alone.

Read more about Therapy vs AI Chatbot Therapy here: https://buff.ly/40mkypz

Some people love changing up their day-to-day schedule. They even crave it.

I know, crazy, right?!

Something about the novelty of new experiences fills them with a sense of adventure. When they wake up knowing that the day ahead will be nothing like their typical day-to-day life they feel excited!

But if you struggle with anxiety, are a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), or have experienced trauma, changes in your daily schedule may not be your favorite thing in the world.

In fact, you may dread having to face a day that is not your usual routine.

You might do everything you can to avoid these sorts of changes, turning down trips with friends, putting off visiting family, or maybe even saying no to that job that requires frequent business travel.

Maybe other people have picked up on this. Perhaps you’ve even been made fun of for not being able to “go with the flow” or “take it as it comes.”

Other people in your life just don’t get how big of a deal it is when you have to step out of the comfort zone of your routine.

Read more about why change can be so hard and how to adjust to it here: https://buff.ly/4611RKc

Your body knows how to stress out and feel anxious. It knows the heart-pounding, chest-thumping, ears ringing, muscle-clenching, shallow breathing, mind-racing hell that is anxiety.

For you, maybe that is all too familiar and you spend more time there than you would care to admit.

Life has an uncanny way of throwing everything we don’t want at us all at the same time. During these times we may find ourselves feeling overwhelmed more than we know what to do with. We need every bit of help we can get to keep us from going over the edge we find ourselves dangling so close to.

Even when life is going alright we all have moments when our bodies need a little help calming down.

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to getting there.

Sometimes a deep breath or two might be all you need. Other times you may be able to repeat a positive mantra to remind yourself that things are going to be ok. Moving your body by going for a walk or doing yoga might do wonders in helping your body relax. Or perhaps getting a hug from someone you love or cuddling with your pet. Any and all of these things can do wonders for helping your body slow down and relax when you need a break from stress and anxiety.

When you are experiencing anxiety it can be hard to focus on anything else, and even harder to believe it will ever end. Being prepared with a few techniques you can use to help calm your nervous system can ease your mind. This is just one more thing to add to your arsenal of relaxation techniques.

To learn a simple technique to help calm your nervous system go here: https://buff.ly/3KF6UaZ

Babies are born reliant on their caregivers for all of their needs. When a need arises, their only form of communication, at first, is through sounds, facial expressions, and body movement. They must rely on their caregivers to correctly interpret their limited communication and give them what they need. Infants, babies, and children need care in the form of food, water, shelter, and clothing, and they also need care in the form of comfort, affection, and play.

When caregivers can meet their baby's needs consistently enough, the infant comes to learn that the caregiver is reliable and that their needs are important and worthy of attention. That experience forms a foundation of deep personal beliefs about how they and the world around them work: I am ok (my needs are not too much), and you are ok (other people can be trusted).

Caregivers do not have to meet every cry and gesture immediately with the perfect solution for this to happen, but there needs to be consistent care for the baby. Children that develop these beliefs are securely attached to their caregivers.

When caregivers are inconsistent, unreliable, or otherwise unsafe in how they respond to the baby's needs, the infant learns a different message about themselves and the world around them. Instead of developing an internal sense of, "I am ok, you are ok," they determine that belief is untrue. They may come to know "I am not ok" (my needs are too much or not worthy of attention), "you are not ok" (you cannot meet my needs), or both.

When a child develops one or both of these beliefs, they form an insecure attachment to the caregiver.

Learn more about attachment trauma and how it presents in adults here: https://buff.ly/3MRbswz

Grief, in particular, is one emotion many prefer to skip over.

It can be uncomfortable to feel sad and to lose hope. It can also be the case that we feel that our experience does not justify such a response: after all, someone else has had it worse than us. Or so we tell ourselves.

Yet, the grief is there inside, and we are left wondering what to do with it.

One thing we can do is invite ourselves to acknowledge how we are feeling. Taking some time to be honest about all of what we are feeling can be difficult and scary, but it can be so rewarding too.

By going against our normal tendency to ignore feelings like grief, sadness, anger, and fear, we can learn more about what is going on inside of us.

Acknowledging what we are feeling helps us make space for those emotions.

When we make space for them, we are no longer stuffing them deep down inside or ignoring them. The truth is that all of our emotions need our time and attention, not just joy and happiness.

Every one of them has important lessons to share with us.

Our sadness reminds us that what was lost was dear to us, our anger tells us when something is not right, and our fear reminds us to watch out for ourselves and others.

When we are grieving a loss we are faced with many emotions at once. Making space for these emotions helps us remember that it is ok to feel the way we are feeling.

That in itself is so powerful.

Letting your feelings, every single one of them, be ok. It is not always easy work, but it can make such a difference. Y

You don’t have to push it down.

