HealthyEnergy

I wrote this almost 2 years ago. This year I start my third year as an instructor, where I intend to attend a two day intensive course to gain an international certification in ski instructing. What a wonderful journey i started two years ago. It was as daring as it waa naive , but the learning has been incredibly satisfying. I've learnt so many emotional things, increased my skiing prowes and healed so much of me by daring to do this.

*************
I've just finished four days of intensive “Train the Trainer”training at Deer Valley - a posh ski resort here in Utah.

Throughout the four days, we were asked to do what I could only describe as oxymoronic. We were asked to push our bodies, and our skiing skills while simultaneously being encouraged to stay - or rather get - in touch with our inner child and have fun.

Fun? There were moments of fun, but then there were moments pure joy when I overcame deep fears within myself: feelings of unworthiness, or shame, and low self-esteem. All because deep down I didn’t feel I deserved a job that feels glamorous, and outdoorsy, and fun.

I was able to get in touch with a lot of this as I was challenged each day by my instructor to do better - to strive to be my very best - and when I felt I had, she pushed me some more. Then, as I practiced my practicum in front of her, she encouraged me to be playful, and use imaginative play, because that's how to be the best ski teacher for 3-6 year olds.

So, while I got better as an adult skier, I also got in touch with my inner child. It actually ended up being a truly spiritual four days for me, even if that was not my instructor’s primary intention. (Secretly I feel it was, but she couldn't be overt about it.)

I connected with Jacinta (26) in a really beautiful way in the last few months. I just happened to send her some pictures of a childhood album on through Facebook messaging. So, she wanted the whole book, but that book was of the other kids, too . I then found an album just of her. So, after some discussion with her, I paid for a professional copy of the first pictures I showed her and then sent a package with the newly made book and the old album. I then remembered my vow to myself ten years ago. That I'd keep the memories of the kids as they grew up here. I was overwhelmed with emotions with those memories cause I'd kept my vow for jacinta.

When the mother took my children in 2013 across continents without my permission it was obvious she just wanted them to just forget their time here in the states.

I took a trip back to my tribe in Papua New guinea in 1995. While there I learnt that love was expressed from the gut, not heart. I was also asked by an old warrior if my Dad was "Yal Dimani" yet, as in was he old, or so I thought. The same word can also be used for Wise, and hardy.

My white mans mind postulated, before I replied, that he should know how old my dad was based on how long we'd been gone, which I calculated as 18 years. Noticing the old man had no watch, or a calendar, I realized he wasn't asking me to calculate how many times we'd been around the sun since he'd left. It was more a question about how old his soul was, or how much had he learnt, or evolved, or matured since he saw him last.

This lesson also speaks to our concept of time, and its' passage. Some would also say time is an illusion, too. Its a wonderful journey to be discovering just what time is, or isn't.

Here's my story of my Divorce, loosing ny kids, and getting them back. well, part of it. I'll write more some other day.

We were having marriage trouble in 2012/13. I was living downstairs, she was upstairs, and I was heavily involved in soccer coaching all three kids, ranging from freshmen in high school to primary school . We live in the states, but are Australian nationals, and she told me she wanted to take the kids to Australia for a month in the summer break. I felt it might help having a break from each other, despite 3 friends warning me she'd abduct the kids so I let it happen, thinking she'd never be that evil.

She did. I got a letter about this time of year, ten years ago, coldly saying she'd take the kids, and I can visit them if I want.

She refused to help with the house payments for the next three years, but insisted, regardless, I pay her full child support. But, of course expected to get half when we divorced.

She terrified all three kids by sitting them Down with her mother, while they were basically in a foreign country , and telling them their dad was a sick man. This is the same dad they'd had coaching them 3 nights a week, weeks earlier. My daughter took it the worst and has disowned me for years at a time over the last ten years.

Why am I telling you all this? Because, there is hope. My daughter has been in daily contact on Facebook for a year now, and has mentioned coming home to visit. My other son too. My oldest son lives with me, and we rebuild old Saabs together .

It has felt utterly hopless over the last ten years, but it's true all things change, and there is hope. Love u all.

My only tip for you all. Don't expect your kids to understand how they were manipulated . If they come back to you, don't ask to explain yourself. Accept them, as they are, and only explain if they ask what happened. That's what worked with my daughter anyways.

