Tribeca Therapy

We all lie—to ourselves and, in turn, to others. Adults lie for many different reasons, whether denying or avoiding a truth, convincing ourselves of something we want to believe, or protecting ourselves from a painful reality.

Read more from Noelani Rodriguez, LCAT, R-DMT: https://tribecatherapy.com/7096/lying-isnt-all-bad-why-and-how-to-be-curious-when-your-kids-dont-tell-the-truth/

Even if you ultimately choose to go through with an obligation, it is better to know why you are choosing it and to be fully active in your life. Conversely, when something is felt or framed as out of your hands, there is no questioning, shifting, curiosity, or disruption needed. Read more from Senior Therapist Rachael Benjamin, LCSW:

Confusing Responsibility and Obligation Is a Mistake: Take More Responsibility for Your Choices - Tribeca Therapy Obligation is also a refusal of your responsibility for the choices you make, how you show up in relationships, and what you do and don’t do

There has been a lot of recent press about parents and their young adult children remaining closely connected for a much longer time than has been the case traditionally. Read more:

Gen Z Is Closer to Parents Than Ever: Make Sure Your Closeness Isn’t a Solution for Fear - Tribeca Therapy While having a close relationship with your parents can be both helpful and enjoyable, it also can be driven by a less healthy reason: fear.

Sibling relationships can be immensely complicated—a source of profound intimacy and connection, as well as injury, betrayal, and pain. Siblings have a unique insight into each other as people because they are the keepers of a history that no one else knows about. Read more:

Family Therapy for Adult Siblings - Tribeca Therapy Family therapy for adult siblings can help untangle years of conflict and create a path forward that feels healthier and more fulfilling.

While the social media discussion about narcissists lacks a lot of nuance, including avoiding any indication that an excess of narcissism is accompanied by a good deal of suffering or that those pointing out narcissists may themselves be struggling with narcissism, it also misses a bigger point about the definition of narcissism itself. Narcissism isn’t just not all bad; in healthy amounts, it can be essential for survival. Continue reading:

How We Talk About Narcissism Misses the Ways It Can Be Essential - Tribeca Therapy While the social media discussion about narcissists lacks a lot of nuance, it also misses a bigger point narcissism itself.

Polyamorous couples organize their s*x lives in ways that could be informative to monogamous couples. Read more:

4 Things Polyamorous Couples Can Teach Monogamous Couples About S*x - Tribeca Therapy The ways polyamorous partners organize their relationships invite monogamous couples to think differently about s*x.

In case you haven’t noticed, polyamory is hot right now. It’s not as if polyamory—or what used to be typically referred to as open relationships—is a new way of organizing relationships. So, why is polyamory such a currently popular topic, often one written about with a quiet panic? Read more:

Why Is Everyone Suddenly Obsessed With Polyamory? - Tribeca Therapy In case you haven’t noticed, polyamory is hot right now. So, why is polyamory such a currently popular topic?

Consider: “I am feeling the urge to apologize right now, how come? Am I trying to apologize just to make this person—and by extension, myself—feel better? Or am I actually sorry and have reflected on why this person feels hurt in the way they do?” Read more:

Apologies Aren't Always Nice (Part 2): How to Do Them More Thoughtfully (Hint: Slow Down) - Tribeca Therapy I previously explored how apologizing can sometimes put pressure on the hurt party to make the transgressor feel better as soon as possible

You will hurt the people you care about. Ideally, apologizing is a way to own this mistake and make it clear to the person you hurt that you recognize your transgression, take accountability for it, and assure you’ll do your best to ensure it won’t happen again.

However, in some occasions, apologies are used by the apologizer as a way to try to quickly smooth over or fix a situation rather than actually reflecting on what they did wrong or how they have affected the hurt person.

Read more:

Apologies Aren't Always Nice (Part 1) - Tribeca Therapy You will hurt the people you care about. Ideally, apologies are a way to own this mistake and recognize your transgression.

Our Founder and Clinical Director Matt Lundquist recently spoke to The Cut about what to look for in a s*x therapist and why talking about s*x is integral to good therapy. Read more:

Founder and Clinical Director Matt Lundquist on S*x Therapy (And Why Your Therapy Also Needs to Be Talking About S*x) in The Cut - Tribeca Therapy Matt Lundquist recently spoke to The Cut about what to look for in a s*x therapist and why talking about s*x is integral to good therapy.