Learn more about how to make space for grief here: https://buff.ly/3HuueGQ

Your body knows how to stress out and feel anxious.

It knows the heart-pounding, chest-thumping, ears ringing, muscle-clenching, shallow breathing, mind-racing hell that is anxiety.

For you, maybe that is all too familiar and you spend more time there than you would care to admit. Life has an uncanny way of throwing everything we don’t want at us all at the same time.

During these times we may find ourselves feeling overwhelmed more than we know what to do with. We need every bit of help we can get to keep us from going over the edge we find ourselves dangling so close to.

Even when life is going alright we all have moments when our bodies need a little help calming down.

I would like to share with you a mindfulness and relaxation technique that I teach all of my clients.

When you read it you are likely going to think that it is way too simple. To be fair, it is incredibly simple, but it is also incredibly difficult to put into practice at times.

This is a practice that I learned at a training where they referred to it as The GNC Spot, like the vitamin store.

G for grounded,

N for neutral,

C for calm

I find the acronym an easy way to remember the skill. Find your GNC spot: take a moment to locate where you feel grounded, neutral, or calm in your body.

Learn more about The GNC Spot and how to do it here: https://buff.ly/3KF6UaZ

Perhaps, like me, you did not learn you were a Highly Sensitive Person until you were an adult and you are slowly making adjustments so that your life better fits who you are.

Or maybe someone close to you is HSP and you are doing your best to learn more about what that means and how to support them.

In either case, I would love to share with you 2 tips I have learned along the way about how to structure my life to fit who I am as an HSP.

1. Self-Care Should Not Be A Chore

2. Make Uncomfortable Situations Bearable

Read more about these two tips here: https://buff.ly/42j3CjS

I need extra time to wind down after busy days, being in new situations, or socializing. Some situations might leave me stimulated for so long that I get very little sleep that night.

I also need time to ease into my day - I don’t hit the ground running. Having time to prepare for changes of any kind makes enduring them a lot easier.

I understand now why the slightest change in temperature affects me so much, and why I cannot stand to be in crowded places. I used to get called grumpy after spending a few hours out shopping - now I realize just how overstimulated I was and do most of my shopping online.

I still get frustrated with my HSP trait from time to time.

For example, I always forget an item or two when grocery shopping. Writing down a list of what I need is such a lifesaver for me, but I usually have some items that do not make it onto my list. Without fail, these items never make it into my grocery basket because I get overstimulated by the environment and the task at hand and don’t remember them. I have started to accept that if it is not on the list, it is not getting purchased, and I am trying hard to not beat myself up over that.

Practicing self-compassion has helped me find ways to work with my trait instead of having it work against me.

Each trip to the grocery store is a new chance for me to practice that skill. I also am learning to accept that I am overly sensitive to caffeine and that it is best for me to stay away from it completely; and that sometimes my body cannot fall asleep even when it is overly tired.

These are aspects of being an HSP that I do not always love, but I am learning that it is a package deal.

Learn more about who the Highly Sensitive Person is here: https://buff.ly/3nJwNy3

As the term suggests, self-care is about making and taking the time to care for yourself.

Maybe you’ve heard the saying, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” The same goes for self care.

If you are realizing that your life has been out of balance it might take some time to correct that and find the balance that works for you - and that’s ok. Part of self care is learning to be kind to yourself, and that includes extending yourself kindness while you revamp your self care.

Try your best to take it one step at a time, and before you know it you will have built a self care routine that works for you.

I invite you to consider just how off-balance the amount of time and energy you spend on caring for your needs and the time and energy you spend on others are right now. I am going to go out on a limb here and guess that the balance is quite far from being equal.

If I am right, no need to panic!

Maybe you have been ignoring your own needs for a while now, and maybe you didn’t even realize how bad it had gotten. You knew you were feeling tired and stressed, but you don’t usually stop long enough to see just how much you put everyone else above yourself.

Learn more about how to find balance in self care here: https://buff.ly/3L7sbLh

Many of us are very good at taking care of those around us, but not so great at our own self care.

Perhaps this is true of you?

You always know how to cheer others up and are the person your friends and family go to when things get tough.

Responsible is your middle name, and you always live up to it! Letting others down is not an option.

In fact, you even find ways to stop problems from arising for others by fixing things before they have a chance to become issues.

You know, like that time you steered your coworkers’ conversation away from the topic you knew was sure to press Susie’s buttons and end up in a disagreement?

Or when you planned a wine night with your friends as soon as one of them mentioned the upcoming monthiversary of their breakup to make sure they wouldn’t be alone?

Or how about the masterful way you’ve learned to keep everyone busy at family gatherings to ensure the day doesn’t end in one big blowup?

You go to great lengths to make sure that the people around you are happy no matter what the situation is.

You are excellent at caring for others, but, have forgotten how to care for yourself?