Ive been in a discussion with my higher self all year about the epidemic of homelessness we are experiencing here on the states, and elsewhere. If you believe Fox news it's only in democratic states such as California, and the like. Their news will often show tent cities in the inner city parks of Las Angeles, and San Francisco.

Anyhow, I digress, as my main point is my prayers, for most of this year, have been focused around the root cause of homelessness and how I can I help. Well, it has been said, be careful what you wish for because this week I got them answered. But, as is the universe's way, the answer had a twist in it. Here the way it was answered:

My week consisted of putting a friend up in my house, who'd recently become homeless. Sadly, she kept disappearing at weird hours of the night and wouldn't tell us where she was going. Then, the last straw was her asking to use our licenses to borrow a computer from the library. This was after me offering my personal Mac PC to apply for jobs as long as she didn't move it from my office. So, I asked her to leave and drove her to the homeless center for women.

It was heartbreaking to see how she couldn't even see herself getting help and/or help me help herself. A prayer answered , as u can see, but with bit if a twist .

I've just finished four days of intensive “Train the Trainer”training at Deer Valley - a posh ski resort here in Utah.

Throughout the four days, we were asked to do what I could only describe as oxymoronic. We were asked to push our bodies, and our skiing skills while simultaneously being encouraged to stay - or rather get - in touch with our inner child and have fun.

Fun? There were moments of fun, but then there were moments pure joy when I overcame deep fears within myself: feelings of unworthiness, or shame, and low self-esteem. All because deep down I didn’t feel I deserved a job that feels glamorous, and outdoorsy, and fun.

I was able to get in touch with a lot of this as I was challenged each day by my instructor to do better - to strive to be my very best - and when I felt I had, she pushed me some more. Then, as I practiced my practicum in front of her, she encouraged me to be playful, and use imaginative play, because that's how to be the best ski teacher for 3-6 year olds.

So, while I got better as an adult skier, I also got in touch with my inner child. It actually ended up being a truly spiritual four days for me, even if that was not my instructor’s primary intention. (Secretly I feel it was, but she couldn't be overt about it.)

I wrote this years ago to explore how physical dance and romance are mirrored in the spirit. As well as this ,It mentions soul contracts made in the spirit and fulfilled in the physical . Enjoy.

I'm all shook up; My life on hold.
You're stealing my thunder; disturbing my peace.
You're the piece of the puzzle that needed release.
You were the missing complete of my nebulas life.

My gut is a mess; I'm no longer alone.
I've checked myself in; Inside and out.
Zombie, I was; A puppet-like man.
Thinking perfection; a living defection.

Verse:
Can we go inside? Crazy, I know.
Serene, and sublime; Enchanted alone.
Whispering soul-mates, the in-between place.
The land of the shadows, where, in light, we began.
Intended for Earth school, the purpose forgotten.

Borderline abuse, my throat is dry.
Mirrors beside them, in Front and behind.
Narcissists love; Worshiping their ego.
They Bump into you to Reflect their stature.

We dreamt of this song, before conception.
You the melody, I'm the beat.
Our eyes meet each other. Wanting to dance.
Our exes a glare. Our eyes romance.

Breathless hell; We tremble alone.
Our song the escape: Sun soaked and dancing.
Breathless again, but from laughter this time.
Eyes expanding; Lighting the space.

I whisper your name; You're lost in the night.
Blinded by tears; The lights now a blur.
Sunset on Joy; Yearning for light.
Zombie in hell; Alone in our memory.

By Chedrick

Copyright, Martin Irwin

What we most want in life is to love, and be loved. But some of our methods for this are as strange as a Vegan expecting that MacDonalds provide him the nutrition he seeks.

We seek endless love through a contract called marriage. Alas,one in two marriages fail these days before even the seven year itch sets in. Contracts dont work. They restrict, suffocate and drain the life out of each person. If u are in a relationship out of pure obligation, that is.