New parents tend to show up to my office in crisis when they are overwhelmed with depression, anxiety, or trauma responses and/or are at an impossible juncture in their relationship. They feel hopeless and trapped while in the throes of new baby responsibility. So many say to me, “Gosh, I wish we would have met sooner!” It always makes me wonder: What if these new parents knew they could have reached out either before or when the pain started postpartum? Read more from Rachael Benjamin, LCSW:

3 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Wait to Seek Therapy Postpartum - Tribeca Therapy Therapy earlier in postpartum can help get ahead of what this transition raises emotionally before it hits a crisis point.

In the context of therapy, a mess is not a problem to be fixed or avoided. Instead, messes in therapy can be incredibly fruitful for self-exploration and growth, allowing you to delve into parts of your history, relationships, and feelings that are difficult, complicated, and contradictory. In fact, you ought to be using your therapy to make a productive mess. Read more from Clara Gomez, MA:

Make a Mess of Your Therapy—and Your Life - Tribeca Therapy Making messes is vital to learning and growing as a child: So too for adults in therapy In the context of therapy, a mess is not a problem to be fixed or avoided. Instead, messes in therapy can be incredibly fruitful for self-exploration and growth, allowing you to delve into parts of your history,....

As a therapist, I often find myself curious about the concept of seeking out a “good fit” in a therapist. Of course, certain factors feel less malleable like who takes your insurance or where an office is located. But what about other aspects you specifically look for in a therapist you feel must be the best fit for you? Read more: https://tribecatherapy.com/7009/do-i-need-a-therapist-who-shares-my-identity/

A lot of events can alter the s*xual connection and intimacy in a relationship, from financial concerns to the lasting effects of the pandemic to the sudden busyness of having kids. Drawing on his expertise in couples therapy, Founder and Clinical Director Matt Lundquist recently appeared in Salon and New York Family to speak on how the chemistry between partners can be influenced by a variety of factors. Read more:

Founder and Clinical Director Matt Lundquist Interviewed on Relationships in Salon and New York Family - Tribeca Therapy A lot of events can alter the s*xual connection and intimacy in a couple's relationship, from financial concerns to having kids.

When you are overwhelmed, you develop strategies to avoid feeling this. Catastrophizing, or assuming the worst-case scenario, is one of these attempts at avoidance. Read more from Founder & Clinical Director Matt Lundquist in Vox:

Founder and Clinical Director Matt Lundquist Addresses Why We Catastrophize in Vox - Tribeca Therapy Matt Lundquist joins a group of experts on Vox to discuss what’s behind the impulse to catastrophize and how to face the uncertainty head-on.

Our Senior Therapist and Director of Tribeca Maternity Rachael Benjamin recently spoke to BuzzFeed about ways to be creative with support when you or your friends are struggling. Read more:

Senior Therapist and Director of Tribeca Maternity Rachael Benjamin Featured in Buzzfeed on Ways to Support (And Be Supported By) Friends - Tribeca Therapy Rachael Benjamin recently spoke to Buzzfeed about the 90-day dinner and others ways to be creative when you or your friends are struggling.

When your values are out of alignment with a friend’s, you frequently have to pretend to be someone you’re not or are no longer in order to “fit in.” This can feel lonely as you have to work harder to be accepted in a way that is not being who you are fully. Read more:

What to Do When We or Our Friendships Are Faltering: Look at Our Values - Tribeca Therapy When your values are out of alignment with a friend’s, you frequently have to pretend to be someone you’re not or are no longer to “fit in.”

While outgrowing friends can be lonely and difficult (more on that in the second part of this two-part series), friendship is best when friends’ values are aligned but not necessarily exactly the same. In a sense, you need to find friends to match your growing self and value system. Read more:

Values Are an Important Part of Friendship - Tribeca Therapy What I’ve found in my therapy practice is that outgrowing friendship often relates to a misalignment of values.

Our entire bodies have felt every single painful experience and the ones we suppress don’t just disappear. They remain in our bodies—in our muscles, organs, and nervous system—until our bodies signal there is a problem by acting out physical symptoms and pain. Read more:

When the Body Throws a Tantrum - Tribeca Therapy Our bodies do not throw tantrums for no reason. Often our body is trying to tell us something about hidden emotional pain.

Our Founder and Clinical Director Matt Lundquist recently spoke to Buzzfeed about the limitations of social media’s examination of toxic relationships, as well as how some people may need to moderate—or abstain completely—from social media. Read more:

Founder and Clinical Director Matt Lundquist Addresses Social Media Content on Toxic Relationships in Buzzfeed - Tribeca Therapy Matt Lundquist recently spoke to Buzzfeed about the limitations of social media’s examination of toxic relationships.