Read more about how to care for yourself here: https://buff.ly/3KQCdjF

Have you ever found yourself staring off into space, or worse, has anyone else ever caught you doing that?

It can be embarrassing to notice that you completely lost track of what was going on around you, especially if someone else sees you. Aside from feeling embarrassed, have you ever wondered what is happening in your brain when you stare off like that?

When staring off into space you probably feel like you’re in a bit of a trance-like state. You kind of lose yourself to your thoughts and disconnect from what is going on around you.

You really do get lost in your thoughts.

People around you might assume that you’ve “gone blank” and nothing is happening, but that could not be farther from the truth.

You are actually working through things deep in your brain.

If you have ever caught yourself starting off, zoning out, daydreaming, or lost in LaLa Land, you have actually been self-brainspotting. What is happening in your brain when you stare off is similar to what happens in a Brainsotting session.

You see, our brains are amazing.

They do so much for us every single moment of every day.

We can think conscious thoughts, like when we wonder what we are going to eat for lunch or think about how to respond to what our co-worker is telling us. These operations are very important, but there is much more to what our brains do for us, and much of it is outside of our conscious awareness.

So, even when we stare off into space and it seems like everything just sort of pauses, our brain is still hard at work.

Learn more about Self-Brainspotting and Brainspotting therapy here: https://buff.ly/405U8Iv

Therapy is about having a safe space to explore your internal experiences.

Most people don’t take enough time to do that, and many don’t even know how to. For many people emotions seem scary so they push them away. You might do that because you were taught to push through, not feel, and not show weakness.

When you are able to slow down and check out what is really happening inside, you can learn a lot about yourself. Being able to allow yourself to experience feelings that you have always avoided can be truly healing.

Therapy is about experiencing something that may be new: being accepted just as you are, flaws and all.

Having someone who accepts and understands the sides of you that you try so hard to keep hidden from the rest of the world puts you on your own path towards accepting those parts of yourself. When you no longer have to hide or explain away your feelings, you have space to be your full self.

Therapy is about being fully accepted by someone else and growing to accept your full self as well.

Read more about the benefits of going to therapy here: https://buff.ly/3yhnIOH

An essential piece of Brainspotting, and any trauma therapy, is a relationship of safety that the therapist offers you. Without being and feeling safe, you will be unable to rewrite the parts of your nervous system that need to come out of freeze and into healthy functioning.

We constantly take in signals of safety and danger, and one way our brains assess safety is through our interactions with those around us. When we are stuck in “the world is unsafe, and I am in danger,” having someone not in that mode helps our brains start to relax. We call this co-regulation.

When working through past traumas, it is vital that you feel safe with your therapist.

Along with co-regulation, where you look during Brainspotting is also crucial.

Because of the way our bodies and brains hold onto trauma memories, when we are in the right state of mind looking at a particular spot can help our brains access those memories. So, finding specific places to look as your therapist guides you and helping your nervous system remember that it is safe helps your nervous system begin to let go of being stuck in freeze and start to remember the feeling of being safe instead.

This is how we reset our nervous systems and bring them back into healthy functioning.

Learn more about brainspotting therapy here: https://buff.ly/3mPHGOb

If you have experienced an injury that required physical therapy, you likely were prescribed to meet with a physical therapist for a set length of time. During your visits your physical therapist worked with you, giving you specific exercises to complete during the visit and at home that would help restore your body back to health.

Therapy works in a similar manner; through regular visits, you address the areas of your life that you would like to see change.

The clients that come to see me are mostly focused on the areas of anxiety and trauma. When they first start therapy it is usually because life has become overwhelming. They feel stuck in all of the hard stuff they have been dealing with, and although they desperately want things to change, they are no longer sure if they really can. They feel far removed from who they are and wonder if they will be able to get back to the person they once were.

They are tired.

Tired of working so hard to make things better.

Tired of life pushing them down as soon as they start to get back up.

Tired of feeling anxious, overwhelmed, and constantly reminded of negative things.

My first task is to help them feel comfortable acknowledging what they are experiencing. No need to sugar-coat things here, and no need to deny how they really feel.

From there we create a roadmap together of where we will journey in therapy. That map starts with learning tools that will help them manage their anxiety and moments of overwhelm. I incorporate Brainspotting to help bring relief from the big emotions that they have been experiencing.

Then, once they have their “sea legs,” so to speak, we take a deeper look at what is going on for them. I help them understand why they may be stuck in certain patterns, why certain things are so hard on them, and why they just can’t seem to get past where they are in life.

With that understanding and their experiences of being seen and cared for in therapy, they begin to change their relationship with themselves. They start to extend kindness to themselves, even when they mess up, and things that used to overwhelm them start to become manageable.

Learn more about what therapy is and what therapy with me looks like here: https://buff.ly/3kDjz4x