The unhealed parts of us seeks permanence in our love life by manipulating the other partner. However, anyone who has been the target of manipulative partner, wether its intentionally done or not, cringes and runs for the hills at the first perceived sight of this. (I have done this recently)

What happens in healthy long term relationships is they make a choice everyday; They choose to love. They wake up and declare to the universe. " I choose you to love" And, of course, we want to choose to love our partners. We want to climb that mountain, every morning, and yell to the world that you have chosen to love today. Not tomorrow, or yesterday, but just for today.

To allow your partner to choose to love you everyday is both terrifying, and thrilling at the same time, but alas, i believe the only way to true love. - Martin of the stream.

Silence, they say, is where we can connect with our true selves - our soul. In between breaths, as some great teachers have declared, is where our body self meets our true self.

My over active mind has great intentions of protecting me, trying to predict where the "monsters " will come next, but it does so by taking me away from being present. Ironically, as I listened to this meditation on presence , my mind was actively trying to "save" me again.

Hope your mind can be dissuaded from "helping " here. Eventually , I had some success , too.

https://youtu.be/qBi9aa8aB70

Silence, Presence and Care, with Tara Brach Silence, Presence and Care, with Tara Brach [2022-01-15]Quieting our busy bodies and minds brings alive our heart and spirit. This practice begins with a rea...

Today's word is perspective:
Perspective is more than mere perceptions.
It's how you choose to approach the situation.
Perhaps, even, how you've decided to approach these types of situations, in advance.

By that I mean, I decided to approach conflict with another as an opportunity to find the gift it brings, rather than run from it.
Let me explain.

I have run from many things in my life.
An argument could be made that I ran from intimacy in my marriage, throughout its life.
Intimacy in s*x, emotionally, and the spirituals.

My parents used their knowledge of me, against me.
My mother manipulated me by her intimate knowledge of my desires and likes.
My dad teased me about the same.
It's no wonder, then, that I chose the jester archetype to navigate me through this trauma.

(We have a wonderful relationship now, BTW. This is mere history now )

But, as much as the Jester archetype has saved me from pain, it also kept me from joy.
Fundamentally, we all desire to be known, and to know another.
Raw, naked, and intimate in the presence of another is where joy begins, and fear ends.

As Martin Luther King declared. Fear cannot drive out fear. Hate does not drive away hate. Only love will drive out hate and fear. Love requires that we be known, though.

My journey this week has asked of me that I stop running from conflict.
I stop, turn, and move towards fear, in love, and with my only desire being to connect that the person who is daring to call me on my s**t.

Therein lied the gift.
The gift that we became known to each other.
Therein we found the peace that surpasses all understanding.
This week I stopped defending, or running , and moved towards the joy that was inside of the storm-of-conflict.

This U2 song talks of the beauty of perspective. Daring to change your perspective can bring us so much joy.
https://youtu.be/co6WMzDOh1o

U2 - Beautiful Day (Official Music Video) REMASTERED IN HD!The official video for Beautiful Day by U2.Check out The Making Of Beautiful Day - https://youtu.be/zm-5lK-16_A Filmed in August 2000 at Cha...

***** My Crowded solitude. ****

Crowded in Forest
Rocks wanting fire
Tree hugging silence
They listening and ponder

The trees they howl,
"It's no longer night,
It's him, he's back,
and ready for flight."

Soul-mates and solitude.
Campfire blazing,
Flute playing Shaman
Oneness, remembered.

Shaman sings:
Forever is now
Oneness is us
And stop selfish fuss

Soul trees remembering
the in-between place
Choosing our avatars
To enter time and space

The Shaman insight,
Squirrel delight
only take what you need
and appear out-of-sight.

The rocks are now rocks
And, trees become trees
The fireside chat
All over, as I sat

I wrote this in 2013. It was my feeble attempt to connect the spiritual to the physical; some teachers of the past have called it a mountain top experience. The poem describes a "tipping point zero" as my mountain top.

I would ride 4 miles in, and about 500 feet in elevation, which would take about 90 mins, then I'd scream down. The "tipping point zero" is where I'd turn the bike around, and race to the bottom. There were many watershed moments in 2013, from getting fit, exiting my dysfunctional marriage, loosing my job, and my kids for a time. The tipping point comes in the middle of the poem as I enter into my new self.

I had been riding a track called Temple quarry in Alta canyon for about 6 months, lost a lot of weight, and had started to find myself.