Friends can seem to be everywhere and hard to find at the same time. People assume that everyone else has the right friends and they’re the only ones who feel isolated. Read more:

Making New Friends as an Adult Takes Intentionality and Vulnerability - Tribeca Therapy There are days in my therapy practice when it seems like all I do is talk to patients about being lonely and wanting new friends.

We’ve fallen in love with the idea of being able to trust our guts, wanting to rely on ourselves to move toward the “right” thing intuitively. The mantra of “trust your gut”—to act upon a feeling with courage, trusting that the existence of the feeling itself is enough to act upon in a forceful confident stride—is both ambitious and appealing. It’s understandable to want to immediately fix what feels off. And in the age where gut health healing is all the rage, it can feel quite difficult to ignore what your gut has to say. Read more:

Trusting Your Gut in the Age of “Gut Health Transformation” - Tribeca Therapy We’ve fallen in love with the idea of trusting our guts, wanting to rely on ourselves to move toward the “right” thing intuitively.

Being curious about yourself is a foundational way of caring for yourself. Read more:

The Death of Curiosity as the Death of Care - Tribeca Therapy The root of the word(s) curious/curiosity traces back to the Latin root for care—cura. I also view care and curiosity as inextricably linked.

This power of photographs to evoke emotional memories is why I encourage patients to bring more photographs into therapy. Sharing photos with a therapist isn’t about satisfying curiosity or gaining perspective on a patient’s life outside of the therapy office. Talking to a therapist about a particular photograph, as well as everything it evokes, can actually be key to healing. Read more:

Show Your Therapist More Photos - Tribeca Therapy This power of photographs to evoke emotional memories is why I encourage patients to bring more photographs into therapy.

When choosing whether or not to go home for the holidays, there is a tendency to ignore feelings that conflict with our decisions:

The Holidays Can Raise Conflicting Feelings About Families: We Should Feel Them All - Tribeca Therapy When deciding whether or not to go home for the holidays, there is a tendency to ignore feelings that conflict with our decisions.

We’re excited to share that our Founder and Clinical Director Matt Lundquist was recently featured in Metro UK, The New York Post, and Vox, addressing, respectively, responses to childfree couples, affairs between coworkers at holiday parties, and navigating speaking to loved ones about health concerns. Check it out:

Founder and Clinical Director Matt Lundquist Featured in Metro UK, The New York Post, and Vox - Tribeca Therapy We’re excited to share that our Founder and Clinical Director Matt Lundquist was recently featured in Metro UK, The New York Post, and Vox.

Parents frequently express concern—or roll their eyes—about their teens’ “weird” niche interests, styles, or views about the world and worry about what other kids at school will think. However, I have repeatedly found that what parents report as odd are both the greatest sources of joy for their teenagers and profoundly cool. For parents, the truth is teens are cooler than you. Continue reading:

Your Teenager Is Cooler Than You - Tribeca Therapy Teens’ interests that parents see as odd are not only one of the greatest sources of life force, they’re also profoundly cool

Kids know and observe a lot more than we imagine, from fairly benign topics to scary ones. There is a sort of unconscious deal that parents make with children. Parents pretend kids don’t overhear their arguments, notice their moods, and pick up on conversations about work stress or conflicts with friends and relatives. Kids pretend they don’t either. This isn’t necessarily all bad. Sometimes it’s fine to know things but keep quiet and learn to respect that certain topics don’t need to be talked about. Continue reading:

We Teach Our Kids Not to Talk About Difficult Topics—That’s a Mistake - Tribeca Therapy There can be a risk that kids will grow up to become adults who, in varying ways, become really skilled at avoiding.

We bring our stature, our breath, and how we move in and out of space into the therapy room. These can all be raw data. For instance, on a basic level, symptoms like anxiety, fear, and depression show up in our bodies. We jump at the sound of the buzzer. We slouch when talking about our mother. The panic is so bad that our knees are shaking. Continue reading:

Remote Therapy Is Bad for Therapists: Why You Want Your Therapist at the Office - Tribeca Therapy Remote therapy is bad for therapists. Patients should want their therapist to be in the office of a collaborative group practice.

No matter how difficult, stressful, or enraging, it can feel easier to just try to get through the family’s craziness for the holidays and then, return to the life we built rather than attempt something new for the holidays. It’s a sh*tty deal, but it’s one that we’re used to. However, this can recreate the harm that is so familiar from growing up. Reflecting on family dynamics rather than simply enacting them or allowing them to play out in old patterns can give us choices in how we do the holidays. Read more:

Going Home for the Holidays: Advice From a Therapist on Not Just Enduring Your Crazy Family - Tribeca Therapy Reflecting on family dynamics rather than simply enacting them can give us choices in how we go home for the holidays.