The Gazelle represents the feminine (physical and metaphysical) as I ride up the mountain. The mountain also represents the earth mother as she launches me down.

Riding in the Temple Quarry.

A fat little prick
I wanted out
Slouching, cowering
Grinch , I was

A shivering lump
limp and flacid
Embarrassed,hideous
Stomach of acid

Calves stretched to their ankles
Dead Jester pedaling
Meandering, wobbling
Creeping the trail

Bowing and flirting
testing my strength
Gazelle like grace
She temps my embrace

Feminine, strong
outrageously fit
Lost in your eyes
Stunningly bright, and lit

Shame from within
Jewels of the light
Yearning hands touch
Love - out of sight

Gazelle like wild
loving my chase
Cliff jumping mountain
The reward- her embrace

The ruinous climb
a chain bursting effort
Bike drops to the ground
Wild, rocks and sacred

The brain freezing creek
My soul dripping wet
Her Gazelle like gaze
Poised and sleek

At tipping point zero
She launches us down
Bike flying humps
Just missing the stumps

Chain rattling sprockets
Squirrel yelling delight
Gazelle up ahead
The bike- a blur of light

Thunderous waterfalls
Jewels of the creek
Gazelle jump beauty
Graceful, and too sleek

Dodging the rocks,
racing the rapids
Rattle snake chains
Fast, full of Hazard

Slippery downhill
Sweaty delight
Windy trees singing
Freedom: out-of-sight

Closer than your breath
Beneath your sweat
Your soul breathed life
To your avatars delight

Forever in oneness
Separate we play
Time kills forever
If we let it delay

Good morning, or evening.
My journey this week has been about daring to be vulnerable rather than walking way, or becoming the jester to deflect or evade.

It was hard work, and scarey, and I even got hurt. A woman called me on my evasiveness, and dared me to come clean. I could do nothing more than own it, admit it, ask forgiveness then move towards her in the vulnerability that I needed so much. My evasiveness was merely a protective mechanism.

Growing up in a very strict protestant, stoic , household I never learnt these skills. However , I am no longer angry at myself for this behavior, in fact I am thankful for using my shadow to protect myself. I am also grateful for the many other lessons my family gave me. They taught me love, tenacity, linguistic prowes, and a steadfast commitment to discovering truth.

My lesson today is that when you find your tribe they will always call you on to the carpet when you display unhealthy habits. Don't walk away from these people; walk towards them as they contain, as Jesus would say, the kingdom of heaven.

Martin of the stream.
If your into meditating here's a wonderful one on being vulnerable..

This week has been about my feet and releasing my attachment to my past.
On Wednesday night I had my reiki master conduct a session on my sacral chakra. As well as being for pro-creation it's about your creative side. My guides visited us, in session, and helped me gather up old frightened versions of my child hood, and bring-them-home. (I was s*xually abused a a child) It was a beautiful, heartfelt session.

Friday and Saturday I focused on my feet. I'm guessing because, while I gathered up myself from my past, I also want to walk forward or, as it were, move on. I had a footzone session, a ionic bath for my feet, amd a pedicure.

Saturday, I felt my guides show me the box I kept all my divorce/mediation papers from 2016 and ask me if I was ready to let it all go as in was I Ready to move on from the hard-luck victim hood memories. I said yes, took them up to a campsite with my didgeridoo, and had a burning session for two hours . I played music and watched the memories drift into the smoke.

So, I feel like I'm walking on cloud nine for all the releasing I've done. It's also a new moon, which is a time of letting go for me.

My challenge to us today is this? We can only live in the present moment, but we hold on to the past as if our life depended on it.What painful thoughts are you holding on to? Aren't you better off releasing them?

https://youtu.be/u0jFKzAW-Ww

Give Yourself Permission to Let Go: A Guided Meditation Practice / Mindful Movement Today we will practice letting go, as letting go is just that, this guided meditation practice and can facilitate profound healing. I am honored to be your ...

Written in 2017:

I confess, I take great pains to avoid any and all engagement with the evangelical conservative Christian. The two exceptions are when they pay for lunch, or take me golfing. They can really sweep me off my feet when they do both on the same day.

I was, however , drawn to see the move , "The shack" this week with Natalie Bair Williams. To get her to go I had used the lame excuse that she might relate to it being an ex Morman, but secretly I wanted to see it. I was drawn to the Christian portrayal of God being feminine, and wanted to see what other twists there might be.

The movie is challenging on so many levels! It challenges the Christians to rethink their idea of God. It challenges the religous to fall off their high horses, and get real about love. What stunned me, though, was that it challenged me on judgement. Yep, i was left weeping as I watched a father grieve and blame himself for not being the perfect dad. I saw a father lash out at God for all the injustices in the world, as i do. I saw a dad who couldn't see his child's pain because he hadnt resolved his own pain , and guilt at not being able to protect his children. All of which ive done.

I thought I'd leave the theater having yet another notch in my belt about how simplistic the conservatives theology is, but I left humbled about my own level of judgement of how life was supposed to turn out. I highly recommend this movie to everyone, as it has something for everyone!

Martin of the stream

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CL0yUbSS5Eg

The Shack (2017 Movie) Official Trailer – ‘Believe’ The Shack – Now Playing In Theaters. Get tickets now: http://lions.gt/theshackticketsStarring Sam Worthington, Octavia Spencer, Radha Mitchell, and Tim McGra...

I just came back from a spirtual weekend in Sedona Arizona. We stay in a house that has an unusually high energy vortex a mile from us. This almost demands a lot of personal work everytime I'm there. This year we focused on accepting grace.

One of the most mysterious walks we did was a walk into a labyrinth. See the attached picture. It seems deliberately designed to confuse the mind as you walk in circles towards the center almost getting close at some points but then paradoxically walking away at others.

I received two epiphanies from our "walk into grace " from this:

One was the walk itself symbolized our desire to walk into the holy-of-holys. However our obstinate hearts deceive us by walking past the holy place, rather than into its presence. If you've ever walked a labyrinth, you'll know what I mean.

The other was that the trail was deliberately designed to confuse the mind so you eventually cannot help but give into where the trail leads you. This taught me that I can't earn grace, as it were, but I merely need to give up and allow grace by following the-yellow-brick-road into it.

The metaphor I received was that when we become like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, and let go, we merely need to click out heels and arrive dancing into grace.

So, today , I pray that I no longer be deceived about my false walk towards grace, and dance innocently into the holy of holys to receive all that she offers me.

Martin of the stream.

I was born into a stone age tribe in Papua New Guinea.
It seems significant to say that I didn't have a birth certificate until 4 months later (I discovered rhe printed date a few years ago, and laughed about it. )
I am a product of this Stone age tribe, my Australian heritage, with a touch of Texan/utahn.
I speak the "local language" of each, mostly when I'm in each culture; Australian, Utah, Papua New Guinea.
I don't really know where my home is anymore. This is mainly due to how I feel I belong to a few groups now. I've recently grown to love my pickle-ball group.
A few years ago I was introduced, as well, to the tribe of Tattwick tides (a spiritual group).
Until then, I was an outlier mostly.
A spiritual soloist, if you like.
As a spiritual soloist you get to run your own show, and are accountable to no one.
But, as part of a tribe, you have to assume certain qualities amongst which are; listening, empathy, connective-ness, and lastly the one I'm almost unwilling to admit to- a certain ordinary-ness. As a outlier people don't really know you. As part of a tribe people know all about you; the good , the bad, the ugly.
Being known of and being seen are two very different realities. Being seen is new to me, and both makes me cry , and want to run. I cry because I feel accepted and loved (perhaps for the first time). I wanna run because once they've seen you naked , as it were, you've got nothing more to give . It's just it, an ending if you like.
My call to all of us today is this; Do we want to be known today, or do we want to be seen. Who sees you?

Martin of the stream.

Here's a song about being seen, forgiveness, starting over , and redemption I thought we could meditate to:

https://youtu.be/qQ9txCCvaOA

It's labour day, and the year is 2021. I've just finished the book that discussed the merging of Science and the spirtuals. The book is called "Dancing with Wu Li masters " by Gary zukav. It discussed how the two paradigms of Quantum mechanics and Spirituality are merging. An incredibly deep and profound book.

I needed another book, hopefully of the same stature, so my day ended up at my favorite second hand book store-Deseret Industry's, or D.I. as the locals call it. Here I found a facinating book called "Woman". Being someone who jokes about how little I know about the subject , it caught my eye. What also caught my eye was that it was written entirely by men, but not just any men, LDS men. Yes, all the leaders or the Morman church- all men. 15 men with titles such as the Prophet. Elder, general authorities and the like.

Honestly, I'm stunned to the core of my being. I'm well aware of the pretend organizations called church mascarading as God's mouthpiece. (She doesn't need one, and especially from a bunch of misogynists, btw.)

Weve seen recently what dangerous men can do- the same men who think they have the right to control women's reproductive choices.

Argh !! And, to blatantly advertise your misogyny by the list of male authors on the front cover on a book about women disgusts me to my core. This book was written in the 1980s , but that is no excuse.

Again, I am driven to apologize to women on behalf of these ignorant men. I'm so sorry, and beg your forgiveness. May we rise up and do better, and soon.

Martin of the stream.

Here's a picture of the same book just case you ever want to order a copy.

There are moments in your life when you realize something in your energy has begun to transform. It's the same feeling of realizing your Jean's are loose on you finally. Today was one of those moments..

I visit a coffee shop to mediate , and generally goof off by myself most weekends. I either read, journal ,and read my own tarot cards. Today I was in my favorite spot tucked into a nook in a corner. I don't like people behind me when I read.

Well, today "Velvet" turns up, and noticing I had tarot cards, asked me if I'd do a reading for her. (Well, that was the name we agreed on today.)

Velvet was a smiling, beautiful strawberry blonde fit woman. As we read her cards we discover that she is 3 years out of a physically abusive marriage. In the last three years shes attracted 2 out of 3 guys like that. She has three kids and, despite her exes accusations that she'd never make it on her own, has her own business, a house, and healthy kids.

And, she has men stalking her: I gave her a prescription for that, suggesting she imagine a mirror around them all, reflecting their own bad energy straight back st them. Also, creating a list of memories of them, and burning the same. She was delighted with this.

Her cards showed she makes emotional decisions, with the 9 of wands showing shes got one last piece of the puzzle to go before she completely breaks free. With the king of cups we saw that this last piece was her masculine business side. Basicly the last piece is her finding her own internal power..

I often get female clients with my Reiki business, where we work on their sacred feminine, but I've never used tarot cards to bring out a life goal for someone. "Velvet " has set herself a goal this week of billing 5000 dollars from her business. As we parted ways, she manifested her gypsy side, and admited she may never see me again. I was honoured to be there, in my nook, to journey with her for 45 mins of her beautiful journey.

Until we meet again, Velvet. Love and blessings.

Martin of the stream

My day for leading the Meditation in my mediations group is Tuesday, so I wrote this. It struck me as something I could share here too:

The dating world is not for the faint hearted. But , I was dying a slow death in my dysfunctional marriage, so like it or not I had to make my exit, and start to date. While I felt I was choosing to exit my marriage it was actually something that was going to happen no matter what.

In a life coaching session a week ago I was asked to make a picture of my current life and my ideal dating life. In my current life I saw myself beating myself with a cane with every dating move I'd make. So, my homework this week was to stop using the cane! I'm learning self love.... again... lol.

I floated down Provo River on tubes with a bunch of over 50 singles on Sunday, and had this epiphany: To me floating down a river is a metaphor for life, and yes for my dating life.
I wrote this to the group after the trip:

It was a beautiful day of letting the river do all the work while we waxed eloquently in the Breeze. We had no choice but allow each conversation to be driven by who we next bumped into on the way. It seemed the "river " knew who that should be, and in perfect timing.

So, today, may we all take our hands off of the steering wheel of how we expect the day to turn out , and allow "the river " to bring the perfect events and people into our life that are meant to, and remove those that aren't. And, I promise to leave my cane at home and enjoy every silly "move" I make in my dating world .

"May the raindrops fall lightly on your brow
May the soft winds freshen your spirit
May the sunshine brighten your heart
May the burdens of this day rest lightly upon you
And may God enfold you in the mantle of His Love.
Amen.
~ Traditional Irish Blessing"

Love, light and blessings

Martin of the stream